


[進撃の心臓] Shingeki no Shinzo

by EightLeggedFox



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-11-10 03:49:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 102,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11119293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightLeggedFox/pseuds/EightLeggedFox
Summary: When Connie left the comforts of his small village to enlist in the military, he never expected his entire world to change by just meeting one person. Reiner was as confusing as a person could get, and as their paths cross and relationships form, he begins to realize that there's more to the blonde than meets the eye.The story of Shingeki no Kyojin but Reiner and Connie fall for each other. Will events turn for the better or for the worse? How can one small person impact a war bigger than his world?(Spoiler Free, please read Notes)*Russian Translationhereby the lovely Sophya.





	1. Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic EVER. I wrote this because I couldn't accept the fact that there aren't that many ReiCon materials out there on the internet, so I hope I can inspire fellow artists and writers to start this revolution with me. The world needs more ReiCon!
> 
> This story is closely based on the Attack on Titan anime as I DO NOT read the manga. I refuse to read the manga because I want every bit of the story to come at me full force in all its animated glory. So as of writing, the anime is at episode 35 (S2E10) 
> 
> BUT the first chapter, and everything that follows, unless I state otherwise, is quite safe to read if you're as iffy about spoilers as I am (I HATE spoilers with a passion btw.) I pretty much have a plot in my head for this possibly long saga, but that is subject to major change when more episodes of the anime are out. So without further ado, I give you Shingeki no Shinzo. (please dont judge my title kthx)

It was a bright and sunny day over at the southern district of Wall Rose in the year 847. Today was the first day of the 104th training corps, the enlistment ceremony that welcomed young hopefuls to become soldiers in the fight for humanity. Ever since the fall of Wall Maria 2 years ago, there has been an onslaught from the masses, mostly young ones, to join the ranks. What with scarcity plaguing the walled cities, and safety being compromised.

Among the horse wagons carrying the soldiers-to-be was Connie Springer. “Wow look at this place.” taking in the sights around the camp looking like an excited schoolboy going on his first day of school. “I can’t believe I’m finally here,” he whispered to himself as he stepped down from the wagon to join the others outside.

Connie wasn’t special. He was as ordinary a person as you can possibly get. Growing up in a small village away from the major towns of the walls, his world mostly consisted of nothing but a simple provincial life. So small was the town, in fact, that even the fall of Wall Maria didn’t affect their lives very much. The plethora of refugees who came from the outer walls mostly found shelter on the larger outlying districts of Wall Rose.

Connie, still breathing in the sights of the huge camp, was walking around aimlessly and failed to notice the other people around him, causing him to collide with the back of another recruit.

“Ow!--Oh sorry, my bad!” muttering a quick apology, he looked up to see a large blonde man scowling at him. Connie was so short that he was easily half the size of this glowering giant. He was about to say more when the marshals spoke up towards everyone arriving.

”Alright recruits, line-up! We’ll be handing out your uniforms for the enlistment ceremony. Suit up and assemble at the center field to receive the commander’s greeting!” announced one of the marshals.

This was it. Connie was so giddy with excitement that he totally forgot about the stranger he bumped into just now. He couldn’t have suited up faster than he did and was the first to stand out on the field.  He always wanted to be a soldier ever since he was young. He wasn’t the smartest person around and coupled with his height--or lack thereof--most people never really took him seriously. Even the people at his own village doubted him. Being a soldier was his big chance to prove to everyone, and to himself, that he can be worth something. And that day was finally here.

The enlistment ceremony began with a series of loud shouts coming from Commander Shadis, who was possibly the scariest person Connie has ever seen in his entire life. The commander was making rounds down the lines, talking down each and every one of the recruits. Yelling a few inches away from their faces, forcing out self-introductions for everyone to hear. Unfortunately for Connie, the first impression he gave that day was, as always, of how much he lacked in the mental department. He’s probably the only recruit in history to mess up the salute! But then again, at least he wasn’t caught eating a potato during the ceremony...

The initial briefings--and numerous insults--of the commander pretty much took up the entire day. By the time he was done, out of about the 200 people that came in that morning, more than 20 people already dropped out and left the camp. Connie was standing outside the mess hall with a bunch of the new recruits, watching the wagons take away the dropouts.

“I can’t believe they already dropped out,” said a lanky blonde haired boy, “it’s only the first day.”

“That’s just the way it is,” replied the green-eyed boy next to him. “The weak have no choice but to leave.” Everyone looked at the him in surprise as his hard words flew across.

“Hey that reminds me,” chimed in Marco. The tall, freckled boy standing beside Connie. “the commander didn’t ask you anything earlier. Where are you from?”

Smiling, the green-eyed boy looked at them with a friendly face. “My name’s Eren.” he said as put a hand beside his blonde friend “I’m the same as Armin here, we’re both from Shinganshina.”

“Oh man, really?!” Connie exclaimed excitedly, knowing full well what that means. “Then you two were there on _that_ day! Did you see the Colossal and the Armored Titan too?”

“H-hey Connie,” stuttered Marco. “You shouldn’t ask him like--”

“Yeah. We did.” Eren had a hard look in his eyes, making it clear to everyone that’s he’s seen everything that happened that day.

They continued the conversation inside the mess hall during dinner. Connie and a bunch of the others were all gathered around Eren like children during story time, listening to his stories about what happened 2 years ago. For a lot of them, no one really knew exactly what happened that day. Everything they knew was just second hand information, hearsays. To be hearing it from someone who used to live in the fallen town, Connie couldn’t believe it. He was talking to a survivor. And they we’re recruits together!

“What did they look like??” he asked for the nth time “I heard that the Armored Titan was just as huge as the Colossal one!”

“I told you,” Eren said, a little annoyed now. “It looked like an ordinary titan to me. It was just really strong.” He continued eating his dinner, not really affected by everyone’s attention directed at him.

“Then what do normal titans looks like?”

A clang. Wide eyed, Eren dropped his spoon and held a hand to his mouth. He looked like he was going to be sick. “H-hey Eren, sorry I didn’t mean to--”

“No, it’s fine.” Eren swallowed, his hardness returning. “Just a little hyped from today. I can’t wait ‘til they teach us how to use the ODM gears. Those titan’s won’t stand a chance against us.” he said with quite a determined tone.

Connie decided that this was a good time to stop pestering him and start eating himself. Going back to his seat, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for Eren, and maybe a little guilty for prying too much. Truth was, he found the whole titan disaster a little exciting. Having never seen one his whole life, he could only wonder in amazement what the two special titans looked like.  “Wow can you believe that?” he whispered to the guy sitting across him “He actually saw the Colossal and the Armored Titan that day.” he said in amazement as he started on his meal. “Not a lot of people can say the same. Although it must really suck to lose your hometown like that.”

“Hmph, you’re even dumber than you look.” said the guy across from him, scowling. “Look at you, all wide-eyed and excited from stories about titans. If you keep that up you’d be dead the moment you see one.”

A little offended, Connie frowned at the him. He was just sharing his thoughts with the guy. Who was he to belittle him like that? “Oy, what I’m interested in isn’t any of your business.” he spat. “For all we know you’ll be the one dying first. A huge meat head like you, the titans are in for a treat!”

The other guy scowled even harder. Finishing his drink, he slammed his cup on the table and stood up to leave. Startled by the sudden outburst, Connie could only stare at the back of the guy’s blonde head with a bewildered expression on his face as he left the mess hall, finally remembering that he was the same guy he bumped into that morning.

 _What’s_ his _problem?_ He continued eating in silence, a little bothered about what the guy said to him.

* * *

After dinner that night, everyone was billeted to their respective quarters to get some rest for tomorrow’s first day of training. Everyone was still buzzing and talking about the events of the day especially the funny thing with ‘Potato Girl’. A lot of them were also getting to know each other and were sharing stories of where they came from and why they enlisted at the corps. Connie, still thinking about his weird encounter at the mess hall earlier, noticed someone getting up and leaving the dorm room. Looking closer, he realized it was the same guy from dinner earlier, the exact person he was thinking about just now. Not wanting to make a bad first impression with his fellow recruits, he got out of bed and quietly followed the guy outside, hoping to apologize for whatever he may have said earlier.

The air outside was peaceful compared to the ambience inside the dorm. It was dark too. Only the lights shining from inside the windows of each room was what helped him see where the guy was headed. He treaded carefully so as not to alert anyone that he left. When they were finally at some distance from the dorms he called out.

“Hey!”

Startled, the large man turned around. Surprised to see someone following him, and even more surprised to see that it was the dumb, bald kid from earlier.

“H-hey,” Connie said, trying to keep quiet to avoid raising attention. “they said we’re not supposed to leave the dorms at night. You could get in trouble.”

The larger man raised his eyebrows in confusion, wondering how this kid even noticed him leaving. “I was just going to use the outhouse” jerking his thumb towards where he was going “Why? Did you want to join me?” he smirked, causing Connie to turn a deep red.

“N-No! S-sorry! I didn’t mean--”

“Relax,” the larger man snorted, evidently amused by the smaller guy’s reaction. “I’m kidding. I was actually gonna go for a walk before bed. All that talking in there isn’t going to help me fall asleep anytime soon”

Willing himself to stop blushing, Connie narrowed his eyes, “So you _are_ sneaking out.”

“Yeah I am,” he brazened. “And why are you following me?” he countered with a raised eyebrow.

“I--uhh,” he stammered, not really having thought out what to say. “because at dinner earlier. I just wanted to say--”

“Save it.” he cut off, frowning. “I’m a stranger to you. Why are you trying to apologize.”

Connie hesitated. He didn’t know what to say to that and he clearly couldn’t understand what the guy was thinking. As if this whole conversation couldn’t get any more awkward for him. He sighed and gathered what remaining self-confidence he had left. “My name’s Connie. Connie Springer”

The other guy raised his eyebrows once more. How awkward this whole exchange was for Connie was becoming as equally entertaining for the the blonde. “Reiner. Reiner Braun.”

Connie smiled. “Then we’re not strangers anymore. I’m sorry for what I said back at the mess hall earlier. That was a jerky thing to say.” he said hastily

“You’re quite the stubborn one aren’t you?” Reiner couldn’t help but chuckle at the little guy’s innocence. “Come walk with me.” he said before grabbing an oil lamp nearby and started walking towards the woods surrounding the barracks. Now totally confused by the whole situation, Connie looked back at the dorms contemplating on just going back inside and avoiding trouble, on account of the fact that he didn’t want to get in any more of the commander’s bad side than he already was.  But there was something about Reiner that got him curious. After all, all he got was his name. He seemed to have a lot more to say and there was no way he was getting anything else if he didn’t follow him now.

 _Oh screw it._ “Hey wait up!”

* * *

 They walked through the woods with Reiner leading the way at first, until setting a comfortable pace for Connie to follow beside him. He was still trying to take in what just happened--from their little argument at dinner, his awkward attempt at an apology, to walking alone with him in the woods way past curfew. So lost in thought was he that he didn’t see the tree-root jutting out from the ground in front of him, forcing his face to have an unceremonious meeting with the ground.

“Ow!--shit! Stupid tree..”

“You okay?” Reiner said, offering a hand.

“Yeah--I’m fine.” Connie brushed him off and tried to act nonchalant. How much more can he embarrass himself with this guy?

“What?” After getting up, Connie noticed the blonde staring at him.

“You got a cut.” Reiner pointed out and pulled a small handkerchief from his pocket. And Just when Connie thought it couldn't get any more humiliating, Reiner actually started dabbing at his chin where the scratch was.

“Watch where you’re going. I don’t wanna have to carry you back.” Reiner chided.  

“Stop it,” pushing Reiner’s hand away. “I’m not a little kid you know.”

Reiner just stared at him before he started walking again. Connie was now intently focused on the ground, trying to keep himself from tripping again. So much so that, again, he didn’t notice when Reiner stepped in front of him causing him to bump into his thick chest.  
  
“Sorry! I wasn’t--” Connie looked up to find a smirking Reiner eyeing him.  
  
“--looking where you’re going?” Reiner suggested, driving his point across.

“Yeah...that.” Connie frowned and looked away. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t usually this flustered and clumsy. Thankfully, Reiner didn’t say much more on the subject and continued walking in silence, Connie following right behind him.

They were deep in the woods now, or so Connie suspects. He doesn’t really know where they’re going or if they’re going anywhere at all. Reiner could be walking him in circles for all he knows. But strange as this night was turning out to be, it was kind of nice. The woods were quiet, save for a few cicadas singing in the dark. He couldn’t see the moon or the stars, the only light source coming from the lamp Reiner was carrying, illuminating half of his broad body and serious face.  There was a slight summer breeze in the air, tickling his shaven scalp and giving him a nice chill to the spine.

“So where are you from?” Connie asked after a while, hoping to break away from his awkward predicament. Reiner didn’t answer immediately, as if trying to gauge whether he should tell Connie or not.

“I come from a mountain village, southeast of Wall Maria” Reiner answered with a straight face. Sending the unspoken message clear through Connie’s innocent mind.

“Wait, then that means--”

“That’s exactly what it means” he scowled “It’s not the same as it was for that Eren guy from Shinganshina, but I can assure you that it’s not any better either.” The air suddenly grew colder at Reiner’s words. “You wanna know why I couldn’t stand being in that dorm tonight? Hearing everyone talk about being soldiers as if it was the best job in the world. You and a lot of the other recruits have no idea of what we’re up against.”

There it is again. He was right and Connie knows it. Hell, he even thought the attack on Wall Maria was _exciting!_ How naive he must look. In just one question, he got more than what he bargained for from the large man. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of admiration towards the guy. “That’s very brave of you,” he ventured “to witness so much horror and then decide to fight against it.”

Reiner’s scowl couldn’t go any darker than it already was “All I care about is getting back my home. Nothing else matters but that. Nothing.”

Connie had nothing else to say to that. He couldn’t even apologize anymore. _No wonder he was so upset at dinner._ He suddenly felt small--well, smaller. Here was another guy who was victim to the attack, rendered homeless and rough. Connie’s reasons for being being there meant so little compared to Reiner. At least _he_ has as village and a home to come back to whereas Reiner had nothing.

Sensing the change in his mood, Reiner looked over at his companion and saw what his words did to Connie. Not wanting to delve any deeper into the topic and upsetting the boy, his expression immediately softened and offered a smile. “Hey there, I didn’t mean to sound so serious.” trying his best to sound gentle. “That’s just me, don’t let it get to you, okay?”

And there it was. His smile. Connie couldn’t say for sure, but he was certain that Reiner’s smile was probably the most magnetic feature he had--and what probably made him follow the blonde to the woods in the first place. He must’ve been staring for a good minute before catching himself and looked to the ground, thankful for the darkness to hide his reddening face.

“We’re here.”

They arrived at a cliff overlooking a huge lake. Connie looked up, and as if it was some sort of divine timing, the clouds above parted to reveal the moon and her children, causing the lake to glisten and glow a beautiful nighttime hue.

“Wow” was all he could say. Taking in the view, his worries from earlier were magically drifting away. He’s never seen a lake before, and all his doubts of coming with Reiner tonight were gone in an instant. They just enjoyed the scene from there, or at least Connie was. He was so enamored that he barely noticed the blonde staring at him this whole time.

“So, how about you?” Reiner finally spoke. “Why did you sign up to be a soldier?” he asked with genuine interest in his tone.

A little off guard, Connie didn’t really expect to be asked like that. Everyone else either assumed you joined for the military privilege or for the Military Police, to serve within the safety of the interior walls of Sinna. And the more he thought about it, the more the truth came out of his heart. There was something about the way Reiner was looking at him that made him want to speak from there. But he still hesitated. He didn’t think Reiner would be interested in what he had to say.

As if reading his mind, Reiner walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, I told you. Don’t let what I said bother you. I know very well that our situations aren’t the same. You have an entirely different reason for being here and no matter what it is, I respect that. I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t interested, you know” he finished with a warm smile.

“Well,” Connie said, blushing. “I wanted to prove my worth. As a soldier. As a person. To show that I can atleast be of some value to the world. I wanted to be someone my family could be proud of.”

And at that, Reiner flashed that smile of his that made Connie all the more flustered. “Then it’s a good thing we’re not strangers Connie Springer. Go on and add me to the list of people waiting to be proud of you.” Reiner winked and Connie had no idea how he was still standing that night because he was pretty sure his legs just turned to mush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope to update the next chapter pretty soon. Please feel free to comment but do keep in mind. NO SPOILERS please! :)


	2. Jealous?

Connie woke up the next day feeling ecstatic, the events from last night still fresh from his memory. He was so elated that he wondered if he just dreamt the whole thing, so he touched his chin where he grazed himself after tripping on that pesky tree root from last night. It didn’t hurt anymore but it was there. It was real.

_Of course it was real, dumbass._ Filling silly, he got up and looked around the dorm. Most of the guys were already gone, it was just him now and a couple of other oversleepers. He peered around some more, trying to look for his new friend, when his stomach finally told him it was time for breakfast.

He arrived at the mess hall and grabbed his share, looking yet again for the tall blonde hoping to join him eat. This was a strange feeling for him. Why was he suddenly only thinking about Reiner? He literally just met him yesterday and now he’s already wishing he could spend more time with him. It was kind of embarrassing really, because all he could think about was how Reiner smiled at him last night. It took him a while to compose himself at the cliff after that and he was sure he’d end up tripping again if he attempted to walk.

Connie’s train of thought was interrupted when he finally found who he was looking for. Smiling, he was about to come over when another guy sat with Reiner instead, taking away his chance. He couldn’t help but stare at the two. Connie didn’t know the guy yet but he was struck by how tall he was, even taller than Reiner.  But that’s not what really captured his attention. Seeing how they immediately hit it off and started chatting was a stronger factor and it was making him a little jealous. Wait what? Why was he jealous? Now his feelings were just getting weirder and weirder. Maybe he was just hungry. He had to remind himself that he barely knew the guy so he had no right to be feeling this way. Easier said than done at least..

He found a seat by the window instead which gave him a nice view of the field outside where the marshals were setting up for the day. Trying not to think too much, he had just started eating his breakfast when Marco and a guy he remembered as Samuel sat down with him.

“Morning Connie!” Marco beamed happily, taking the seat next to him.

“Hey,” he greeted back with a smile, taking a bite from his loaf.

“Do you guys see what the marshals are doing outside?” Samuel pointed, taking the seat across from them. “I think they’re setting up what’s supposed to be our task for today.”

“Yeah,” Marco looked out the window. “Looks to me like it’s ODM related. I didn’t know they taught that this early though. It’s only like the second day. What do you think Connie?”

Connie wasn’t really listening. As much as he tried not to, he was too busy staring at the other table where Reiner was laughing at something the guy he was with just said. Why do they look so chummy all of a sudden? And come to think of it, when did they meet? He was pretty sure Reiner went to bed the moment they got back from the woods. And if they only met this morning, then it was painfully obvious that Reiner got along better with that guy than he ever did with Connie last night. His jealousy was unmistakable now, and he didn’t like it. What was his deal? He was overthinking things. He really ought to stop himself before he plummets deeper into this and--

“Umm, Connie--?”

Connie snapped back to reality at Marco’s voice and realized he was crushing his friend’s bread roll in his hand.

“Oh shit!” he exclaimed, a little too loudly. “Sorry Marco! I didn’t mean to--uhh--here, you can have mine!” blushing furiously while offering Marco his bread roll, realizing too late that he’d already taken a bite out of it.

“Shit, sorry!--umm maybe I can ask for a new one.” he said, looking back to where they got their food.

“Haha, it’s okay. No worries.” Marco simply laughed and took Connie’s bread roll from him, with Connie apologizing over and over again while trying to clean up the mess he made.

“Well aren’t you two sweet!” Samuel joked, making some of the nearby tables laugh.

“It’s fine, Connie.” Marco smiled warmly. “It looked like you had a lot in your mind though.”

“Y-yeah, I was just thinking about the thing they’re going to make us do today.” he lied, trying to cover up his weird behavior. “Little nervous s’all.”

“Well whatever it is,” taking a bite from his new bread roll. “I’m sure you’ll do great.” Marco offered, beaming.

* * *

The first day of training was more of a test than it was actual training. Marco was right. All the recruits were being tested on their aptitude for using the ODM gear by basic hanging simulation. It was yet another trial to weed out those not suitable enough to become soldiers. What a lot of them didn’t understand was that this was a crucial point that determined whether you survived in battle or not. It wasn’t just for the benefit of an individual soldier. You had to rely on everyone else on your team in the heat of battle. There was no room for anyone who performed poorly out on the field.

Contrary to what Connie lied about earlier, he had no reason to be nervous. He was quite the athletic one. A natural really, the moment he got clipped and lifted, he was hanging upright with no problem. Getting back to his normal self, he couldn’t be happier that he was actually skilled at this. To be fair, it was all pretty basic stuff so it didn’t determine much skill in the long run. But seeing as how Eren was hanging upside down a couple of places to the left of him, he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself.

“Woah--this isn’t too bad! Haha! This is actually fun!” he exclaimed, getting a bunch of awed looks from the other recruits.

“Look sharp Springer! This isn’t a game you cueball! Keep steady!” came Commander Shadis’ loud bark.

Looking around, he could see that some of the other recruits were just as good as him. Heck, Potato Girl actually looked like she could be lounging in her harness. He caught sight of Marco too, who was luckily staying afloat albeit some obvious effort on his part. He gave him the thumbs up when Marco noticed him looking, grinning sheepishly.

Connie was nearing the time required to stay hanging when he glanced over at the crowd of recruits watching and caught Reiner staring at him, almost making him lose his composure. He was watching him intently, as if everyone else on a harness didn’t interest him in any way. Flushing, he stared back. He had on that scowl again and Connie couldn’t help but wonder what the guy was thinking about. How he managed to keep aloft while under the larger man’s intense gaze, he had no idea.

When Connie’s turn was up, he got down and headed towards the crowd of other recruits. The first thing that came to mind then was Reiner and how he wanted to share his excitement with the big guy. Wait what? There he goes again, for the second time that day his focus was directed at him. ‘ _Go on and add me to the list of people waiting to be proud of you.’_ came his voice in his head, remembering what he said last night--making him blush because he also remembered that this was when Reiner flashed him that smile and winked at him.

“Hey Connie!”

Distracted from his thoughts, Connie turned around to see Marco catching up with him. “Oh, hey Marco.”

“You were awesome just now! You looked like you’ve been doing this kind of thing your whole life!” Marco’s compliments were making Connie even redder if that was even possible. “See, I told you you could do it!”

“H-hey now, I wasn’t the only one you know.” Connie grinned in modesty while scratching the back of his head.

“Too bad about Eren though,” Marco said sympathetically. “I saw him hit his head a few times trying to stay up earlier.”

Before Connie could reply, someone big suddenly passed between him and Marco. It must’ve been his imagination, but he could’ve sworn there was a bit of resentful air around this person, what with the way he got jostled a bit by his passage. What’s even more surprising was the fact that the passerby was none other than Reiner.

“Hey I think Eren’s giving it another go!” Marco said, unfazed by what went by just now. “Let’s go look!”

_What was that about?_ Connie lost his chance again to talk to the bug guy. But what bothered him most was seeing how angry he looked just now. He couldn’t have been imagining it. This was getting a bit frustrating, he was overthinking again. With a sigh, he went off to the direction Marco headed to go watch Eren.

* * *

 Their activities ended near sunset and Connie never got to see Reiner again throughout the day. In fact, he’d almost forgotten all the thoughts relating to him a few hours after their weird encounter at the field. He was now eating with a bunch of other recruits he made friends with out on the field today. He got to know Sasha, Jean, Krista, and Thomas earlier after they finished their turns with the aptitude test.

“Well,” Jean said talking about Eren. “just goes to show that no matter how determined you are, if you don’t have the skill then you just don’t.” he finished, taking a bite from his meal.

“C’mon Jean, don’t be too harsh.” said Krista, who was probably the smallest, most beautiful girl Connie has ever seen. “The commander is giving everyone who failed today a last shot tomorrow. Let’s hope he pulls himself through by then.”

“Hmph, I doubt it.” Jean puffed.

“Hey I had a hard time myself earlier too.” Marco said agreeing with Krista. “Maybe he just needs to get used to it. I mean, that’s why we’re all here right? So we can train to be good at it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t expect me to come go and help him.” Jean said arrogantly.

“Well you don’t have to worry about that, Jean.” added Thomas. “It looks like Reiner and Bertholdt already got you covered.” pointing at the two speaking to Eren and Armin at the corner.

Connie immediately perked at the sound of Reiner’s name and only just noticed that he was still with the same tall guy from this morning. Bertholdt, according to Thomas.

“I heard they were from the same place. Refugees from Wall Maria too.” Marco said quietly, talking about the pair. “If anyone relates better with Eren, it’s probably those two.”

This was news to Connie. So _that’s_ why they looked close. They already knew each other even before coming here. Connie didn’t know what to make of that. He didn’t know if he was still jealous or not, or if he even actually _was_ jealous in the first place. Maybe he was just feeling a little lonely, considering how Reiner was his first friend here. He sort of expected them to be like how he was with Bertholdt right now. But among the company of his newer friends from today, it’s starting to feel like he was just overreacting this whole time. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that what happened last night wasn’t even at all that special. If the events were a little different, Reiner would’ve still walked to the woods that night whether Connie was with him or not. He was the one who tagged along. Nothing special about that.

Not wanting to dwell on it any more than he already had, Connie decided to just push it out of his mind and move on. He liked his new friends and he was having a great time on top of him being able to perform well on today’s test. Marco had a point. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Eren weren’t like them. They would’ve gotten along better and it’s just like Reiner said last night, Connie and the others didn’t know what they were truly up against, they couldn’t relate to people who have actually seen titans up close. He happily finished his dinner with the others until the evening bell rang signalling them to head back to the dorms for bed. They bid goodnight to Krista and Sasha who were heading back to the girls’ dorms, but not before watching Sasha sneak out a few more food in her clothes.

“Good night guys!” Sasha waved as she walked with Krista. “See you tomorrow!”

The rest of them were still talking about today and making guesses for what’ll happen tomorrow when Connie got a call from nature.

“Hey, I gotta pee first.” Connie told the other guys while walking back to their dorm. “I’ll see you back inside.” he split off from them and headed towards the outhouses. After doing his business, he decided to take the longer route back so he could have a little time for himself while walking. Nights here at the camp were really nice. The air always had that nice chill to it and the muffled chatter of people inside the dorms were the only sounds being made.  It actually reminded him of home a bit. And in a way, this _was_ home--at least for the next three years. He was starting to have good company here, and he was off to a good start at training. Things were going his way and he was enjoying every second of it.

Still deep in thought, he was already nearing the corner leading towards the dorms when he bumped into someone at the turn.

“Ow!--shit, sorry man I didn’t--” he looked up to see a wide-eyed Reiner. He looked just as surprised to see him as he was.

“Oh.” he suddenly lost his voice and uttered weakly, “Hi Reiner.” Connie said while looking at his feet to avoid the bigger man’s gaze.

“Hey.”

The once nice air of the night just became an awkward haze for Connie in an instant. What was wrong with him? After last night, he would’ve thought he’d gotten over the initial awkwardness of being around the guy. But instead it feels like they’re back to square one again. And wasn’t he the one itching to talk to him all day? The way Reiner was looking at him also wasn’t helping the situation at all. It was making him feel like he did something wrong. There was a painfully long pause before Connie realized it was his turn to speak.

“Umm so...nice weather tonight, huh?” Connie tried. But all he succeeded in doing was adding another layer of awkward air to the mix. _Weather Connie? Are you freakin’ serious?!_

“Uh. Yeah.” Reiner looked away looking disconcerted. Wait, was he actually feeling awkward too? This was an unfamiliar expression to see on the larger man’s face. “I heard you did great today. At the simulation thing.”

“Oh, that. Yeah well, It was nothing really, anyone could do it I guess.” Connie said sheepishly. Earlier today this was the exact same thing he wanted to tell Reiner. What happened to all his excitement then?

Reiner was quiet for a while and he looked like he was contemplating on whether to say something or not. Connie really wanted the earth to just swallow him right then and there. This situation couldn’t get any more embarrassing.

“So--uhh. Today, I noticed you and Mar--”

“Hey Connie!”

They both jumped at the sound of Marco’s voice coming from behind them. “There you are! I went to the outhouse just now and since you weren’t back yet, I thought I’d run into you. Oh, hey there Reiner!”

It was gone before it even appeared. The blonde’s awkward expression was now replaced by that all-too-familiar scowl he always had. He nodded at Marco before walking away, leaving the same resentful air Connie felt that morning at the field.

When he was out of earshot, Marco started whispering. “He’s quite the big guy isn’t he? And his face is even scarier up close.”

“Hmm? Uh-oh yeah. Scary. Right..” Connie mumbled looking a little distracted.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Did I interrupt you guys just now?” Marco asked with a guilty look on his face.

“N-no it’s fine Marco. He was just...umm..asking something that’s all.” he reassured his friend with a warm smile.

“Oh okay, if you say so. C’mon let’s head back to the dorm, I think Eren’s trying to ask around for some help with the ODM simulation.”

Connie was still staring at the place where Reiner was standing moments ago. What was that all about? And what was he about to say before he got interrupted? Not really understanding what just happened, he and Marco started walking back to the dorms, leaving Connie more than his fair share of thoughts than he preferred for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading and I hope Chapter 2 was as enjoyable to read for you as it was for me to write :) Chapter 3 and 4 will be uploaded together so stay tuned!


	3. Horse Shit.

Weeks went by and training at the camp went on. Much to Connie’s dismay, his initial prowess at the aptitude test didn’t really offer him any leverage for what came after it. For starters, they weren’t even allowed to touch actual ODM equipment until their sixth month of training. _‘In your current shape, we’d end up scraping your brains off tree bark if we let you use the ODM now!’_ was how the commander put it. For now they focused more on honing the mind and building the body in preparation for actual ODM training so until then, Connie had to rough it up.

His particular weakness came with no surprise, even to him. The classroom sessions were becoming harder and harder each day, or so he thought at least. You would think that fighting titans would just be a direct, take-down-and-don’t-get-killed type of thing, but no. There was so much thought behind it and, as the instructor keeps saying, it was _imperative_ that they know every detail for it could mean the difference between life and death. It didn’t help that Connie has never even seen a titan before. He had no way of visualizing anything that was being taught. It was all just diagrams and models. Which made him think, all this training—would he even remember any of it when the time came for him to actually face a titan? Even if they started ODM training, hitting a dummy isn’t the same as trying to take down a 10-meter moving giant wanting to eat you and—

“Springer!” interrupting his thoughts,  the instructor called out to a daydreaming Connie on class that day.

“Sir!” Connie replied, standing up with a hard salute and a ready face. The other recruits were quietly snickering around him for dozing off again, as usual.

The instructor sighed. “I was just telling the class that you’ll all be having an oral exam two days from now covering everything we tackled since day one. This will be going on your final grade so I suggest you all do your best if you’re aiming for top 10.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, used to the fact Connie never really listens in class. “Now sit down Springer and pay attention, I won’t be held responsible for what the Commander will do to you if you fail.”

“Sir!” Connie nodded rigidly after taking in the news. He was in for it now. _Shit._

* * *

Connie sat in dread at the mess hall that day during lunch time. What was he gonna do? An oral exam in two days? What even _is_ an oral exam?! When Marco told him earlier to just study his notes, he embarrassingly showed everyone that his didn’t have a single word on it. He was doodling the whole time since their classes started!

“Oh relax Connie,” Sasha offered, patting his friend in the back. “the lessons were all pretty basic anyway. Just borrow Marco’s notes or something.”

“Yeah well, not all of us can be as instinctive as you Sasha.” Connie pointed out knowing how good Sasha was at learning new things. She may look like an airhead what with her constant craving for food, but Connie knows just how smart she can be.

“It’s really not that hard if you just pay attention.” suddenly leaning towards him. “So...are you gonna eat that?” Sasha said, finally pointing at Connie’s untouched meal.

Krista heard Sasha’s tone and quickly snatched Connie’s plate away from her. “Don’t you dare!” the small blonde warned. “Connie eat up. Physical training is this afternoon. You’ll need the energy.”

“Krista’s right.” Samuel added. “You wouldn’t want to fail physicals too now would you?”

“Gee, thanks for the reminder.” Connie groaned and pulled back his plate from Krista.

“Cheer up Connie,” Marco said. “if you want I can help you study tonight after training.” he offered to his sulking friend.

Connie looked up and suddenly saw a ray of sunshine emanating from Marco’s head. His Saviour! “Really?! Thanks Marco, that’d be great!”

Marco blushed, flattered by his friend’s gratitude. “Just try not to fall asleep when we study okay?”

“Good luck with that.” Samuel joked making everyone at their table laugh.

Their physical training mostly consisted of basic military body building exercises, and however bad Connie may be with his lessons, he equally made up for it in the physical aspect. It wouldn’t be the first time that he would be powering through an obstacle course ahead of the others, and today was no different. They were running through the forest in teams carrying pseudo-supply packs and Connie was leaving everyone in the dust.

“Hey, Connie wait up!!” yelled Jean from behind him.

“This shit weighs a ton!” Hannah groaned in annoyance, her ginger hair flying everywhere. “How can he run so fast?! Hey Connie!!”

Not really paying much attention, Connie pushed forward like he normally did, losing himself in the moment. This was where he thrived, exerting physical effort and working the body. Connie may be short but he was strong.  Plus, tiring himself out like this was calming and taking his mind off the oral exams. He eventually reached the goal where the commander and some of the marshals were waiting for them and was feeling  proud to see that he was the first recruit there.

“SPRINGER!!” came the familiar bark of Commander Shadis.

Connie faced the commander with a hard salute. “Sir!”

“What do you think you’re doing?! The goal of today’s exercise was to arrive here with your team _together!_ ” The commander yelled while pointing back to where Connie came from. Connie turned around to see Jean was hanging upside down from a tree a few meters behind, caught in one of the traps the marshals set up while Hannah and his other teammates were attempting to get him down.

“Connie you bastard!  Get back here!!” echoed Jean’s voice from the forest. Before Connie could run back, another person came running towards them coming from the other direction. Reiner. But unlike Connie, the rest of his team were following right behind him.

“BRAUN!! What do you think _you’re_ doing?!” Connie winced, he could’ve sworn the commander’s voice just went up an octave. Looking at Reiner, he was panting so hard he couldn’t even get an answer out immediately. But that wasn’t even the strangest thing about him. While he and his team _did_ arrive together, Reiner was the only person carrying the supplies—all four backpacks were precariously balanced on his shoulders.

“Sir!” the blonde replied, obviously worn out from the effort of carrying what must’ve been at least 60kg of weight on his back. “I just helped my team since we were slowing down midway through the forest, sir!”

“No, what your just did was get yourself killed by a titan while rendering the rest of your team defenseless!” the commander berated. “And you Springer!—” turning to Connie. “—just left the rest of _your_ team to die while getting your proud ass out of harm’s way! You have no right to be soldiers if you continue to act by your own accords!” The commander continued his shouting. Even the marshals noticeably took a step back from the two under the commander’s wrath. “Both of you, will be on stable duty for the rest of the day until morning bell tomorrow! You heard me! That means no supper and you’ll be sleeping tonight in horse shit! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!”

Connie could’ve sworn he just peed himself a little. He and Reiner gave one final salute before heading back to camp to work on the stables. He’s really done it this time. He completely forgot about the whole team thing when he started running through the woods and now he’s stuck with cleaning horse shit until it was time for bed. _Oh no._ He and Marco were supposed to study for the oral exam tonight! What was he going to do now? He’s made a huge mistake today at physical training plus he’s most definitely going to fail the upcoming oral without Marco’s help. _Way to go Connie. Ugh, you’re such an idiot!_ Just when things looked like they couldn’t get any worse, his feet failed him, yet again, and tripped on an outcrop of rock beneath him.

_Shit!_

Connie closed his eyes and braced himself for the pain. But it didn’t come. After a few seconds he opened one of his eyes and found himself floating, his face inches from the ground. Before the question could even form in his mind, it got answered for him.

“You’re thinking too hard again.” he’d forgotten all about Reiner, who now had him by his uniform collar saving him from his fall.

Connie got back on his feet and brushed Reiner off, walking again towards the camp without saying a word. It’s been weeks since the last time he’s interacted with the guy, but the memory of their last encounter was still fresh in his mind. What happened then wasn’t really what put him off though. The next couple of days after that, Reiner looked like he was actively avoiding him. Connie would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt. He constantly tried to approach and talk to him but Reiner always seemed to be conveniently out of reach—always going off in another direction with Bertholdt or Eren, far away from him. He’d successfully managed to bury all his feelings of jealousy and confusion as days went by though, effectively forgetting that the blonde even ever existed. But now being alone with him, and probably until the next day in a closed stable on the far end of the camp with only the horses for company, all his feelings were rising to the surface again. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

The camp stable had more or less 20  horses inside. It was a medium-sized, closed wooden barn with only one large opening for anyone to exit and enter. Connie and Reiner arrived and were briefed by the marshals in charge before leaving them to work.

“I’ll start sweeping.” Connie announced after they were alone, choosing the job that would require him to constantly move around the place so he could avoid talking to Reiner, who thankfully chose to wash the horses outside the stable, effectively separating them even more. Connie focused all his attention to the task. He didn’t want any thoughts related to the blonde that’ll mess up his brain. He had enough to worry about lately, what with that stupid oral coming up and him completely losing his only chance to study for it. He didn’t even get a chance to tell Marco, but he guessed Jean would do the job for him considering how pissed he looked earlier. Nothing’s gonna stop that guy from ranting all night he bets.

After dutifully sweeping the inside of the stable of old hay, Connie admired his work and went on to start cleaning the outside next. What he didn’t expect to see was a shirtless, wet Reiner scrubbing horses by the water pump. Connie froze. He tried not to stare, but he would probably need to rip his eyes out for that to happen. Reiner looked even bigger without his shirt on, all his muscles were taut from the physical training they did earlier and was glistening with sweat and water from the wash. There was absolutely no denying now that he was attracted to the big guy. Was that why he always gets so flustered around him?

When Connie managed to snap out of his trance, he resumed sweeping the area with his back turned from the blonde. He _really_ didn’t need this right now. He didn’t know if Reiner saw him or anything but if he did, he made no indication. Connie finished up quickly and headed back inside to do something else that didn’t require him to go outside and see him again. While he was forcefully pushing the image of Reiner out of his mind, he spotted a rake on top of a shelf in the corner of the stable and figured he could go ahead and rake in some new hay for the horses.

 _Well, shit._ Coming closer, he realized the rake was placed higher than he initially thought. He couldn’t reach it, but looking around he saw an empty bucket by the side and wondered if he could maybe use that as a stool to reach up higher. Picking it up, it just occurred to him that the most logical thing to do here was just go outside and ask Reiner to help. He scoffed, _Fat chance of_ that _happening._

Perching himself on the upturned bucket, he figured he could probably reach it now if he stood on his toes and stretched his entire body. It shouldn’t be too hard. Holding on to the shelf for support, he was now awkwardly balancing himself while trying to reach the top.   _Just a little...more…_

The bucket gave, throwing him off balance just when he managed to grasp the rake—pulling everything from the top shelf down with his fall and straight to his face. Connie fell flat on his back followed by a multitude barn equipment clattering on top of him.

“Ow—ow-ow” he muttered painfully. When he was sure nothing else was going to fall, he opened his eyes and saw Reiner looking down at him. He must’ve heard the ruckus he just caused.

“You know, for someone who’s excelling at physical training, you’d think they'd be a little less clumsy than this.” Reiner shook his head, getting down on his knees to try and help Connie out from the fallen mess.

“I just slipped, alright!” Connie frowned, not accepting Reiner’s help. Before he could say any more though, Reiner stood up rather quickly and went outside. Leaving him there to pick himself up from his mess.

He felt so stupid and humiliated. Of all the people he could be stuck here with, why did it have to be _him_ ? Connie was just about to gather the tools when Reiner came back holding his shirt in his hand and walking briskly back to Connie. Before he could react, Reiner bent down in front of his face and started pressing his wet shirt at Connie’s cheek. _What the hell?_ Blushing, he was going to push him away when Reiner caught his arm mid-swing.

“You’re bleeding.” he declared, eyeing his cheek with intensity. “Those tools look rusty so better so we clean it now. It doesn’t look too deep so don’t worry.”

Don’t worry? He didn’t even realize he had cut himself until Reiner pointed it out. Who was the one worrying here? And why was he being so nice all of a sudden? Wasn’t _he_ the one being so stoic these past few weeks? If there’s one thing Connie hates it’s people belittling him and treating him small. He couldn’t take it anymore. Frowning, he used his free hand to swat Reiner’s, causing him to pull at Connie’s skin and opening the cut more. Shit. _Now_ he finally felt it.

“Reiner!—”

“Would you just stop?!” Reiner snapped back loudly, grabbing both of his hands now. “I’m trying to help you and you’re just making things worse! If you didn’t want this then stop being so damn reckless!” Reiner was seething, glaring at Connie with palpable annoyance.

Connie wasn’t expecting that. He could only stare back now. Reiner managed to shut him up yet again with his gaze, making his shame grow. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Reiner was right. He was only trying to help and Connie acting on his feelings wasn’t benefitting anyone. With a sigh, he slackened his arms and yielded, leaving Reiner to continue cleaning his cut.

“Sorry, I just...” Connie hesitated. Reiner quietly continued his ministrations, not even looking Connie in the eyes. He felt so ashamed. He didn’t like people treating him small but there he was acting like a child.

“What happened anyway?” Reiner said after a while, his expression softening.

“I was just...trying to get that rake from the shelf…” he stammered. “I thought I could reach it if I stood on that bucket. ‘Guess I was just being stupid again.”

Reiner used the hand that was on Connie’s cheek so he could force him to look at his face. “Hey, you’re not stupid okay? Clumsy, yes. But not stupid. Just next time, ask for help when you need it. Alright?”

Reiner consoling him was probably doing more harm than good for Connie’s cut because he was blushing so hard right now. “Y-yeah,” he managed after a while. “I just...my mind was on other things and I didn’t want to bother you so…”

“You’re worried about the oral exam. On top of getting in trouble at training today.” Reiner stated matter-of-factly, earning a surprised look on Connie’s face. “You’re not really a quiet person y’know” Reiner chuckled looking Connie in the eyes and offered his explanation. “I heard you at the mess hall earlier talking to...Marco.”

There it was again. If Connie thought he was imagining it before, he sure as hell didn’t just imagine it now. The same resentful air he felt back at the field on their first day of training, and again on that same night when they bumped into each other outside the dorms. He always felt it whenever Reiner saw him and Marco together. Was that why he was avoiding him? Because of Marco?

Before Connie could piece together his thoughts, Reiner spoke again. “Anyway, if you really wanted to study. I could...y’know...help.” Was his fall making him see things or was Reiner suddenly turning pink? “Since we’re both stuck here, and it’s not like we’ll be doing stable duties all night.”

“Really?!” Connie perked up, hope was shining down on him again. “Yes!—I mean yes we won’t—i mean no—” Reiner laughed at the little guy, eliciting an even more flustered reaction from Connie.

“We have to finish working first.” he reminded, finally taking away his bloodied shirt from Connie’s face. “I still have eight more horses to wash out there and you have this whole mess to clean up. We’ll study afterwards.” he promised and winked at Connie, who by now was bleeding again due to the sudden rush of blood surging straight to his face, making Reiner double back and tend to the cut again.

 


	4. Deal.

After finally stopping his bleeding cheek—which became quite the challenge due to Connie’s constant blushing—they got back to doing their chores around the stable. Reiner went back outside to finish washing the horses while Connie got started on cleaning up the mess he made. He was trying to take in what just happened. After his small accident, Reiner went from constantly avoiding him to being his tutor tonight. Things were looking great although to be honest, he still didn’t know where he stood with the big guy. They could be talking like friends right now but who knows how things will be like after 24 hours? With Reiner, you could never really tell.

After putting back the tools on the shelf, Connie proceeded to clean the individual horse stalls in the stable. He was pretty sure he was starting to smell like horse shit now. Connie was scrubbing the floor of one in particular when he felt someone watching him. True enough, he turned around to see Reiner leaning against the stall with his arms crossed over his still bare torso, staring at Connie with a weird look in his eyes.

“Uhh hey man. You finished with the horses?” Connie asked, wondering what Reiner was doing there. Instead of answering, Reiner stepped inside the horse stall walking slowly towards Connie.

“Uhh, it’s a little cramped in here for two people don’t you think?” Connie nervously chuckled, involuntarily taking a few steps back as the blonde continued his advance. He suddenly found himself out of room and was backed into the corner of the stall. He was trapped. Reiner was standing so close that he could feel his breath above him. “Umm, Reiner—?”

He suddenly put a heavy hand on Connie’s shoulder, making the smaller man jump in surprise. Connie didn’t understand what was happening. He was blushing so furiously now he felt like his face was going to explode. Reiner was looking at him with so much ferocity that he couldn’t even remember how to breathe. But there was something else too, something his eyes were giving away. He wasn’t sure but it looked like he was...conflicted? Before he could even finish that thought, Reiner sighed. His posture and overall appearance visibly relaxed, his grip on him softening.  His eyes were closed but his expression was back to his normal scowl again, and he still hasn’t let go of Connie.

“I just…” he whispered in a barely audible voice then cleared his throat. “Just wanted to ask if you saw any towels in here while you were cleaning. I could really use one.” 

That was probably the weirdest thing that ever came out of the blonde’s mouth considering their situation. Looking away, Connie nodded and got around him to head for the supply shelf, pulling out a small towel from the pile and handing it to Reiner. Only did he notice how much the big guy was sweating all of a sudden. And the sun had just about set too, it wasn’t the least bit warm in here. 

He mumbled his thanks rather awkwardly and stepped back out, leaving Connie to wonder what the hell was that all about. If he was being honest to himself, he would admit that yes, it felt hot. But at the same time, warning bells were blasting at the back of his mind. It didn’t make any sense. But then again, when has anything that has to do with Reiner ever made sense. Maybe he was just tired from washing horses all day. Connie decided to let it go for now and went back to finish cleaning the rest of the stalls. Losing his mind through the chore.

The sun was down when Reiner finally lead the horses back inside. Connie, tired from today’s events, was slumped over a makeshift bedding he made from a pile of hay covered by a blanket down the corner of the stable. Reiner went over and sat down next to him after making sure the horses were settled. 

“I’m exhausted!” Connie groaned, rolling on his back and stretching his arms. “And I’m starving!” he thought about the others then, how they were probably having dinner by now. “Hey Reiner, what do you say we eat one of the horses, huh?” he faced the blonde with a wicked grin on his face.

“No thanks. I’ve had enough of horses for one day.” he scoffed. If he had to wash another one of these animals again it would be too soon. He sighed heavily, leaning back on one side of the hay next to Connie. “Aw man, this bed you made sure feels good.” 

Sensing his good mood at the moment, Connie dared to be confident and started shoving the other guy away from his creation. “Hey this is my bed! Go make your own!” 

“Oh so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? C’mere!!” He grabbed one of Connie’s arms and pulled him over, flipping him in the process and pinning him down. 

“H-hey! Let go you meathead!” Connie squirmed under him. He was virtually no match against Reiner. He was so strong he couldn’t even move a muscle under his grip.

“So is someone going to share or not?” Reiner smirked, enjoying seeing Connie struggle.

“Okay, okay I give!” Connie surrendered and stopped fighting back—and that’s when he realized the position they were in. Reiner was on top of him and his face was merely inches from his. Both of his arms were pinned and he was straddling him by the waist. He knew Reiner noticed it too seeing how his expression suddenly shifted from playful to serious. Connie swallowed hard, a lump suddenly forming in his throat. This was the third time today that the blonde invaded his breathing space. And it wasn’t like what happened at the horse stall earlier. He could tell by how calm Reiner looked now compared to that, and the way he was looking at him was—

“Connie! Reiner!” A voice coming from outside was suddenly calling them. It was a girl’s voice, and it sounded a lot like Krista. Why was Krista here? He was about to get up but Reiner was still holding him down. It doesn’t look like he’s heard her.

“Umm, Reiner?” Connie asked, trying to snap him out of it. Reiner was still staring at him and hasn’t moved an inch.

“Yeah?” his voice was husky and deep, and probably would’ve made Connie melt but under their circumstances, he had to keep it together.

“I think someone’s outside looking for us.” 

“Oh.” Realization dawning, he quickly removed himself from the smaller guy and pulled him up to his feet. “Sorry.” he muttered rather shamefully, his cheeks turning pink. Connie just wanted to stay there and savor this rare moment of Reiner blushing, but he had to go and see who was calling them.

They went outside and looked around the darkness. It was hard to see since there was barely any light in this side of the camp. When his eyes adjusted a bit, Connie saw Krista and Ymir standing under the shadows outside the stable. Krista finally spotted them and pointed at the two. “Ymir! There’s Connie! And Reiner’s—” she stopped abruptly and blushed upon seeing the larger blonde.

“Well I’ll be.” Ymir snickered, noticing what Krista saw.

“Hey Krista!” Connie waved and ran into their direction with Reiner behind him. “What are you doing here?”

“I—um,” still blushing, she cleared her throat and tried to focus on why she was there. “I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you guys some food from supper earlier.” she pulled out her satchel containing a few rolls of bread, potatoes, and fruit and showed them to Connie. “These were from everyone. We all decided to give at least a portion of our meal for you since you wouldn’t be back until morning. Even Sasha gave up her potato!” she giggled with the most angelic sound a human could possibly produce. “Sorry if it’s not much, it’s all I could sneak out without raising suspicion.”

Krista handed him the satchel of food with a warm smile. The smell was amazing, even if it was probably cold by now. But food was food and Connie was ravenous. He was so happy he could’ve kissed her. “Oh man, you don’t know how hungry we were in there. Thank you!”

Krista’s smile grew bigger but it was Ymir who answered back. “I’m surprised one of you hasn’t  _ eaten _ the other yet.” Ymir muttered under her breath.

Krista blushed even harder and turned on her companion. “Ymir!!”

“Hey Connie, you better watch out now. Looks like Reiner’s already one step ahead of you.” she turned on the big guy who blushed upon realizing the situation she’s implying. “Whatever happened to your shirt now I wonder, eh Reiner?” she smirked at the two boys who were now both turning beet red.

“YMIR!!” Krista was trying to save them but the damage had been done. She took the stuff Ymir was holding and shoved it at Reiner. “W-we also got you some blankets in case you get cold!” 

And before Ymir could say another word, Krista was already pushing her out of the scene. “I’ll see you tomorrow Connie! Goodnight!” she yelled back, disappearing towards the camp leaving the two blushing boys in the stable. They stood there for a solid minute, the awkwardness hanging in the air left by Ymir’s words.  _ That bitch. _

“Umm so—” Reiner tried but was interrupted by Connie’s growling stomach. He chuckled and Connie just smiled at him, never has he been more thankful than that moment that his stomach was loud. “So how’s about we get some lessons into your brain while we eat. Sound good?” 

“Sir!” Connie replied with a half salute as they walked back inside the stable.

They settled back into their makeshift bed and started eating. The food tasted amazing after all the work they did that day. It was then that Reiner started teaching Connie their lessons, going over everything their instructor had taught them but in a much simpler way so he could understand them better. Much to his surprise, he actually didn’t have a hard time listening to the big guy. Munching on potatoes while listening also could’ve been one of the reasons why he found it easy, though he couldn’t be sure. But damn were the potatoes good.

When Reiner was going over the technical stuff about a titan’s weak spots, Connie suddenly blurted out the thing that’s been sitting at the back of his mind since that morning in class.

“What’s it like?” Connie asked quietly, interrupting Reiner. “To see a titan, I mean.” his eyes widening a bit, surprising even himself with the question.

Reiner didn’t answer immediately. Connie was afraid he might’ve crossed the line again. The last thing he wanted was for his friend to go cold and tell him off for being so enamored by the titans again like the first time they spoke. “I’m sorry, I guess that was a stupid question.”

“No, no.” he sighed and looked at him with understanding. “You’re probably wondering if all this stuff I’m telling you matters right? If you’ll even be able to remember when the time comes.”

“Yeah...a little bit.” Connie admitted shyly.

“Well,” Reiner started, thinking how best to describe it. “Titans  _ are _ scary. There’s no doubt about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if you froze on the spot if you see one for the first time. The fear can really...paralyze you. Well, in my case at least.

Connie found it hard to imagine that a big guy like Reiner would be scared like he said. But then again, he must’ve been pretty young when it all happened. He’s guessing that an experience like that was probably what hardened him now.  And thinking on it more, wasn’t it the same for Eren too? He suddenly felt a great sense of admiration and pity for them, the survivors of the attack.

“Are you still afraid?” Connie asked after a while. Reiner considered his words before answering, trying to gauge his own perspective on the matter.

“No.” he finally said. “I guess not anymore.” Taking a deep breath, Reiner broke his gaze from Connie and looked up at the ceiling. “They’re one of the scariest things you could ever lay your eyes on, that much is true. They look like twisted versions of us. Like it’s a grim message from the world, telling us that  _ they _ are what we could become someday. ‘Cause you know what Connie? I saw something scarier than titans two years ago. With titans, you could see in their eyes that all they wanted to do was eat you. Whether they destroyed your home or trampled someone you knew, their primary goal is to just get you and eat you.” he said rather coolly, as if that fact was nothing to be scared about. “There’s nothing behind those gigantic eyes but pure instinct. Unlike people...” Connie listened fervently, trying to understand where Reiner was going with this.

“When Bertholdt and I became refugees in the city, supplies were limited. There wasn’t enough food and space to go around but we didn’t ask for much. We just wanted to get by and live another day. But the people. The looks they gave us, it was worse than the titans Connie. You could see the hatred in them. It’s like they were wishing we would all just die and get eaten. It’s as if we  _ chose _ to be in that situation. If it came down to it, I think people are actually worse than titans. Because people will lie to you and hurt you and kill you when you least expect it. They can break every part of you and it wouldn’t be out of instinct. It would be because they  _ wanted _ to.” Reiner ended with a harsh tone, his fists clenching.

Connie understood now. He knew why Reiner was scowling all the time, why he would all of a sudden shut you out. He’s had it pretty hard. Connie’s whole life couldn’t even begin to match what Reiner went through for the past two years. Not for the first time, Connie suddenly felt weak next to him. 

“Then why be a soldier?” He paused, afraid he might go overboard again. ”Doesn’t that mean you’d be fighting for these people? That you’d be risking your life so that they could live?” 

Just when he thought Reiner would go ballistic, he actually smiled. “I guess that’s how far I’m willing to go to achieve what I want.” Connie remembered what he said that night at the forest, that the reason he enlisted was so he could get his home back.

Connie smiled back, admiring Reiner’s drive. Not wanting to dampen the mood anymore, Connie got up and retrieved the blankets Krista brought and tossed one to Reiner. “Quite a dream for someone sleeping at the stables tonight.” he flashed a wide grin earning him a chuckle from his friend.

When all the food was gone and Connie has had more than enough information he can handle, the two of them just laid back on their hay, wrapped under the blankets Krista gave them earlier. It was probably really late already but none of them seemed to be ready to sleep yet. Connie had to admit, despite  _ everything  _ that happened today, he was feeling pretty swell. What Krista did for them reminded him how fortunate he was to be here. To have found friends—no,—family within just a few weeks since they began training. To have people around that cared about you.

Then he looked over at the blonde giant beside him. He figured that no matter how confusing Reiner can be, today proves that they were friends, if not more. In a way, he was thankful for being sent to the stables today. He finally got to spend some time with the big guy, the thing he’s been trying to do since they first met. Reiner caught him staring and looked back, raising his eyebrows as if to say ‘what’s up?’. 

“Nothing I was just…thinking.” Connie muttered softly, as if to raise his voice would make other people hear even though they were alone.

“Don’t. You know what happens whenever you think too hard” Reiner smirked at him deviously.

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” he sighed. “I was just thinking how different today would’ve been if I wasn’t sent here to the stables tonight.”

Reiner frowned at that and looked away, muttering under his breath with pure acid in his voice. “Well I’m sorry if I’m not as good a company as  _ Marco  _ then.”

Wait, what? “H-hey, no...that’s not what I meant.” Connie panicked a bit. Why did he take like that? And why Marco again? Connie was too embarrassed to say what he really meant but not saying anything would—well, Reiner’s face showed it. He didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and spend the next few weeks again with Reiner avoiding him.

“What I meant was...uhh…” Connie swallowed hard and looked away from him, deciding to tell the truth. “I-I wouldn’t have today in any other way. Out of everyone I could’ve been stuck here with, I’m...glad it was you.” 

Eyebrows raised in surprise, Reiner looked over at his red-faced friend. He rarely ever gets caught off guard with words but Connie’s confession hit him like a horse-wagon running at full speed. 

“Oh—uhh,” he cleared his throat. For the first time ever, Reiner was speechless.

Connie glanced over at the blonde and saw how awkward he suddenly looked. This was priceless! He was so used to feeling this way around the guy that seeing Reiner on the other end of the spectrum now was the best thing to ever happen. Taking advantage of this rare phenomenon, he continued with a question. 

“Why are you always so angry at Marco?” Connie got the reaction he was hoping for by asking. Reiner was now a few shades redder while biting his lip and staring at the ceiling. 

Connie couldn’t take it anymore and started laughing so hard that even the horses looked over. “Oh man your face,” he wheezed, trying to catch his breath. “You should’ve seen your face!” he was starting to tear up and was enjoying the fact the he managed to pull Reiner’s strings.

“What about my face?” Connie opened his eyes and his heart stopped. Reiner was suddenly hovering above him, his arms on either side of his head and staring at him. He was smoldering Connie with the same look he did earlier before Krista and Ymir showed up. Connie wasn’t even pinned down and yet he couldn’t move himself.

“You were saying?” Reiner leaned in closer, their foreheads almost touching. Connie could feel his warm breath traveling down his face when he spoke. His heart was beating so fast he wondered if Reiner could hear it. He wanted to say something but he felt like his vocal chords suddenly didn’t exist anymore. He didn’t know if he regretted ever making fun of Reiner or not. He didn’t know anything anymore. This was all so new to him. Reiner has elicited so much emotion and confusion from him in the span of a few hours since they started got here at the stable but this one takes the cake.

Just when he thought Reiner was done teasing, he lowered himself even closer to the bald boy, leaning on his elbows now and angling his face towards Connie’s ear. He was so close now that he could smell the musk emanating from the big guy.

“I don’t think I have to worry about Marco anymore, now do I?” he whispered slowly in that same husky voice. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this red before either.”

Reiner brought back his face in front of Connie, who by now wasn’t registering anything anymore on account of his brain has stopped working. All he could do now was helplessly stare at Reiner, who was leaning in closer again and—

“HA! Why don’t  _ you _ take a look at  _ your  _ face Con!” Reiner suddenly bawled, startling every nerve of Connie’s body into awakening. He blinked, realizing what just happened. He got him. He got him so bad.

Finally getting back control of his limbs, Connie playfully punched at his laughing friend’s chest with a pout. “Very funny.” he said sarcastically.

Reiner got off of him and laid back down on his spot still laughing. “That’s what you get for messing around.” he joked. Connie was still focusing on catching his breath and turning his brain back on.

“I wasn’t messing around though,” he scoffed. “I meant what I said. About today.”

This time Reiner stopped laughing and smiled back at him while he leaned back on his arms. “Yeah, I know.”

Connie couldn’t have stopped the ridiculous smile spreading across his face even if his life depended on it. This was how he wanted things to be from the beginning with Reiner. Uncomplicated and easygoing.  With that thought though came the doubt. Was this only for tonight? Like that time many weeks ago at the forest? Would he wake up tomorrow to the same distant guy that he was all this time, constantly avoiding him? As if reading his mind, Reiner shifted and looked over at Connie.

“I’m sorry if I seemed so...detached lately.” Reiner started, choosing his words carefully. “It’s just that, seeing you with all the friends you’re making...it was a constant reminder for me how different we were. And I know that it shouldn’t bother me but it...always felt like I didn’t belong.” he admitted ruefully.

Connie was surprised to hear Reiner’s reason. This was the same thing Connie thought about whenever he saw him with Bertholdt, Eren, and Armin. It felt silly to know that they could’ve been like this a long time ago if they actually just talked to each other. Connie suddenly had a bold thought at that moment and taking advantage of the situation, he decided to just say it.

“You know what?” he sat up with a determined look on his face. “Why don’t we change that. Starting today, we just acknowledge the fact that we’re all soldiers here—or, future ones at least. Let’s not think about who we were before coming here.” 

Reiner looked at him for a while, considering his words. As if trying to weigh his reasoning. Connie wondered if that was a little too overconfident of him, thinking he could change a person with just a few words. When he just about started to see how ridiculous the idea was, Reiner sat up and came to him.

“Alright, on one condition.” he declared, and Connie suddenly found himself face to face yet again with the blonde. “We don’t tell anyone about tonight. Deal?”

Connie couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. The thought of recounting today’s events with someone else was the farthest thing on his mind right now. In fact, he’s never even told anyone about the time they went into the forest together. So why the sudden need to say that tonight be kept a secret? Well whatever Reiner was thinking, he already knows the answer anyway.

“Deal.”


	5. Skipping Stones

Connie was falling for him—or rather, he was falling harder. Ever since that night at the stables, Reiner has been a constant part of his daily life at the training camp. To think that they haven’t even spent time alone together after that, but seeing him in the company of others was what triggered his fall. Reiner and Bertholdt were part of their group now and although the latter was shy and timid, Reiner managed to capture everyone’s affection almost instantly. He was really growing on everyone, and hell even Jean found himself befriending the guy. And how could you not? Reiner genuinely cared about everyone, he’s a model recruit—only behind Mikasa the genius—and he was quite the charmer. The once scary blonde guy who always scowled at the corner of the room during meal time was now everyone’s big brother. The best part about all this was he got to see Reiner smile and be happy all the time. That’s what truly made him fall for the guy.

Their strict training continued. The big oral exam that Connie had been dreading wasn’t even as hard as he imagined. For one thing, it was mostly the commander yelling a question at your face and then yelling back the answer. Thanks to Reiner’s help, it was a piece of cake for Connie. After that, however, their classroom lessons took a backseat to their physical training, much to Connie’s delight. There was only so much information humanity had on the titans anyway so there wasn’t much else to cover other than what had already been taught.

Months passed and the air was starting to grow cold as winter came. By this time, a lot of friendships have formed throughout the camp already. They were starting to resemble the early stages of a proper corps now. But the most exciting thing was, the time for the _real_ training was looming closer. Everyone was eagerly looking forward to it. The official ODM training of the 104th training corps would begin once the the snow of winter comes and goes but until then, it was all military drills and exercises for now.

“What did you say you bastard?!?!”

“Is you ear on your ass or were you not listening?!”

“I dare you to say that again!”

Connie looked over to where the yelling was coming from, unsurprised that the source was from none other than Eren and Jean who were having another skirmish at dinner that night, as usual. They just finished training for the day which mostly consisted of horseback riding and scout relay drills and everyone was too tired to care.

“What are they fighting about now?”

Connie jumped at the voice. He wasn’t expecting Reiner to be here tonight since the commander called him to his office after training today. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t glad he was here, just the opposite really. He sat down next to one of their friends, Hannah—with his dinner and started eating while watching Eren and Jean beat the hell out of each other.

“Oh you know, the usual.” Hannah answered indifferently, tucking her ginger hair behind her ear. “Something about titans or the military police or being a coward and whatnot.”

Reiner chuckled and started eating his food. “Well looks like I didn’t miss anything fun then.”

“Where were you by the way? We all thought you’d gotten in trouble or something.” she looked at Reiner inquisitively, getting bored of watching the two boys fight in the background.

“Nah, the commander just wanted a word that’s all.” Reiner smiled modestly.

“Well looks like our golden boy here got a few nice _words_ from the commander tonight.” Samuel joked and earning a small laugh from everyone at their table. “Seriously man, I think the commander _likes_ you!”

“Trust me Samuel, the feeling isn’t mutual.”

When everyone started laughing, Reiner caught Connie staring and gave him a little smirk, causing him to turn pink. He always did this. Whenever he was sure no one was looking or paying no mind, Reiner would always capture Connie’s gaze even from afar and flash him a smile or sometimes even wink at him. And although he’s gotten better at hiding it, Connie would always blush at the act. He didn’t mind it though. He liked to think that this was Reiner’s way of telling him that even though he’s become good friends with everyone, Connie was the reason he came out of his shell in the past few months and that he hasn’t forgotten it. The only person who always seemed to notice this small exchange was Krista. She would always give him a small nudge or a knowing smile whenever she caught him blushing a bit.

“What the hell is going on in here?!” Everyone looked toward the voice in surprise. One of the senior marshals came in just in time to see Eren throw Jean off his feet.

“I can’t believe you two are at it again. Yeager! Kirstein! Don’t make me be the one to put you back on your seats!” the marshal fumed. Even _he_ was used to the fact they were always fighting.

“Now,” he cleared his throat and addressed everyone in the mess hall after waiting for everyone to settle down. “I’m here to announce that in a week’s time, me and the senior marshals will be heading to Trost district to collect some supplies for the camp in preparation for winter. It’ll be a five-day assignment and we will be selecting five of you to join us. As such, we will be observing each of you in training this week in order to make that choice. And in case some of you are too dimwitted to understand, I’m implying that this assignment is a sort of break from your training, for the five we select anyway. So it’ll be in your best interests to perform well this week. Not only will you get a break, but your final grades will also benefit from the trip.”

Everyone was buzzing. A trip to Trost sounded amazing if it meant a brief respite from training. Even Connie wanted to go. He’s never even been to a walled city before and the prospect of visiting one was way too exciting. He figured he’d have to do fairly well this week though. In the past few months, a lot of the recruits were starting to show promise in training. So if the seniors were only choosing five, he’d have to _really_ up his game.

“Hey Thomas, aren’t you from Trost?” Reiner asked his fellow blonde sitting with them.

“Yeah, but I doubt I’ll get chosen though” he admitted coyly. “My bet is they’re most likely going to choose you and Mikasa for sure. So that only leaves three more people in the mix.” Thomas had a point. Reiner and Mikasa were already exemplary recruits this early on at training. No one would be surprised if the marshals chose them for Trost.

“Hey now, you can be just as good you know.” Reiner flashed him that uplifting smile of his. “Just do your best.”

“Heh, yeah thanks Reiner. But honestly I wouldn’t mind it too much if I didn’t go. I can always come back home after we graduate from training.”

All night, everyone more or less talked about going to Trost. There were those who told stories about what the city was like—describing it’s grandness and scale. Then there were those like Connie, people who grew up on the provinces outside cities who found the stories magical. Dinner ended as the evening bell rang, signalling them to head back to the their dorms. Connie was just about to step outside when someone tapped him on the shoulder and called his attention.

“Hey Connie, I forgot to tell you.” Reiner was looking at him seriously, and talking a little louder than usual. “I’m supposed to take you to the commander tonight, he told me before sending me back here.”

“What?! Why? What did I do??” Connie panicked a bit. He couldn’t recall doing anything silly today to warrant a trip to the commander’s office. He thought back, maybe he was finally being told off for goofing around during training on numerous occasions last week. Or maybe someone found out he helped Sasha steal some meat from the pantry? In any case, any trip to the commander’s office was never good, unless you were Reiner and Mikasa.

“Look at it this way Con. Whatever it is, it must be _really_ bad that you have to go at this time of the night.” Samuel pat the top of his head and snickered.

“Damn you Samuel.” Connie pouted and went off to Reiner who was waiting for him.

“We’ll see you later Connie!” Marco waved as the rest of them headed back to the dorms.

Despondent, Connie started following Reiner towards the commander’s office. He was coming up with a multitude of reasons in his head for why the commander would possibly want to see him tonight, and all of which weren’t good. Was he going to lose his chance to go to Trost? He was deep in thought trying to think when he suddenly realized they were going the wrong way.

“Uhh, Reiner?” Connie asked the tall blonde. “I think we just missed the turn. Isn’t the commander’s office that way?” he pointed back.

Reiner didn’t stop walking and looked over at his small friend with a devilish gleam in his eyes and smirked. “Yeah, I know.”

“...are we taking a different way?” Connie asked feeling really puzzled.

“Something like that.”

“Oh... Maybe we should just head over this way. It’ll be faster and I really wanna get this over wi—”

Before Connie could even finish his sentence, Reiner turned around and grabbed his shoulders—leaning down so he was face to face with him, making Connie jump in surprise.

“The commander didn’t call for you.” Reiner admitted and smiled a little mischievously.

Confused, Connie frowned and looked back at his blonde friend. “Then why did you say I was?”

“So everyone thought you were.” he was still smiling like a sly fox but Connie was still at a loss.

“I...don’t understand?”

Sighing, Reiner hung his head in defeat. Equally amused and exasperated with his bald friend’s shortcomings. “Do I really have to spell it out for you Con?”

He could only blink in confusion. What was he going on about? Reiner finally let go of him and crossed his arms, looking at him squarely.

“I wanted to go for a walk and I wanted you to come with me.” he finally admitted.

Realization hitting him, Connie frowned a bit. He wasn’t expecting that and here he was mulling over his possible reasons for getting in trouble and getting worried for nothing. He really had to go through all that trouble just to get him to walk with him?

Upon seeing Connie’s face, Reiner’s expression suddenly grew apprehensive. He didn’t expect him to react this way. “Sorry,” he looked away and scratched at the back of his head feeling a little ashamed. “Guess that was a dumb move...let’s just go back.”

He was just about to walk away when Connie grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Hey. No, I just—you just caught me off guard there.” he gave his most reassuring smile. “You could’ve just asked like a normal person y’know.”

Reiner half-smiled at Connie’s innocence and shrugged. “Yeah, well. I didn’t want to draw that kind of attention so…”

Connie let him go and started walking, looking back at Reiner when he noticed he still hasn’t moved. “So are we walking or what?”

Reiner simply chuckled before following his smaller friend. Completely unaware that in that same moment, Bertholdt started walking back to the dorms—coming out of the shadows after seeing everything that happened just now.

* * *

 “Have you thought about which regimen you’re joining after we graduate?” Reiner asked.

They walked to the huge lake that was just at the edge of the camp. The same lake they saw atop the cliff in that forest they went to the first time they met was even more beautiful up close. Connie was sitting on a stump by the shoreline completely mesmerized by its vastness. The water looked so peaceful, he couldn’t stop staring at it. Reiner was down on the ground when he spoke, shuffling the rocks on the shore.

“No, not really.” Connie answered distractedly. “It’d be nice to join the MP’s though, but only the top ten are allowed for that.” he lamented.

“So?” Reiner pressed without even looking at him, still busying himself on the ground. “You don’t think you can make the top ten?”

Connie scoffed at the topic. “I don’t know man. We haven’t even started ODM’s yet. Everyone else is getting better at training too. Hell, I don’t even know if I can make it to Trost next week.”

“ _Do_ you wanna go to Trost?”

“Of course I do. But—”

“But nothing. Stop doubting yourself.” Reiner finally stood up and faced him. “Do you remember that feeling you got on our first test? The hanging simulation? You were so happy when you did it that you didn’t even have to think about it. You’re better than what you give yourself credit for Connie, at least in my eyes. So don’t think about it too much. Just do your best.”

Connie broke his gaze from the lake and looked at his friend. Did Reiner really believe in him that much? Or was he just being his normal, encouraging self? It wouldn’t be the first time he did this. Just a little while ago he said the same thing to Thomas over at dinner. But even so, there was something else in what Reiner was saying now. Connie couldn’t remember ever telling him about that day on the first test. He was pretty sure he was even angry at him that time. But what he did remember was Reiner watching him during his turn. He was feeling his cheeks warm again from the memory. Not wanting to give the blonde a window to embarrass him more, he looked at the stones he gathered in his arms.

“What’s that for anyway?”

He smiled and placed the stones at Connie’s feet and picked one up. He was turning it in his hand as if testing it for something before facing the lake. Then in one suave move, Reiner flicked the stone to the water making it skip five times across the surface before finally plummeting beneath the blue pool.

Amazed, Connie could only stare in wonder at that small display. “Woah! How’d you do that??” Connie said excitedly. Reiner smiled at him and pointed at the small pile of stones at his feet.

“Pick one up and I’ll teach you.”

He did what he was told and stood beside the tall blonde. His heart skipped a beat when Reiner suddenly held his hand in his, wrapping his large one over his small ones trying to show him how to grip the stone properly. He was already starting to feel bashful when Reiner proceeded to stand behind him, holding his frame with one hand and his arm with the other. He was showing him how to move and throw the stone but Connie was barely even breathing. It’s been months since the last time they occupied each other’s personal spaces and this sudden proximity to the big guy was making his head spin. He was so busy internally calming himself that he didn’t even realize that Reiner was talking.

“Did you get that?” he asked after finally letting go of him.

“Umm—yeah I think so.”

“Go on, try it” Reiner encouraged, seemingly unaware of Connie’s dazed state.

“Uhh—yeah, right.” Taking a deep breath, Connie threw the stone with such force that the moment it left his hand, he knew he had failed. When it landed on the water with a plop, he looked over at Reiner who was smiling wryly trying to hold back a laugh before picking two more stones and handing one to Connie.

“Maybe it’s better if you watch me so you can concentrate.” he suggested, finally taking note of Connie’s flustered expression. “It’s more of a flick than it is actual throwing. You just angle your hand like this and—” he did it again and this time his stone skipped even farther.

Connie nodded in earnest and poised himself like Reiner showed him. Copying the movement, he flicked his stone and it managed to bounce once over the surface.

“Hey I did it! Did you see that?!” he smiled broadly at his tall friend feeling really proud of himself. “Yeah nice job!” Reiner smiled at him, making Connie grin wider. They continued skipping stones until their pile was all but gone. Connie was so elated over the fact that he’s managed to skip his stone one step more for every previous one he threw. He noticed that Reiner stopped and that he was just openly staring at him then, making him self-conscious. When their pile was gone, they just sat there watching the water again in silence.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Connie asked after a while and instantly regretted it when he saw the look on Reiner’s face.

“An...old friend taught me.”

Not wanting to ruin the mood, he shifted the conversation to something different hoping to keep Reiner from shutting him out again. “Thanks for bringing me here. We don’t have huge bodies of water like this back in my village.”

Reiner looked at him then, feeling good he was able to make the smaller boy happy. “Tell me about it. Your home I mean.”

“Well,” Connie chuckled. “It’s small. It’s probably the same size as our camp here if not smaller. So small that everyone practically knew one another in the village. It wouldn’t even take you half a day to go around the place.” he said, suddenly missing home. He hasn’t thought about it in a while and bringing it up now was giving him fond memories.

“And your family?”

“I lived with my parents. I have two siblings too, Sunny and Martin. They’re still little kids though. Probably the cutest and most annoying kids I’ve ever met in my life. I would always take them out to play in our fields whenever I could. I remember how we used to always talk about the walled cities, guessing what it looked like and imagining how high the walls went. That’s actually why I’m excited about the whole trip to Trost. I’ve never been to a walled city before.” he said, smiling at the memory.

“Did you have a lot of friends?” Reiner asked looking really interested.

“Yeah, but not like the friends I made here.” he said. “I don’t know. Everyone sorta saw me as the stupid short kid back home. I mean, people here probably think that too but at least they don’t say it as much.”

Reiner frowned at that. “I don’t think that.”

Connie laughed a little to lighten his words. He didn’t want Reiner to take it too seriously. “It’s not a big deal man. It’s okay”

The blonde smiled at his lightheartedness and just shook his head. They were quiet again for a little while before Reiner spoke again, his voice barely a whisper. “Did you... _love_ someone...back home?”

“No, not really.” Connie answered coolly. “I’ve never really thought about that kind of thing until—” he stopped abruptly, suddenly realizing what he was about to say. Reiner was looking at him expectantly and his mind was grasping. “Umm—until, uhh...you know. Until I enlisted, yeah that’s it.” Sighing, he suddenly felt hot even though the night was cool with winter air. That was a close one. He almost openly admitted to falling for the guy!

Sensing his hesitation, Reiner didn’t push him further and started with another subject. “The commander told me I’d be joining the marshals to Trost next week.” Surprised, Connie looked over at him, expecting an explanation. “That’s why he called me to his office after training earlier.”

That makes sense. He wondered why he was even surprised in the first place. “I guess Thomas was right, huh?” Connie looked at him admirably. “You’re such a golden boy.”

Reiner laughed at that. “Would be nice if you came along too. I spent two years in Trost. I could...maybe take you around the place if you want. Since it’ll be your first time.”

Connie was dumbstruck. Did he just imply what he thinks he implied? Judging from Reiner’s slightly pink face, he’d take that as a yes. “I guess I’ll have to work my ass off this week, huh?”

Smirking, Reiner stood up and dusted himself off. As much as they both wanted to stay longer, it was time to go. It was getting late and it’d be awfully suspicious to come back any later.

“Don’t work it too hard now.” Reiner answered with his back turned. “I wouldn’t want you _stretching_ yourself too much.”

Connie was glad Reiner wasn’t facing him because he was pretty sure his face just reached a whole new level of redness at what he just said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little light chapter to build up events. Next one is going to be a bit...I don't wanna say, haha! Hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> Oh! and I just wanted to say that as of posting, I'm currently working on my very first fanart dedicated to this story :) I'll probably upload it as a DP or something. I'm not sure this site has Cover art for stories and such. So anyhoo, it's going to be my first fanart so im preeetty excited. Stay tuned!


	6. Reminder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fanart is up! Too bad this site doesn't have Covert Art function for stories so I can only use it as a DP, but you can head on over to my newly made tumblr account if you wish to view it! [Here's the link to my Tumblr](https://eightleggedfox.tumblr.com/)  
> and [Here's the direct link to my artwork.](https://eightleggedfox.tumblr.com/post/162044735000/im-so-into-youi-can-barely-breathe)  
> On another note, as of posting the Shingeki anime has finally wrapped up season 2 and I just can't handle it. I'm wishing for OVA's and that they really keep their promised 2018 release date for season 3!

The week flew by faster than it actually was. Training went on as usual but with the added incentive, everybody was motivated and working twice as hard. Everyone either wanted to go to Trost or simply gain a high mark but nevertheless, this week was probably one of their bests at the camp. On the last day before the announcement of the top five, everyone had already burned themselves out so the only thing the recruits were tasked with was hand to hand combat training—sparring against one another in a simple game of attack and defense.

Connie found himself face to face with Sasha, who had an intense look in her eyes while doing a one-legged crane pose. Although, he probably looked just as silly there in his crouching tiger pose. The exercise gave one person a wooden training knife that the other person had to obtain while being attacked by the wielder, or in this case it was Connie.

“You can’t hurt me Sasha. You want this dagger? You’re gonna have to fight for it.” Connie wagged the wooden knife playfully in front of him. Smirking, he feigned a stab at his partner, who exaggeratingly dodged out of the way with a squawk.

“Nice move, but can you dodge thi—!” he barely finished talking when Sasha suddenly tackled him and knocked him off his feet, grabbing the knife in the process. Connie landed on the ground with thud just as the commander walked by eyeing them both.

When he passed, Sasha released her breath and offered her friend a hand with a guilty smile on her face. “Sorry ‘bout that Con, can’t have him seeing us play around.”

He smiled and accepted her hand. Getting up, he was dusting himself off when he unconsciously looked over to his left where Reiner was tackling Eren a few feet away from them.

“You know,” Sasha whispered in his ear. “if you wanted to pair with him, I can go ahead and switch with Eren right now.”

Connie flushed and turned on Sasha with a surprised look on his face. “W-what are you talking about?”

“Oh relax Connie,” she waved him off and said quietly. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. And you blushing right now only proves me right.”

Connie was dumbstruck. Was he really that obvious? And since when has Sasha noticed? _Crap._ If Sasha noticed, then who else has? Before he could say more, Sasha put her arm around him and started walking towards the two.

“What are you doing!”

“Relax, I got this—Hey Eren!!” she yelled and waved at their green-eyed friend. Connie was trying to stop her but it was no use, she had him clutched him like a vice.

“Hey. What’s up Sasha?” he looked at the duo approaching, taking particular notice of Connie who looked like he was about to throw up right then and there. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Oh don’t mind him, he’s just crusty ‘cause I whooped his ass earlier. Say, mind if we switch partners?” She winked at Eren as if trying to pass on an unspoken message.

Eren scoffed and walked towards Sasha. “Alright. He’s all yours Connie.” He smirked before leaving the two of them. _What the hell?!_ Did Eren know too? He thought back on his past interactions with Reiner. He’s doesn’t remember ever being this bashful when he was around others, only when he and Reiner were alone. Was it what Sasha said? Was it in the way he looked at him?

“So, think you can handle me?” Reiner’s smugness snapped him back to reality. He was already positioning himself to attack. Connie blinked trying to clear his head and eyed the training knife in the blonde’s hand, trying to come up with a plan. In a situation like this, being smaller had it’s advantages he figured. He just has to be quick enough.

Without warning, Reiner charged at him with his shoulder, keeping the knife tucked in his side. _Shit._ Before he could act on a plan, he instinctively blocked the attack with his arms when Reiner slammed into him. Holding his ground, he was surprised he didn’t knock him off his feet. He was so huge compared to Connie. All these months of physical training actually made him bigger. As if he wasn’t big enough in the first place!

_Wait, that’s it!_ With a plan forming in his head, he pushed back at Reiner with all his strength, causing the other to match his force and push forward even more. Reiner wasn’t the only person who’s gotten stronger with the training. He may be small but he could still put up a fight. Connie adjusted his footing and when he felt himself faltering, he side-stepped and went for the knife. Suddenly losing the opposing force in front of him, Reiner’s momentum threw him off balance and fell forward but not before Connie took hold of the knife. Reiner didn’t let go and since they were now both holding on to it, Connie came down with his fall and landed on top of him.

“Ow—you were supposed to let go!”

Reiner huffed from the effort earlier and smirked at him. “What if I don’t wanna let go?” Connie was still struggling with the knife while Reiner just smiled under him, showing little effort. He was giving Connie that look again before whispering in _that_ voice. “So, how does it feel to be on top for once?”

Connie blushed, eyes widening. He can’t believe he’s saying that right here, right now. With all his strength, he shoved his left arm at Reiner’s chest and grasped the knife with the other, twisting his entire body to force it out of his grasp until—

“Yes! I got it! Ha!” he said, brandishing the knife over his head. His sudden exclamation made everyone near them look over and he flushed, realizing that he was still sitting on top of his friend. Reiner was snickering below him, unaffected by everyone’s looks.

“Great,” Reiner said, holding back a laugh. “So can I get up now?”

“Umm..yeah. Sorry.” Connie got off of him and helped him up when a voice suddenly called out to them.

“You know Reiner, he’ll never learn how to truly fight if you keep holding yourself back like that.”

They looked over at the source and found Bertholdt towering over them. It took a while for his words to sink in, but Connie understood what he meant. What was he trying to say? That Reiner _let_ him win? He looked over at the blonde and was surprised to see him scowling at Bertholdt. It’s been a long time since he saw that face and seeing it again now reminded him of how intimidating he can look.

“You mind if play with Connie next?” Bertholdt raised his eyebrow and was smiling at Reiner curiously while waiting for a response. Eventually he nodded, and stepped back but didn’t leave. Connie noticed he was still scowling like a madman.

“Alright Connie, you have the knife so you’ll be attacking.” Bertholdt stood in front of him as he readied his stance. The situation was different now. Bertholdt was taller than Reiner but he wasn’t as muscled and big as him. He figured he could try and push him back the same way Reiner charged at him earlier, using his body’s force to throw him over at the torso.

“Alright. Here I come!” Mimicking the move, he charged at him with his shoulder and tucked the knife to his side. He was running at full speed when he noticed that Bertholdt still hasn’t moved. Regardless, he braced himself for the impact and took too long to realize what his opponent was about to do. Bertholdt stopped his attack by crouching at the last minute and tripping him mid-charge. Unable to stop his momentum, Connie’s legs failed and he face-planted hard on the ground with a painful thud. He felt a sharp sting on his face but he had no time to even think about it. He was still clutching the knife but before he could even comprehend the position he was in, Bertholdt was on him in an instant and shoved his face back on the ground. He proceeded to take the knife and saw that Connie was still holding on to it so he grabbed his entire arm and twisted it behind his back, making the smaller man scream in pain.

“Hey that’s enough!” Connie heard but didn’t see that Reiner had a deadly grip on the arm Bertholdt was using to twist his. He was dazed. He must’ve hit his head pretty hard because his senses were suddenly dulling. He felt his opponent slacking and eventually getting off him, but he still couldn’t move. It took him a while to realize that his arm was in so much pain, thinking that was why he couldn’t get up. But why did it hurt? He didn’t know how long he was lying there. Shouldn’t Reiner and Bertholdt have helped him by now?

“Connie! Are you okay?” Sasha called, or at least he thought it was Sasha. His face was still on the ground so he couldn’t be sure. He felt hands lifting his shoulders and his body turning until he was face to face with Eren.

“Woah. Connie you’re bleeding. What happened? Where’s Reiner?” He didn’t understand why Eren was asking that. Reiner was just here with Bertholdt, they should be standing nearby. And what did he mean he was bleeding? He couldn’t feel anything—except for his arm.

“Eren, what’s wrong?” A voice said from behind him. He couldn’t see but it sounded like Mikasa. What was she doing here? “We don’t know. We saw him just lying here and he isn’t talking. Hey Connie snap out of it!” Eren shook him and his right shoulder was suddenly on fire.

“AGH!”

Eren let go in panic, not understanding the situation. Connie clutched his right arm and finally saw that Eren, Sasha, Krista, Samuel, and Marco were huddled in front of him. Even Jean and Hannah were there. Mikasa and Armin were probably behind him too. But where was Reiner and Bertholdt?

“Eren he’s hurt, we should take him to the infirmary.” Krista said. “Can you walk Connie?”

Still a little dazed, the question didn’t register until Krista asked again. “Connie?”

“Y-yeah. I can walk.” he stood up with Eren and Jean’s help. He was still cradling his right arm and proceeded to walk to the infirmary when one of the marshals called out to everyone.

“Alright recruits! That’s enough for today! Line up at the center field! We’ll be announcing the top five that will join us for Trost tomorrow!”

Connie was about to turn when Jean’s grip on him tightened. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m fine Jean, we can go to the infirmary later.”

“Did you hit your brain that hard? Look at you! Your face is a bloody mess!”

“He’s right Connie,” Eren said. “we can miss the announcement. It’s no big deal.” But it _was_ a big deal. Eren and Jean were vying for a spot all week and he can’t make them miss their chance now.

“Umm...guys, why don’t I take Connie?” Krista volunteered behind them. “I’m pretty sure I have nothing to miss here anyway. Whereas you two actually have a chance for top five.”

Before any of them could object, Connie walked to Krista and nodded in the direction of the field. “I’ll be fine you guys. Go on.” He gave his most reassuring smile, hoping they’d buy it.

“Well...you sure about this Krista?” Jean asked.

“I can handle it. Now go, both of you.” she was giving them that perfect smile of hers. Connie didn’t know if she was using it to her advantage to force them to agree with her or not. Because you just _can’t_ say no to Krista’s smile.

“Okay then. We’ll come and see you later then Connie.” Eren pat him on his good shoulder before heading off with the others who were still waiting behind watching them.

When everyone went off to the field, Krista and Connie walked silently side by side to the infirmary. He was still processing what just happened back there, the last thing he remembered was tripping on Bertholdt and hitting his face on the ground—twice. Everything was a little hazy after that. He couldn’t stop thinking about Reiner and Bertholdt. Where did they go off to after that? How come Sasha was the one who found him lying on the ground? And then there was his arm. All he could remember was the pain but he didn’t know how it happened—maybe he fell on it badly or something. That was the only reason he could think of.

His thoughts were interrupted when Krista tapped his shoulder and handed him a handkerchief. “To wipe your face with. You kinda do look a little bloody right now.”

Connie accepted it and muttered his thanks then proceeded to wipe his face. He was now aware how painful it was along with his arm. He stared at the bloody cloth afterwards, suddenly remembering the time Reiner cleaned his face of blood when he cut himself that day at the stable.

“So what happened to you? Did you umm...fall or something?” Krista asked, concern lacing her voice.

Connie was still feeling a little rattled and dejected. He didn’t know what to tell Krista because even he was still wrapping his head around the situation. “Yeah. Something like that, I guess… I don’t really remember much to be honest. I guess I hit my head pretty hard.” He needed to ask. It was tormenting him inside. “Krista. Did you see Reiner before you guys found me?”

Krista looked at him and shook her pretty blonde head. “No, I actually only noticed you when I heard Sasha. Come to think of it, it is a little weird he wasn’t there when we found you. Usually he’d be the first to help you out like this.”

Krista’s subtle implication would normally make him blush but it just did the opposite. She was right. Reiner always had his back from the very beginning, or so he thought. Because here he was, injured and a bloody mess and Reiner was nowhere to be found.

Seeing the look on her friend’s face, Krista smiled and reassured him. “Don’t worry about it Connie. Something must’ve come up. He probably doesn’t even know what happened to you yet. I’m sure the moment he finds out, he’ll be over at the infirmary in a heartbeat.”

Connie smiled at that, feeling a little hopeful. “Thanks Krista.”

* * *

 They arrived at the infirmary and got Connie patched up. He had a slightly broken nose and thankfully, just a sprained arm which will heal in no time. The medic in charge put him on a sling just in case, and said he’d have to skip training for a few days.

“Just take it easy Springer. I’ve seen you recruits pushing yourselves hard this week. I’m not surprised that a casualty will come up sooner or later.” the medic said as he was jotting down notes on his clipboard.

“Now I’ll need you to stay here at the infirmary until your arm heals. So no bunk beds at the dorms.” he looked over at Krista who was still dutifully standing by Connie. “Miss Lenz, maybe you can help fetch his dinner from the mess hall tonight.”

Krista nodded before leaving the infirmary and headed for the mess hall just as the medic put down his notes. “Alright come with me Springer, I’ll show you to your room.”

The sun had already set and everyone was probably at dinner by now. Connie laid on his bed all alone with nothing his thoughts to keep him company. He wondered who could probably be the top five this week—well three of the five anyway. He knew for sure that Mikasa was probably one along with Reiner. Did he himself make it to the top five? He was starting to get depressed for ending up like this when he’s worked so hard this week, especially since Reiner promised to take him around Trost if he made it. But in his current condition, would they even let him go?

He was interrupted by a knock on his doorway so he sat up. Expecting to see the medic, he was surprised to see that it was Sasha, followed by Krista and all the others.

“Hey Connie, how you feeling?” she asked, standing by the side of his bed. Krista sat on the only chair near him and placed his dinner plate on the bedside table. “When I came to bring your food, everyone wanted to come and see you.” she explained.

“Is your arm broken?” it was Marco who asked, triggering expectant looks from everyone.

“Nah, I’m fine you guys. Just a sprain. My nose is though but the doctor said it’ll heal in a few days.”

Everyone visibly relaxed. It was flattering to see how everyone was actually worried about him. Eren spoke next and gave Connie a warm pat on the back. “You should really be more careful next time. To be honest, when I saw you I really thought you were just fooling around earlier.”

“I wish I was.” Connie laughed and immediately lightened the mood in the room. He looked around hoping to see Reiner but was disappointed to find out he wasn’t with them. Krista saw his face and looked at him warmly.

“Okay guys, I think we should just let Connie eat and rest now.” she said towards the others but Connie had one more question he needed to get out.

“Hey, who made the top five this week? Who’s going to Trost?”

It was Hannah who answered. “Mikasa and Reiner of course. And after them is Bertholdt. Then Eren and Jean over here are fourth and fifth.”

Jean groaned exasperatedly. “Alright we get it Hannah, I’m last place hoo-ray!” he said sarcastically.

“At least _you_ got in!” she rolled her eyes and everyone started laughing. After a few more comebacks from Jean, a little yelling from Eren, and more snarky comments from Hannah, everyone except for Krista bid Connie a goodnight and left. “You better be up and running again when we come back from Trost, Connie!” echoed Jean’s last words as he waved goodbye.

Krista was helping Connie eat since he only had one functioning arm at the moment when he asked her about the thing she knows is bothering him. “Did he even ask about me?”

Krista sighed and put down the spoon she was using to feed Connie and looked at him sadly. “No. I’m sorry Connie, I don’t understand why he didn’t even…” she started, unable to finish the thought. “When I got to the mess hall everyone practically jumped at me asking about you. I looked over at Reiner and...he was just sitting there. Eating. He didn’t even look at me.”

Connie swallowed hard. He didn’t want Krista to see how hearing that actually hurt more than breaking his nose or spraining his arm. “I see.” he cleared his throat and whispered quietly. “Thanks Krista. For helping me today...but I kinda just wanna lie down now if that’s okay.”

Krista looked at her friend and felt for him. But she knew there was nothing else she could do for her bald friend. “Alright Connie. I’ll leave this here in case you get hungry in the night. I’ll come by first thing in the morning, okay?” she stood up and gave him one last look before leaving.

Connie didn’t know what to think. Or what the hell happened today. Just a few hours earlier, he was sitting on top of a laughing Reiner. A bloody nose and an injured arm later, he was gone just like that. He couldn’t believe that in a blink of an eye, everything had suddenly changed. He laid back down on his bed and with a heavy heart that night and forced himself to a dreamless sleep..


	7. Replaced.

The morning after Connie’s first night at the infirmary, Krista came by to drop off his breakfast just before she went to morning drills that day, promising to come by again at lunch time. “Maybe they’ll let us to eat with you here at the infirmary!” she beamed hopefully.

A little while after she left, Jean, Eren, and Mikasa came by to check up on him. They already had on their cloaks and were getting ready to leave for Trost that morning but Eren wanted to go see him first. “How are you feeling?” he said, sitting on the chair beside the bed with a concerned look towards his smaller friend.

“I’m good. Honestly Eren, you really don’t have to worry about me too much.” Connie smiled confidently then winced, forgetting that he had a broken nose and that even smiling hurt.

“Hey, watch it Connie.” Jean looked at him with a warning. “How’re you supposed to get better if you keep smiling like an idiot?”

Connie chuckled at Jean’s expression of concern and just smiled back at him. “Sorry Jean, but it’s hard not to whenever there’s a horse in the room.”

The brunette scoffed and glared. “You’re lucky you’re injured you little pipsqueak.”

The mood in the room was nice. Even Mikasa looked like she was holding back a smile. After a little while, she looked outside the window and saw that it was time for them to head out.

“Eren, it’s time to go.” Mikasa announced then turned to Connie. “I hope you feel better soon Connie. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Connie nodded and gave her a salute. “Right, thanks Mikasa. I’ll see you guys in five days I guess. Have fun in Trost.” Jean and Mikasa said their goodbyes and left the room but Eren lingered. He was still looking at Connie with that same worried face.

“What is it?” he asked the green-eyed boy.

Eren looked like he was contemplating on whether he should keep talking or not. Pressed for time, eventually he whispered to Connie what was bothering him. “I talked to him this morning. Reiner, I mean. I asked him to come with us since we were seeing you before heading off.”

That hit a nerve in him. He was trying his best not to think about the blonde but in the end he knew it was a wasted effort. “What did he say?” Connie asked quietly.

Eren looked down. “He didn’t even say anything. He just shook his head and walked away after I asked. It wasn’t like him at all and I thought…” He paused, thinking if he should press further. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not my place but...did he have anything to do with what happened to you?”

Connie was a little surprised by that. Did he really think Reiner would hurt him like this? _He would never.._.but even as the thought crossed his mind, he began to doubt himself. He doesn’t really remember much of yesterday and now he’s beginning to wonder if what Eren was saying had some truth in it.

Connie swallowed hard before giving his answer. “No. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t there when I fell.”

Eren frowned at that, not quite believing it. But he had no time to dwell on it so he stood up to go. “Alright then. Just…” he sighed, his expression softening. “You know we’re friends right? You can always tell me anything Connie.”

Connie nodded and smiled. “Yeah. Thanks man. Now go before they leave you.” Eren gave his injured friend one last look and nodded before exiting the room. Connie was having mixed emotions right now. He was reminded again of how lucky he was to have friends like them. But at the same time, he couldn’t stop thinking about Reiner. Were Eren’s suspicions true? If not, then what did he do wrong this time? Was it foolish for him to believe that they were finally past the whole issue of Reiner shutting him out? Or maybe his foolishness stemmed from the fact that he actually thought they _could_ get past it.

Sighing, Connie looked out over the window with somber eyes and saw that it had already started to snow. At that moment, he knew without a doubt, that this was going to be the gloomiest winter of his life.

* * *

 Connie recovered after a few days and got back to training with the others without so much fuss. The winter came harshly, blowing in a lot of snow to the camp which made their drills all the more challenging.  But it wasn’t the cold of the weather that really bothered him the first few days since his discharge from the infirmary for it was nothing compared to the ice coming off of Reiner. He never once went to see him when he was recovering, and had not asked about it either. It was as if he didn’t care. He was also back to actively avoiding him again. And the worst part was, it was _only_ him. He still treated everyone the same. He was still his friendly, confident, and alluring self except he never once spoke or even so much as looked at Connie. It was killing him inside. He’s made several attempts to approach the guy but there never came a chance to see him alone.

As days bled into weeks, Connie naturally just came to terms with the situation and forced himself to move on. He figured that if Reiner didn’t want him in his life anymore, then so be it. He didn’t want to force himself in and just accepted the way things were between them. It was better to just forget about the guy. That’s what he kept telling himself at least.

Winter was coming to an end and the snow was finally melting. The sun was shining brighter than ever and the greens of the landscape around the camp were finally starting to show. Spring had arrived, and it brought with it the excitement and trepidation that the 104th training corps had been waiting for since the first day they arrived. They were finally going to start their training for the omni-directional mobility gear.

The recruits found themselves in one of the larger classrooms of the camp. Standing in attention, everyone had a complete ODM gear set sitting on the table in front of them **.** Connie was standing beside Sasha as the commander was briefing them on the equipment.

“Alright recruits! The day you’ve all been waiting for is finally here!” the commander barked. “In front of you is the main tool that will keep you and others from being titan fodder! Today we will be going over how to equip, maintain, and use the ODM gear so pay attention!”

“Sir!”

The commander stepped back to give way to their instructor, who had his own set of ODM gear in front of him. “Alright recruits, listen up. We already went over the different parts and functions of the gear set for the past week so I expect you all to remember everything we learned.”

 _Crap._ Already Connie started to panic. As usual, he wasn’t paying that much attention when their classroom lessons started again.

“I’ll be demonstrating how to equip them now and how to do the routine checks before setting out on the field. I cannot emphasize this enough. Checking your gear can and _will_ determine your survival. If your gear fails because you overlooked something, then you might as well consider yourself dead.” he gave the whole room a cold glare to really drive in the lesson.

The instructor then proceeded with all the technical details and steps of the equipment process for their gears. Connie was dumbfounded. He couldn’t remember all the terms and parts taught in their previous lessons so every time the instructor mentioned one, he had no idea what he meant. He looked over at Sasha, who had a bored expression on her face. He knew her well enough by now that just by her watching the instructor, she’d be able to piece everything together no sweat. He faced front again, trying to will himself into concentrating and—

“—and that’s it.” the instructor finished, who was by now completely clad in his ODM gear. “Now I want you all to equip yours first. It shouldn’t take you more than five minutes on normal situations, but since this is your first time I won’t give you the limit. Now proceed to suit up, I’ll be going around to check your progress.”

 _Shit._ Connie looked at his set. Where should he start? The belts? The gas? The blades? He glanced at Sasha who was already starting to put things on one by one with so much ease as if she’d been doing this her whole life.

“Sasha, what do I do??” Connie whispered urgently asking for help. Sasha looked at him with an equally confused face.

“I don’t know Con! I don’t remember the details. I just _know_ how to do it.” Great. He knew better than to ask her. Sasha’s brain only worked for herself and even if she knew how it was done, she couldn’t for the life of her teach it to someone else.

“Nice work Braun,” came the instructor’s voice from behind them. “You managed to equip everything in under five. Well, I’m not really surprised. Keep up the good work.”

“Sir!”

Connie tried not to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help it.  Of course _he_ would have no problem with this, being the self-righteous bastard that he is. He may have moved on from all that drama with Reiner but he was still feeling a bit salty. Connie was trying his best to look like he knew what he was doing when he suddenly found himself in front of the instructors glare.

“Of course _you_ I’m not surprised with either.” he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Braun, come over here.”

_Shit._

“Sir?” Reiner hesitated, not sure why he was being called.

“Springer needs your help.”

_Shit._

With full reluctance, Reiner went over to them and faced the instructor. “Make sure he puts his gear on properly and that he remembers how to do it.”

_Shit!_

Reiner didn’t even have time to react before the instructor moved on to the next table, leaving him with Connie. Of all the people! Connie side-glanced at Sasha and saw that she was biting her lip, holding back a smile and pretending not to have noticed the whole thing. Connie glared at her when Reiner finally spoke in a harsh tone devoid of all the awkwardness that the situation entailed.

“Right. Let’s get this over with.”

Connie nodded. He could do this. They were soldiers and he had to be professional about it. He can’t keep letting his feelings affect the situation. Easier said than done.

“I’m only gonna say this once so listen ok. You need to remember this.” Reiner started as he picked up the belts. “The first thing you do is put on the body harness. As the name implies, it goes all around your body—like this.”

Connie couldn’t tell if he was more embarrassed or angry when Reiner suddenly put his arms around him trying to get the body harness on. He started with his torso then his arms and continued without faltering as if this wasn’t a big deal to him.

“That goes for the upper body. Now turn around.”

He did as he was told and was now facing Sasha, finally seeing that she had gone a slight red from holding back her laughter. Connie was just about to give her a scowl when he suddenly felt Reiner’s hands travel between his thighs. He froze, mind going blank.

“Hey, pay attention.” he said suddenly, knowing full well that the smaller man wasn’t concentrating again.

Connie just about lost it when he looked down and saw Reiner crouching in front of him, holding the harness against his inner thigh. It took all he had to keep his composure when the blonde started clipping the harness across his groin. “You have to make sure this is secure and properly adjusted. You can adjust it... _here_ .” Connie blushed at his touch. Reiner stood up and looked Connie in the eyes, continuing his explanation, completely unfazed. How the hell could he keep a straight face right now? “The tighter the better, but keep in mind that you still have to be able to move around.” Connie was blushing so hard right now that looking at Reiner’s serious face was the only thing keeping him together. He heard Sasha cough beside him and thought he _really_ wanted to choke her right then and there.

“Then you have your blades and the main unit.” he picked each one in turn then proceeded to attach them to his body. “This goes here—clip this here—and then this one goes here.”

When he was done, Reiner stepped back to inspect his work. He gave him the once-over, staring intently at the smaller man—and for a split second, Connie could’ve sworn he saw the other’s brows twitch, as if there was something wrong in what he did. He looked a little forlorn too, but the expression disappeared just as fast as it came.

“I-uhh…”Reiner cleared his throat before addressing Connie again. “Did you get all that?”

“Y-yeah, I think so.” Connie looked down at his fully equipped body, testing out his movements and limbs before looking up to see that Reiner had already gone back to his table, serious face plastered on and staring hard in front of him looking like a true soldier again.

Connie turned and faced front and released a huge breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. His heart was beating so fast and he didn’t even know why. After all this time, Reiner still had that effect on him. He hated himself for feeling this way. He hated looking like an idiot again for not listening in class. He hated that the instructor called over Reiner to help. But most of all, he hated Reiner for shutting him out again.

“Well _that_ was interesting.” Sasha whispered beside him, snickering. Connie glared at her just as the instructor spoke up again and alerted the class.

“Alright recruits, looks like you all have your gear on so listen up. I’ll be going over how to do your routine checks and you will follow along with me so stay sharp.” The instructor then went over all the steps required to check their gears for proper functionality. “Remember that you absolutely have to do these checks _every time_ you head out with you gears.”

After the classroom session, the recruits were brought outside for their first test run. For everyone’s safety, all the blades were left back since they were only going to focus on movement that day. They walked along to the edge of the forest where the commander and the other marshals were waiting for them.

“ATTEN-TION!”

Everyone stood ready at the commander’s voice, looking forward as he gave his briefing. “We will now perform your very first rundown with the ODM gears! The objective of today’s exercise is to simply use your gears to alight on top of the the tree branches above you. Now these are easily at an eight to ten meter height so using your new knowledge on the gears, combine that with the physical and mental prowess you’ve accumulated for the past six months to get up!”

“SIR!” All of them had a determined look on their face. The air was buzzing with silent excitement and everyone couldn’t wait to get started.

“Our senior officers will first demonstrate how it’s done then each of you will perform the exercise.” The commander pointed to the marshals who were getting ready. One by one, they all launched themselves upward, grappling a point on the tree trunk and landing nimbly on separate branches. The recruits were in awe. For some of them, Connie included, this was the first time seeing the ODM gear in action. After explaining the basics, the marshals descended and faced the recruits, waiting for the commander’s order.

“Ackerman! Braun! Step forward!”

“Sir!”

It came with no surprise to anyone that they would go first. The genius and the golden boy, as some people liked to call them. Top of the class since day one and undisputed ever since. Reiner and Mikasa prepared themselves and stood their ground, eyeing their respective branches. Then, simultaneously they launched their hooks and flew up the trees, landing just as well as the marshals did earlier.

Their display was followed by hushed whispers of amazement and awe from their fellow recruits. It was a good move on the commander’s part to use them as motivation for the others. He nodded at the two on top then faced everyone again, choosing who will go next.

“Springer! Yeager! Step forward!”

Connie jumped in surprise—this was it. Walking to the trees, he was suddenly filled with the same feeling of excitement he only ever felt on his first day here. He remembered sitting on the horse wagons, peeking outside the covers completely amazed by the view of the camp. And then that time again when he was hanging on their first test, impressing even himself with his skill. He was so ready for this. He looked over at Eren and they nodded to each other before preparing to launch. Connie was standing where Reiner was a while ago and was looking up the trees trying to find a branch to land on. He spotted one, a little to the left of Reiner but a few feet higher than his position and as he looked up, their eyes met for a moment.

Reiner was staring at him again, in the same way he did whenever the two of them were alone. He was suddenly reminded of that time at the stable many months ago when Reiner was tutoring him, and then again all those weeks ago at the lake when he taught him how to skip stones on the water. And that’s when he suddenly understood it. That look, he was waiting. Waiting for him to show how good he can be—waiting to make him proud. He liked to think that was the case, even though their situation right now wasn’t the same anymore. Regardless, Connie let the feeling course through him and took a deep breath. He readied himself then shot his hooks, his instincts aiming for him. His grapples latched and with the push of a button his feet left the ground, quickly and smoothly going higher and higher. It was exhilarating! He couldn’t stop the wide grin forming in his face as he started soaring through the trees. The feeling was incredible, the wind on his face and the feeling of weightlessness. He was flying!

“Connie!!” Reiner suddenly called out. Distracted, he realized his mistake too late when he saw that his current trajectory was being blocked by a thick trunk and he was looking at collision in a matter of seconds. He didn’t even have time to see that Reiner suddenly stood in anticipation, ready to swoop in just before Connie hits.

But it wasn’t necessary. Instead of panicking, Connie instinctively released his hooks and retracted them, freeing him from his current ascentt. Using his strength, he shifted his body so that his feet were in front of him and used that to kick himself off just as he made impact with the tree trunk, sending him flipping backwards. When he was upright again, he shot his hooks in mid-air, choosing a clear trajectory this time and pulled himself up to his target branch and landing with finesse. He took a breath, hands shaking with adrenaline. He actually did it.

“SPRINGER!”

Connie looked down towards the commander’s voice, suddenly realizing that the branch he got on to was higher than he expected. “Sir!”

“Very well done recruit!” he smiled then, his face warming up. That was the very first time the commander praised him.

“Alright Next up!”

* * *

The day ended with everyone just practicing going up and down the trees with their ODM gear. Connie was feeling quite proud at dinner that night because the majority of them weren’t able to get up the trees earlier and he was one of the few who did. Everyone’s compliments also may have added to his pride a little, but maybe just a smidge.

“Your were awesome today Connie!” Thomas said. They were still eating at the mess hall and everyone was still talking about today. “The way you did that somersault in mid-air looked so cool!”

Flushing, he awkwardly scratched at his cheek, not really used to being complimented. “Hehe, thanks Thomas.”

“I can’t wait to give it a go again tomorrow.” Samuel chimed in. “Finally we’re doing something other than military drills.” They had to agree to that. Although they were told that they’d still be doing physical drills and military exercises until the moment they graduate, it was nice to finally have something new to do.

“Well if it weren’t for those drills you wouldn’t even be able to move on your ODM gear,” Reiner said, sitting next to Samuel. It was times like these that Connie usually stopped talking and just blended in with the conversation. He just couldn’t bring himself to act as aloof as Reiner whenever they ate with everyone. His presence was a constant shade that he could never break away from.

“Yeah, yeah. Hey I’m sticking with you tomorrow Reiner. You think you can teach me to get up those trees?” Samuel asked. He was among the people who didn’t manage the exercise earlier. “Just the getting-up-the-tree part. I’m okay with putting the gear on by myself unlike baldy over here.” he snickered looking at Connie who was shooting daggers at him from across the table.

“Well at least _he_ didn’t slam into a tree unlike some people.” Sasha said in his defense, reminding a now blushing Samuel how he swung back and forth between two tree trunks earlier.

“Hey!” he attempted a comeback but everyone was already laughing at the memory. Connie gave Sasha a small smile as thanks when she winked at him and they all went and finished their dinner just as evening bell rang. Getting ready to walk out, Connie noticed Reiner silently taking the back exit alone without anyone else noticing. Where was he going?

 _What am I thinking?_ He tried convincing himself that he was long over this. That Reiner was the one who decided to push him away. He’s told himself over and over that he’s moved on. So why was he still pining over him? He should really just head back to the dorms with the others. _Just forget about him_...but even as he thought this, he remembered that this was probably the only time he’s seen the big guy alone. He’s never really had a chance before so should he go and finally confront him?

Connie remembered how Reiner helped him in class that morning. And the way he looked at him from the trees earlier. Is that why he’s still holding on? Because he saw that _his_ friend was still in there, and not the cold person he was acting like? Before he could act on his thoughts though, his decision was made for him when Bertholdt suddenly came back inside the mess hall, looking very surprised to see Connie.

“C-Connie. Hey, w-what are you still doing here?” Bertholdt stuttered nervously.

That’s when it hit him. Connie blinked at the taller man’s reaction and tried to come up with an excuse that didn’t involve the blonde. If there was anyone he didn’t like talking about Reiner with, it was Bertholdt.

“I just wanted one last drink before going back.” he answered with a straight face and started walking out. He didn’t even need to ask what _he_ was doing there. He left the mess hall and a bewildered Bertholdt without saying another word and walked back to the dorms alone. How could he be so stupid all this time? But then again, when was he ever not stupid. All the answers to his questions about Reiner were right in front of his face the entire time and he didn’t even see it. He wondered now if the others knew. He suddenly felt so pathetic, all those times he’s blushed openly and embarrassed himself in front of Reiner and—

_Thud!_

Connie tripped and landed on his hands. Down on the ground, he could clearly hear Reiner’s voice in his head saying _‘You’re thinking too much again.’_ He smiled sadly at the memory. Because now that’s probably all they were, memories. Connie got back up and started walking again and as much as he tried to push it away, he couldn’t stop the thoughts that flooded his brain. Thoughts of Reiner and Bertholdt secretly meeting at night together. Thoughts of him being replaced. But even worse were the thoughts saying that he was never even someone to replace to begin with.


	8. Reckless.

On the one-year mark since arriving at the camp, the 104th training corps started their training with blades. Everyone would be outside on the field where various training dummies were set up for the recruits to hack at, practicing the flesh-paring blades on the ground first before even attempting to use them in mid-air. In addition to this, they still trained every day with rigorous military exercises and maneuvering ODM gears. By now, most of them have finally gotten the hang of moving through the air with them no problem.

They had their first casualty just a week after starting training with the blades. One of the recruits was carelessly brandishing his at practice and injured another resulting in a bloody fiasco. Thankfully the injury wasn’t fatal, but a fatality was probably nothing compared to the commander’s wrath after the incident. Recklessness and a flippant attitude were not the qualities the soldiers needed he said. Five people dropped out of camp that day. The careless swordsman, the person he injured, and three more who suddenly decided they weren’t capable of seeing so much blood spill from another human being.

The incident came as a warning though. The marshals had told the recruits that an average of ten people usually die in the three years of training to become a soldier. Using the blades on the ground was one thing, but using them in mid-air while flying with ODM gears was another. And it wasn’t just the blades. The ODM gears themselves posed as a life-threatening device if not used with caution—and that’s exactly how Connie learned to use his.

He grew cocky with his ODM skills since the very first day they used them. Not cocky like the way Jean was bragging about his movements and ‘techniques’ every night at dinner after training. Connie wasn’t like that. It was the way he carried himself whenever they would go for a run—or flight—around the forest. Often playing around the trees, expending more gas than necessary, and doing flips and stunts every time he had the chance to. He was really enjoying it, although a little _too_ much. He’s gotten a few concerned warnings from Eren and the others from time to time, telling him that this wasn’t a game. But who said training couldn’t be hard and fun at the same time?

“Don’t come crying to me when you fall and hurt your arm again.” Jean said over at dinner one night. They just finished training today and Connie was telling him about how high he reached the trees earlier.

“Don’t worry Jean, I won’t. But I’m telling you it felt so awesome! A little higher and I could probably reach the top of the trees!” Connie said a little audibly. He looked a little to his right and saw that he’d gotten the reaction he wanted by saying that. Reiner was sipping his drink at their table and suddenly had an intense scowl on his face. That’s the other reason he was acting the way he was. Every time someone pointed out how dangerous Connie was being at training, it always made the blonde angry for some reason. They still never spoke to each other unless necessary, and with Connie’s assumptions as to why, he liked getting back at the big guy this way. Why it bothered him that he was playing around at training was beyond him, but he still liked the annoyed look he produced.

They were about to turn over for the night when Krista suddenly pulled at Connie’s sleeve, making him stay at the mess hall while everyone left.

“What’s up Krista?” he had a feeling he knew what this was about.

“I know what you’re doing Connie.” she said quietly. “And Jean’s right, you should stop it before _do_ hurt yourself.” she was frowning at him. It was just what he expected to hear.

“I’m just having a little fun Krista, I’ll be okay.” Connie answered coolly trying to reassure his friend.

“That’s exactly what Daniel said last week before he almost cut off Sander’s arm.” she said, reminding him of the incident. “And look what _that_ got him into.” She paused, hesitating a little before bringing up the topic she knew he didn’t want to hear. “I don’t know why you think making _him_ upset is doing any good for your situation, but it isn’t.”

Connie frowned and looked away from her, he knew it would come to this. “I’m not _trying_ to do any good for the situation.” he said quietly. He really didn’t like talking about Reiner.

Krista sighed, her frown replaced by a look of concern. “I’m worried about you...if you want me to talk to him I can—”

“No.” Connie said a little harshly.

Krista waited for him to say more but he didn’t. “Just...stop acting like the person everyone thinks you are Connie. Don’t be stupid.” she walked away, leaving him to take in her words. He probably deserved that. He had to remind himself that Krista was just being concerned, but in his mind, she really had nothing to worry about.

* * *

The next day wasn’t anything special. Military drills in the morning, blade training after, and ODM gear exercises until it was time for dinner. It was already in the afternoon when the recruits found themselves zooming across the trees for the last part of their training for the day. The purpose of going through the forest again and again was to prepare them for hard terrains when using the ODM gear. And nothing was rougher than a thick forest full of overgrown trees and wayward branches.

“Yahoooo!!” Connie just did his fourth backflip in the last ten minutes, narrowly avoiding a branch a few inches below him.

“You idiot! You almost hit your head!” Samuel yelled from below him. He wasn’t as confident as Connie when it came to ODM training. Unlike Connie, who purposely headed for hard obstacles at greater heights, Samuel preferred to be closer to the ground going on straight lines.

As usual, Connie payed no mind. He absolutely loved the feeling of being high up because it made him feel bigger. He’s never felt more alive than when he’s flying through his harness. He loved the feeling of the wind rushing through his shaven head. The adrenaline that kept coursing inside of him whenever he did flips and turns. And who said he’s only playing around? Everyday they went up here he’s been doing all sorts of tricks and moves to better himself with the gear. He’s already self-discovered a few that the marshals themselves didn’t teach.

One move in particular he was trying to practice that day was zigzagging along trees without having to detach his hooks from their anchor points. He purposely chose the thickest parts of the forest to practice on, using his gas to propel him left and right. Being as light as he was, he discovered that shifting his weight at the right time upon releasing gas allowed him to practically move in any lateral direction he wanted.

“Try not to get hit by even the smallest of branches!” One of the marshals called out from somewhere in the forest, addressing everyone that happened to swing by near him. “Titans can come at you from all directions. Imagine that the branches are arms and you die when you touch them!”

As clumsy as he was on ground, Connie was always hyperaware in mid-air. He’s never had a single tree touch him before; Just another thing he’s quite good at. He was leaping from tree to tree when he saw a flash of blonde hair to his right. _Reiner?_ It irritated him how he was the first name to pop up in his head. He didn’t want to confirm his thoughts so he detached his hooks and suddenly went on a nosedive straight to the ground. Just halfway before he hit, he latched his hooks on both trees on either side of him and steamed of some gas to push him forward, resulting in him catapulting himself back upward in a huge swinging motion.

“Woo-hoo!!” He’s never done something like that before, and he noticed that he’s never reached this high before either. Grinning wildly, he went at it again—taking a nose dive and swinging himself even higher the second time.

“This is amazii-iiing!!” He couldn’t stop himself. He went at it again, this time activating his gas as he plunged down head first to pack up more speed. Just when his face was barely a meter from the ground he shot up again, so high that this time he actually broke through the top of the trees. _Woah._ He’s done it. He was so high up and the view was incredible.

Connie only had about two seconds to enjoy the view because one second later, he’s realized his mistake. He didn’t just break through the top of the trees with his latest dive-and-swing stunt, no. He managed to break through the entire forest. He’s reached the edge, suddenly surrounded by nothing but open space. Instincts kicking in, he did a front flip to face back towards the woods and shot his hooks, both of which unsuccessfully latching onto anything—he was already out of the trees’ range. Eyes widening in panic, he used his gas to try and push himself forward but without anchoring onto something, the pull of gravity was stronger than his ODM gear. It was finally happening. He was falling.

All his breath was knocked out of him. Fear was the only thing beside him now and it was strangling him like a ghost. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t move. The ground was coming closer and there was nothing he could do.

Someone suddenly shot through the trees from the same path that Connie came from. At first it just looked like another stupid guy who got himself out of the forest unintentionally, until the person shot one hook forward into the empty space in front of him—towards Connie. The hook and the cable wrapped around his leg and he was suddenly retracted towards the owner, who by now shot his second hook back to the tree line in order to swing both of them back to the forest.

“USE YOUR GAS!!” Connie was only vaguely aware of what was happening but managed to snap out of it thanks to the other person’s yelling. He saw the trees were closer now but they were still falling, one latched hooked on a tree wasn’t going to carry two grown men. He pushed as much gas as he could and used his own hooks now to swing both of them forward back into the forest.

They landed hard, rolling on the ground in a tangle of limbs over and over again until Connie was starting to feel like they were still falling. Eventually their momentum decreased and they finally landed in a heap in one of the dense parts of the woods, breathing hard from what just occured.

“Ughh—ow, that hur—” Connie barely finished his painful mumbling when he was suddenly lifted by the shirt and held up against a tree, completely stunned to be staring at a very furious Reiner.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

Connie couldn’t speak. This was a whole new level of angry that he’s never seen before—and it was terrifying. Reiner was fuming. So much so that he actually thought steam was coming off of him. He was holding Connie up by his shirt collar that his feet weren’t even touching the ground anymore.

“I-umm—”

“YOU ALMOST GOT YOURSELF KILLED YOU IDIOT!”

He didn’t know what hurt more. Being called an idiot by the one person who said he wasn’t, or the fact that he just got himself thrown to the ground a couple of feet away from where he was being held up earlier.

“Reiner, I—”

The sharp whistle of unsheathing metal shut him up. He now found himself staring at one end of Reiner’s blades, inches from his nose.

“R-Reiner—”

“SHUT UP!”

He couldn’t understand what was happening. Reiner just saved him. He was angry. And now it looked like he was about to kill him.

“Do you have a death wish?! If you really wanna die then just say so!! I’ll kill you right now!” But even as he said that, his actions were failing him. His blade was shaking so furiously and Connie didn’t know why. From anger? From fear? He stopped looking at the blade in front of his face and instead looked at the wielder. Reiner’s face was distraught. He looked angry and conflicted, and if Connie didn’t know any better he would say he looked hurt. Not in the physical way but more on the emotional. It was terrifying to see the normally composed blonde turn into something like this. With a burst of rage, Reiner roared and suddenly raised his sword and brought it down hard, hitting the tree trunk beside Connie’s head and leaving a huge gash on the bark.

“Why…why can’t I do it…” Reiner whispered. It took Connie a while to realize that he was talking to himself. He still couldn’t move from his spot and could only stare back at him with a mixture of pity and fear.

Taking a deep breath, Reiner managed to calm himself down after a few minutes of silence. He then stepped back from Connie and flew out of the scene quickly, going as if nothing just happened. Connie was left trying to process everything that went on just now but he clearly didn’t have the mental capacity to take it all in at the moment. The angry look on Reiner’s face was seared into his memory and it stunned him to silence. After catching his breath, he stood up with shaky hands and flew back towards the camp.

* * *

At dinner that night, Connie was unusually quiet. It seemed like no one was the wiser to what happened at training just a few moments ago. Jean was going at it again on how awesome he was at flying through the forest earlier, before reacting to one of Eren’s backhanded comments that resulted in them yelling at each other again. Sasha was busy savoring every morsel of her dinner plate, while Armin and Marco were talking about possible titan weak spots that haven’t been discovered yet. Everything was normal that night except for Connie’s silence and Reiner’s mysterious absence.

As usual, it was Krista who noticed. She was sitting right across from him and was staring at her friend before Samuel sat down beside her. “Hey guys.”

“Hi Samuel.” Krista greeted back as they went on with their meal.

“What’s wrong with you? Did you actually manage to hit your head earlier?” Samuel said looking at Connie, noticing how Krista was staring at him and how glum he looked. Krista took note of this and looked back at him with concern.

“Are you hurt Connie?” she asked worriedly.

“Hmm? No.” he looked up at her with somber eyes. “Just...I’m just not hungry that’s all.” He didn’t want to be under his friends’ eyes at the moment so he stood up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Samuel asked while chewing on his meal.

“Outhouse.” Connie picked up his plate and passed it to Sasha on his way out, who gave him a very wide smile of thanks. “You can have this.”

Connie went outside to the dark and was thankful for it’s silence. He needed the quiet to let his mind catch up on today’s events. He walked along aimlessly, not really having a destination in mind. Even though he’s had time to think, he was still completely confused with everything that happened today. He couldn’t face Krista in there, knowing the fact the she was right in what she said last night. Connie almost killed himself today because of his recklessness, and if it wasn’t for Reiner…

He sighed. Reiner always seemed to be the root of his problems. He hated to admit it but the reason he did what he did earlier was because he thought he saw him watching at the forest. Well thinking about it now, he probably was on account of how quick he arrived to save him. And then there was the fact that Reiner actually threatened to kill him. What did he mean back there? Was he actually about to hurt him when he brought out his blades? But it didn’t make any sense because why save him in the first place? He was suddenly reminded of that time last winter when this whole thing with Reiner started. He always thought Bertholdt was the reason he shut him out, that they were in love or something and that he was getting in the way. That’s the only reason he could come up with and the main reason why he was bitterly rubbing his recklessness under his nose every time he had a chance. He was rebelling. Reiner wanted to be proud of him and he was going against that by purposely endangering himself, but he never actually thought it’d come to this.

Connie suddenly found himself on the path to the lake at the edge of the camp. He didn’t even realize it since he wasn’t even paying attention to where he was going, but here he was. He guessed his subconscious was taking him to the last place where he and Reiner were actually friends. That felt like a lifetime ago. Sighing at the memory, he walked forward. Maybe seeing the water again would help clear his mind from all the mess of today. As he walked closer to the shore, he suddenly stopped his advance when he saw that he probably wasn’t the only one thinking that same thing just now—Reiner was sitting on a log by the shoreline, staring at the water.

Just when Connie thought he might’ve not noticed him arriving, Reiner turned around and looked back at him, their eyes locked for a moment before he turned and faced the water again. Taking that as a good sign that he was back to being calm again, Connie cautiously stepped forward until he was beside the big guy, sitting down on the same log but not without putting a comfortable distance between them. Reiner neither acknowledged him nor talked to him. They just sat there quietly, looking at the water as if nothing between them had changed since the last time they were here.

“I’m sorry...” Connie said quietly after a while, wanting to break the silence. He figured that Reiner wasn’t going to talk unless he did so he might as well start. He stole a quick glance at the blonde to see if he heard him and saw that Reiner was staring at him. He was neither scowling nor smiling; his face was a complete blank. Connie broke from his gaze, unable to look him in the eyes when Reiner sighed.

“Connie I…” he started and stopped himself, as if realizing his words were taking him far from what he intended to say. Reiner looked away and swallowed hard, trying to strengthen his resolve. It was a few minutes before he spoke again.

“I can’t do this anymore.” he said bleakly, making Connie turn and look at him. “I wasn’t supposed to—I never imagined that I would…” his face was an unreadable mess with so many emotions coursing through him that Connie couldn’t even begin to comprehend a single one. He could see that whatever was bothering Reiner was ten times more complicated than what he’s willing himself to show.

Taking a deep breath, he continued with forced calmness. “I want this to end. It’s not doing both of us any good and it has to stop.” he said without looking at him, earning a confused look from the smaller man.

“What do you mean?”

“ _This._ ” He gestured to the both of them with his large hands. “I thought that...I thought that by ignoring you, you’d eventually move on and forget about me...but the way you’ve been acting...what you did today, that was all because of me. You almost died today and—” he bit his lip, doubt lacing his thoughts again. But he didn’t need to continue that for Connie to take the hint.

“So...what are you saying?” Connie tried, still holding on to some bit of hope that what Reiner was saying wasn’t true.

“I’m saying...that we should end this. Whatever you thought we were, whatever you thought we could become. Just...forget about it. We can’t be anything to each other Connie. Not even friends.”

Connie lived his entire life being called stupid, short, and worthless. But he swore, right at that moment, that what Reiner just said was probably the most painful thing he’s ever heard in his entire life.

“I made the biggest mistake of my life that night, when I asked you to walk with me to the forest...that never should’ve happened.” Reiner continued with a scowl. “I can’t have anything to do with you anymore...I can’t have you in my life. I’ve tried so hard to...I should’ve ended this a long time ago but I couldn’t. I was weak, and even now I still am.”

Connie could only understand half of what he was saying, but that half was enough. Reiner’s message was clear and he didn’t have to continue, but Connie didn’t have the voice to stop him.

Reiner’s voice was barely a whisper now, but he could still hear him loud and clear as if he was yelling straight to his face. “I kept lying…so much that I convinced myself that it could somehow work out. That _we_ could work out. But that day...I was painfully reminded of how stupid I was for even believing in those fantasies. It was never going to happen. I’m sorry for letting it go this far. This was my mistake and I let you get hurt because of it...”

Connie was barely listening to him now. His ears were ringing and his clenched hands were shaking in his lap. He wanted to punch someone. He wanted to punch Reiner. He wanted to punch himself. He was looking down and saw that water was dripping down his hands. Was he crying? He couldn’t feel anything right now, save for the weird pain in his chest. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t.

Reiner suddenly stood up intending to leave, and just when Connie thought he had nothing else to say, he uttered one last thing. “I know that...I’m not in the position to ask anything from you anymore.” Reiner started. “But please. Don’t be reckless Connie. Take care of yourself. Don’t forget the reason you became a soldier in the first pla—”

Reiner’s words were cut off by Connie’s right fist slamming onto his cheek. They just stood there, Connie stifling his sobs and Reiner looking off to the side where Connie punched him. Connie didn’t think Reiner would fight back, but he wished he would. He would welcome any sort of pain  to stop the current one he was feeling right now. He hated him. He hated him so much for causing him this much pain, and he hated himself for ever allowing this to happen. Was that the only explanation he could give? If you could even call that an explanation. It still didn’t answer anything. But did he really want answers? At least Reiner finally had the balls to tell it straight to his face instead of just suddenly ignoring him. Connie was convincing himself that this was better, better than all those last times he was shut out unbeknownst to him. But why did it hurt so much? If _this_ was better, why did it hurt more?

After what felt like ages, Reiner backed away and started walking towards the camp without saying another word, leaving Connie hurt and alone again for the very last time.


	9. Graduation.

Two years have passed since the day Connie almost killed himself in the forest, and he’s never let a mishap like that happen ever again. He’s trained hard, mastering the art of the blade and the finesse of maneuvering the ODM gear like a model soldier. He still came a little short in some aspects, but whatever he lacked he definitely made up for in the field. That incident never deterred his spirit when soaring through heights and in fact, the effect on him was the opposite. He’d used that mistake to his advantage and honed his skills and senses, and although he was nowhere as good as Mikasa and his other friends, he was still better than most, even surpassing the commander’s expectations.

He and Reiner also never talked to each other since that day, and in the last two years he was finally able to truly accept that whatever happened between them was all in the past. He’s never wondered anymore, why Reiner did what he did and he’s never thought of him the same way again. They never looked at each other and they only ever acknowledged the other in tight, curt nods whenever an exercise or a drill called them together. Their friends, never even having been entirely sure about their relationship in the past, naturally just went with the flow of things and never questioned them.

They were moving swiftly along the trees one day, through the forest that Connie had memorized like the back of his hand by now. It wasn’t just an ordinary day either, it was officially their last day of training and by tonight, they would no longer be recruits but official cadets, soldiers in the fight against titans. Their last exercise was one they had done multiple times already. Large, wooden, human-shaped planks were scattered all around the forest—titan dummies. The goal was to simply kill these “titans” by cutting along their napes. It was a free for all game, the commander and the senior marshals were positioned on key points across the forest to observe and evaluate each recruit’s skill.

“Thanks for the head’s up Jean!!” Connie zoomed past his surprised friend whose trail he had been following. He figured Jean would spot a dummy and he just had to wait for the right moment to steal the kill from him.

“What the hell?!” Jean was good but he wasn’t as fast as Connie was on the ODM gear.

“You snooze, you lose Kirstein!” Connie was about to deliver the blow, spinning and turning on his target when a sudden figure tore right in front of him, making the first cut on the dummy.

“What the—”

“You snooze, you lose Connie! Yahooo!” Sasha yelled before bouncing away on her harness. Connie huffed, he’s only sliced down two dummies today and that was to be his third. He flew off the scene and tried for the eastern part of the forest, speeding up and nimbly dodging trunks and branches along the way.

 _There we go!_ Connie saw his target, and it seemed no one was in sight as well. He readied his blade as he went in closer. When he was in range, Connie did a 360 on the tree trunk to his right and launched his entire body in a full swing towards the dummy. Eyes intent on his target, he was about to raise his blade when he crashed into another person going for the same spot as he was, both of them not noticing the other until their collision. Crashing to the ground, Connie groaned and rubbed his head, internally scolding himself. He wasn’t paying attention again, if one of them had raised their blades a little sooner this would’ve ended up bloody. He looked over to the person he bumped into and was surprised to see Eren.

“Sorry Connie. I didn’t see you there,” Eren said getting up and approached his friend, offering him a hand. Connie smiled and accepted his help, “No worries man, I wasn’t looking either.”

Suddenly Mikasa was there in an instant, landing in front of them but not before slicing the target that the two boys crashed over.

“Are you alright, Eren?” she asked sternly, looking at him.

With an exasperated sigh, Eren answered. “I’m fine Mikasa, don’t worry.”

Before she could say any more, one of the marshals called out an announcement. “Alright that’s enough for today recruits. Head back to camp. We’ll be departing for Trost soon so it’s time pack up.”

And just like that, their last training as recruits of the 104th training corps ended. Mikasa, Eren and Connie flew off and on his way back to camp, Connie couldn’t help but feel a little sentimental. This was probably the last time he’d be flying through these trees, one of his favorite places around camp. He’s made a lot of memories here, both good and bad ones. From the very first time they used their ODM gear until today. He was going to miss the place.

Back at the camp, everyone packed up their meager belongings and proceeded to line up at the horse wagons waiting to take them to Trost. The air was full of excitement and happy chattering, everyone was looking forward to graduation and they couldn’t wait to know who the top ten would be. After all, only they can enlist to the highest regiment in the inner walls. Connie was standing with his friends while they waited to be boarded when he found himself looking at the camp longingly.

“You’re gonna miss the place too, huh?” Marco said quietly, standing beside Connie. Marco was another person who excelled and grew well in training. In the beginning, he never really showed that much potential. But as time passed, he was actually better than Connie now. “Funny how it somehow feels like we only started yesterday, and now we’re finally leaving.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe it’s been three years already.” He chuckled, remembering how excited he had been standing in that same spot on the first day of training, admiring the place and taking in the view. They made a lot of memories here and it was completely bittersweet to be looking at the camp for the last time. Connie could even see the lake from up here, the lake where it all began and ended with Reiner.

He smiled sadly at the thought. He wasn’t angry anymore, nor was he bitter about what happened. Reiner had been an important part of his life here at the camp and even if it didn’t last for them, Connie still saw him as a comrade. If he was being completely honest with himself, he could even say he missed the big guy. He doubted he’d be as good a recruit as he was now if it weren’t for him, and even though he hated to admit it, he still wanted to make good on what Reiner told him that day. He still wanted to make him proud.

“All right, next squad take the left wagon!” one of the marshals announced.

Marco shouldered his small pack and looked over at his friend. “C’mon Connie, it’s time to go.”

Connie nodded and followed Marco down the line. He gave the place one final glance before hopping on and wheeling away.

* * *

They arrived at the district of Trost in the evening and  were taken to the military headquarters for the graduation ceremony. The headquarters was a huge structure that housed every soldier and all the military equipment deployed for Trost. Being one of the outermost districts since the fall of Wall Maria three years ago, Trost was one of the most heavily armed districts in the whole city.

The recruits fell in line as the graduation ceremony commenced.  They faced the commander along with the senior officials who were there to promote all 215 of the 104th training corps into official cadets.

“Congratulations recruits! You are all standing here today because you have successfully proven yourselves worthy to be called soldiers! In the last three years, you’ve managed to turn your minds and bodies into titan killing machines!” That was probably the only time the commander ever praised them as a whole. It was giving everyone pride and a sense of fulfillment. They all truly earned this.

“You are now what stands in the way between mankind and its enemy! Uphold this honor and dedicate your lives for humanity!”

“SIR!”

The commander looked at them in earnest, moving his eyes through the line. Three years ago they stood on this same formation back at the camp for their first day at the enlistment ceremony as recruits who had every hope of being a good soldier. Now here they were, finally achieving that goal. “The following people, please step forward!”

“Lenz! Braus! Springer! Bott! Kirstein! Yeager! Leonheart! Hoover! Braun! Ackerman!” the commander announced one by one. They all stepped forward, forming a line in front of all the others. Connie was buzzing, he could only guess at the reason why they were called but the fact that Mikasa and Reiner were among them, it only meant one thing.

“Congratulations, you are chosen as the best of the class! Your skills and prowess have earned you the spot as top ten!”

Connie couldn’t believe it. He actually made it. He sneaked a glance over at Marco and Sasha on either side of him and saw that despite their serious faces, they looked as happy as he was.

“Tomorrow you will all be joining the respective military regiment of your choice. The Garrison, The Scouts, and—exclusive to the ten I just mentioned—The Military Police! Again, congratulations to all of you. You are now official cadets!”

“SIR!”

After the ceremony, they all returned to their quarters to change out of their uniforms before going to the mess hall for their celebratory feast; just another thing the recruits have been looking forward to since that morning.

“Look at all this food!!” Sasha said excitedly, rushing straight to the buffet table ahead of everyone else. Clearly no one was as excited as her. They were never served this much food before back at the camp and what a feast it was. They had large chunks of pork and beef, roasted poultry, mashed potatoes, and an assortment of fruits. They even had butter and cheese to go with their rolls, which most even considered a luxury.

“Better get some now before Sasha devours everything!” Samuel joked, following Sasha to the table with everyone laughing. They all picked their share and sat down with each other’s company, happy to be spending a night without worrying about training tomorrow.

“Congratulations Connie!” Hannah gave her bald friend a hug from behind as he sat down with the others after getting his meal. “Can you believe the smallest member of our family is 8th of the class!”

“Hey! I’m taller than Krista you know!” he exclaimed, blushing a bit from her compliment and earning a small laugh from everyone at their table.

“Congrats to you too Krista! Don’t you guys forget about us when you join the MP’s tomorrow.” Hannah added before taking a seat next to Thomas.

“So are you guys joining the garrison?” Marco asked the two.

“Yeah, most likely.” Thomas answered. “I mean, it’s either that or the scouts so…”

“You said it.” Samuel agreed, nodding towards his blonde friend.

“Well, I’m still going for it,” Eren said quietly as he sat down next to Connie, earning him looks from everyone at their table. “The scouts have always been my goal. I trained hard for this and I’m not going to waste all I’ve worked hard for if I’m not even going to be near a single titan.”

“Are you insane?!” Thomas yelled and suddenly the whole room was looking at them. A little embarrassed by his own outburst, he continued. “The walls are where we belong Eren. We don’t have a chance against them! You’ve seen them yourself before, and now you’re really passing up your chance at the MP’s?”

Connie had to agree with Thomas on that. Being a soldier was already a big enough risk as it was and joining the scouts just didn’t seem like the smartest move unless you wanted an early grave.

“So what am I gonna do?! Buckle down and just accept that they will never stop terrorizing us for as long as we live?” Eren yelled back, startling everyone in the room. “Things have changed since five years ago, maybe not a hell of a lot but enough. I refuse to live like cattle behind these walls. Humanity deserves every inch of land that’s out there and I’m going to fight for it!” Eren stood up abruptly and ran outside the mess hall followed by Armin and Mikasa, leaving everyone to take in his small speech just now.

“Hmph, what a Lunatic.” Jean scoffed, then yelped when Krista elbowed him on the chest. But whatever Jean thought of Eren, Connie thought differently. He’d always admired his friend’s determination and hearing what he had to say just now was lighting a fire in him. He remembered why he became a soldier in the first place. It wasn’t all about the Military Police for him, it just so happened that joining them meant he was actually good enough to be one. But was it really though? Eren was right, it was hard to stomach the reality of their lives within the walls but it was the truth.

Connie suddenly felt a little parched from all that drama, so he got up and headed for the buffet table to get himself a drink. Everyone went back to eating and chatting again once the tension with Eren dissipated so the room was back to it’s warm and joyous state. He got to where the drinks were and was about to reach for the ladle when Reiner was suddenly there, about to do the exact same thing as he was. Their hands touched for a second and Connie could’ve sworn he felt static course through his fingers.

“S-sorry.” Pulling his hand back and looking away, Connie suddenly felt tension even greater than what Eren brought earlier. “You go first,” he said, pointing to the drinks. Reiner acted as if nothing had happened and proceeded to get a mug from the table and pour himself one. As he stood there, Connie suddenly felt the same awkwardness that always came with Reiner whenever the two of them were alone. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way but the memory of the feeling was still as strong as ever. He had to remind himself that he was past this already and he shouldn’t be affected like this anymore. He really didn’t want this to be awkward, they were just getting drinks for crying out loud.

“So,” he started, attempting to break the uncomfortable silence. “Umm...Congrats by the way. For being second in class.” He offered a small smile hoping Reiner would maybe loosen up to him. It’s been so long since their falling out and Connie wouldn’t mind if they actually tried being friends again. But just as he said those words, Reiner had already finished pouring his drink and started walking back to their table without so much as a glance at the smaller fellow, throwing any hope of friendship back to the flames.

Connie sighed and shook his head. It didn’t bother him at all that Reiner ignored him, he was used to that by now. What bothered him was how he felt when their hands touched, and that hopeful feeling that rose when he started talking to him. He didn’t like entertaining these thoughts anymore and so with the practiced resolve he’d built over the years, he plastered on his usual smile and went back to his business, forcefully forgetting everything that just happened by shoving it at the back of his mind.

* * *

The next day, Connie found himself standing near the exit gates of Trost with Hannah and Samuel, along with a whole crowd of people who were bunched up on the pavements just to see the scouts head off outside the walls for an expedition.

“Look here they come! It’s the main unit of the Scout Regiment!” The crowd was bustling and so thrilled to see them that they didn’t even try to conceal their excitement.

“Hey look it’s Commander Erwin!”

“Go kill a titan for us commander!”

“Isn’t that Captain Levi? They say he’s like an entire brigade all to himself!”

“Wow that’s awesome!”

Connie was standing on his toes trying to get a look but he was too short and everyone else was just too big. He huffed and gave up, backing away from them and sitting down on one of the benches nearby. Hannah noticed her friend withdrawing so she followed suit and came to sit with him.

“Don’t worry shorty, you didn’t miss much anyway. Jist a bunch of men in green cloaks that’s all” She winked at him, trying to make him feel better. “So, what were you briefed with today?”

Connie pouted before answering, a little embarrassed with today’s task. “Cleaning cannons up the wall. You would think that after graduating we’d actually be doing important stuff by now.”

“Hey, maintaining the cannons are just as important as any other job you know.” Samuel joined them and looked up the walls. “I don’t know about you but I’m actually pretty excited to see the new ones they’ve been talking about. They say it’s ten times more powerful than what they’d been using a few years back.”

“Well at least you guys get a good view from up there,” Hannah said, nodding her head toward the tops of the walls. “Whereas I’ll be stuck at headquarters all day.”

Connie smiled at that. _Some things never change, I guess._

“C’mon Connie, I think we should get going now.” Samuel started walking towards the wall and waved back to their female friend. “See you at lunch Hannah!”

They scaled to the top of the walls with ease. Samuel had gotten over his initial fear of heights after a few more months at ODM training back at the forest. He wasn’t as proficient as Connie but he could manage. When they got to the top, Connie’s first thought was that Hannah was right. The view from up there was incredible. At fifty meters high, he could see so much land stretching right before him on one side, and the entire city of Trost on the other. They’ve been to Trost a couple of times over the course of their training in the last two years but this was the first time he actually got to be on top of the wall.

Eren and Thomas joined them shortly after since they were all on cannon dutu that morning. Upon seeing his green-eyed friend, Connie suddenly blurted out the thought that’s been sitting on his mind since last night.

“What the hell?! Are you serious Connie? You’re joining the scouts too?” Eren looked so surprised, Connie couldn’t tell if he was happy about it or not.

“Looks like your little speech last night got to him Eren!” Samuel teased, making his smaller friend blush.

“Hey this was _my_ decision okay! Eren didn’t change my mind here!” Connie replied but all he got was a laugh from Samuel.

“Well Connie’s not the only one who got a wake up call last night.” Thomas awkwardly stepped forward, the meaning of his words were clearly written on his face.

“What? You too Thomas? But I thought—”

“You were right Eren,” he interrupted, “we trained hard at camp so we could fight titans, not to cower behind these walls.”

Eren smiled at that, conflicted and flattered at the same time. Before he could reply though, Sasha came running to them with a mischievous grin on her face.

“Guys!! Look what I got!” She pulled out something from the inside her coat and showed the others. It was a slab of ham. “I stole it from the officer’s pantry when no one was around.”

“What the hell?! Sasha!” Everyone unconsciously backed away from her with shocked faces. “Do you wanna get thrown in jail? What’s wrong with you?!”

“Oh re-lax you guys. You wouldn’t be saying that later when you get a taste of this!” She smiled broadly and proceeded to keep the meat slab on their trunk.

“Well, she’s already got it guys. Might as well eat it,” Connie said, giving in to the smell of meat.

“That’s the spirit Connie! Imagine the sandwiches we could make with thi—”

A blast of yellow lightning and the booming sound of thunder drowned Sasha’s last words. It all happened so quickly. At first Connie found it odd how they were suddenly thrown under the shade, because what could possible shade them from the sun from this high up on the wall. He got his answer almost immediately after thinking that, because standing on the other side of the wall was the horrifying, skinless face of a large man looking at them with huge emotionless eyes. But it wasn’t a man, not really. It was a titan.


	10. Attack.

The heat was unbearable. The scorching blast of steam came out of nowhere so suddenly and pushed Connie and the others off the edge of the wall. Instincts kicking in, they used their harnesses to latch on right before an ear splitting explosion reverberated deep within them.

“What the hell was that?!” Connie yelled out, but he didn’t have to wait long to find out the answer. He looked down and saw that the barricades that were just at the foot of the wall moments ago were now crushed to bits. But that seemed to be the least of the problems, because not only were the barricades destroyed but where the gate was supposed to be was now replaced but a huge gaping hole.

“BREACH!! The wall’s been breached!” Samuel was yelling now too. Sasha and Thomas were also staring at the hole with terrified faces. They were all stunned.

“SNAP OUT OF IT!” Connie vaguely heard Eren shouting to his left. He looked up and saw that a giant skinless hand was now gripping the top of the wall where they were standing just a few seconds ago—the titan was still there. “It’s the Colossal Titan!! Now’s our chance! Everyone prepare to fight!!” Eren pulled himself back up and brought out his blades.

But he was the only one who did so. Connie couldn’t stop staring.  What was wrong with him? He couldn’t move, he couldn’t act. The only thing on his mind was the terrifying face he saw up there and the hand it belonged to. How were they supposed to fight that? The wall was about a few meters thick and the colossal titan was holding onto it as if it was just a small fence. Connie didn’t know how long he hung there before Thomas’ voice snapped him back to reality.

“Connie! Hey are you okay?!” He looked over to his blonde friend and took a deep breath. He had to pull himself together. “Y-yeah! Sorry!”

Thomas nodded and faced up, he looked just as terrified as he was. “We have to go help Eren! Let’s go!” He pulled up reluctantly with Connie following his tail. He was about to pull out his blades but by the time they got to top, the titan was gone. Did Eren manage to kill it? He looked around for his friend and finally noticed the destruction of the place. The same place they were standing on just minutes ago was destroyed and not a single cannon was in sight.

“Eren what happened?! Did you get it?!” Connie saw Thomas looking down on the other side of the wall and followed. Eren was hanging on his harness looking at the hole with a bewildered face.

“N-No! It disappeared before I even got close!” he yelled back before pulling himself up. By now Sasha and Thomas were there as well, looking at Eren and trying to comprehend what he just said. What did he mean it disappeared? How can something as big as _that_ disappear? “It’s just like five years ago, the same thing happened back at Wall Maria. At the time no one really noticed ‘cause all the titans came pouring in almost immediately. But now—”

“Look alive cadets!!” The five of them faced the source of the voice and saw that a number of soldiers were starting to arrive at the scene. “Operation colossal titan response is now in full effect! Report back to HQ immediately, the advanced team will handle things here.”

“Sir!”

They made their way through Trost, jumping and grappling from roof to roof and they weren’t the only ones. A bunch of other soldiers were all doing the same thing going in every direction all at once. Everyone had somewhere to be and something to do, they’d been preparing for this event for years now. Even before they graduated, the whole district already underwent mass evacuation drills for the civilians. Soldiers deployed here knew what to do when the wall was compromised, everyone taking the event at Shiganshina five years ago as a hard lesson. Even the 104th training corps participated in one of the simulation exercises here should this day come. Leaping across the the roofs, they could already hear the emergency bells and see people leaving their homes and rushing towards the safety of the inner gate. The whole city was ready for this day. Connie had no right to be afraid.

He was so ashamed of himself for freezing back there at the wall earlier. Who’d have thought that the very first titan he would have the pleasure of seeing would be the colossal. ‘ _I wouldn’t be surprised if you froze on the spot if you see one for the first time,’_ Reiner’s voice said from the back of his mind, making him frown. Memories from that day at the stable all those years ago were suddenly coming out. Great, just what he needed.

They arrived at the headquarters and were met by a scurry of bodies. The air was alive with frantic energy and everyone was moving. Heading over to the supply rooms to suit up, running to the courtyard to form a squad, deploying away from HQ to help assist in the evacuation. Everybody had somewhere to be and it was an organized mess.

“I’m heading over to the commander’s office to report what we’ve seen at the wall,” Eren said before leaving them.

“We should re-fill our gas. I have a feeling we’re going to need it in the next few hours,” Samuel suggested. Everyone agreed and they all headed for the supply room. Upon reaching the place, they were met with a surprised shout from Hannah.

“Guys!!” She came running to them and gave a sigh of relief. She had already put on her ODM gear and was talking with Krista and Ymir before she noticed them, the other two girls following behind as she approached. “We heard what happened. And I remembered you were deployed on the wall earlier and I thought—” Unable to even finish, it was obvious how sick with worry she’d been.

“We’re fine Hannah. Just a little shaken up…” Samuel consoled her.

“So is it true? Was it really the colossal titan?” Krista also looked like she had been worrying about them.

“Yeah.” Connie answered, “We saw it with our own eyes. Eren’s at the commander’s office now giving a report.”

If Hannah looked worried before it was nothing compared to the face she made now. “I can’t believe it. I heard the advanced team were already at the scene. Are they really going to fight that thing by themselves?”

It was Thomas who answered her, “No, actually. Moments after the colossal titan appeared it just...vanished. It’s not there anymore.”

“What do you mean it _vanished_ ? _”_ Ymir frowned, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“It just did. I’m not really sure what happened. Eren was the only one who got close enough and—”

“Attention Cadets! The commander will be briefing everyone in five minutes! Finish gearing up and proceed to the courtyard stat!” One of the soldiers announced before running off.

Everyone was on the move again and those already geared were now walking out of the supply room. “I got a bad feeling about this,” Sasha said, and if _she_ felt something off then there really must be something off. “I think we should re-fuel now guys.”

They split off from Hannah, Krista, and Ymir who went off to the courtyard while they busied themselves with their gas, telling them that they’ll catch up afterwards. Eren joined them a few minutes later to re-fuel as well but he was awfully quiet. His grim face confirmed it, whatever the commander was going to brief them about wasn’t good news.

They finished filling up their gas tanks and proceeded to the courtyard, a large open space in the middle of the headquarters that was usually used for mass briefings and announcements. Just last night, this was where the 104th training corps commenced their graduation ceremony. Not even 24 hours later, they were all back here along with their fellow soldiers to receive the bad news.

The advanced team had fallen. Of the thirty two soldiers deployed to prevent the titans from entering the breach, only a handful came back looking a little worse for wear. The southern gate of Trost was now gone to the titans, who were entering the city in masses as they speak.

“Your mission now is to exterminate the titans until the city’s evacuation is complete!” The commander shouted to the mass of soldiers in front of him. “You will go with your squad and make sure that not a single titan will cross over towards the northern half of the city! Now stay alert because the Armored Titan could appear in any minute and if it does, the northern gate will also be history! Fight with everything you’ve got soldiers! Now Go!!”

“SIR!!”

Everyone was suddenly bustling, going off with their respective squads and flying off the headquarters to their posts around the city. This was it. This was really happening. Connie was deployed to be on the middle guard with Krista and Ymir, their location to be near the city center. He was running off to where they were when he suddenly bumped into a thick wall of muscle running towards the opposite direction. Connie didn’t have to look up to see who it was, knowing all too well whose body structure it belonged to. As expected, he was met with none other than a scowling Reiner.

“Sorry,” they both said at the same time, making the situation even more unpleasant. They stood there in hesitation for a few seconds before Reiner started walking past him, ignoring him again.

“Reiner wait,” Connie called back. He turned around and saw the blonde stop in his tracks but still hasn’t turned to face him. That was a good a sign as any to keep talking. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to be speaking with right now but…” He bit his lip, not really sure where he was going with this. “I just wanted to say, be careful out there.”

They stood there for a moment, Reiner with his back turned and Connie waiting for him to respond. He suddenly had a worrisome thought that this may very well be the last time they see each other if anything went wrong. Knowing Reiner’s skills, he was probably deployed to be on the vanguard, nearest the breach where the titans were pouring in. He didn’t want their last conversation to be like this and he wanted to say more but In the end, all he got was a curt nod before the blonde briskly walked away.

“Connie what the hell are you doing? Let’s go!” He heard Ymir’s annoyed voice and sighed before facing the other way to run to his friends, silently muttering under his breath his last message for Reiner.

“Be safe.”

* * *

The three of them arrived at their post in just a few minutes. This side of town was mostly empty by now. No civilians in sight and even better, no titans. They advanced towards the south, their orders were to keep the titans from crossing into their territory, and so far all was peaceful. They kept at it, jumping from roof to roof steadily heading south and still not a single titan in sight. Where were they? Connie assumed they would’ve at least seen one by now. He was starting to think that maybe the situation wasn’t really as bad as they thought it to be.

An hour passed before they saw their first titan. They were darting through the south-eastern side of Trost when Krista heard squelching sounds nearby. It was a 5-meter titan, chewing away the remains of an unlucky soldier down on the streets. It was too busy eating to notice their arrival, which was a good thing because Krista suddenly fell on her knees at the horrible scene in front of them. Connie wasn’t any better too, but compared to the colossal titan, this one was puny.

“You two stay back. I got this.” Ymir pulled out her blades and without hesitation, she darted towards the titan in one swift motion—making a deep, clean slice on the nape. The titan fell before it even knew what happened, with Ymir landing on the roof above it. That was amazing. Come to think of it, Connie has never seen Ymir fight before back at training camp. The way she handled herself and her courage was—

“CONNIE! KRISTA! BEHIND YOU!!”

He barely had time to react when a large shadow suddenly cast over them. He turned around to see a large hand raising and was about smash them. Krista was still down, and Ymir was too far away to reach them in time. The titan was bringing its hand down now with surprising speed and just before it hit them, Connie swooped his blades in an upward crescent effectively cutting off the fingers of the giant, making it miss its targets. It was suddenly raining blood but Connie had no time to pay attention to any of it. In the next instant, he grabbed Krista by the waist and flew away towards the other roof—while at the same time, Ymir managed to reach their new attacker and latched her hooks onto the titan’s torso, using its body as an axis to swing herself towards the back for her to deliver the killing blow. Damn was she good.

Connie brought Krista down when he was sure they were safe and was about to check her for injuries when Ymir was suddenly with them and pushed him out of the way to check on the blonde herself.

“Are you okay?! Are you hurt?! Krista snap out of it!” Ymir was shaking their smaller friend by the shoulders trying to get a response. Looking at them, Connie was suddenly reminded of Reiner and how he used to treat him the same way. He smiled, appreciating the fact that Ymir cared just as much for Krista as he did, and probably even more.

“I-I’m fine Ymir. I’m sorry” Krista breathed out, finally pulling herself together. “It’s just…” She swallowed, hesitating a glance towards the fallen soldier on the ground.

“Stop being a sissy and look alive goddammit!” Ymir scolded, earning an ashamed look from Krista. “If you’re going to wallow on every death we see out here then you better just say goodbye to the world right now!” If that didn’t remind Connie of Reiner then he didn’t know what would.

“I-I’m sorry…” Krisa whispered, she was actually starting to cry. Ymir sighed and stood up, her expression softening.

“Just don’t let it happen again. You have to be strong. This won’t be the only dead person you’ll see today so take a hard long look. You better get used to it.” She turned around to face Connie and continued, “Nice job back there shorty. You may not be so stupid after all.”

“Umm...thanks?” Connie replied, unsure whether what she said was an insult or a compliment.

Ymir went to the edge of the roof to scout the area so Connie busied himself with wiping his blade with a rag. The titan’s blood was steaming right off of it, and he was sure he probably had some on himself by now too. He looked over to Krista, who was now approaching him after getting up and wiping her face.

“Thanks Connie, for saving me,” she said, smiling warmly.

“No problem, gotta have each other’s backs right?” Connie answered back with a grin.

They pressed on south-eastwardly. They were already starting to see titans here and there since their initial sighting, and Ymir was skillfully killing them off one by one with Connie assisting her. They went on like that for a while, dashing through one roof at a time—going with the unspoken agreement that Ymir be the one to attack while Connie stood guard with Krista. Lucky for them, they only crossed paths with at least one titan at a time, making their mode of attack that much easier.

Connie got his first kill when two eight meter titans appeared ahead of them. It was too dangerous for Ymir to handle both at the same time and with Krista’s persuasion, she managed to agree to let Connie leave her side so they could attack simultaneously. Together, they killed the two without a hitch and managed to return to Krista’s spot in no time at all. It wasn’t as hard as Connie originally thought, combining his prowess with the ODM gear and some strength to his blades, it felt just like their training back at the camp when they were taking down dummies.

“Don’t let it get to your head shorty.” Ymir warned him afterwards. “We were lucky those two were slow. Not every titan is going to give you the luxury of a clean cut at the nape so don’t get cocky.”

It was starting to get dark, but by no means was the sun setting. It was as if the sky was having some inner turmoil on whether to bring down the rain or not, and finally settling on dark rolling clouds. Regardless, the weather didn’t affect their situation in any way. Ymir was right in what she said earlier, for death was around them. It was starting to be commonplace to see spattered blood here and there and the occasional bodies—or rather, body _parts_ —left by the titans.

* * *

They’ve been at it for hours now. Connie was beginning to wonder how much longer they had to stay out there. They were told that they only had to hold on until the evacuation was done and after that, they’d hear the second emergency bell signalling their retreat. But the bell never rang, which was strange because even during the city-wide drills they held in the past, it never took this long to evacuate everyone out of Trost. More titans are just going to keep coming in from the south and at the rate they’re going, it was only a matter of time before there were more titans than the number of living soldiers could handle. What was taking so long? Did something happen at the northern gate? _Don’t tell me the armored titan arrived and destroyed Wall Rose too._

“Guys look!” Krista yelled to get their attention. They were heading back to the central road when she pointed to the west where a single person was lying on one of the roofs.

“It’s probably just a body Krista.” Connie answered her grimly. Seeing dismembered limbs was one thing, but he _really_ didn’t want to see a full dead body and risk recognizing the corpse in the process.

“Guys I think it’s Armin! Hey Armin!!” Before Ymir and Connie could do anything else, Krista was already bounding to their friend. _Shit!_

 _“_ Krista wait!!”

But she didn’t listen. They arrived at the roof moments after her to see that she was right, Armin was lying down unconscious. He looked alright too, at least there didn’t seem to be any blood on him. Looking closer, Connie could see that he was even breathing.

“Hey Armin. Armin you there?” Connie got down on his knees shaking his friend awake. “Armin wake up, say something!”

After a while, the blonde opened his blue eyes and groggily tried to take in his surroundings. Looking directly past Connie as if he couldn’t see him. “There we go. Are you alright? What are you doing here all by yourself? Where’s your squad?”

Suddenly, Armin’s eyes grew wide and he screamed at the top of his lungs, startling the three of them. “AAHH! YOU WORTHLESS!—WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE!!”

“H-hey! Take it easy man, what happened?” Armin was starting to cry and Connie had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what the blonde was going to say.

“Just let it go Connie.” Ymir said, looking down on the two of them. “It’s obvious what happened isn’t it? His entire squad was wiped out, leaving him here all alone to pee himself.”

Connie frowned at her jab but ignored it. “That doesn’t make any sense. If titans wiped his team out then why didn’t they eat Armin too?...and Eren was supposed to be with him so...”

“Who knows, maybe they thought he was actually dead or something. If it came right down to it, _that’s_ the real mystery isn’t it? Eren and the others busting their asses off and the only one to survive is _this_ guy.”

No. It couldn’t be. “Alright that does it you heartless bitch!—”

“Both of you stop it right now!” Krista held her arms up and stood between her two squadmates. “We’re all just  tired and at the edge of our tethers here so calm down. We have to pull it together.”

“Well look at you!” Ymir put her arm around her and smiled, “Keeping the peace and all that! You’re _really_ gonna have to marry me someday!”

Connie scoffed and muttered to himself, “Yeah well she better learn to keep that mouth shut when she does.”

“What’s that shorty? You sayin’ something?”

“Nothing!”

Ignoring her bickering friends, Krista got out of Ymir’s hold and bent down next to their friend. “C’mon Armin, can you get up? It’s not safe here, we have to move.”

Krista managed to help him up and when they were sure he was alright, they started advancing again. They kept at it for a few minutes, moving steadily towards the center road with Ymir leading and Connie taking up the rear. He was still a little bothered by all this. There was no way in hell that Eren would leave Armin alone like that, unless…

Connie pushed the thought away. This was Eren they were talking about. He was fifth of the class! If Connie had survived this long out here then he had no doubt about Eren’s chances. It just couldn’t be true. They were just together this morning at the walls, worrying about Sasha’s stolen meat slab and talking about joining the scout regiment together. He just couldn’t be gone.

He was too busy pondering and staring at the back of Armin’s head when he realized that Ymir had stopped moving and landed on one the edge of a roof. “Hey, why are we stopping? The central road is still a few kilometers ahead.”

Ymir looked back at them with a blank stare, her face revealing nothing. “We’ve got company.”


	11. The Chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! First of all I just want to really show my gratitude to everyone reading my story, and to the few who have left nice comments. Thank you guys so so much, I might sound a little repetitive but trust me when I say that it makes me extremely happy and grateful whenever I see your comments and I wish I could hug each and every one of you for doing so. Thank you!!
> 
> Now this chapter. I've had this in my head for a really long time now. Even before I decided to write this story, there's this really intense scene that always played in my head while I slumped through work listening to the Shingeki OST on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/album/3WDkuVqT1OfkTdCyYQ2gXa). I swear, the entire Hiroyuki Sawano album is one of the most amazing musical creations ever. I get most of my inspirations for the story by listening to the anime OST and I urge you to listen as well. For this chapter, [THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tMhkQ520Sk) particular track is the real kicker for me. If you are able, I compel you to listen to the track to really get the mood of this chapter going. 
> 
> So enough of my blabbering and onto the story!

Connie walked forward to see what Ymir was hinting at when she suddenly stopped moving and saw that on the roof a few meters ahead of them, a few of their ranks were gathered together looking like they were doing nothing. 

_ What the hell? _

Connie jumped from the roof and headed to their general direction, a little annoyed at what he was seeing. What were they doing sitting around lollygagging? He, Krista, and Ymir had been flying around their post on the city fighting titans all day and seeing the others taking a break like that was seriously pissing him off.

He landed on the roof with a hard thud, alerting everyone of his squad’s arrival but no one seemed to pay them any attention. Looking around, he could see that practically everyone sitting there were cadets, his classmates back at training camp. He spotted Jean a few seconds later sitting on one of the chimneys and approached him.

“What the hell is going on here Jean?” He started off rather accusingly, “What are you all doing just sitting around here for? In case you forgot, there are still titans everywhere! We still have our jobs to do!”

Jean, who seemed like he only noticed Connie arriving, just looked at him with a bemused face. “You really  _ are _ as dumb as you look aren’t you? Have you even bothered to check your gas tank lately?”

Connie was caught off guard. He never thought about it at all, actually. He took a glance now and saw that the little needle indicating his gas capacity was pointing on red. He was dangerously low. 

“I thought so.” Jean sighed, rubbing his temples. “The supply team should’ve been here hours ago to refill us. But seeing how the situation is right now, those fuckers probably left for the inner wall already or they’re all dead themselves. Either way that just leaves us stranded out here, out of gas and defenseless.”

What the hell? Connie couldn’t believe that their comrades would just abandon them like this. He looked over to where the headquarters was, rising above all of Trost on the hill near the center of the city. What he saw finally made him understand what Jean was going on about, because even from where they were standing, he could clearly see the place was swarming with titans. If anyone  _ was _ alive in there, they wouldn’t make two seconds past that horde.

“T-there must be something we could do, right? I mean, we can’t just sit here and wait for the titans to come at us!” Connie was starting to panic. This couldn’t be happening.

“Look around you Con, everyone is on the edge right now. Even if we do manage to get to HQ by some miracle, the supply warehouse is probably just as packed with titans inside as it is out here. We’d have expended all our gas reaching the place and we wouldn’t have any leftover to fight for the supplies.” Jean looked away. No matter how straightforward he was relaying these things to Connie, it was still evident that he was just as scared as the rest of them. “You would think the titans actually had the brains to attack right after graduation. Just when most of the new forces are fresh out of training. Half of us are probably dead by now. I haven’t seen a lot of the others since we got deployed this morning either,” he said quietly.

That made Connie do a double take around him. No, it couldn’t be. He stepped away from Jean and finally started taking in the people around them. He could see Hannah and Samuel talking with Krista at one corner. Sasha was with Armin, who decided to crawl into a despondent state again while the other tried to coax him into talking. Eren still wasn’t here either, and so was Thomas. He was starting to feel the urgency, a lot of the other people sitting down and looking glum didn’t have the face he was looking for. Heart pounding, he looked around some more and finally saw the person he needed.

“Bertholdt!” he called out, running towards the taller guy. He was standing next to Annie and Marco, who noticed him approaching as well. 

“Oh, Connie. It’s good to see you’re okay.” Bertholdt gave him a small smile, as if knowing why he called him for.

“I-is…” he suddenly lost his voice. He wanted and didn’t want to ask at the same time because he was afraid of the answer. But he had to know. Swallowing hard, he took a deep breath to calm his pounding heart before continuing his question. “Have you seen Reiner?”

Without even a hint of emotion in his face, Bertholdt answered squarely. “No. He wasn’t on my squad.”

That hit him hard, his words echoed inside Connie’s head over and over again. Marco, seeing the stricken look on his friend’s face, came forward and spoke up . “Last I heard he was in with some of the garrison members in charge of taking the vanguard,” he said, giving Connie a reassuring smile. “If he’s with them, I’m sure he’s probably okay out there.”

It was kind of Marco but Connie knew better. The titans wouldn’t have been able to reach as far as the headquarters if the vanguard team survived to do their jobs. And even if some of them did, where would they go? They were deployed smack into the breach on the wall. They were probably as fuelless as the rest of them here were. Connie was suddenly trembling, the panic taking over. He couldn’t breathe and his hands were shaking so bad and—

“Get a hold of yourself Connie.” Annie put a hand on his shoulder, jolting him back to reality. “This isn’t the time to be worrying about others.” He could only stare back at her piercing blue eyes, unable to say anything. Just then, Mikasa suddenly arrived and went over to them in a hurry.

“Has anyone seen Eren?” she asked rather frantically, concern lacing her voice. Connie suddenly had the thought that he must’ve sounded exactly like her just a few seconds ago. 

“N-no. Sorry Mikasa...but Armin got here a few minutes ago.” Marco pointed over to where the blonde was sitting. “He’s over there.” 

When Mikasa ran over to Armin, that’s when Connie finally accepted the fact that Eren was most likely dead. That Armin’s whole squad was dead. And so was everyone that wasn’t here right now, including Reiner. He stepped away from Annie and walked to one of the edges of the roof and sat there. Just like that he became one of them, like the others around him. Glum, hopeless, and mostly afraid. All of them were probably going to die off anytime now but even so, dying was the furthest thing from his mind.

Thinking back on it now, he probably knew it deep down earlier that he was having his very last conversation with Reiner, if you could even call it a conversation. He couldn’t stop the thoughts that came rushing in even if he tried. He was angry that the last image he has of him was his ever present scowl from when they bumped into each other. And even last night at dinner when he attempted to talk to him. He was sad that he never even got the chance to tell him, that they were never even able to reconcile. It pissed him off because no matter how much he told himself that he never cared anymore, no matter how much he’s lied about not thinking of Reiner—he always did. And now he was gone.

“Mikasa are you out of your mind?! You can’t take on the titans alone!” Connie heard Samuel yelling. He welcomed the distraction and looked over to where they were and saw Mikasa standing on the edge of the roof.

“I can and I will! I am strong, unlike all of you!” she said firmly, pointing her blades at everyone. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m surrounded by cowards. So you can go ahead and just sit here twiddling your thumbs but I’m going to fight.”

“Mikasa stop it! You’re going to die—”

“So what?! If I die, then I die. But if I win, I’ll live. And the only way to win is to fight.” With that, she jumped off the roof and launched herself forward, leaving everyone in the dust. But her words struck a chord in Connie. She was right, and so was Annie just a while ago. This wasn’t the time to wallow and grieve. He couldn’t let the deaths of his friends be meaningless by getting himself killed as well. He owed them that much.

As Connie stood up, he looked over at everyone and saw that he wasn’t the only one who got a wake up call from Mikasa’s little speech. Everyone’s expressions changed, determination replacing the hopelessness from a while ago. They finally accepted that even against all odds, they had to keep fighting.

“Alright you bunch of cowards! We follow Mikasa and reclaim HQ! Let’s Go!!” Jean yelled, thoroughly igniting the flame of the crowd as they all launched themselves forward.

They flew off heading north, with Mikasa leading the way. No one really had a concrete plan here, just get to HQ alive with all your limbs intact. There were a few titans scattered along the way but Mikasa made quick work of them, slashing them off as if they were nothing to her. She was amazing, Connie only ever saw her a few times at training but seeing her fight now was really impressive. Following right behind her were Annie and Ymir, who also made killing titans look easy work. 

“Damn, I can’t believe the girls are actually better than us at this,” Jean muttered, getting a smile from Connie. He was right, the three of them were making this whole thing look like child’s play. He was starting to feel hopeful, maybe they did have a chance at fighting their way to HQ and—

“Connie look out!!” Hannah screamed from behind him just as two 6-meter titans suddenly appeared in front of them, blocking their path and cutting them off from the others. He sliced through the hand of the one nearest him and veered to the left just as the second titan tried to make a grab for him.

“Hannah! Samuel! This way!!” he called behind him. There was no other way but to avoid the giants, they couldn’t afford to waste more gas trying to fight them.

“Connie stay close!” He heard Marco calling, but it was too late. Two more titans arrived at the junction and he had to keep going left to avoid them, effectively splitting off from the main group.

“You guys go ahead Marco! We’ll take the western route from here!” Samuel yelled back, following Connie. “We’ll meet you guys at HQ!”

_ Shit. _ This wasn’t good. As they dashed through the roofs, Connie could already see a few titans in the area. They had to find a way to join the others again before they get overwhelmed.

A titan suddenly popped up and tried to grab Connie again, but he managed react in time to do a backflip and narrowly avoided its grasp—which led him in front of a taller one that reached its hand out directly in front of him. Acting on instinct, he was about to collide with the giant hand when he suddenly went for a nosedive, latched his hooks on the titans arms, and swung himself to the other direction. He suddenly had an idea. This was just like the forest back at training camp, the branches and trunks were titans and all he had to do was keep them from touching him. 

“Guys! Follow my lead!!” Connie called out and zoomed past another titan to his right, passing under its arms when it tried to swat them, then did a quick front flip with his blades outstretched to cut the fingers off another and giving Hannah and Samuel a clear path behind him. They had a few seconds of clear road when another one went for them, this time the titan lunged head first with its mouth wide open. 

“Connie!—”

“Gas on the left and lean right, NOW!” Connie directed and all three of them swerved right sharply, avoiding the titan’s jaw who fell head first behind them. That was a close one.

“Good call Con! I can’t believe we actually did that!” Samuel cheered, grinning widely. His smile was infectious despite the situation and Hannah even chuckled with relief. They could actually get through this, all they had to do was glide through the titans like they did back in the forest. “At this rate, we’ll be up and over HQ in no ti—”

The fast hand of an abnormal titan came out of nowhere and swatted Samuel like a fly, knocking his entire body out of the air and into the ground with a deafening crunch at the pavement. 

“Samuel!!” Hannah made the biggest mistake of her life by looking back, not noticing the approaching titan to her left until it grabbed her by the waist. “AAAH!”

“NO! Hannah!!” Connie flipped over and faced back, launching his hooks on the titans shoulders and pulled himself forward with his blades raised. He only managed a small incision on the hand holding Hannah when his ODM gear gave, sputtering out the last wisp of his gas supply and causing him to lose control of his trajectory. He fell hard and tumbled down the pavement, making impact on the cement with his right shoulder and dislocating it in the process. Connie howled in pain, but it was nothing compared to Hannah’s screams of terror.

“AAAHHH!! NO! NO! CONNIE HELP ME! HEL—”

“HANNAH!!!” Connie yelled but it was too late. The titan had already bitten her head off. He couldn’t see because he landed behind the titan and it had its back to him, but the blood flowing down was unmistakable. Connie was staring in horror when a voice called out from behind.

“CONNIE!” Surprised, he turned around and saw Samuel a few meters behind him, bloody and crawling on the ground. The sight confused him at first because it looked like his friend was missing an arm, until he realized that is wasn’t  _ just  _ his arm that was missing.

“Run...RU—” It was the last thing he said before the titan brought its foot down on him, crushing him like a bug before picking him up again to swallow him. 

Connie stood up and ran. He ran towards the nearest alley and kept on running without looking back. His shoulder was on fire and he was cradling his right arm as he ran for his life. He tried triggering his gear but it was no use. He was completely out. He didn’t know where to go, the streets confused him, but he still ran. Turning a right on one corner then a left on the next, running as hard as he could without any clue. 

That’s when he started noticing the bodies. They were everywhere, each and every one of them wearing the scrappy remains of their soldier uniforms. Flying up over the roofs earlier he couldn’t really notice any of it, but down on the ground it was a graveyard of limbs. A severed arm still holding onto a blade, the bisected torso of a body with a missing leg, and the occasional head—or at least, what looked like a head. He saw it all as he ran, with only the tears in his eyes and the searing pain on his shoulder to remind him that he was still alive.

Connie was about to make another turn when an earsplitting crash knocked him off his feet. It took him a while to get up but lying there on the ground, he could feel the earth shaking. A heavy rhythmic thud that he felt right down to his core. Something big was coming and whatever it was, Connie didn’t want to stay around to find out. He doubled back and ran again, hesitating for a second when he saw a titan walking towards his location in the distance. It was still a few meters away so he made a break for the nearest alley and exited on another street full of bodies, where a 5-meter titan was lazily walking around looking for someone new to eat.  _ Shit. _

It saw him and ran his way, so he squeezed back into the alley where it was too narrow for the titan to enter and was about to go back to the other end when the first titan he saw earlier was suddenly there. Thinking quickly, he jumped into the nearest window and broke inside. Glass flying everywhere as he landed on a roll and finding himself inside a house. Connie barely had enough time to get up from all the shattered glass when the wall behind him caved in with a hand poking through, trying to reach for him. He bounded for the door and ran outside again, heading for another house to exit its back door towards another. He figured he could probably escape by jumping from one building to another so the titans won’t see him. 

Connie was coming out of his fifth house and was about to enter the next one when a titan suddenly slammed its hand in front of him, blocking his path. He skidded right and made a break for it in the open once again, turning on all the corners he saw thinking he could maybe confuse his assailants. But even as he did this, he was starting to see the whole lot of them. They were everywhere and it was only a matter of time before they caught him in this maze. But he kept running, he had to keep running, he refused to die.

He turned a final corner and found himself facing a high wall—a dead end. He was about to double back when the ground shook again, that same rhythmic thudding from earlier but this time it felt closer. There wasn’t time, and he was tired. Too tired. He didn’t know how long he’d been running and he suddenly realized that he couldn’t anymore. 

_ This is it Connie, you have to fight!  _ He held up his remaining blade in front of him with a determined face, remembering Mikasa’s words from earlier,  _ The only way to live is to fight! _

But then Hannah’s scream suddenly pierced through his head and he faltered. The final shriek of a human being before meeting death was forever embedded in his mind. Then came the image of Samuel crawling towards him, his voice telling him to run but his bloodied face asking him for help right before seeing him explode in a barrage of blood and entrails. Connie dropped his blade. His entire body was shaking so bad he could barely keep himself standing. His friends were dead and they died right in front of him. And he was going to be next. 

_ ‘Look at you, all wide-eyed and excited from stories about titans.’ _ Reiner’s scowling face flashed in his mind then, reminding him of the first time the blonde talked to him all those years ago. Reiner. The one person in his life he regretted ever giving up on. His only wish right now was to be able to tell him how he really felt about him. But that was never coming true. In these final moments, it finally dawned on him what real stupidity was.

_ I’m sorry Hannah. I’m sorry Samuel. I can’t fight anymore… _

A heavily muscled leg appeared on the corner and Connie soon found himself staring at one of the most terrifying things he’s ever seen in his life. A white-haired titan with a menacing face and the body of a killer. It was so much bigger than all the ones he’s encountered today, and it looked different. All the other titans he saw were still vaguely human, but this was a monster. Instead of skin, it seemed to be covered in…

_ Armor.  _ “T-the armored titan…” Connie whispered to himself as he fell back on his bottom, unable to keep standing. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and sobbed, letting it flow freely down his face. The armored titan was coming closer, staring at him intently before stopping right in front of him. This was the end. He was going to be eaten. Connie closed his eyes and put his head down, waiting for it to make the move.

_ I’m sorry...Reiner. I lo— _

A deep groaning wail emanated from the titan in front of him, making him cover his ears. What was happening? Connie still had his eyes closed when the ground suddenly shook so hard that he actually got lifted off the ground by the tremor. He fell back and curled into a ball, afraid to see what was going on. The ground was shaking so hard but it was weakening with every shake. Was he already dead? It couldn’t be because how come his shoulder still hurt? He lifted his head after a while, only to see that he was all alone in the alley. There was no sign of the armored titan except for the huge crater of a footprint on the pavement in front of him.  _ What the hell? _

He got up and took a tentative step forward, afraid that it might pop out of nowhere and surprise him. But nothing happened. He walked forward and took a peek on the corner. Still nothing. The armored titan was nowhere to be found. And even weirder, he couldn’t see any other titans either. He was sure that about five of them were chasing him earlier. Where did they all go? 

He wiped his face and took a deep breath to calm himself, leaning against one of the building walls. Connie was so shaken up but he had no time to think about it right now. He had to take advantage of this moment so he started running again. After a few steps though, Connie stopped, right in front of a corpse of another soldier. But it wasn’t the corpse that got his attention, even though the upper half of its body was missing. Connie stared at the remaining half and saw that the ODM gear was still in tact so he kneeled down and checked the gas gauge.

The meter said half full. He couldn’t believe it. He was going to get out of there alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my writing brought the same scenes in my head onto yours. Please let me know what you think! Oh and a little shameless plug: I finished my 2nd Reicon Fanart! If you want to take a peak you can find it on my tumblr by clicking [HERE.](https://eightleggedfox.tumblr.com/post/162476285205/i-never-knewyou-could-hold-moonlight-in-your#notes) A little warning though, it is NSFW!! I'll be working on a third one so stay tuned!


	12. Unlikely Heroes.

After replacing his gas tanks with that of the soldier’s corpse, Connie was flying through the roofs once again, heading for HQ. He was going slower this time, which was a little dangerous but it couldn’t be helped since his shoulder was still injured—and yet it didn’t seem to matter right now. There were no titans in sight, which was extremely strange because just moments ago, he was running for his life down these streets from them and now the very same streets were empty. He’s learned his lesson though, there was no way in hell he was letting his guard down despite the circumstances.

He was about a few kilometers away from the headquarters when he stopped. Even though the western side of the city was strangely empty, the center was still swarming with titans. Connie wondered if the others managed to break through the horde, but whether or not they did he would eventually find out sooner or later. He readied himself for his launch, his plan seared into his mind. He only had one shot at this and with his shoulder in its current shape, the odds were completely against him. 

He jumped from the roof he was on, diving head first to the ground from ten meters high before latching his hooks on the buildings on either side of him, launching him in a high forward swing, just like in the forests two years ago. The plan was to keep catapulting himself so that he could move forward without the titans being able to reach him. He kept up his motion, lingering on the air with the help of his gas every time he went up to survey his surroundings before diving back down. It didn’t take long for him to reach the vicinity of the HQ and for the titans to notice him coming. He had to be quick now for there was no turning back.

Connie did one more swing in the air and instead of diving back down, he hooked his harness to the nearest titan and retracted himself, pulling as fast as his gear would allow him heading straight for the titan. Before he made impact, he zigzagged to the left using his gas, narrowly avoiding another titan’s swinging arm and driving him closer to HQ He was close enough to the exterior walls of the building now so he launched his hooks one more time before breaking through one of the windows, rolling on the wooden floor of some room.

“Connie?!” Came Sasha’s startled voice before she crashed her body onto him, giving him a tight hug.

“Ow-OW!” Connie yelled, trying to break away from his friend, “I’m hurt Sasha, stop squeezing me!”

“S-sorry!” Connie only noticed now that she had tears in her eyes. “I just thought...I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Connie gave her a weak smile when Krista and Marco were suddenly on him as well. “Nice to see you guys too, now can I get down please.” 

Marco chuckled and let go of his friend. “Sorry Connie...we were just really worried.” He started looking behind him to see if anyone else was there to follow him, but the look on Connie’s face told Marco everything he needed to know.

It looked like Krista saw it too because she went ahead and changed the subject. “So where are you hurt?”

It was Annie who helped fix his shoulder, a rather painful solution but a remedy nonetheless. Only she could’ve know how to fix a dislocated shoulder through hand to hand combat. According to her, they only got here about half an hour ago, with only half their original number making it. Connie pushed the thought away, he didn’t want to think about death at the moment so he focused on his aching shoulder instead, and the pain was just enough to drown out any thoughts that wanted to come up. He sat on the floor afterwards to rest, idly noticing that they were in some kind of library. High, wooden shelves were stacked on one side of the wall, some of them already broken with their contents spilling out all over the floor. He didn’t even know that the headquarters  _ had _ a library. Then he remembered that they really haven’t stayed here long enough to know. Was it really just last night that they had their graduation ceremony? It was hard to believe at that point, it felt like a lifetime ago. 

“So that’s the plan. It’s very, very risky but it’s the only one I can think of at the moment.” Armin was over at one of the desks trying to relay his strategy with the others on how to infiltrate the supply room where six titans had broken into. For everyone here, the battle for survival was only half done. They still had to get refueled if they want to make it out of Trost alive.

“Well I don’t see any other way either,” Jean said, agreeing with Armin. “If it came down to it, our lives are all at risk whether we go ahead with this plan or not. So it’s better we go ahead to where we actually have a chance of—”

“Guys look!” Krista was by the window, pointing outside to where someone was jumping above the roofs. “I think I see someone out there!”

Everyone quickly looked over to where Krista was pointing at. Connie was still sitting down, too tired to even get up when Marco suddenly yelled out.

“I-it’s Reiner!!” 

It was like every cell in his body awoke at the sound of his name. Connie was on one of the windows in an instant,seeing what everyone was looking at outside. The bright blonde hair was unmistakable. He couldn’t believe it, it was actually him. Reiner was alive!

“What is he doing jumping on the roof like that?” Armin voiced out, deep in thought. “The titan’s are coming after him, why doesn’t he just...wait—don’t tell me he’s out of gas too! He’ll never make it here without his ODM gear!”

He was right. Connie barely made it here himself and no matter how skilled Reiner was, without his gear he was as good as dead. He looked over at his friends but noticed Bertholdt the most, looking out the window in complete horror. He was blanched and terrified out of his mind, probably worrying about Reiner. This wasn’t good, Reiner couldn’t have picked a better time to show up, just when they were about to refuel their gas and—

_ Wait, gas!  _ He still had gas. His tanks still had some left from earlier. Without giving it a second thought, Connie stepped back and ran for the window, jumping outside and launching himself forward. 

“CONNIE!!”

He heard Krista screaming but he was already a few feet away from them. The titans from earlier were facing the other way now because of Reiner so he was able to dash past them easily. One of them noticed him and tried to lunge but Connie was rushing with adrenaline now, flipping out of the way at just the right moment.

He went faster, zooming through giant arms and legs smoothly. He could see Reiner now, running for his life and jumping across the roofs with only his bare strength. He was completely helpless. Connie was about a few feet away when an 8-meter titan suddenly ran towards Reiner. The blonde stopped running and raised his stub of a blade just as the titan raised its arms to attack. Connie’s eyes widened and launched his hooks on the titan’s wrist, distracting it. He dashed in front and dodged its other hand when it tried to grab him and swung himself to the back with his blades at the ready.

“GAH!” He yelled before slashing its neck in a fast swoop, cutting in so deep that the titan’s head actually managed to sever off completely afterwards. He landed in front of Reiner who was looking at him with a very bewildered face and that’s when Connie noticed that blood was pouring from his head, matting his bright blonde hair in a slick of red.

“W-what are you—”

“Grab on!” Connie cut him off and turned around so he could carry him on his back.

“A-are you crazy?! You can’t carry me—”

“I don’t care! Just grab on and hold tight!” he yelled back. Reiner grunted and did as he was told, wrapping his arms around Connie in a sort of piggyback. If the situation was different, their position could’ve been the funniest thing anyone could ever see. But they were still on the deep end, with titans everywhere coming at them from all directions.

Connie launched them forward and cussed. Damn Reiner was heavy. He had to use twice as much gas just to move both of their weights forward. They dashed past the titans, Connie zigzagging along their limbs as fast as his gear would take him. He was making good headway when one titan suddenly swooped its arms ahead of them. Connie leaned to the right but with Reiner behind him, his moves weren’t fast enough to completely dodge the hand coming at them. 

They got thrown to one of the roofs, tumbling in a heap over the tiles. Connie was up in an instant, blades raised for a fight, when Reiner suddenly held his arm firmly and turning him around so he could face him.

“Connie listen to me,” he said with complete urgency, “get out of here while you still can. I’ll distract the titans. Go fly back to the others.”

Connie frowned and shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere!”

“STOP—” he yelled before suddenly tackling him to the side, avoiding the titan’s hand that just smashed the spot they were on seconds ago. They rolled on the roof again and stood their guard at one edge after regaining their footing, watching for the titan’s next move. “Stop being reckless Connie! The both of us can’t get out of this mess together so just go! I’ll handle the titans!”

“And you call  _ me _ reckless?! I’m trying to help you and you’re seriously pushing me away again?!”

“I’m trying to keep you from dying here!”

“Well so am I!!” They both jumped to the side just as the titan went for them again. They scurried across the roof afterwards and jumped to the next one to put some more distance between them and their attacker when Reiner kept yelling at him.

“Connie just go!” He looked desperate now, pleading with his eyes for Connie to listen. “Why can’t you put it in your head that nothing good is ever gonna come if you keep staying with me?! You’re only going to die!—”

“I DON’T CARE!!” Connie grabbed Reiner by the torso and expelled some gas from his ODM gear, pushing them away from another bash from the titan. This really wasn’t the time to be arguing.

“I’m not leaving you behind Reiner! I won’t lose you again,” Connie said with fierce determination that just about shut Reiner up completely. He looked up and saw that aside from the titan attacking them, two more were already converging on their position. This was bad. Connie raised his blades but it was really all for show. He didn’t want to admit it but he was running out of ideas, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to take on three titans at the same time. Was this really it for him? Was he going to die right there with Reiner?

_ What the hell?!  _ He was about to launch himself forward for an attack when the strangest thing just happened. One of the titans coming at them suddenly faced the other two and punched them square in the face, knocking one’s head off and pushing the other a few feet away to the ground. It didn’t stop there because the titan suddenly ran towards the others of his kind and released a barrage of blows and punches, constantly wailing a deafening screech while it killed the others off one by one. Connie couldn’t believe it, a titan attacking other titans. Was this really happening?

“CONNIE!” Reiner snapped him out of it, wrapping his arms around him again. “We have a clear path! Go!!”

Connie nodded, still in a bewildered daze, and launched them forward after Reiner grabbed onto him again. The titans attacking them earlier were now at the mercy of this new titan and the path to HQ was all but empty now. They came crashing through one of the windows and tumbled back inside landing in a pile of books on the corner of the room. They actually made it. Connie was breathing hard from all the effort and looked over at Reiner, who was also looking at him with that ever present scowl. He was still bleeding and one side of his face was now completely covered in blood.

“Reiner!!” Bertholdt was on him in an instant, locking him in a bear hug as he sobbed on the blonde’s shoulder. Reiner was stricken, completely surprised by his taller friend’s reaction but eventually put his arms on his back, returning the gesture.

Connie looked at them for a moment and stood up from their spot and walked away, not wanting to be part of that moment. As he walked, he suddenly found himself in Krista’s arms, enveloping him in a tight hug as well. She was crying so hard that it took her a while to construct her words.

“You’re crazy you know that!” she chuckled and placed a soft fist on his chest. Connie smiled back but with his adrenaline wearing off, he suddenly felt the pain in his shoulder again and winced. It was hurting like hell.

“C’mon, let’s get you a seat.” Krista led him to a chair for him to rest on with Marco and Sasha’s help. Annie went to him then, checking his shoulder again and telling him it was still fine and that he just needed to lay off of it for a while. 

“Thanks Annie,” Connie muttered meekly just before the others went over to him as well. Everyone was giving him pats on the back and praising him for his bravery but all he could do was stare at the other end of the room where Armin was busy wrapping a bandage on Reiner’s head while Bertholdt wiped the blood off his face. He didn’t have the strength to hold back his feelings anymore and just let the emotions pass through him. He just saved Reiner’s life but seeing Bertholdt by his side was making him a little resentful. 

“Glad to see you’re alright man, but we’re not out of the woods yet.” Jean announced as he walked towards Reiner, reminding everyone that they still had a plan to follow through. “Armin, after you’re done treating him we better get a move on. Whatever’s happening out there with that abnormal titan isn’t going to buy us time forever. Plus I’m still worried about that armored titan from earlier. We didn’t see it again after it ran away earlier but I’m sure it’s probably still lurking in the city somewhere.”

That caught Connie’s attention, the events from earlier flashing in his head again. They saw the armored titan too? And what did Jean mean it ‘ran away’? Connie was still contemplating his thoughts when Reiner suddenly stood up from his chair right after Armin was done bandaging him. “I’m coming with you guys.”

That earned him a surprised look from everyone before Jean spoke up. “Did you hit your head too hard or something? You’re in no condition to—”

“It’s just a gash Jean, and Armin’s already stopped the bleeding. I’m fine,” he said without a hint of fear in his voice. “He was just telling me about the plan too. I want to get the hell out of here just as much as you do and you’ll need all the able bodies you can get. I can handle this.”

Jean stared him down and sighed, giving in. There was no way you could argue with Reiner once he set his mind to a duty. “Alright fine. You’re still probably just about ten times better than any other person here even in your current state.” He nodded to Armin and addressed everyone, “Alright let’s move people! Time to reclaim the supply room!”

Connie was left at the library with Krista while everyone else went with the attack. As much as he wanted to help, his shoulder wasn’t letting him off easy. He could barely move his right arm without hissing in pain. There were barely any titans outside anymore, at least none that he could see. He kept thinking about the armored titan and how it nearly killed him earlier before it disappeared. Then there was that abnormal that saved them just now. He couldn’t shake away the feeling that things just weren’t adding up here. 

“Feeling any better?” Krista sat beside him after giving up on rummaging through the the library. She’d been at it for a while to keep herself busy, trying to find something she could read. 

“Still hurts like hell. But I’m good, alive at least.” Connie gave her a weak smile, which she returned.

“That was very brave of you, you know. Risking your life to save Reiner.”

Funny because Connie didn’t feel very brave at the moment. He felt more stupid than ever actually. “Yeah well, I’m sure one of you guys would’ve done the same if you could.”

They were quiet for a while and just sat there in comfortable silence. Connie had made a remarkable friendship with Krista over the years and that never changed even until now. She always seemed to know what was going on in his head even when he didn’t show it, and this moment wasn’t an exception.

“You still like him a lot don’t you? Even after all this time,” Krista said quietly, looking over at Connie. This was also another thing he liked about her. She was the only other person who knew about what happened between him and Reiner as far as his side goes and it always felt oddly comforting whenever Krista acknowledged that.

“I don’t really know anymore to be honest. Right now all I want is to keep anyone else from dying, really.” As he said that, unwanted memories from earlier were starting to surface again. He focused on the pain in his shoulder to keep more thoughts from flowing in, thankful when Krista started speaking again and distracting him.

“I really think you should at least tell him how you feel though.” Connie chuckled at that, funny how trivial their conversation was considering their current predicament. But it was a welcome conversation nonetheless, anything to keep him from reliving what happened earlier. 

“Bertholdt seems to have that part covered don’t you think?” he said, recalling how the taller man reacted after he saved Reiner. Before Krista could answer though, Sasha bounded through the doorway with a huge smile on her face.

“Connie! Krista! Let’s go! The supply room is cleared!”

And just like that, hope flared once again. They did it. Armin’s plan was a huge success and they did it without even incurring a single casualty. Krista and Connie went down to the supply room to find the disintegrating remains of six titans, and everyone sitting happily on the floor while they refilled their gas tanks. The both of them followed Sasha and started refilling as well and by the time they were done, they all moved outside to see that the clouds have rolled over and the sun shining down again. No titan was in sight, and whether the abnormal titan did it or not, they were all just thankful for whatever that happened. The nightmare was finally starting to end.

“You think you can fly Connie?” Sasha asked her smaller friend, ready to offer a hand.

“I’m good Sasha, thanks.”

“Alright people! Time to head out! We head straight for the walls and over the gate! Let’s move!!” Jean riled their group and started flying off north. Once on the roofs again, Connie could finally see the destruction of the place. Steaming titan carcasses were everywhere and there, leaning on one of the buildings, was the abnormal titan from earlier. But the strangest thing was, it’s arms were being chewed off by two other titans. Now he’s seen everything. Titans were eating another titan!

“Wait!” Armin called out and turned, heading for the direction of the abnormal titan.

“Armin what are you doing?!” Jean cussed and looked over at Marco. “You go lead everyone to the gates, I’ll go get Armin!”

Marco nodded and dashed forward just as Jean turned back towards Armin, Mikasa following right after them with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie behind her.

_ What the—  _ Connie turned as well, breaking off from Marco’s group and tailing the others. They were all standing on the roof looking at the abnormal titan when he arrived with them. 

“What the hell are you guys doing doing?! We have to leave now!” Connie yelled but no one one was listening to him. He suddenly felt a slight tremble and looked to his left to where a 14-meter titan was slowly walking towards them.

“Guys snap out of it! Let’s go!”

Armin stepped back, finally taking it what Connie was saying. “T-that’s the one that ate Thomas!” he yelled in horror, making everyone look at the oncoming giant. 

It’s as if the abnormal titan heard him as well, because it suddenly rose from its position and trampled the ones eating him to rush at the titan Armin was talking about. It shrieked that deafening howl again before lunging at the titan straight at the neck and body slamming it while ripping its head off in the process. They could only stare with shock at what just occurred, wondering the hell was happening. The abnormal titan was thrashing its foot over and over the other’s body, beating it to a pulp. When it was done, the titan gave out one final howl before collapsing to the ground in a heap of disintegrating flesh and steam.

“Alright, show’s over.” Jean scoffed, turning back and standing next to Connie. “Shorty’s right, it’s time to leave.”

But they were all frozen in place, staring at the fallen titan in a mix of anticipation and fear. Because what they were seeing couldn’t possibly be real. Sitting on what used to be the titan’s nape was a person, unconscious and unaware of the destruction that it seemed to have caused just now. To add even more confusion to the mix, it was a person they all knew. 

It was Eren. 


	13. Safe.

Connie and the others who stayed back crossed to the inside of Wall Rose a little while after getting Eren back, none of them still believing what they had just witnessed. Mikasa and Armin had a fit upon pulling Eren out of that titan body and Connie couldn’t help but tear up a little too. Here was another person he cared about of whom he thought had died but was now safe. On their way back, Armin retold everyone what had happened with his squad earlier that day and how he saw Eren die right before his eyes. How was this possible? How was Eren hanging on the back of Jean right now, looking alive and well despite his unconscious state after knowing what Armin saw?

The others didn’t take the news very well though. The moment they crossed the wall, Eren’s unconscious body was apprehended by the garrison soldiers. Mikasa didn’t allow for that of course, and staged a rebellious front in front of the commander and the other higher ups down at the wall. As for the rest of their small party, they were threatened with a gag order to keep word of what they saw under wraps just as they were escorted out of the scene, leaving Mikasa and Armin to defend Eren by themselves.

“There you guys are, what happened?” Jean and Connie met up with Marco and the others a little while later looking a little perturbed. “I-is everything okay?”

Jean answered his freckled friend with a huff, “Yeah everything’s just  _ peachy _ . Don’t worry Marco, we can’t tell you but you’ll find out soon enough.”

Krista stepped forward as well and noticed the glum look on her friends’ faces before suddenly remembering something. “Connie, your arm,” she said worriedly. “C’mon, I’ll take you to where they’re treating the injured.”

Not wanting to discuss the whole thing with Eren anymore, Connie followed Krista down the crowded street of soldiers. They walked along slowly and he smiled, remembering the last time this same thing happened. “You know, it’s starting to become a habit of yours to take me to the infirmary huh, Krista?” he said looking at his blonde friend.

Krista warmed up to that and smiled back. Despite the events of today, she still looked as beautiful as ever with not even a single hair out of place. “Well it’s not a habit I want to develop now. I’m just hoping this is the last time I do this for you.”

They arrived at the huge tent where the medics were running around inside treating injured soldiers. Connie blanched, even in here it smelled like death. Krista led Connie to one of the available cots and made him sit while she went to find a medic. Sitting there alone, Connie looked around and noticed the gravity of the place. Soldiers were moaning and howling in pain while some others were completely knocked out. The injuries ranged from sprains and bruises, to fractured bones and cuts, to missing limbs and body parts. It was a horrible sight and it made Connie’s condition feel ten times better than it actually was. Images of dead bodies scattered along the streets flashed in his mind then, remembering the events from earlier and was thankful when somebody approached him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Cadet Springer?” a female medic said, wrapped in a white coat with gloves and a face mask ready to assist him. “Cadet Lenz told me you needed help, can you tell me what the problem is?”

“Y-yeah, umm. I dislocated my right shoulder earlier, but it’s lodged back now. I think I may just have a sprain,” he relayed and the medic set off to work, probing and feeling around his body after taking his shirt off.

“Umm, do you know where my friend is? Cadet Lenz?” Connie asked after a while as the medic wrapped his arm in a sling. He wasn’t expecting Krista to leave him so soon.

“Oh sorry, I asked her to leave after telling me about you. We can’t have able soldiers in here at the moment as we’re pressed for space. I’m just about done with your arm so you can go and meet with her right after,” she said with crinkling eyes, indicating a smile behind the mask she was wearing.

When the treatment was done, Connie was asked to leave the tent as well, to make room for more soldiers who needed it so he left to go after thanking the medic. Looks like he won’t be fighting again for a while, since his arm was on a sling. The medic told him to lay off of it for at least two to three days. 

“Oh, by the way cadet,” the medic called after him just before leaving, “We need to keep track of the soldier registry, especially after today. Routine and all. I know it can be a little too much right now but the sooner we handle it the better.”

Connie didn’t like where this was going, he wanted more than anything to be out of there at that moment but the medic pressed on. “Can you report anyone who could be missing or deceased in the last few hours?”

He froze. His hands started to shake and he couldn’t think. The thoughts that he’d been trying so hard to suppress were rising to the surface now and it was paralyzing him.

“Cadet?” the medic asked again. Connie didn’t trust his voice anymore so he grabbed the medic’s clipboard from her hand and wrote their names himself. He turned around quickly after returning it and left the tent as fast as he could.

Connie started walking but decided to avoid the main street and headed for an alley instead, wanting to walk alone in the quiet to finally take in everything that just happened today. He didn’t have the strength to hold it in anymore and slammed his fist on the deserted alley wall as he let his tears pour down. He was safe. He made it out alive in one piece with only a broken arm to whine about, of which the pain was reminding him now of how he got it in the first place. Hannah’s screams of terror right before dying. Samuel’s last words to him, willing him to keep fighting and live right before the last bits of his life was snuffed right out of him. He couldn’t believe that it was only this morning that they were there on the street benches of Trost, complaining about cleaning cannons up the wall.

_ I’m sorry Hannah...Samuel...I couldn’t save you. _

He remembered all those times at camp when Samuel would always give him a snide remark over something he did at training that day. How Hannah made up the nickname ‘shorty’ that stuck with everyone even up ‘til now. How they always ate their meals together. He remembered all those moments with them because he didn’t know what else to do at that point. Connie cried and cried, his tears flowing down his face in a dripping mess of grief. He felt guilty for surviving. He should’ve died there with them. Maybe if he hadn’t been so cocky flying back there, or if he had just payed more attention to their surroundings then maybe he could’ve seen the titan that slapped Samuel off his feet. Maybe he could’ve sliced the hands of the titan holding Hannah. 

_ I’m sorry...I’m sor— _

“Connie.”

A voice startled him, making him open his eyes in surprise and look up. Standing at the edge of the alley was Reiner, scowling like always with his blonde hair dirty and matted with dried blood. Connie wiped his face with his sleeve as Reiner walked closer. What was he doing here? This was precisely why he went to this alley. He didn’t want anyone to see him crying and now  _ he _ of all people show up and—

“...thank you.”

Connie’s mind stopped. Partly because of what Reiner said but mostly because the larger man suddenly had his arms wrapped around him. He stood there with his face pressing against the larger man’s chest, stunned with his emotions still hanging in the air. 

“You risked your life...just to save mine, even when I told you not to,” Reiner whispered quietly over him, his voice filled with so much raw emotion. That just about did it because Connie started to cry again, harder this time as he buried his face in Reiner’s chest.

“T-they’re dead. They’re d-dead Reiner!” He bawled, gripping Reiner’s shirt as he let it all out. “They d-died, right in front of m-me! I’m so worthless! I couldn’t even save them!”

Reiner didn’t say anything. He just let Connie cry in his arms and rubbed the back of his head trying to comfort him. In a way that was all that he needed right now, for someone to listen and take some of the pain away.

“I t-thought you died too!” Connie sobbed, his voice breaking. “N-no one saw you...and y-you were at the vanguard s-so I thought—” He couldn’t even finish, remembering how it felt like when he found out about him possibly being dead earlier. He was sure that he was probably making a sloppy mess of Reiner’s shirt by now but instead of pulling away like he expected, Reiner actually drew him closer, tightening his hold on him.

“I’m not that easy to kill you know.” Reiner chuckled against his ear, the vibration of his chest reverberating deep within him. “I’m sorry for making you worry,” he said as he rested his head over the smaller fellow’s.

Connie used his uninjured hand to grip him tighter, afraid that he would vanish if he didn’t. All those years of pretending that he didn’t care, of telling himself that he didn’t want him, of pushing away any thought that had to do with the blonde—it all came crashing down in an instant. He didn’t care right now if Reiner would shut him out again. He didn’t care if he suddenly told him that this was wrong. Because right now all that mattered was that he was here, alive and breathing. They stood there for a long time with neither of them saying anything while Reiner was rubbing soft circles on Connie’s back as he cried all his tears out.

“I thought you died too...” Reiner whispered faintly and Connie had to wonder if he was just talking to himself or not. “I was supposed to...I should’ve—I couldn’t even...” The blonde stammered, eerily reminding Connie of the last time they spoke to each other. There he was again, the same conflicted person back at the lake two years ago. Connie was desperately trying to understand what he was trying to say but Reiner just kept mumbling.

“I didn’t know how to get you out of there without...I could’ve saved you but instead I left you to—” Reiner gripped him tighter, and Connie actually started to feel him tremble. He didn’t like this side of him. The hurt and pain that he radiated whenever his walls broke down always seemed monumental compared to Connie’s. He tried pulling away to look at the blonde’s face but Reiner had him on a tight hold. 

“In the end, you were the one who saved me...you shouldn’t have but you did.” He continued with a shaky voice. “You’re the reason I’m alive right now...and I don’t deserve it. I never deserved any of it.” Reiner looked at him then, making Connie see the inner turmoil hidden deep within his golden eyes. “How could you save me after what I did to you, Connie? After I hurt you so many times...why? I should’ve died there...I should’ve—”

Reiner was shot out of his downward reverie when Connie suddenly pulled at his shirt collar and connected their lips together, effectively shutting him up. It was purely instinctive, what he did, and definitely by surprise. He could feel the taller blonde stiffening against him, unable to comprehend what was happening but Connie didn’t relent. All the pain he’s harboured in the past twenty-four hours and in the last two years, and all of Reiner’s pain as well, was communicated in that one act. Soon, he felt Reiner relaxing into the kiss, sighing softly as he closed his eyes as if finally giving in to his desires. His hands travelled from Connie’s waist to the back of his shaven head, deepening the kiss that the smaller man started. He kissed with a ferocity that Connie didn’t expect, making his heart beat faster and leaving him out of breath. He was both rough and gentle, bold and hesitant all at the same time much like the confusing personality he’s gotten to know over the years. For the next few minutes, the world around them disappeared. There were no titans, no soldiers, no deaths, no responsibilites. Nothing else mattered in that moment as they stood there in each other’s arms, their lips doing everything that mere words couldn’t convey.

Connie broke away first, slowly letting go of Reiner’s shirt and gasping for air. He suddenly felt ashamed as the heat of the moment passed. He couldn’t believe what he just did, and was totally unsure whether he regretted it or not. “S-sorry…” He looked down and blushed, unable to meet Reiner’s eyes. 

The blonde merely chuckled and brought his hands up to Connie’s face, forcing him to look up and face him while wiping his tears in the process. He seemed to be back to his normal self because he smiled and kissed him again, a soft and chaste peck on the lips before leaning his forehead against Connie’s. “What am I doing?” he asked with that silly smile on his face that made Connie blush even more. It’s been a long time since he’d seen him smile.

He hugged him then, pressing his face against his chest again before asking the one question that never stopped bothering him. “Are you going to push me away again?”

To his relief though, he felt Reiner chuckling again, the vibrations in his chest sending butterflies straight to Connie’s stomach. “I don’t think I can,” he answered with a shake of his head. Those five words were probably the best five words Connie has ever heard so he smiled and hugged him tighter. He wanted that moment to last forever, to stay there in Reiner’s arms, to breathe in his smell and just forget about everything else. But they both knew that wasn’t going to happen.

They pulled away from each other and stood there rather awkwardly. Connie, trying to think of something to say, noticed Reiner’s bloody head again and spoke up. “Umm...we should get your wound checked.”

Reiner merely raised his eyebrows as if not understanding what Connie was saying, before realizing what he was pointing at. “Oh this? Nah, I’m good, don’t worry. It looks more horrible than it actually is.” He gave Connie a reassuring smile before frowning again, looking at his arm. “What about your arm? Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine. I dislocated my shoulder earlier, but Annie already helped fix it back at HQ. The medics said I just had to lay off it for a while.” Connie explained as Reiner stepped in closer, holding his injured hand with a guilty look on his face.

“It got worse because of me...didn’t it?” Reiner whispered sadly, focusing his gaze on Connie’s arm. This surprised him, he never even once thought of blaming Reiner for what happened. “I always seem to be the reason you keep getting hurt, huh?”

“No, of course not.” Connie frowned and held Reiner’s hand reassuringly. “Don’t blame yourself...I never do.”

Reiner looked him in the eye and smiled as he fiddled with Connie’s fingers. “We should head back. The others are probably worried about you,” he said before turning around the other direction. They started walking back to where the others were, still taking the alley to avoid the main street crowd when Connie suddenly brought up something that’s been bothering him. 

“Hey Reiner?” he muttered quietly, thinking about the incident. “Did you see the armored titan earlier?”

Reiner suddenly stopped walking and turned to face his bald friend, surprising him with a scowl. It took him a while to answer, staring intently at Connie as if gauging his response. “Yeah. Why?”

“Umm...it’s just…” Did he say something wrong? He could literally feel the chill coming off the blonde with the look he was giving him. Hesitating, he took a breath and continued. “I saw it earlier too. It was...right in front of me…”

Connie remembered the fear he felt then. The moment he gave up and completely surrendered his life to the situation. The terrifying face of the armored titan looking down on him just before it killed him, but didn’t.

“It’s not here now. Don’t worry,” Reiner said, putting a comforting hand on Connie’s good shoulder. That was enough to calm his fears down, but it still didn’t remove the nagging on his mind.

“It was weird Reiner. I was cornered on a wall, out of gas with a dislocated shoulder. I couldn’t have run even if I wanted to.” He swallowed the lump forming in his throat because the more he said it out loud, the more it started to feel off. “It was going to kill me, I knew it was. I closed my eyes waiting for it to grab me...but it never did...and when I opened my eyes again, it disappeared. I only remember hearing a—” Connie paused, something suddenly clicking in his mind. 

“It was a howl. It was...screaming. I only remembered it now because it sorta sounded like that titan body Eren popped out of.” Connie looked up at his friend and flinched a little at the face he was making. Reiner looked absolutely disgruntled. 

“I-I’m sorry…” Connie said, looking down. “I know I sound crazy. I shouldn’t be worrying you like this.” 

“Have you told anyone else?” Reiner asked quietly. Connie shook his head and was relieved to see the blonde relaxing a bit after that.

“Should I? Tell someone I mean.”

Reiner considered this for a moment before gesturing for them to start walking again. “People are going to find out about Eren, there’s no doubt about that. And based on what you’re saying, it would seem that the armored titan is probably the same as him.”

“Wait, you mean—” Connie blinked in shock, his suspicions confirming.

“Yes. If that’s true, then there’s no need to put yourself in danger by telling people what you know.” They stopped walking, arriving just at the edge of the alley’s exit where the crowd was. “Secrets have a cost Connie. It could be any one of these people. People who won’t hesitate to hurt you when their secret is compromised.”

Connie was about to say more when a loud explosion suddenly jolted them out of their bubble. They could see from the alley that some of the soldiers were now running around in a commotion.  _ Oh no.  _ Did the armored titan appear again? Did it finally break down Wall Rose too?

“Connie, go back to the others and stay there.” Reiner’s face was suddenly in front of him, complete urgency forming in his expression. 

“W-what’s hap—” Connie wasn’t able to finish because Reiner’s mouth was suddenly on him again, kissing him for the third time that day. But it felt different this time, like he was rushing out a message that he couldn’t say with words.

“Go now. Please.” Reiner whispered after pulling away from him, waiting for the smaller man to respond. Connie’s heart was beating so fast and he could only nod in return, and not one second later Reiner launched himself to the roof, leaving Connie to walk back alone to the others. 

“Connie?” Krista called him over when she saw him approaching, noticing his bandaged arm. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I would’ve stayed with you but the medics asked me to leave earlier…”

“I’m fine Krista, it’s okay.” He smiled, finally noticing the steam that was coming off the towards the wall in the distance. “What’s going on?”

Krista looked towards the commotion as well, her features tainted with worry. “I don’t know. But whatever it is, it can’t be good.”

Connie probably already knew that even without asking. Trouble was brewing near the walls but the real question bugging his mind now was why the hell did Reiner go off to see it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened!! Yes! I never actually planned on them having their first kiss here, actually I never actually had their first kiss planned in the first place. It just clicked while writing. I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did! All your lovely comments are just so fun to read! Stay tuned for next chap!


	14. Waiting Game.

“Alright Soldiers! Line up! The high commander has ordered all of you to assemble!”

Connie was standing with the others when the announcement came, calling all the troops to formation at the front of the wall. No one still had a clue on what was happening, and seeing everyone collectively around him, he was starting to notice a pattern. Almost every soldier there looked dispirited with their heads on the low, dejectedly following orders with no real heart to it. Trudging along like zombies, lifeless and dull. It just occurred to him that every one of these people had probably seen their friends die in action in the last few hours, just like him. Everyone was feeling the exact same thing he was feeling earlier, except not everyone had a tall scowling blonde to comfort them.

“I wonder what all this is about.” Krista muttered worriedly, walking beside Connie and Ymir.

“Well whatever it is, it’s probably got something to do with those three up there,” Ymir said looking up, making Connie and Krista follow her gaze. Walking along on top of the wall was the high commander of the garrisons of Trost, the person in charge with the defense of the southern district, Dott Pixis. And with him was none other than Eren, Armin, and Mikasa.

“What the hell are _they_ doing up there?” Connie asked, a little worried for Eren. Did the commander find out about him? Was he in danger?

“Attention soldiers!” the nearest official announced after they assembled, bringing everyone to attention. “The commander has just issued the next course of action. You are to prepare yourselves for the next operation, reclaiming Trost!”

Instead of the usual response, everyone was dead quiet upon hearing the command. Even Connie couldn’t believe what he just heard. How in the world were they going to reclaim Trost? They barely made it out alive from there and now they’re actually going back in? Just when the air seemed like it couldn’t get any heavier, Connie heard one of the soldiers screaming in panic.

“NO! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK!”

“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!”

One crazed breakdown was all it took to trigger the rest. A few of the soldiers were screaming now, the supposed plan finally sinking into their fearful minds. Connie doesn’t blame them, too. He could barely keep it together himself earlier. The officials looked just about ready to explode with rage at the sudden outburst and started yelling back.

“SILENCE!!”

But it was too late. Small globs of panic were spreading through the ranks, issuing murmurs of doubt and whispers of fear along the lines. No one wanted to relive what had only happened a few hours ago. Were they really serious with this plan? Connie found Krista looking a little uneasy as well and he was sure his own fear was reflected in her eyes.

“Calm down you two,” Ymir said quietly, not even looking at her friends’ direction. “Don’t let it get to you. Remember, we signed up for this. Just because a few of us were stupid enough to get eaten doesn’t mean we’re allowed to whine like babies.”

“Y-Ymir…” Krista and Connie could only stare at her haughty remark. It was just like her to say something like that but despite her coldness, she was right. What _were_ they expecting? That things would just be easy? If they learned anything at all from today, it was that things were never going to be easy for them.

“ATTEN-TIOOON!”

The booming voice of the high commander silenced everyone in an instant. Connie didn’t know if he was more surprised at the sudden call, or the fact that a human being was actually capable of making that loud of a sound. The air was silent with anticipated energy as the commander cleared his throat before continuing.

“You heard right soldiers! We are moving to take back the city of Trost! And we will start by sealing up that damn hole in the wall by using the massive boulder that’s been sitting on the south side of the city for decades! And we will do it manually!”

Connie and pretty much everyone else on the ground could only stare back in confusion. People were whispering again, expressing their sentiments on the situation on how crazy it is. Were they supposed to carry that huge chunk of rock towards the breach? Break it up and put it back together again? It didn’t make any sense, they just didn’t have the technology to do such a thing.

“Did I hear him right or is everyone just starting to talk crazy here?” Connie asked warily, earning him a glare from Ymir.

“Shut up and pay attention you idiot.”

The commander spoke up again, this time suddenly making Eren step forward. “This is Cadet Eren Yeager of the 104th Cadet Corps! He is the excellent byproduct of cutting edge science that will help us accomplish our goal. Despite appearances, Cadet Yeager possesses the ability to fabricate and control a titan body at will! Upon assuming titan form, he will hoist the mentioned boulder and use his titan strength to plug up that wall!”

Everyone was speechless. Connie didn’t know if the others even actually believe what the commander was saying, but Jean was right. It didn’t take very long for word of Eren’s titan fiasco to get out. But neither of them expected the news to spread like this, to actually come out of the commander’s mouth telling everyone to use him as a tool for this mission. It was batshit crazy.

The commander continued relaying the plan, it being to divert all titans from the Trost boulder to protect and give Eren a clear path to the breach. To incur fewer casualties, no one had to actually confront a titan unless absolutely necessary. They all just had to lure the titans and keep them away from Eren. Easier said than done but after hearing it all though, it actually sounded crazy enough to work.

“We have seen our comrades die mercilessly at the hands of the enemy. Our friends! Our allies! But if we don’t draw the line now, all of us will eventually suffer the same fate! It is up to us to act, to fight, and to free ourselves from this nightmare! And that starts today! We stand together, fighting for humanity!”

The air shifted at the commander’s words. The panic and fear from a while ago was now replaced with determination and resolve. Their fight wasn’t over and it was about time that they actually made a difference against the titans, and with Eren’s newfound ability, they may actually just achieve that.

After briefing, everyone was given time to prepare and gear up for the mission before reporting back in line to be designated into their respective squads. Everyone was on the move, soldiers refuelling their gas tanks and restocking their blades while the officials went over the plans and various contingencies. Connie was heading off into one of the makeshift supply tents when someone suddenly held his arm back, stopping him in his tracks.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Connie turned around to find Reiner staring at him with a serious expression on his face.

“They said we should gear up right?” he answered innocently, wondering when the blonde had gotten here. He hadn’t seen him since he left him at the alley earlier.

“Are you forgetting something?” Reiner asked, raising an eyebrow. Connie looked at his questioning face, his eyes slowly trailing to the blonde’s mouth and blushed, remembering their kiss from earlier. Was that what he was going on about?

“I, umm…” Connie swallowed just as Reiner looked down and brought his large hand up to his smaller ones, fiddling with the fingers on the hand hanging from a sling.

“You’re not supposed to fight, remember?” he said, looking sadly at the smaller fellow’s injured arm before meeting his gaze again.

“Oh, right…” Connie frowned, he completely forgot about his shoulder the whole time the commander was briefing them and winced a little at the reminder, finally feeling the dull pain again. He wasn’t supposed to fight, that meant he had no part in the mission at all. He suddenly felt a huge weight lift over him but instead of being relieved, he was actually a little bummed about it.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you back to one of the inns. Get some food in you,” the blonde said as he turned around and started walking. Reiner led him away from the crowd of soldiers getting ready for battle and went back to the small cluster of buildings around the area. There were a few inns and taverns on the small village just beyond the inner gate connecting Trost to Wall Rose and since all the civilians have been evacuated hours before, the place was basically soldier territory for now. There were marshals deployed on some of the establishments to facilitate the handing out of rations to soldiers that needed them.

They walked along the main road, Connie trudging beside Reiner with a downcast mood. He should actually consider himself lucky that he was skipping this mission out. He didn’t have to fight for his life again back inside Trost, so why be sad about it? Just moments ago he wanted nothing more than to stay away from the titan infested city.

“What’s wrong? Is your arm hurting?” Reiner asked worriedly as they kept their pace on the street, noticing the glum expression on his friend’s face. When Connie didn’t answer, Reiner stopped walking and stepped in front of him, staring him down. “Connie.”

He faced up at the sound of his name, noticing for the first time how concerned Reiner looked all of a sudden. “N-no...my arm’s fine. It’s just…I wish I could be there fighting with you guys. It sucks to just sit around and wait for you to come back, not knowing whether you’re okay or not,” he said quietly, letting out a deep sigh.

Reiner bent down a little so he was face to face with him and gave Connie a small smile. “We’ll be okay Con, don’t worry,” he said, putting a large hand on the top of his bald head.

“We all barely survived earlier. How am I supposed to _not_ worry?” he snapped back a little meaner than he intended, frowning at the other’s confidence. He knew it wasn’t fair of him, Reiner was only trying to comfort him but he couldn’t help it. He was worried about him. He was worried about his friends. If he was able to fight alongside them, he could at least be if some use and maybe help keep people from dying, instead of just sitting around doing nothing.

“What do you want me to do?” Reiner asked him, his smile disappearing to show his serious face.

Connie didn’t want to argue with him, especially since he was about to leave him again so he played it off lightly. “Even if I tell you, being the self-righteous bastard that you are, I know you wouldn’t do it.“ He pouted, making the larger man chuckle a bit before he straightened up and suddenly pulled him into a hug. Connie’s body stiffened at the act—Reiner was actually hugging him in the middle of the street, in full view of everyone. Not that there were a lot of people around to begin with since most of them were near the wall preparing for the mission, but still.

“I know you’re probably going to worry your head off, and I know there’s nothing I can do to keep that from happening,” Reiner whispered quietly above him. Connie could feel his chest vibrating against his face with every word he was saying and it was oddly comforting, his body slowly relaxing into the blonde’s arms as he continued speaking. “But I promise you. I won’t die today. Especially now since I have someone to live for,” he said as he pulled away and held Connie in front of him, looking earnestly at his blushing face.

Connie didn’t know what to say to that. His head was spinning a little. Just yesterday, Reiner had been avoiding him like as if he carried the plague or something. Not even 24-hours later, he’s acting as if the past two years between them had been nothing but warm hugs and kisses, making him wonder if he would ever get used to the blonde’s constant shifting. “Now you’re just being cheesy.”

Reiner laughed and rubbed his shaven head before they started walking again. They arrived at one of the inns and found it nearly empty, with only about a couple of injured soldiers sitting around the place. Despite their differing injuries, they all looked to be in the same condition as Connie—stuck in a useless state unable to fight or do anything. Reiner went over to the marshal in charge and got a water pouch and some hard crackers for Connie, before realizing that the smaller man hasn’t moved from the doorway.

“You wanna stay somewhere else?” Reiner asked after walking up to him, noticing what he was staring at. Connie only nodded before they headed outside again to walk around the small town, eventually finding a bench away from the main streets where Connie decided to settle. The place was quiet with not much people passing through, and Connie didn’t really want to be around people right now because it only reminded him how helpless he was.

“I better go,” Reiner said as he handed him his food and water, “You sure you’re gonna be okay here by yourself?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Connie said, quietly nodding. He was contemplating what to say next when he suddenly got up and wrapped his good arm around the big guy. “Be careful, okay? I won’t be there to save your ass if you get in trouble again.”

Reiner laughed and bent down as he held the smaller man’s chin in his hand, his small golden eyes piercing right through his large ones. Connie’s heart leapt, he could feel his face getting hot as Reiner leaned in closer very slowly. His head still had that bloody bandage and his face was like a messy pool of dried blood, dirt, and sweat—hastily smudged by a rag that was also probably dirty to begin with. But Connie couldn’t care less. He was intoxicated by the blonde in every way and none of that diminished it. Just when their lips were mere inches from one another, Reiner moved up suddenly and kissed his forehead instead, leaving Connie breathless and longing.

“I’ll give it to you here when I get back,” Reiner said touching Connie’s lips with his thumb before turning to go. He gave him one last smile and winked before turning the corner and left, making Connie more lightheaded and dazed than he already was. He was still trying to wrap his head around this new side of Reiner, never really expecting him to be so bold and affectionate like he was now. It’s not like he minded though, in fact Connie loved every bit of it, it just felt a little weird considering they just spent the last two years not even talking to each other.

Thinking back though, Reiner had probably always been this way from the beginning. He remembered that time back at training when they were sent to spend the night at the stables and how the muscled blonde acted so carefree around him. This was the same Reiner from that night, unrestrained by his own walls and free to act the way he wanted. And it was all because of him.

Connie sat down on the bench and started eating a few minutes later. He didn’t even realize how hungry he was until he made his first bite. Halfway through eating though, his worries started to seep in, penetrating the bubble of comfort that Reiner made for him. Here he was again, sitting safe and alive while everyone else is fighting for their lives out there. Images of mutilated corpses littering the streets flashed through his mind and he winced at the sudden ache his shoulder made. He’s all but lost his appetite so he put down his dry rations and took a swig from his water to try and calm himself down.

It wasn’t working. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there staring at the opposite wall when he decided to pace, walking back and forth around the bench. He didn’t know how long he did that too before he grew tired and sat down again. His mind was eating him alive, he couldn’t stop thinking about how his friends were doing. The sound of cannons firing knocked him out of his stupor and he looked toward the wall where he could see smoke rising in the distance. He didn’t know what that meant so he rounded the corner towards the main street to go see what was happening.

A few wagons were rolling in, carrying bodies of injured soldiers towards the medic tents. The first casualties. He was relieved for a moment that he didn’t recognize anyone from the wagon, then felt guilty afterwards for feeling that way. Somewhere out there someone was probably in the same situation as him. Sitting helpless and waiting for their friends to come back, only to find them like this. It was horrible. Connie didn’t know what was worse—fighting the titans, or the waiting game he had to endure while the people he cared about did.

* * *

It took roughly two hours for Eren to successfully block the hole on the wall at the south side of Trost in his titan form, and a few more hours for the soldiers to rid the city of the remaining titans scattered all around inside. In the end they succeeded, humanity was victorious.

The news didn’t reach Connie immediately though since he was well away from all the hustle and bustle of the main streets of the village. The whole time the fight was happening, he just sat there on his bench for hours—waiting. Twice he thought of leaving, of going somewhere else to keep his mind occupied but decided against it because here was the only place Reiner would know where to find him when—or if—he came back. He tried to doze off once, but the firing blasts of the cannons was having none of that from him. He cried, just a little over the third hour when his thoughts were beginning to weigh him down, silently letting his tears fall to let out his pent up emotions. When the announcement came that the fight was over and the mission was a success, he was numb and unaware of what was happening—merely staring at the ground with hollow eyes.

Reiner found him a few minutes later, after his squad was relieved of their duties. Connie was in too deep in his mind that he didn’t even hear the other coming until he was kneeling right in front of the bench he was on. It took him a while to snap out of it, his eyes widening upon realizing that Reiner was in front of him.

“Y-you’re bac—”

Connie didn’t even get two words out when Reiner suddenly crashed his lips onto his in a fiery kiss. He was taken aback, completely surprised by the blonde’s sudden grip on his face as his mouth started moving against his own. He held on to him as he kissed him harder, their lips doing all the communicating they needed at that moment. Connie could feel the difference in Reiner’s actions; He was rougher this time, forceful. He could taste the the saltiness of the sweat in his face and he could feel his heavy breath as he breathed into the kiss, making him grasp the back of his blonde hair to keep himself steady. His mind was too stunned that he didn’t even realize Reiner slowly getting up from his position on the ground to place his arms on both sides of the bench Connie was sitting on, eliciting a soft moan from him as the larger man pinned him against his seat and deepened their kiss.

Reiner kissed him as if his whole life depended on it, and Connie tried to match it. They were completely absorbed in each other’s senses until Reiner finally broke away, leaving both of them breathless and dazed. It blew Connie away just how much the blonde could make him feel inside. It’s as if all those hours of waiting here and feeling torpid were washed away the moment he saw him. They were still staring at each other when Connie finally managed to take a good look at Reiner. His head-bandage was gone and he was even filthier than the last time he saw him, realizing only now that the saltiness he could taste from him earlier wasn’t his sweat. They were his tears, he’d been crying.

“H-hey,” he said looking at the big guy, clearing his throat before continuing. “What’s wrong?”

Reiner didn’t answer him and just stood there looking at his eyes, arms still leaning heavily on either side of the seat. Connie made a tentative move to push Reiner on the bench beside him so he could sit down and was relieved when he complied.

“D-did something happen?” Connie asked hesitantly. He’s never seen Reiner cry before, and it was a little unnerving to witness it now. He wasn’t even sobbing. He just sat there staring at the ground while tears fell from his eyes, it didn’t even look like he knew he was crying. Connie also noticed that his hands were shaking, so he tried his best to be comforting and reached over to hold him. It seemed to calm Reiner down and looked like he was about to say something when all of a sudden he stiffened up, Connie feeling it in his hands. He watched his face as the larger man closed his eyes and let out a breath, and just like that his demeanor shifted. The moment Reiner looked at him again, Connie could see it in his eyes that whatever was consuming his thoughts just now was gone.

“I’m just...I’m just tired. Sorry,” Reiner uttered quietly, looking down at their hands as he wrapped their fingers together, and Connie knew deep in his gut that he was lying. He was about to ask him more when Reiner spoke up first. “How are you feeling?”

He decided not to press. He’s probably been through hell just now and the last thing he needed was an accusation. “I should be the one asking you that. You look like you just came out of a titan’s ass.”

Reiner chuckled, immediately lifting the mood as he gave Connie another kiss. This time warmer and sweeter. Connie kissed him back and soon completely forgot about his earlier thoughts of the blonde. He gave in to the moment and was flooded with a great sense of relief as he straddled Reiner on his seat by the bench, believing in his head that the worst was probably over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't get enough of them kissing. I'm sorry if it's a little too much? But seriously I can't help myself now that we're past the 'first kiss' hahaha. Thank you for reading! So I got a few points I wanna say and let me start by saying that I finally have an ending in mind for this fic. It's still waaayyy too soon because we still have a lot to cover with the story, but an ending struck me so hard the other day while I was showering and I can't get my mind off it, and I absolutely cannot wait to write it all for you :)
> 
> The other thing I wanna say is THANK YOU! I seriously appreciate all your guys feedback with this story and I really hope I'm inspiring more people on board this humble ship. So next my next update will be a special 2-chapter update to show my deepest gratitude to you all because there is only so much 'thank you' words out there that can encompass how I really feel hahaha. Look forward to it! :)


	15. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this two-part special! Thank you again so so much for reading and all your feedback! You guys make writing this story even better :)

It was raining. Connie was running hard through the streets, splashing puddles on the pavement with every step he made. He would’ve thought that the rain was better, that maybe it could wash away the blood on the walls and on the ground to minimize the carnage of the area. But oh, was he wrong. Streams of thick, red blood drifted through the streets staining everything they touched, turning the whole place into a gruesome horror scene.

The blood was even only half the issue. Connie would take blood any day compared to the mutilated bodies around him. It was like running through a slaughterhouse of human body parts, everywhere he turned and looked there would at least be a piece of someone lying on the ground. It was horrifying, but he had no time to mull over these things. The deep vibrations on the ground made sure of that.

Connie turned a corner and immediately doubled back when he saw a glimpse of a toe that was twice his size, heading for another direction instead. This wasn’t good. They were everywhere and he didn’t have a clue where he was going. All he knew was that he had to keep running because the moment he stopped, he would die.

He heard someone scream then. A girl. Whether it was real or just in his mind, he didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. There was nothing he could do either way so he just kept running, his tears and the pain in his arm drowning out everything else. He turned another corner and found himself on the main street at last, finally seeing the gate in the distance that would lead him to the other side of the wall. He was safe, he was going to make it.

He started to make a run for it when someone suddenly grasped his injured arm from behind, jerking him back as an explosion of pain shot through his entire body. He shouted in agony and looked at the person holding him back, and he was sure that what he saw was a hundred times more painful than his injury.

“Why did you leave me Connie?” Hannah rasped, staring at him with her one eye because the other was missing along with that half of her head. “Why didn’t you help me?”

“I-I’m sorry! L-let me go! Please!” Connie whimpered in terror, just as another hand took hold of his other arm, pulling him back with surprising strength.

“Why did you run Connie? Why did you leave us?” Samuel said in a ragged voice. The bones of his rib cage protruding at the side of his chest where one of his arms were missing.

“I’m s-sorry! P-please! They’re coming! I have to go!” Connie managed to pull himself free and ran for it, ignoring the screams of his friends behind him. He was already a few meters away from the gate when a huge muscled foot stepped right in front of him, blocking his path and throwing him off his feet. He looked up in fright to see the armored titan towering over him, glaring with those terrifying eyes. Connie tried to get up but found himself unable, seeing now that a few disembodied arms and hands were holding down his arms and legs.

“N-No! Let me go!!” He screamed helplessly, just as the armored titan started crouching down to grab him. “No! I don’t wanna die, p-please!!”

“You left us to die Connie. You left us.” Hannah and Samuel were on him now too, pinning him down as they kept speaking over and over again. “You left us. You left us.”

“I’m sorry!!” The armored titan crept closer. Its head was just a few a feet away from Connie now. He was going to die. “No! NO!—”

“Connie!”

He gasped a lungful of air as his eyes snapped open, the horrifying scene disappearing as he woke up to reality. Reiner was looking down at him on his bed, his worried face replacing the image of the armored titan looming in front of him just moments ago. Connie was breathing hard, and he could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He tried to move but he was too stunned to even blink.

“Hey, you’re okay. It’s just a nightmare,” Reiner said softly as he put a hand on his face. He didn’t even realize he’d been crying until Reiner started wiping away his tears with his thumb. It took a few more minutes for him to finally sit up and pull himself together, taking in his surroundings. They were bunking at one of the inns inside Wall Rose just across Trost, sharing a room with Jean, Armin and Bertholdt—who seemed to have all gone for the day since only he and Reiner were there.

It was already the third day since the attack on Trost. After succeeding with the mission to plug the breach, it took the rest of the first day to clear all the titans in the city. Cannons fired ceaselessly above the walls to rid the horde of titans near it, and Connie only heard snippets of information but word was going around that the scout regiment who left earlier that day have returned and helped sweep the city of titans. The following day, the medics issued an urgent order to clean the city of corpses, saying that even though Trost was saved from the titans, the huge amount of decay littering the area would make the place uninhabitable with the diseases it can spring in the air. Connie’s arm had gotten better too. Not completely but he was now off his sling, so his duties mostly consisted of helping the medics keep track of all the bodies in the registry, thankful and guilty that he hadn’t seen anyone he recognized yet.

“Are you going for cleanup duty today?” Connie asked Reiner who was sitting on his bed, trying to make conversation to pull himself out of the lingering effects of his dream.

“Yeah, I got afternoon duty. The rest of the guys have already left for their morning shift.” He gestured towards the door with his head, explaining where the others have gone.

“Oh. Okay,” he answered a little too mopey, making Reiner scoot closer to him. Connie didn’t know what his other friends thought about them now since Reiner didn’t really try to hide their sudden apparent closeness to everyone. He ate dinner last night with a few of them, noticing the weird looks Bertholdt was giving him and the surprised ones that Sasha and Krista showed when Reiner sat down next to him and attempted to spoon feed him because of his injured arm. ‘Attempted’ being the case because Connie blushed furiously at that and slapped the blonde’s hand away after telling him that he could handle himself, making the others laugh a bit. Something they all needed that night after everything they’d gone through earlier.

“Do you wanna talk about it? Your nightmare?” Reiner asked carefully, doing his best to try and comfort him.

“It’s the usual one...you know, what I told you about the other day,” Connie admitted. This wasn’t the first time he’s had this dream, and he’s told him about it already. But in the last two days it’s never gotten this vivid before. At least as far as he could remember.

“You were screaming just now. Plus, you were crying. You never did that before,” Reiner said worriedly, confirming his suspicions. Connie sighed and looked out the window. It was a beautiful day outside, The sky was bright and the wind blowing in was cool. Too bad everything else around them was the opposite and the situation they were in made it impossible to enjoy it.

Reiner suddenly stood up and looked outside too, his brows drawn together in concentration when he finally looked at Connie again and spoke. “Go get cleaned up and meet me at the northern edge of the village in half an hour,” he said before walking to the door, stopping midway to look at him one last time. “Oh, and don’t wear your uniform today. Just trust me.”

Connie was left sitting on his bed trying to process what he just said. Reiner was obviously up to something and when he couldn’t make a guess at what, he stood up and did as he was told. He picked up his plain clothes and headed for the bathroom to bathe, completely washing away the remainder of his terrible night’s sleep. Afterwards, he suddenly realized how hungry he was and debated on whether he should eat first or not. He didn’t want to make Reiner wait and he only had a few minutes left so he went ahead and started walking, thinking that the blonde had better be ready to feed for making him skip breakfast. He got to the northern end of the village where the line of buildings stopped and opened to wide grassy fields. Reiner arrived a few minutes later to meet him, with two horses in tow.

“Uhh, are we going somewhere?” Connie asked him warily, his eyebrows raising in suspicion when Reiner smirked at him.

“Yes. Now hop on.” He handed Connie the reins holding one of the horses he brought before getting on his own. Connie just looked at him with a doubtful face until Reiner sighed. “Relax Connie, I got it covered. Just get on and follow me, okay?”

Connie pouted and debated his words before giving in and lifting himself up the horse’s back. It didn’t look like he would take no for an answer anyway. “If you say so.”

* * *

They moved through the eastern path at a trot and Connie couldn’t help but enjoy the view. He was right, today was really nice day and away from all the trouble at Trost, it was easy to just lose yourself in the moment. The wind was blowing and the grass around them rippled like green waves in a vast lake. A few minutes in though, he suddenly remembered his being hungry and, as if sensing it, Reiner rode up close to him and handed him a warm potato from his horse’s satchel with a smile. Connie nearly fell over his own horse when he eagerly grabbed it and moaned in satisfaction when he took a bite, mumbling a quick thanks afterwards.

They’ve been travelling for almost an hour now when Connie was starting to grow impatient and looked over at his companion groggily. “Are we there yet?”

Reiner chuckled at his tone and nodded towards a slightly dense forest ahead of them. “Almost.”

Connie looked to where he was pointing at and sighed, getting a little bored. “So how’d you get these horses anyway? Did you strangle the soldier at the stable or something?” Connie asked lightly, trying to make conversation.

“Why would I need to strangle him when I can just ask?” Reiner gave him a sly smirk before continuing, “You’re not the _only_ person who blushes whenever I stand too close to them.”

Connie could feel his face getting warm and looked away, making the other laugh. His next thought was something he was all too familiar with by now, imagining Reiner alone with some other guy and them standing so close to each other. He suddenly wanted to know who this person was.

“So...who was he? The guy you got these horses from,” he asked a little coldly, hoping the other wouldn’t notice. But Reiner never missed a beat of course and looked at Connie wryly.

“Oh, just some cute fellow from the Trost garrisons. Poor guy couldn’t even speak after I was done with him,” he answered cheekily looking at Connie the whole time, who was frowning so hard by now it would put his usual scowl to shame.

“‘Cute’, huh?” He spat bitterly, staring heatedly at the path in front of him. “A shame you didn’t ask him to come with you then.”

“Why would I?” Reiner asked in mock surprise, raising his eyebrows at him. “I’m already bringing someone special to me. I don’t need anyone else.” He smirked and got the reaction he was aiming for now that Connie had just turned a few shades redder.

“Jerk!” he yelled, making Reiner laugh even louder. With no one around, Reiner’s laugh was probably the happiest sound Connie has ever heard in awhile.

They passed through the small forest and arrived at a clearing when Reiner suddenly stopped and turned around. “We’re here,” he announced before getting off his horse. “It’s better to go on foot from here. So the horses can walk easier.”

Connie followed suit, confused by the whole thing. He looked around and saw nothing special with the place and wondered what the hell they were doing here. He looked over at Reiner and saw him walking through the woods now, his horse following behind him. He sighed and started on the direction as well, following the blonde.

It didn’t take very long for the woods to open up to a much larger clearing and Connie had to shield his eyes from the sudden glare of sunlight. When he felt his eyes adjusting, he looked again and saw Reiner smirking on the side as if waiting for his reaction. Then he saw it. He’s only ever seen the place at night and without its magical blue glow, the huge lake looked totally different. He could see bright shimmering ripples the same color as the sky on the water’s surface, each small wave lapping on the shore was defined in clarity that only daylight could achieve and it was as equally mesmerizing as it was at night. He didn’t even realize he’d been frozen on the spot until his horse started tugging on his reins, telling him that it needed a drink.

“Beautiful huh?” Reiner said as he followed him to the water where they tied their horses down on a nearby tree close to the shore.

“Yeah,” he answered, eyes still locked on the water. He was too busy taking in the view that he didn’t even notice Reiner taking his clothes off by the side until it was too late.

“W-what are you doing?!” he asked incredulously, trying and failing not to look at the blonde’s toned, half-naked body.

“Relax. We’re just gonna go swimming for now.” He smirked as he started taking off his pants, revealing his incredibly short underwear that did little to conceal what needed concealing. “Would you stop staring and get moving?”

Connie blushed and swore he felt a nerve burst. When he made no move to do anything, Reiner briskly walked over to him and pulled his shirt above his head in one swift move. He managed to regain control of his limbs again just as the larger man placed his hands on the waistband of his pants. “I-I can take it from here!” he yelped, trying to push Reiner away who only smirked at his reaction.

Once fully out of his clothes, Connie awkwardly stood there looking down and shuffling his feet on the ground, trying to cover as much skin as he could. This was so humiliating, if it were any other person he would never even be acting this way. He had no reason to be ashamed too. He had a very nice physique from all those years of training, and even if he wasn’t as big as Reiner, his was just the right kind of buff for his own height. He was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard a huge splash and looked over to see Reiner already swimming in the lake and calling out to him.

“C’mon Con! The water’s great!”

Connie gulped and stepped forward, feeling the water touch his feet. Only then did he realize one very important detail. “Umm, Reiner?” he called out to the blonde who was now swimming a few meters away from him.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t swim,” he answered nervously and stepped back a bit, soon finding himself looking at Reiner again as he swam nearer.

“I’ll teach you, come on.” He flashed that smile of his that always managed to make Connie melt and put his arms out for him to reach, leading him farther into the water slowly. “See? This isn’t so bad.”

Connie took one hesitant step at time when suddenly the ground disappeared beneath him and he froze, hands clutching on to to Reiner’s arms like a vice and swallowing a bit a water as he gasped for air. “R-Reiner!”

“Hey, hey. I’m here. Just relax,” Reiner said comfortingly, trying to calm him down. “You just gotta relax, see? Your body will float naturally so just stay calm. And try not to swallow the water.” He joked, flashing Connie that smile again. They swam like that for a while, drifting slowly through the water in each other’s arms.  It was starting to feel relaxing, the feel of the cool water and with Reiner holding him, he was becoming less afraid now.

“I’m going to let go now, okay?” Reiner whispered quietly when he finally felt Connie calming down.

“Wait, what?! N-no! I still can’t—”

“Yes you can. Just use your limbs to keep your body balanced. Think of how you do it in the air with your ODM gear,” Reiner said reassuringly, eyes drilling into Connie’s soul. “Just do what comes naturally.”

Reiner slowly let go of him and Connie did his best not to panic and closed his eyes. He did what Reiner said, keeping his body balanced like he did with ODM gears. When he opened his eyes again, the blonde was already a few feet away from him, smiling like an idiot.

“See! I knew you could do it!”

Connie managed a nervous laugh and tried to move forward, leaning his body over the water and using his arms and legs to paddle himself. It was working, he was actually swimming. “H-hey! Look at me! I’m moving!”

He kept going forward towards a smirking Reiner who was swimming backwards away from him. “Think you can catch me?”

Connie took that as a challenge and swam faster, kicking his legs back and forth to pick up some speed. He was gaining on him, but Reiner was more skilled at this and always managed to keep the same distance that Connie was trying to close. Eventually though, he stopped moving to let the smaller man catch up to him. Connie was still busy making the lap and was completely unaware of the other stopping until he finally caught up. Raising his head above the water, he was suddenly met with Reiner’s waiting lips, softly crashing onto his with complete surprise.

“You caught me,” Reiner said softly after breaking away from the kiss, looking intensely at Connie and letting him take in the full meaning of his words.

“Y-yeah. ‘Guess I did,” he mumbled, feeling a little flustered. He was glad that most of his body was underwater because he _really_ didn’t want Reiner to see the effect he was having on him right now.

“Up for another round? This time I’ll chase.” The blonde suggested, raising his eyebrows and issuing another challenge. Connie just smirked before he splashed water on Reiner’s face and swam away.

“You’re on!”


	16. Wake Up Call

They finished swimming around the lake when Connie started to feel hungry, indicating that it was time for lunch which Reiner came prepared for. After forcing the blonde to put his pants back on since he couldn’t concentrate with seeing him in his underwear all day, Connie helped bring out the food that he packed in his satchel. It wasn’t your Sunday cornucopia of a picnic, what with scarce food resources and all, but food was food and being with Reiner gave him no reason to complain.

“Did you charm your way into getting these potatoes too?” Connie asked before taking a large bite. They were sitting on the ground under the shade of one of the larger trees, getting dry with towel rags draped over them.

Reiner ran a hand through his still damp hair and smirked after taking a bite from his own food. “Nah, I just asked nicely for these. No need for you to get jealous,” he said jokingly, causing Connie to blush and stick his tongue out at him.

After they finished eating, Connie went ahead and laid back on the tree trunk while Reiner got up to rummage through his stuff. It was a really nice day and he was almost ready to doze off until the other came back to sit in front of him a minute later, holding a piece of paper and a writing stub.

“What’s that for? Don’t tell me your quizzing me on swimming,” Connie said playfully while looking at the stuff in front of him.

Reiner chuckled and looked at him warmly. “No, I...” He hesitated, thinking of how to go about saying what he wanted. “I want you to write a letter. For Hannah and Samuel.”

The mere mention of their names immediately wiped the playful smile off Connie’s face, and Reiner actually flinched at the expression he was giving him now. What was this all about? He was already starting to forget about everything even if it was only temporary, and now he was reminded again of all the horrors at Trost.

“Why,” Connie said coldly. It wasn’t even a question.

Reiner tried to be comforting and hold his hand but Connie was having none of it, pulling himself away in hostility. “It’ll help you Con. I don’t want you to keep suffering because of what happened. You have to—”

“Yeah well what do you know?” Connie said bitterly as he stood up and walked away, sitting on the log by the shore with his back turned. He was being childish, he knew that, but he really didn’t want to think about it right now. He was starting to think that Reiner just buttered him up for half the day, and it only annoyed him that this was maybe the only reason he brought him here in the first place. 

“Con,” Reiner whispered from behind him, concern lacing his voice. “You don’t think I know what it feels to lose someone? You think I haven’t seen titans kill the people I care about?”

That hit him. He was right, Reiner had probably gone through so much more than he could even imagine. The gravity of which doesn’t even compare to how he was feeling right now. He felt ashamed, he had no right to be acting this way in front of him especially since he’s the only person trying to help him out. Reiner sat down next to him then, close enough that their arms brushed and he could feel him sighing.

“I lost someone I loved before...” he started, looking at the waters in front of them with sad eyes. “I don’t know if ‘love’ is the right word...I was still very young, but it felt really close to that. He saved my life, and he died right in front of me for doing so. I never once stopped blaming myself for what happened...I keep on thinking how different things could’ve been if I had acted differently that day.”

Connie couldn’t hide the surprise from his face upon hearing that. Reiner rarely ever talked about his past even back then, and hearing him talk about it now felt very personal. He could see from his face that it was extremely painful for him to even say it out loud, and it made him feel guilty knowing that he was only doing it for his sake. “I’m sorry,” he whispered quietly. It was all he could say.

Reiner cleared his throat and looked at him again, handing him the paper. “Anyway my point is, I know how the guilt can consume you, and I don’t want it to keep tormenting you. You can hate me afterwards, but just try to do this.”

Connie looked at the paper in his hand and took it along with the writing stub. He couldn’t say no after what he’s told him, but he still didn’t want to do it. He stared at the blank sheet for a few minutes, thinking of what to write when it occurred to him that he’s never even written a letter before. So he started out with the usual line, writing slowly,  _ Dear Hannah and Samuel... _

It took a few more minutes for his thoughts to form into words but once he did, he found that they just flowed right through him. He started with what he usually said in his head whenever he thought about them—his apologies for not being strong enough to save them, for leaving them behind, for not being careful enough. Then his thoughts took him to another direction, going back to their days at training camp and remembering all the good times they had. He remembered how sweet Hannah was to him, and how he secretly hated, and at the same time loved, being called shorty by Hannah. He wrote how much he loved Samuel’s company and that he always had the qualities he looked for in a brother, annoying, reliable, and funny. He wanted to remember it all, to solidify those memories into written words, all the promises they made to each other before graduating and the excitement the future held for them. He promised that he would fight for them, that every titan he would kill would be for them, and that their sacrifices would never be forgotten for as long as he lived. When he started, he had no idea how he would go about doing this, but as he reached the very bottom of the page, he found himself writing the last few words with a heavy heart,  _ I love you guys. I wish I could’ve done more for you. -Connie _

He was crying by the time he was done, his tears falling on the paper and creating stains of sadness on the fibers. It was painful, the sobs were racking him up and coming straight from his gut. The kind of pain you felt in finality when you finally accept something you didn’t want to accept. It took a while for it to pass, but when it did, the relief that replaced it was euphoric. He could breathe, clearly and calmly like as if a huge chunk of something was flushed right out of his system. 

He was too engrossed at the letter that he didn’t even notice Reiner leaving his side until now. He looked around and saw the tall blonde fussing over something on the ground just underneath the tree they sat on earlier. Connie walked towards him and coming closer, he understands immediately what Reiner’s been up to.

“I’m done.” Connie sniffed and wiped the last of his tears as he bent down on the ground next to him. Reiner smiled and stepped back a bit to let Connie do the rest, handing him the small shovel he was using to dig a hole on the ground. Connie placed the folded letter inside the hole and started filling it up, burying everything he’s written on the earth. By the time he was done, Reiner handed him two smooth stones to finish it off.

“I found these by the shore earlier. I thought it would do,” he said before placing them on his hands. Connie nodded and proceeded to mark the small grave they made for their friends, just as Reiner put an arm around him and placed a soft kiss on the side of his head. “I’m proud of you.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon just leaning back on the large log by the shore and looking at the lake in comfortable silence. They sat side by side, enjoying the breeze and the calm sounds of the water softly lapping on the stones. Connie scooted closer to the big guy and rested his head on his broad shoulder, making the most of the moment.

“Thank you,” he muttered softly, slightly angling his head upward so he could look at the blonde. “For doing this for me. You always seem to know what I need even before I figure it out.”

Reiner chuckled and kissed the top of his head and wrapped an arm around him, relaxing against his body as they went back to just watching the water. Connie still had something on his mind and he knew Reiner could feel it too. He was just waiting for him to voice it out himself.

“Can I ask you something?” Connie asked after a while, finally building up the courage he needed.

“Of course.”

Connie breathed and continued, eyes still glued to the lake. “What made you change your mind? About...you know, being with me. The last time we were here, you told me you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. But now...” He trailed off, still remembering everything Reiner said that night two years ago. He let Reiner mull it over like he knew he would and waited patiently for his answer.

“I meant what I said the other day...about believing you to be dead,” Reiner started with hesitation, choosing his words carefully. “And at that moment...I don’t know. It felt like a part of me just—” he paused and let out a breath. He seemed to be conflicted again, and Connie just realized how anxious he was himself at knowing his answer.

“I felt like I failed you, like it was my fault. Thinking you were dead...made me realize how much you really meant to me, and how stupid I’ve been for denying that all these years. I thought you would be better off without me...and you still probably are, and that the only way I could make you believe that was for you to hate me. That’s why I hurt you that night, that’s why I said what I said. The only thought that was on my mind when I was running for my life on those roofs was how sorry I was for doing so...and when I saw you coming to save me...”

Connie lifted his head from Reiner’s shoulder so he could face him. He was expecting him to be a wreck again, but what he saw was just the opposite. Reiner looked calm despite how hard it was for him to say these things, it’s like by doing so he’s finally stopped fighting within himself. He met Connie’s curious eyes and held them for a moment before continuing.

“When I saw you coming to help me, I couldn’t believe it. You were alive. I had a second chance with you and I wasn’t going to throw it away, I just couldn’t let you go again...and when you kissed me” He paused, blushing, and Connie couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Reiner was actually blushing!

“Everything just fell on top of me after that. I’m being selfish now, I know I am. But dammit, I didn’t want to keep lying to myself anymore, at least not with you.” Reiner broke his gaze from Connie and looked down before muttering quietly. “I’m sorry I hurt you Con. I can only hope you believe me when I say that seeing you hurt is the last thing I ever want to happen.”

Connie stared for a while, taking in what Reiner just said before moving towards him—using the bigger guy’s shoulder for support so he could place a kiss on his forehead and completely surprising him. “I believe you. Thank you for telling me,” he whispered afterwards, wrapping his arms around his neck in a tight embrace. He held him for a while, trying to radiate as much comfort as he could for the blonde, before pulling away slightly so he could look at his face. “But I don’t understand why you would think I’m better off without you, when you’ve done nothing but good things for me.”

Reiner frowned at that and Connie could feel the grip on his hips tightening as he spoke. “I don’t think...I’m all that good, Con.”

It was Connie’s turn to frown, leaning forward so that their foreheads were touching. “Well, to me you are. And to everyone else too. You’re literally like, everyone’s favorite person.”

Reiner couldn’t help but smile at that and moved his face forward so it could meet Connie’s, making his lips do the rest of the talking. No matter how many times he’s done this, Reiner always managed to make his heart pound with the way he kissed him. Whether it was slow and sweet, like right now, or heated and strong. He was entirely captivated by everything about him and it felt amazing. “You don’t mind that keep kissing you, right?” Reiner asked after nearly sucking all of Connie’s breath away.

“Not at all.”

They stayed by the lake for a few more hours that day enjoying the scenery and each other’s company. Talking about the most random stuff, like how Connie liked his potatoes soft and mushy while Reiner preferred them crunchy; or how it irritated the blonde that the body harness of his ODM gear had been chafing him since yesterday and not getting a chance to have them replaced yet. They talked about the things they missed out on during the two years they spent not speaking to each other, with both of them admitting that they spent every single day thinking about the other and how they wished they could take it all back. Reiner even joked about that time Connie punched him in the face and how he got a shiner for three days because of it, the both of them laughing at the memory.

They skipped rocks for a while too, when Connie challenged him to who could make the most jumps on the water. The deal was that the loser had to kiss the winner, and even though he lost, that punishment wasn’t all that bad. In fact they spent the latter half of their game just making out and forgetting about the whole challenge. Connie also told him how much he misses his family, and how he wanted to at least visit home one time and maybe bring him along to meet his village. Reiner smiled at that and agreed, both of them promising to do it one of these days. 

The sun was just starting its descent on the western horizon when Reiner announced that it was time for them to head back, making Connie pout in disfavor. He really didn’t want to go, and wished that they could just stay there forever. But of course that wasn’t going to happen, and he gave the place one last glance before packing their things and leaving with their horses.

“Hey I never got to ask,” Reiner said as they rode back down the path to Trost. They already made half their journey and should be getting back just before supper at the pace they were on. “Have you thought about which regiment you’re joining? They said we had to choose next week once all the chaos at Trost is cleared.”

Connie pondered, he never actually thought about it at all. He remembered that day up the wall just right before the colossal titan appeared, and how he had decided to join the scouts along with Eren. But that was before he’d seen the titans. Before he saw what they could do, before he saw his friends die.

“Connie?” Reiner asked worriedly, riding up next to him.

“Hmm? Sorry I just...I guess I don’t know yet.” He wanted so bad right now to just join the MP’s. That’s what he wanted to say, but found that he couldn’t. “What about you? Have you decided?”

Reiner looked like he was unsure as well and shook his head. “I’m giving it a few more days before I decide.”

He nodded to that. It was about the best answer they could have at the moment. “Yeah, I guess that sounds like a good idea.”

They rode the rest of the way in silence and Connie could actually feel the dread in his gut as they neared the wall. It was like Trost carried an air of horror, and in most ways it actually did. They arrived back at the village in no time and just like that, their little vacation was over. The sun had finally set, painting the surrounding area in warm yellow tones as the street lanterns were lit. Reiner told Connie to sit and wait at a nearby bench while he went to return the horses. By the time he came back, Connie’s stomach was already starting to rumble, making the tall blonde laugh a little

“C’mon, let’s go grab something to eat,” he said, feeling a little hungry himself. As they walked along the streets, Connie started to feel something off. He realized a little later that it was the same feeling of dread from earlier, but as to why he was feeling it, he had no clue.

The tavern where they usually ate was just at its usual state. Soldiers eating and mostly drinking along the tables, some more drunk than others. Idle chatter filled the air with busy noise which more or less made their entrance go unnoticed. Reiner got them a few plates of food while Connie found them a seat by the corner. They were halfway through their meal when he overheard one of the nearby tables talking.

“Did you see the cadet corps earlier? Huddled around the bonfire like moths,” one of the soldiers whispered to his friend.

“Yeah, poor lads. Fresh out of training and into the flames already.”

_ What are they talking about?  _ That feeling in his gut grew stronger. Connie didn’t even notice the hard grip he had on his fork just now until Reiner put a hand over it.

“Hey, calm down.” Reiner looked at him with piercing eyes, knowing full well what was on the smaller guy’s mind and continued, “we can go see after we eat. Now finish up.”

But Connie suddenly lost his appetite. He did his best to eat everything on his plate and didn’t even wait for Reiner before he stood up to go and rushed to the door. He stepped outside to the cool evening air when he suddenly realized he had no clue where he was going. He hasn’t been back over the wall since the day of the attack.

“It’s this way,” Reiner said catching up to him from behind, and walking forward to lead the way. Along the way they were barred from the gates when the soldiers in charge saw them in their plain clothes and mistaked them for civilians, but one look at Reiner’s scowl told them everything they needed to know because even the more senior soldiers knew of the top cadets in the recent graduating class—the genius and the golden boy. 

They walked through the city while Connie’s eyes took in the surroundings. This was his first time stepping in Trost after a while and seeing it at night, the whole place looked just as it did before the whole titan fiasco. It was quiet, and strangely normal. Of course, he had no idea what kind of operations they held in here for the past three days since he spent all that time on the other side waiting for his arm to heal, but so far everything was okay. They walked forward through the main street and everything still seemed normal. He was expecting blood, bodies, and steaming carcasses, not this normal quiet atmosphere. It was becoming a little unnerving, that is, until he smelled the smoke.

They rounded a corner and saw a flickering of light at the end of the road they were facing. Reiner didn’t have to lead the way for him to know that’s where they were going so he quickened his pace, arriving at the edge and turning left to where the street opened up to one of the city’s open squares where four huge bonfires were blazing.

_ What’s going on? _ Connie walked forward and took in the scene in front of him. He made a quick glance at Reiner and saw nothing but his usual scowl plastered on his face. Did he know? Has he seen this before? How long has this been going? Connie looked around some more and saw a familiar flash of bright blonde hair among the crowd of people and called out.

“Krista!”

She turned at the sound of his voice to look at him, and the moment her crying blue eyes met his, he suddenly felt a tear escape his own. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t even move. Reiner had to put a hand on his shoulder for him to wake up and start walking to where the others were.

“What happened?” It was Reiner who spoke, saving Connie from the ordeal. That’s when he noticed the whole lot of them. Everyone was there, Sasha, Armin, Mikasa, and Annie. Krista was standing near Ymir, Jean, and Bertholdt, who all looked over at the two of them arriving.

It was Jean who answered. What Connie heard next didn’t completely register in his head until a few minutes later, but it was enough that his knees slightly buckled from under him. He didn’t feel himself falling, nor the otherwise painful grip the blonde made on his shoulder as he caught him. He suddenly couldn’t feel the heat from the flames anymore, but instead only the air that somehow managed to drop ten degrees lower. He couldn’t even feel the water in his eyes as his tears started to well up and fall of his face in streams. Connie was numbed to the core, but only for a minute, because the pain that followed was devastatingly existent and felt, and completely unimaginable, as those Jean’s words played over and over in his head in a tortuous loop.

“Marco’s dead.”

 


	17. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long update. I experienced my first case of writer's block and got stuck writing one of the future chapters. I'll make it up to you guys! I'll upload the next three chapters consecutively starting today :)

Connie was stuck in a sort of limbo, or at least what felt like it. He did his day to day duties on a repetitive loop without any mind or soul to it, starting and ending in a plain, drab manner. Eating breakfast with the others after waking up and bathing, crossing over to Trost to help with the city rehab now that his arm was better, and ending the day back at their room after supper. He found that he had no tears left to cry after the first night at the bonfire, and the only other release from the pain he felt was by merely breathing. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t. Just when he’d finally started to swallow the deaths of Hannah and Samuel, another one forces itself in to take their place. And now he was beginning to wonder if there was even an end to this nightmare. Which of the people he cared about was going to be next? Who else was going to die?

His friends took Marco’s death just as bad as he did, stuck in their own personal limbo and grief. Krista couldn’t stop crying the first few days, always having to excuse herself at meal time when it was becoming too much to bear. He was glad Ymir was there to comfort her, because he just didn’t have the energy to do the same. Sasha never ate as much as she normally did, which actually bothered them more than it should have. She would sometimes just stare blankly at her plate whenever they ate together and wouldn’t touch her food until Connie reminded her to eat. Reiner never talked to him about it too, in fact, he never spoke at all. He just scowled and silently went through his day without uttering a single word. Sometimes when he found himself alone with the big guy, Reiner would suddenly just hug him close for a few seconds and silently hold him tight, then let go as if nothing happened.

But no one took the death harder than Jean did. It was he who found Marco’s corpse on the streets that day, and it really took its toll on him. He didn’t sleep, eat, or even hung around the others. The only times Connie had seen him was when they passed each other on the hallway leading to their room, giving him a glimpse of what a wreck he’s turned into. Being a little thick, Connie only assumed that he and Marco were just really close. It wasn’t until now that he’s realized that there must’ve been something more between them, and he could only imagine the pain Jean was going through.

The week passed slowly, with each day becoming harder than the last. Trost was finally picking itself up from the the recent attack thanks to the combined efforts of the soldiers and medics. It wouldn’t take long before the civilians were permitted to come back to the city again, and finally draw the curtain over this nightmare. On the eve of the day before the cadets had to choose their respective regiments, Connie found himself at one of the mess halls at the military headquarters of Trost. The soldiers have finally moved from the small village at the inner wall so everyone now settled back at the military district of the city. He was having dinner with the others when he found Reiner staring at him from across the table. They locked eyes for a moment before the larger man suddenly stood to go and exit the main hall. These days no one really minded or noticed the small things you did but still, Connie waited a few minutes in his seat before excusing himself and leaving as well.

He stepped outside and was greeted with a cool breeze and a star-filled sky. It was a beautiful night, but like all the other nights that have passed, he and most of the others just didn’t have the heart to appreciate it. He sighed and looked over to his left to see Reiner leaning on the adjacent wall, waiting for him.

“Mind walking with me before bed?” whispered the blonde as he stepped off his place by the door. It's been a while since Connie had heard his voice, and it gave him a little comfort hearing it now. He shook his head and they began their stroll along the empty streets, dimly lit by a few lanterns and casting warm hues over pavement.

“How’re you holding up?” Reiner asked after walking some distance away from the HQ. At this light, the blonde looked a lot more tired than he usually did, and Connie wondered if he was actually getting enough sleep.

“I guess I’m alright,” he said hesitantly, not really sure how he felt at the moment. “You?”

Reiner managed to give him a small smile and nodded, “I guess I’m alright too, I mean, we’ve been through worse, right?”

Connie returned his smile at that. They _have_ been through worse, now that he thought about it. He still missed Marco though, and remembering him always gave him that familiar pang deep in his gut.

“He was one of my first friends, you know,” he said sadly, looking down at his feet as they kept walking. “I still remember how excited he was at that first test at camp. You know when we had to hang on the harnesses?” Connie smiled at the memory, suddenly remembering all the other memories he had of the freckled boy. “Marco was always nice to me. Hell, he was nice to everyone. I guess that’s why it’s been so hard for everybody. We all loved the guy.” It felt good to tell someone about it too. With everyone being so despondent lately, he’s never had a chance to put his thoughts out there.

“I’m sorry...” Reiner muttered and Connie looked at him with surprise, noticing the pained expression on his face.

“Hey,” he said, holding on to his arm. “It’s not your fault Marco died. I mean...I know we all feel sorry. I guess we all wish we could’ve at least done something for him...”

Connie could feel that Reiner wanted to say something else by the way he clenched his fists and frowned, but it seemed like he changed his mind at the last minute, taking a deep breath instead and nodding. “Yeah...’guess so.”

They walked in silence for a bit with nothing but their footsteps on the pavement making a sound. Connie actually liked it. Being around Reiner always made him feel a little better despite everything that’s happened. They both shared the loss of their friend, he feels, and that was enough for now.

“Hey Con?” the blonde said, looking down at him as they walked. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a little...distant lately. I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you again. It’s just...”

“You don’t have to say it man, I understand.” Connie gave him a warm smile which the larger man returned. “We’ve all been a little out of it lately to be honest. We already have enough on our plates as it is. Not to mention that tomorrow’s the day we have to pick which regiment to join.” He looked down in thought, still a little uncertain with the whole thing.

“So have you decided yet?”

“I guess, but...I guess not,” he answered confusedly, thinking how to say what’s on his mind before continuing. “I haven’t told you, but before the attack I was actually set on joining the scouts. But afterwards...” He frowned at the sudden rush of bad memories, shaking his head a little to clear them away. “I really don’t want to have to face another titan again to be honest.”

Reiner regarded him for a moment before looking forward again, his eyebrows knitting together in a slight frown. “There’s nothing wrong with joining the MP’s Con, and didn’t you want to join them in the first place? To make your parents proud? Why would you even consider going for the scouts?”

“That’s the thing. Making other people proud was only half the reason for me. A part of me still wants to fight and make a change, to live for the people we’ve lost. For Hannah, Samuel, and Marco.” Connie lamented, his determination building up inside him.

“So you’re going to live for them by throwing your life away, is that it?” Reiner scoffed, scowling at his smaller friend. Connie expected his response and he understood that he was just worried about him. Of course Reiner wouldn’t want him to join the scouts, that’s why he never really told him about it in the first place

“Are _you_ joining the MP’s?” Connie countered and raised his eyebrow, even though he already knew what the blonde’s answer was.

“If I say yes, will you?”

He had to think about that. Connie knew that there was also another part inside of him, the selfish and probably illogical part, that wanted to go where Reiner went. And sometimes this part of his mind was even the most overwhelming. Nevermind the titans, or the deaths, or the duties. If he was with him, he’d be happy regardless.

“I guess,” he answered with a slight chuckle. “Problem is, I _know_ you’re not joining the MP’s. I don’t think you ever even considered joining then at all.” He smiled after seeing the look on his face. He was spot on.

“I just want you to be safe, more than anything,” Reiner muttered softly, his eyes full of concern. “But I also want you to make a decision for yourself, and not because you feel like you have to for someone else’s sake.”

Connie nodded. Of course that would be the typical thing for him to say. He stopped walking and turned to face the tall blonde so he could wrap his arms around him and give him a hug. “Don’t worry, I’ll try not to disappoint you too much,” he said, his voice muffling as he buried his face in Reiner’s chest and only just realizing how much he missed the big guy. He missed the way his own arms perfectly looped around his large torso, and how his head fit perfectly on his broad chest. He missed smelling the warm scent coming off of him that was only possible to detect when you shoved your face over his body, The moment he felt the other’s arms returning the hug, he could finally say to himself that he was starting to feel better.

“Thanks for walking with me,” Reiner whispered softly above him, nuzzling his cheek on his shaven head. “I missed you.”

That was all it took for the otherwise depressing night to turn around, and Connie knew—or felt at least—that from that point on, the nightmare at Trost was finally over.

* * *

The morning came with bad news, but only to some at least. The two titans captured by the scout regiment during the cleanup operations of the city were killed during the night. As crazy as it sounded, Connie heard that one of the commanders were said to have been doing experiments with the two titans for the past few days. And even crazier, they were all being called for an inspection to find out who did the deed. They were actually getting in trouble for killing titans!

In the end though, the seniors came up short. After a full inspection of everyone’s gears at HQ, no one seemed to have used their equipment in the past 24 hours, and unless someone suddenly figured out a new way to kill the damn creatures, they had nothing else to lead them to the culprit.

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur with everyone just waiting for the choosing ceremony in the evening. They didn’t have that much work to do and a lot of them were left to their own devices. Reiner was off somewhere doing dutiful soldier things, so Connie was left sitting alone on his bed a little after lunch to pack some of his stuff when the most unexpected person came by to see him.

“H-hey Connie,” Bertholdt stuttered and called out his attention, standing awkwardly at the foot of his bed. Connie was surprised to see him, but he was a little more surprised at how much he had to incline his head just to look at the man’s face. “You got a minute?”

“Uhh, yeah. Sure,” he said with a small smile. He scooted over his bed and gave it pat, gesturing for Bertholdt to sit down. When he accepted, Connie was still a little taken aback by the raven-haired boy—even while sitting he was tall.

“I just, umm...wanted to thank you, for what you did. For saving Reiner that day,” Bertholdt said with a shy expression on his face, “That was very brave of you, and I knew that...at the time you two weren’t even on good terms...but you risked your life for him anyway. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t.”

Connie remembered the horrified face Bertholdt had worn when they saw Reiner jumping on the roofs that day at Trost. And then afterwards, how he broke down when they got back safely. There was no denying how much he cared for the blonde.

“I just did what I could.” Connie shrugged sheepishly, “Eren’s the real hero that day. We’d both be dead if it wasn’t for him,” he said remembering that moment at the roof.

Bertholdt just smiled at him and looked down at his hands, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I also wanted to apologize to you. I...haven’t exactly been the nicest person to you in the past, and I’m sorry.” His words just kept on taking a surprising turn and Connie was beginning to feel a little self conscious.

“I admit, I always kind of resented you from the beginning. I...thought that you were holding Reiner back from achieving his goals. But I was wrong,” said the tall boy, ruefully smiling at his own actions. “I guess part of me was just worried of losing him...he’s the only family I have.”

Connie blinked at his confession. He suddenly felt bad for Bertholdt, all the jealousy and suspicions he had harbored in the past melting away. “I’m sorry, I never intended to make you feel that I was taking him away from you. Truth is, I’ve always been jealous of you two. I thought you guys were...well, you know.”

Bertholdt chuckled and gave him a reassuring smile. “Trust me, he doesn’t see me that way,” he said as he started to get up from the bed, having said all he needed to say. “He cares a lot about you Connie, far more than you can imagine. And whatever you say can’t downplay that.”

Bertholdt gave him one last smile before he turned to leave. Connie blushed at what he just said tried to imagine a scene whereby the two of them talked about him. It felt a little weird and flattering at the same time, knowing that the blonde spoke about him with other people.

“Hey Bertholdt?” he called out just before the tall man reached the door and looked back at him.

“Thanks,” Connie said with a smile, and feeling genuinely happy that Bertholdt nodded and smiled back.

* * *

The sun was beginning its descent when the remaining cadets of the 104th corps found themselves at one of the assembly fields near the HQ. The time had come for them to finally choose which regiment to join, and Connie was standing in wait with Krista and Sasha when the announcement came for them to assemble.

“This is it you guys,” he said to his two friends who both nodded in return. They were making their way over to the front of the small stage at the edge of the field when Connie was started to peek around the heads of the other people trying to look for Reiner. He hadn’t seen him since last night and was feeling a little sad that they hadn’t talked yet.

“Good evening everyone. My name is Erwin Smith, commander of the scout regiment. Tonight all of you will be choosing your respective designations in the military, so let’s cut to the chase,” said a tall dashing man standing on top of the stage, addressing everyone in the assembly. “In light of recent events, all of you have seen what the titans can do. You have fought them, and now have a measure of your own abilities as well as your limitations. Knowing this, we at the scout regiment welcome you to join if you wish so. We need all the warm, able bodies we can get.”

The was a bit chilling. The commander seemed like the guy you didn’t mess around with. He exuded an aura of seriousness and a no-nonsense attitude. He looked over to the side of the stage and signaled to two of his subordinates to step forward, unfolding a large hand drawn map of the walled cities to show the cadets.

“One month from now we will be conducting a recon mission to Shiganshina. Your fellow classmate, Cadet Eren Yeager, has joined our team and shared with us the information that the possible secret of the titans is located underneath a locked cellar in the fallen city.” That brought about a barrage of whispers among the cadets. They’ve more or less seen what Eren can do now, and beyond the initial doubt, it wouldn’t be a surprise that he’s the source of this new information.

“That is easier said than done of course.” The commander continued, his gaze darkening. “Any trip outside the walls _will_ result in casualties. I expect that by the end of the first mission, at least a third of your ranks will be dead. By four years, most of you will have suffered the same fate. I expect you all to take this to heart if you consider enlisting with us. Now, those of you wishing to join the other regiments are dismissed. I bid you good luck in your future endeavors.”

That was about the coldest welcoming remark Connie has ever heard. He knew that the scouts were the most dangerous line in the military, incurring the most casualties than any other regiment, but he didn’t know it was _that_ severe. And it looked like he wasn’t the only one thinking that, for everyone else in the assembly was now turning around to leave. He didn’t know what he was expecting from everyone but he sure wasn’t expecting this much people to back out. It looked like the entire crowd was walking away and whispering their misgivings.

“How does he expect anyone to join by saying those things?”

“There’s no way in hell I’m risking my life out there.”

Connie swallowed hard as the people around him passed in waves, their whispers carrying through his mind. They were right. What was even the point? He was eighth of the class. He had a chance to join the military police, he could avoid all this trouble if he wanted to. So he turned around and started to walk away, following the sea of people around him. It just wasn’t worth the risk he thought, he didn’t want to put himself in any more danger. He didn’t want to die.

He only made about ten steps when he caught Reiner staring at him a little over to the side. He was standing in attention like a true soldier, holding his ground without a single hint of doubt. He was scowling as usual, but the moment their eyes met his expression softened to give Connie a small smile. A smile that told him _‘Go. You don’t have to stay.’_

And he didn’t want to stay, or at least until his thoughts led him back to that time at the streets of Trost—sitting down on the bench helplessly waiting for Reiner to come back. He remembered the agony of waiting, the excruciating weight of worry, and the single desire to fight along with his friends. By choosing to join the MP’s, he was subjecting himself to that again and he found himself in a strife. Was it worth it? To live safely within the walls while the others fought for their lives outside of it? Was it worth the worry he had to go through?

Marco’s face flashed in his mind then, smiling down at him proudly. He was with Hannah and Samuel too, all of them looking at him with genuine care in their eyes silently telling him that he didn’t have to fight for them, that living in safety was more than enough.  ‘ _I also want you to make a decision for yourself, and not because you feel like you have to for someone else’s sake,’_ Reiner’s voice rang in his head, reminding him of what he told him last night.

That’s when he realized who he was doing it for. He wasn’t doing it for other people, he was doing it for himself. He wanted the reassurance that his friends would be safe by fighting alongside them. He wanted to fight for the fallen because he couldn’t accept their deaths to go meaninglessly. Most of all he wanted to be with Reiner, it was a selfish reason but he wouldn’t be able to stand another second away from him especially if he joined the scouts.

They were still staring at each other as people kept passing by, Reiner waiting for him to make his decision. His eyes widened when Connie gave him a smile and turned around to face front again. There was no turning back once you saw first hand the horrors of the world, and Connie wanted to fight.

“Congratulations, those of you who stayed have fought through your fears,” said the commander as he looked down at the handful of cadets left. Connie looked around and saw that every one of his friends were there. Jean was clenching his fists off to one side and Sasha looked like she was about to shit herself. Even Krista stayed, despite her quiet sobs next to Ymir.

Commander Erwin stared them down one last time before placing a hard fist to his chest. “This is a genuine salute soldiers! Welcome to the scout regiment! You all have my utmost respect. Let us all fight with everything we’ve got for the sake of humanity!”


	18. Lost

Connie woke up to the sound of birds chirping by his bedroom window. He groggily tossed and turned in his bed trying to reach for his blanket, which by now had fallen to the floor during the night, to cover his face from the sunlight. He sighed, giving up, and sat up in bed while wiping the sands from his eyes. He had to admit, the hardest part of their day always seemed to be getting up. It was hard to leave such a comfortable bed every morning, the feel of the soft mattress and gigantic pillows didn’t help with that  either.

He pretty much lived in a castle now, he and all the other members of the scout regiment. It’s been a week since the choosing ceremony and since then, they all moved from the Trost barracks to an old, abandoned castle just ten minutes away from the inner wall gates. It was said to be the old headquarters of the legion before they utilized the city barracks, and the only reason they reoccupied it again was so that they could keep Eren away from the public.

‘Old’ didn’t even give justice to the place because it was such a luxury compared to all the quarters Connie had slept in before. The castle was huge, and he was sure he hadn’t even been to all the rooms yet. They had a large mess hall that offered a fantastic view of the outside, a spacious living area that they converted as a strategy room, and more bedrooms than he could ever imagine. One of his favorite things about the place was that, since there were only a handful of people in their corps, they got a multitude of rooms to choose from without having to share with four other people.

He looked over to his right at the bed next to his where the muscular figure of a sleeping Reiner was snoozing away. Even the most dutiful and self-righteous soldier found the comforts of the bed inescapable. Connie could’ve chosen to have his own room, but how could he say no when the blonde asked if he wanted to share with him using that smirk that always managed to make his heart skip a beat? So now they were roommates, and Connie loved every second of it. He always looked forward to the end of the day when he and Reiner would just spend time alone together and talk during the night.

Smiling, he got up from bed and went over to the big guy to wake him up. As much as he loved watching him sleep, he _really_ didn’t want to make the captain angry for being late at training.

“Hey, Reiner. Wake up,” he said as he shook the blonde’s shoulder. “C’mon, it’s morning. Get up man we have to—” Reiner cut him off by pulling on his arm and dragging him down the bed in a tight bear hug. “H-hey!”

“Just a few more minutes,” Reiner rasped groggily against his ear, squeezing him tighter.

“A few more minutes and the captain will have our heads. Now c’mon, get up!”

“It already is.” His tone changed from lazy to husky and Connie blushed when he _felt_ what he was referring to. Reiner looked at him and snickered at his reddening face before giving him a small kiss on the nose, “Good morning to you too.”

Ever since they started sharing the room, the blonde always liked to tease him this way. Connie was still deciding whether he minded or not, but one thing he was sure about was that it totally scrambled his brain whenever he did these kind of things. “Can you let me go now?” he said exasperatedly, willing himself to stop blushing.

“And why would I do that?”

Connie sighed, it was taking everything he had not to give in to his urges. “Because we have responsibilities and jobs to do, that’s why.”

It was subtle, the kind of thing you notice only when your face was mere inches from another person, but Connie saw Reiner’s smile falter and his eyes change for a split second. Did he say something wrong?

“You really know how to kill the mood, huh?”

Not wanting to start the day on a bad note, he planted a soft kiss on Reiner’s lips just as his grip on him slackened, freeing Connie’s arms so he could hold his face in his hands. “Don’t be a baby,” he said after breaking away, his heart fluttering when he saw Reiner looking a little flushed. “Now c’mon, I’m starting to get hungry.”

They made their way down the mess hall after washing up to see everyone already seated and eating. Sasha was already on her second plate so that meant they only had a few more minutes before training started so they hurried to get started on their meal. Connie sat down beside her as he greeted everyone in the table a good morning when Ymir flashed him a wicked smile from across his seat.

“Nice hickey you got there shorty. Is that why you guys are late this morning?”

Connie felt all the blood rush to his ears while his hand instinctively went to his neck. He could feel the others snickering until Krista elbowed Ymir on the ribs and looked at him. “She’s kidding Connie, you don't have a hickey,” announced the small blonde rather straightforwardly and Eren actually spat a bit of his corn soup trying to hold back his laughter. Krista blushed, realizing too late what she just said and making Ymir laugh out loud. Connie looked over at Reiner who was completely unfazed, and even slightly amused, while casually chewing on his bread roll. Their friends pretty much knew about them anyway, it sort of became an unspoken thing in their group, which was why he was always at the butt of Ymir’s jokes.

They finished their breakfast and proceeded to the field at the south side of the castle after putting their gear on. The past week had mostly been training on how to maneuver their ODM gears and fight in and out of horseback, the scouts’ primary mode of transport when venturing outside the walls. So they were a little surprised when section commander Hanji announced a new activity for them that day.

“Alright you greenies! Get excited because today, we’ll be focusing on survival training.” She beamed at them while adjusting her glasses. Connie found out only recently that section commander Hanji was the person who was said to be experimenting on the two captured titans back at Trost. She was one of the legion’s best and brightest, and her eccentric personality made her both admirable and terrifying at the same time.

“You will each be given a map indicating a route to take that spans the territorial boundary of Wall Rose,” she started, a hint of excitement in her otherwise serious tone. “Your mission is to reach the end point of your assigned route, record the visual surroundings of the area, and return back here just after the sun sets.” The commander’s subordinates started handing out small satchels containing their map and a few scrolls of parchment, along with a two packets of dry rations and a half-filled water pouch. “That should give you enough time to finish your round trip, and your supplies are limited so ration them well. This exercise will test your navigation, survival, and recording skills because out there beyond the walls, you never know what’s gonna happen,” she said in an excited, high-pitched voice before winking at everyone. “Oh! And you’ll be bringing a horse with you too! So that’s another mouth to feed!”

Connie felt a little excited with this exercise. He’s never been around the wilderness outside the villages before and this small expedition would give him a chance to roam around. They went to the stables to pick up their horses for the exercise, and Connie was starting to review his map when Reiner came over to him.

“Where’re you headed?” he asked, casually glancing over the smaller guy’s map.

“I think I’m to the east,” he answered with a small frown. The map looked harder to read than he initially thought, the lines and markings confusing him. He didn’t want to let Reiner know that of course, so he stalled with a question. “What about you?”

Reiner smiled and hoisted his pack over his shoulder before answering, “To the south. So I guess I’ll just see you tonight then. When we get back.” He beamed before bending down to kiss him on the cheek, “Stay safe.”

“You too,” Connie said with a small blush on his face, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering. He got on his horse along with the others and headed back to the south field for the commander’s final briefing before going off their separate directions.

* * *

It was noon when Connie started to have trouble with his journey. The sun was already high up in the sky as he rode through the fields at a slow pace while staring intently at his map. He’d been riding for about three hours and thought he was going the right direction at first, but now he seemed unsure. For one thing, his map indicated illustrations of what looked like a thicket of trees along the path he was supposed to take but here he was, in the middle of an endless grassland with only a few stray trees dotting the area. He was lost.

His thoughts led him back to those days at training camp three years ago. He was sure they probably learned about maps and navigation at one of their classroom sessions but knowing himself, he’d most likely dozed off the whole time. Never has he felt this much regret for sleeping. He sighed and looked around, thinking that maybe he should just turn back to where they came from but immediately dropping the thought after realizing that he didn’t even know _where_ that is.

“You wouldn’t happen to know how to read a map now, would you boy?” he asked his horse casually, needing to voice out his thoughts and fill the silence. They rode for what felt like a few more miles before stopping under the shade of a lone oak tree to take a break. It was already around lunch time so he split the first of his dry biscuits and shared them with his horse, feeling bad that the poor guy had to be stuck with someone like him. They drank their meager water supply after eating and headed on out again, deciding to take the direction of where the sun rose earlier since east was generally his main direction as far as he could tell.

They managed to cover a few more miles before Connie realized his next mistake. He felt through his satchel in hasty panic, rummaging through the items inside before proceeding to the pockets of his uniform and cussed. He lost his map. He let out a groan of frustration as he hung his head forward, realizing now that he must’ve left it back at the oak tree where they took a break earlier. He turned to look back but like before, the landscape all looked the same to him. He had no idea where that tree was and he had no means to find it. To make matters worse, his supplies were running out, with only one pack of rations left and no water.

_Great! Just great Connie, you really outdid yourself this time._

He sighed, thinking of what next to do and guessed that since he wasn’t getting to his destination anytime soon, he might as well look for water first. With no means of even locating a water source, it was sheer luck that they happened to pass along a small creek after a few more hours of travelling. Just in time too, he was beyond thirsty and the sun was already setting by then plus, Connie didn’t have a torch with him, so he decided to settle there for now. He wasn’t going to risk travelling in the dark and get any more lost as he already was.

“Looks like we’ll be spending the night here boy,” he said to his horse after they drank their water. “‘Guess we can try again in the morning. Hopefully we could at least get back to the castle or see a village somewhere.”

All his excitement this morning totally depressed him now. He never did that much travelling before, in fact the farthest place he’s ever reached in his life was Trost. He lied down on the grass and looked at the darkening sky, thinking of his friends. He’s sure they probably had no trouble doing the exercise and were probably back at the castle by now and getting ready for dinner. Which reminded him of his own dinner, so he brought out his last pack of biscuits, split it in four, and ate a quarter sized serving with his horse. He had to save the remaining half for breakfast so he had to brave the night with a mostly empty stomach.

The stars were finally out and Connie didn’t know how long he’d been staring at the sky. He was thinking about Reiner, wondering what the blonde was doing right now. He wanted nothing more than to be back in their room right about then to be with him, and thinking about it was only depressing him more. He closed his eyes, getting ready to doze off when he heard a faint sound in the distance.

He shot up, senses suddenly awake as he stood up and looked around the darkness. He still couldn’t see anything past a few meters but he could definitely hear something. A voice. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he realized that it was a call, a person was calling out his name.

_“Connie! Cooonniee!”_

He heard it again, it was a girl. He was still to far away to identify who it was but a person was a person, so he yelled back, “Hey! I’m over here!! Who’s out there!” he answered back in what he felt was the general direction of the voice. A few minutes later he could see a small bright dot penetrating the darkness, getting bigger and bigger with each passing second. “Hey! Over here!!”

“Connie?!” The voice was near enough now for him to recognize it as Sasha. “Keep yelling so I can get to you!” she said with excitement in her voice. Connie did as she asked and in no time, he was waving his arms around the air until she finally reached him.

“Are you okay? What are you doing here?” she said as she wrapped him in a tight hug after getting down from her horse. “We were all so worried when you didn’t come back to the castle. We thought something might’ve happened so we went out to find you.”

Connie grinned sheepishly at her and scratched the back of his neck after breaking away from the hug. “Just hungry. I got lost and I didn’t know where to go so I decided to wait out here ‘til morning when there was light.”

“Well, at least you’re safe,” she said before she brought out a small gun and fired a bright yellow flare up the sky, illuminating the area for a good minute. “The others should be coming over soon. We all have flares in case one of us finds you first,” she explained before giving him a large potato from her pocket, making him laugh. He was extremely lucky that it was Sasha who found her.

It didn’t take long for the others to rendezvous at their point, each of his friends arriving one at a time. Krista was crying when she saw him, having worried her heart out all night and Jean smacked the back of his head after being retold of what had happened. It never occurred to Connie how worried his friends would be from his little mishap and it was overwhelming to see their concern for him right there. They were all joking lightly now as everyone’s worries were finally put to rest. They were all just really glad that their friend was okay and that nothing bad had happened.

And then Reiner arrived.

Connie couldn’t stop a smile from forming. Reiner’s horse had barely stopped galloping when he jumped off and rushed to him, but instead of the warm big hug he was expecting to get, he was surprised when the taller boy roughly grabbed him by his collar shirt and lifted him off the ground.

“What happened?!” His voice was cold and harsh and he could feel the hands holding on to his shirt trembling. But it wasn’t his hands that stunned him, nor was it the fact that it was becoming a little hard to breathe. It was the face Reiner made that really hit him hard.

“I-I got lost and...lost my map,” he answered weakly. Everyone around them was also suddenly quiet, trying to shrink away from the tension and putting as much distance between the raging blonde.

“You. Lost. Your. Map.” Each word was like a mocking slap to his face, making his anger even more palpable. Their faces were so close to each other but under the circumstances, it wasn’t the kind of _close_ Connie wanted.

“How stupid do you have to be to lose something as important as a map?! And here you _wanted_ to be a scout?! When you can’t even accomplish something as basic as scouting?!” He fell hard on the ground then—more like shoved, actually—before the next barrage of words hit him. “What do you think would’ve happened if we were outside the walls?! You think those titans would just let you stroll past without batting an eyelash?! You would’ve died! All because you were stupid and reckless and—”

“Reiner.” Bertholdt was suddenly there, placing a firm grip on his friend’s arm and stopping him mid-sentence. “That’s enough. I think he’s got it.”

Reiner looked like he was about to punch him, but he just jerked his arm away and stormed back to his horse without another word, leaving everyone dazed and feeling a little awkward.

“We should get back, it’s pretty late and you must be starving,” Bertholdt said as he helped Connie up from the ground. Truth was, he already lost his appetite and suddenly wished he could just stay there by the creek instead. He felt so ashamed, he couldn’t even look at the others. To make matters worse, it had started to drizzle just as they started to leave.

They made good time on their way back to try and avoid the incoming rain with Reiner at the helm of their group, galloping ahead of everyone else. Connie was near the back where Bertholdt was riding next to him, looking at his smaller friend with concern. “Just give him some time Connie, he’ll come around.” He gave him a reassuring smile, referring to Reiner. “He was worried sick about you all afternoon, and when you didn’t come back at sunset he just about blew his head off. Don’t take what he said to heart, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

Connie smiled at his taller friend but knew that wasn’t true. Reiner meant every word he said. He saw it in his face, the disappointment mixed in with the rage. It was the exact same face he made that day in the forest all those years ago, when he saved him from falling out of the trees during ODM gear training. He rarely ever saw the blonde angry, and judging by everyone’s reactions, none of them also have.

By the time they made it back to the castle, they were all soaked to the bone. Halfway through their trip, the rain turned for the worse and deluged over the land in a matter of seconds. It was already pretty late and everyone was way too tired to do much else other than head to bed so Connie decided to make it quick.

“Hey guys,” he said making everyone turn to look at him. “Umm, thanks. All of you, I really appreciate it.” He blushed a bit and turned to look the other way.

“Just don’t do it again shorty.” Ymir smirked at him and everyone laughed. They bid their goodnights and left for their rooms leaving Connie alone in the foyer. Reiner went straight to their room the moment they stepped foot on the castle so he was probably waiting for him up there already. He sighed, the night wasn’t over yet.


	19. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say, I've been waiting for this moment for a looooooooong time ;)

Connie took his time walking to their bedroom and completely dreading his encounter with Reiner. The last time he got mad him was the day he broke off from him, that night at the lake when he said he didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. Connie was afraid that it was going to happen again, his mind so preoccupied with the matter that by the time he got to their bedroom door, he actually knocked on instinct.

He instantly regretted doing that and decided to open the door but Reiner responded first, opening it from the other side just before he reached the doorknob. The first thing he saw after the door swung open was Reiner’s bare chest, inches from his face. The big guy often slept without a shirt on, a habit he developed since moving into the castle, so Connie wondered if he had disturbed him and caught him sleeping. He looked up to see a surprised face from the blonde, who probably was expecting someone else because why the hell would he knock on their own bedroom door.

“I umm...” he started, but he didn’t have to continue explaining because Reiner just stepped back and went to sit on his bed again. Connie, thankful for the unacknowledged entrance, stepped in and immediately went to the bathroom afterwards wanting to escape the awkward air in the room as quickly as he could. It was depressing to think how just this morning, everything was warm and fine between them and how he even looked forward to tonight like he usually did. Now here he was, stalling inside their bathroom with his back against the wall and wishing he never had to share with the big guy in the first place. He couldn’t escape him forever—although he’s seriously considered just sleeping on the bathroom floor—so after stepping out of his wet clothes and washing a bit, he went back out to face his fear.

Reiner was just as he left him, sitting on the bed with a scowl on and staring blankly at the space in front of him. The rain outside seemed to be matching the mood as well. The wind was howling and the droplets rapped on their window mercilessly. Mustering up his courage, Connie slowly walked forward until he was at his bed and sat down on the edge next to him. He was suddenly overwhelmed with a strong feeling of déjà vu, remembering this same thing happening two years ago and feeling a sudden chill just thinking about it. He didn’t want to lose him, not for a second time, but it sure felt like it was heading there. He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence before he finally found his voice.

“Do you hate me?” he said weakly, not even turning to look at the blonde. “You can just say it if you do. I can leave now and I’ll spare us the talk.” He could feel Reiner’s eyes on him, watching his face as he said those words. He didn’t even have the guts to look back, it was already taking everything he had not to break down into a pathetic mess and he knew that one stern glare from him would dissolve any pretense of emotional control he had left.

“Look at me,” Reiner said quietly, his tone devoid of any feeling. Connie bit his lip and slightly shook his head, trying to keep it all together and avoid eye contact as much as possible. When he didn’t comply, Reiner placed a hand on his chin and angled his face to him, forcing their eyes to meet. And instead of the angry scowl he was expecting to see, Connie was surprised to be looking at the opposite of that..

“I’m sorry,” he said his voice full of regret, “I...didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have said what I said and...I’m really sorry.” Of all the things he dreaded, Connie sure wasn’t expecting that. He thought Reiner was going to lash at him again, and the expression on his face must’ve been obvious enough because the blonde suddenly looked away in shame. “I don’t hate you, Con. I’m not mad...hell, I shouldn’t even be mad in the first place.”

“But you meant what you said...didn’t you,” he said, the words coming out of his mouth without even thinking as Reiner dropped the hand from his face. “That’s what you really think of me. I saw it in your eyes when you threw me to the ground and yelled at my face.” It was a little below the belt but the look of guilt that crossed Reiner’s face just then was so profound that Connie actually revelled in it, suddenly spiking the anger he didn’t know he was keeping until now. He wanted him to feel guilty, he wanted him to see how unfair he was being. “You said it as if I intentionally _want_ to be stupid, that I wanted to be a burden to everyone. How do you think it felt getting lost out there? With nobody but yourself to blame. And then getting yelled at by the person you least expected to be mad at you.”

His words seem to have done the opposite  because Reiner’s expression of guilt suddenly shifted to a cold glare. “Well how do _you_ think it felt back here?! I waited for you all afternoon. I watched our friends come back one by one, thinking that you would come next every single time. How is today supposed to make me feel any less worried about the fact that you joined the scouts?! You didn’t even have to be outside the walls for something to happen to you! What do you think would’ve happened if Sasha hadn’t found you sooner? We’d all be stuck in this storm, and then what?”

“I didn’t ask you to come looking for me!” Connie said bitterly, frowning hard at Reiner. Why was he so mad? Did he really think he didn’t know what it felt like to get worried?

“So what? Are you saying you’d rather we didn’t find you?!”

“Well it’s better than having to explain myself to you!” Connie stood up in frustration with his fists clenched, “You don’t have to keep treating me like a little kid! If you really even cared then why the hell are you so mad?!”

“You don’t think I care?! I’m already putting _everything_ on the line by caring about you!” Reiner yelled back, his body towering over Connie as he stood up fuming, “You know I’m really starting to question if I even made the right choice. If worrying about you is even worth all the trouble you’re getting me into,” he said harshly just as a strong bolt of lightning flashed outside, followed by the deafening crack of thunder. In the brief second of illumination, Reiner saw what his words had done. The hurt and anguish on Connie’s face was unmistakable, and he instantly regretted ever opening his big mouth.

“Connie, I—”

“If that’s how you really feel then maybe it’s better if I just stay away then, huh?” Connie said his voice quivering. He couldn’t hide the pain now, not after what Reiner just said. “I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than I already have.”

“I didn’t mean tha—”

“Really?” His eyes were welling up now, but he didn’t want to cry and look even more pathetic in front of him. “That night two years ago, you told me you said those things and stayed away because you thought I was better off without you. But it’s the other way around...isn’t it? You knew that _you_ were better off without me, because all I’ll ever do is hold you back and cause you trouble.” The reality of what he was saying coursed through him hard and the fact that Reiner was silent only meant that it was true. Who was he kidding? Reiner didn’t need him, in fact looking back at it now, the only time he’s ever really been of use to the blonde was when he saved him that day. And it wasn’t even his actions that saved them. It was all so clear now.

Connie was about to walk to the door and leave but the blonde suddenly placed a hand on his shoulder when he tried to pass him, stopping him in his tracks. Reiner looked at him with a totally different face now, one that was pained and full of regret. “That’s not true...I never should’ve said that. Connie, there’s nothing I regret more than what I did to you that night,” he said ruefully as his eyes bore into him. “I keep blaming you when all you ever did was put me into a position that _I’m_ not comfortable with. The problem’s with me, not with you. I’m sorry I hurt you, I don’t want you to stay away but...if that’s what you really want then I won’t stop you.”

That did it. The first of Connie’s tears fell from his eyes and streamed down his face as he crashed his body into Reiner in a tight hug, crying all over his bare chest. He felt so pathetic and weak but the more Reiner rubbed at his head, the more he cried it all out.

“I f-feel so useless. All I ever keep doing is disappoint you. I’m the reason for all your problems.” Connie cried out as he held onto him tighter. Reiner didn’t say anything but sorry, standing above him and whispering his apology over and over again. Because even though he wanted to take it back, there was no escaping the truth of their situation. There was nothing else to say.

Then Reiner kissed him, in a way that seemed to defy all logic and reasoning because it felt so surreal and painful and magical all at the same time. He kissed him softly at first, his large hands holding on to where Connie’s neck met his jawline, and moved his lips in rhythm with his breathing. It was sweet and tender, but a little too careful for Connie’s current disposition so he wrapped his arms around his neck to urge him on, telling him to go further.

Reiner gave new meaning to the phrase ‘kiss and make up’ as he crashed their lips harder, tilting his face for a better angle while his hands travelled down the smaller man’s neck and back to pull him closer. He was communicating all his pent up emotions from the day into this one act, desperately using the kiss to escape reality and to atone for the hurt he inflicted on him. Connie tried to match his force by placing his hands on his head, his fingers grasping at his blonde hair and making small hard tugs on his locks. This only seemed to stir Reiner more as he let out a guttural growl and practically shoved his tongue inside the smaller man’s mouth to explore its depths, making him whimper in surprise and completely melt in his arms.

Becoming more forceful, Reiner’s hands travelled lower in a slow pace, dragging them down the other’s body in an affectionate manner. He caressed the sides of his ribs and waist, using his fingers to grasp and rub at his clothed skin and making him the warmth of his body. Connie just about lost it when his thumbs brushed over his nipples, causing him to moan and goad Reiner into doing it over and over again. His hands eventually reached their apparent destination and came to rest over Connie’s bum, which he then gave a tight squeeze before suddenly pulling forward and causing the smaller man’s bulging frontside to graze along his leg, making him moan deep into the kiss. This only sparked an even darker desire from the blonde so he placed his left leg in-between them and started pushing Connie’s groin against him while his other hand went back over to play with his chest, producing more of that delightful sound he wanted to hear and losing himself deeper into his urges.

Everything was happening way too fast for Connie’s brain to handle. His head was spinning. In between the blonde’s tongue’s ceaseless attack on his mouth, the slow steady grinding he was forcing onto him, and his skillful hands doing their magic—he could feel the larger guy’s hard-on poking his stomach and it was driving him crazy. He dared to be brave and moved one of his free hands downward, slightly touching Reiner’s fully-clothed manhood and causing his breath to hitch and break their kiss.

“S-sorry,” Connie mumbled shamefully, eyes darting away as a deep blush tainted his cheeks. Reiner simply held his face in his hands and stared at him, his gaze hooded with desire and conflict that only _he_ was capable of showing.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked breathlessly, leaning his head against Connie’s, “I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want Con, so just tell me to stop and I will.”

Connie’s heart swelled with affection at his words as he wiped the last of his tears from his face. He knew Reiner wanted this more than anything, and it made him feel special that he asked before going further. He answered his question with a kiss on the cheek, already feeling a slight stubble forming on the surface of his skin. Then he kissed his jaw, his neck, and the nook of his collarbone. At his height, it was easy for him to plant more soft kisses on his broad chest, and slowly trailing down his well-defined abs. By the time he reached his belly button, he stuck his tongue out and he swore that Reiner just made the sexiest sound he has ever heard. Connie stopped and went back up again, before slowly pushing the blonde on the bed behind them and crawling on top of him.

“Are you sure?” Reiner asked one more time, raising one of his hands up so he could touch Connie’s face from above him. They stared at each other for a while, taking in each other’s eyes and reading what laid beneath them, and that’s when Connie felt it. Despite everything that happened today, his feelings for him never changed. He knew It could’ve ended badly, that there was a possibility that he would be sitting somewhere around the castle right now and crying alone. But the fact that he was here now, sitting on top of him on his bed, about to do what they wanted to do for so long, only made his feelings grow stronger. He knew—no he _felt_ —that he really cared about him. Even if it seemed like he didn’t need him in his life and it felt that he was more a burden than anything else, Reiner still chose to be with him. So it was without a single hint of doubt that he smiled and nodded, before lowering himself into another kiss that just marked the start of their night.

* * *

Connie woke up earlier than usual, even beating the sun from rising. He could see faint the traces of dawn from the window and was glad that the rain had finally let up. He then looked to the person beside him, still sleeping soundly with one arm under his blonde head and the other draped across his naked torso. The feeling of his skin touching his own was bringing back memories from last night, or rather from just a few hours ago, and it was making him blush. He could feel a slight ache on his underside now that he thought about it, but he soon realized that he didn’t really mind. He scooted closer, careful not to wake him, and placed his own arm across the other’s muscled body. The moment he did though, the blonde’s eyelids slowly opened to reveal his small golden eyes, and a smile the made his heart skip a beat.

“G’Morning,” he said huskily, blinking away the sleep from his eyes. He drew himself closer using the arm holding Connie’s body and held him tighter before looking around the room. “Why is it so dark?”

“‘Cause it’s not even morning yet,” Connie answered with a smirk, looking amusedly at his groggy state.

“Oh. Well, ‘good dawn’ then,” he said before yawning, making Connie chuckle and lift himself up on his elbow so he could hover above the big guy and place a kiss on his nose. “Good dawn to you too.”

Reiner smiled and responded by giving his nose a small peck back and then capturing his lips in an intimate kiss, slowly moving his mouth tenderly against the other’s. “How’re you feeling?” Reiner asked after breaking away, both of them blushing a little at the question he was referring to.

“I’m okay. It umm...feels a little sore, but it’s nothing I can’t handle,” he said shyly before lying back down next to him. Truth was, the slight pain was nothing compared to the bliss he was feeling right now. Cuddling in bed with Reiner, a few soft kisses here and there, what more could he ask for? They still had a few more hours before the day started so they just lied there in comfortable silence with Connie tracing circles on Reiner’s chest while the other rubbed his hand over his shaven head.

“Hey Reiner?” Connie asked after a while, still mindlessly moving his finger over the blonde’s skin.

“Hmm?”

“Can you tell me a secret? Something that no one else knows about you.” He tentatively looked up and met his eyes before smiling shrewdly, “Not counting Bertholdt, of course.”

Reiner chuckled at that and smiled back at him before asking, “Why?”

Connie shrugged and went back to tracing his circles on his chest, “Just curious.”

“Well, let’s see. Something that no one else knows about me,” he said with a slight pout, pretending to think hard for an answer. “I can turn into a titan. You know, like Eren.”

Connie stopped his idle doodling on his friend’s skin and looked up at him again to raise a sarcastic eyebrow. “Ha-ha, very funny. And I’m actually the son of a nobleman trying to pass off as an ordinary soldier. C’mon man, seriously.”

There was a slight shift in his expression but it was too subtle for Connie to notice, especially now that he’s flashed him a huge grin. “Remember that time back in training? When they first taught us how to wear the ODM gears and I had to help you suit up?”

Connie blushed at the memory. How could he forget? Even now it felt so humiliating regardless of the fact that it had been years since then. “What about it?”

“Well,” Reiner started as he shifted his weight sideward so he could encase Connie under his arms. “That was the first time I got to touch your entire body. And even though I wasn’t speaking to you at the time, what you did on the dry-run afterwards? Damn...let’s just say _junior_ and I had a great time that night.”

Reiner winked at him and Connie could’ve sworn he felt something move from underneath the blanket. His face turned so red that Reiner wasn’t even able to hold back his laughter at the expression he was giving him. “Aw man, your face is priceless!” he bellowed, trying to calm himself down, “alright-alright, your turn. Give me a secret.”

Connie was still blushing and to distract him from his earlier statements, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind, “I actually never liked guys before. Not until I met you.”

The blonde immediately stopped his fit after hearing that and gave him a look of pure affection, taking Connie’s face in one of his hands and holding him with his eyes which communicated more than what his words did. “I’m flattered,” he said with a small smile before proceeding to kiss him again.

They spent the rest of the morning talking and making out on Reiner’s bed, before their actions escalated and lead them to another round of lewd activities that dragged until it was officially time for them to get up. Reiner forced him to make their beds, just like he did every morning, and proceeded to wash up together. As they put on their uniforms, Connie couldn’t help but stare at the the big guy who stole his heart, sitting on a chair trying to put on his boots with the sunlight from their window hitting him at just the right angle. He knew he was in too deep now to pull himself out, but he didn’t really mind. He still couldn’t put it into words, but at that moment he knew, that despite his flaws and sometimes confusing personality, Reiner just became the most important person in his life.

“Something wrong?” the big guy asked, raising his eyebrows at Connie as he stood up.

Connie just shook his head and gave him a wide grin, “No. Everything’s just perfect.”

Reiner chuckled and went over to give him a kiss on the cheek, starting the day in the best way possible because for now, everything was bliss.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

...

 

_4 weeks later..._

 

_“W-what’s going on? What did she do to you?!?”_

_"C-Con..nie..."_

_“Y-your hand. Reiner your hand!”_

_“C-Connie, listen to me..."_

_......_

_"Run.”_


	20. Target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly sorry if I haven't updated in a while. Been sick with the flu for a week and my brain was just too wonky. Anyway, excuses are for the weak, and now I'm glad to say that as of posting this, I am already down to write the last chapter of the story. Totally bittersweet, I know, but I can't wait for you all to see what I've made. Updates should come faster from now on since I already have the content ready so stay tuned!

“This is it you guys. The day’s finally here.”

Connie looked over to where Jean was talking in the center of their room as he finished buckling his body harness on. They arrived at the Calaneth district just last night and since they were staying at the military barracks of the city again, Connie had to share the bedroom with Jean, Armin, Bertholdt, and Reiner. He had to admit that after living for a month over at the legion’s castle, the eastern city’s military barracks made quite the unwelcome change in comfort. Although they’ve only been here for one night, he’s already missing the bedroom he shared with Reiner.

“I just wanted to say that, no matter what happens out there. I’m...glad to have served with you guys,” he said coyly, a small blush tainting his cheeks.

“Who are you and what’ve you done with the real Jean?” Reiner joked, smirking at their friend and making the others laugh before putting a hand on his shoulder and giving him a firm nod. “No one’s dying today, agreed? First one to die cleans the toilet tonight.”

Jean laughed at that and returned the gesture, and Connie couldn’t help but marvel at the exchange. They came so far from where they started and he couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic. He guessed he felt the same as Jean then, to be happy to have them as their comrades. They finished prepping their uniforms and proceeded to head out to the armory when Reiner called his attention.

“Con, can I talk to you for a sec?” he said, keeping his place inside the room.

“Don’t take too long you two, sun’s almost up. The commander will kill you if you’re late again,” Jean called back to them before closing the door behind him, leaving Connie alone with Reiner.

“What’s up?” Connie asked before stepping towards him, standing close enough for him to hold his large hands in his. He probably knew what he was going to say, and he’s probably even said it before they even left the castle, but he wanted the time with him anyway. He knew that Reiner was going to worry about him constantly, much like he would for him as well.

“I want to ask a favor,” said the blonde as he looked at their intertwined fingers, “If anything happens to you out there, _anything_ you can’t get yourself out of, I want you to shoot two black flares up the sky simultaneously. We’re both positioned towards the eastern flanks so I’ll be able to come to you...if something happens.”

Connie held his hand tighter and smiled, “Wow, the golden boy is willing to break the rules? I could get in trouble for shooting flares intended for an abnormal-titan spotting.” He chuckled lightly, which earned him a frown from Reiner.

“I’m serious Con. Please just…” He sighed and hung his head down. Reiner seemed so carefree around the others earlier but seeing him now, it was evident how much this whole ordeal bothered him. “It would give me peace of mind. Just do it, please. For me.”

Connie touched his face with his other hand and stood on his toes so he could give him a kiss. He intended it to just be a quick peck on the lips, but it soon escalated into a full make-out session when Reiner kissed him back. His hands were wrapped around the his neck as he breathed him in and kissed him fiercely. By the time they broke away, both of them were feeling breathless, staring at each other before Connie nodded.

“Promise me you’ll do the same...if anything happens,” he said with a small smile, his own worries catching up to him. He tried not to think about this being the last time they held each other, but the thought just kept lingering in his mind. It was inevitable really, when the next thing you’re about to do was put your life on the line. So it was with a heavy heart that they made their way out of the room to start gearing up for their duties.

* * *

Over a month ago, Connie stood by on the main streets of Trost with his friends and a couple of other villagers hoping to get a glance of the scouting legion heading out the southern gates for an expedition. He never could’ve imagined that in just a short amount of time he would be joining the very same legion, sitting on a horse and proudly wearing the green cloaks of their uniforms, waiting for the gates to open. The day has come for him to leave the safety of the walls for the very first time.

“This is it soldiers! It’s time for humanity to take another step forward!” One of the squad leaders announced among the ranks, bringing their spirits up. “Gate opens in thirty seconds! Now let’s show those titans what we’re made of!

Everyone shouted in unison and pumped their fists in the air, igniting the flames of their courage and determination. It wasn’t long until Connie could feel the ground rumbling with the sound of the gate drawing upward, and now stood facing the other side of the wall where the sun was rising in the horizon.

“FORWARD!!” Commander Erwin reared with his horse after giving the command and dashing towards the gate. “The 57th recon mission has officially begun! Scouts! Move out!!”

Everybody kicked their horses and shot forward with the commander, galloping away from the larger city and into the ruins of an abandoned one. Like most walled cities, Calaneth was surrounded by a cluster buildings forming a small village on both of its exits. Even though they were briefed on the terrain, Connie was still a little surprised to see the area. Tattered houses and crumbling structures, all reclaimed by wild vegetation. It was hard to imagine that people actually lived here in the past. The place was a total wreck.

“We got a 10-meter closing in from the left!!”

Connie looked towards Commander Hanji and then over to where she spotted the titan. It was huge and Connie’s eyes widened at the sight, it’s been awhile since the last time he’d seen a titan. He shook his head to clear away the nerves and faced forward again, leaving the deed to the support squad who was in charge of escorting the legion until the edge of the city ruins. The titan fell in a matter of minutes and they pressed on, galloping faster with their cloaks flying behind their backs. The end of the village wasn’t too far ahead now and they would soon find themselves racing across full, unprotected titan territory.

“Scouts! Assume long-range scouting formation! Let’s go!!” came Commander Erwin’s booming voice from the front of the squad the moment they entered the open field, signalling everyone to his plan. This was it, they all had to split up from the group to carry out the formation. This was the part where everyone was exposed and put more at risk. Connie’s heart was beating so fast but he managed to keep himself calm, finding Reiner looking at him off to his side and giving him a nod.

Then he was off. Connie was positioned on the eastern flank of the formation towards the rear. According to the brief, the chances of his side running into a titan was slim, but not impossible. His job would mostly consist of scouting for the other member’s flare signals to pass along to the middle ranks so he had to stay sharp. Reiner was positioned ahead of him, it could be a few meters to a hundred in distance, but it still gave him slight comfort to know that he was nearby.

_Alright, focus Connie. Remember your training. Red for titan sighting, yellow for collision, black for abnormal, and green for—_

The trailing smoke of a red flare soared through the sky on his right, which meant someone’s spotted a titan maybe fifty meters away from him. He engaged his own flare, raised his right hand and shot the gun, coloring the sky in a red vertical haze. A few seconds passed before another red flare shot up, this time to his left, which meant the message was passed on. And not too soon after, a green flare colored the sky on the northwest direction so he steered his horse and changed course, facing against the area littered with red smoke and avoiding the threat altogether. He had to hand it to the commander, the formation he came up with was pure genius.

* * *

Connie didn't know how long they’ve been riding now but judging from the sun’s position, he took it that a few hours have passed since their departure. He considered himself lucky, not having even seen a single titan yet since that first one from the city ruins. But things were starting to feel a little strange in that he also hasn’t seen a red flare in a while. At first he thought it was a good sign, that it meant there were no titans in the eastern direction and everything was clear. But the moment he saw a yellow flare he knew his growing suspicions were true. Because under that yellow smoke signal, soldiers were fighting for their lives and most likely dying. He cussed, engaging his own flare gun to shoot the same signal up the sky and passing the message along. Panic started to creep in, because now that the eastern border of the formation collided with titans, did that mean _he_ was the new eastern border now?

Before he could give it more thought, he suddenly came in range to see people up ahead of him riding together. Two blonde heads. Eyes widening in surprise, and relief, he called out rather excitedly to his friends.

“Armin! Reiner!”

The two blondes looked back at him as he caught up to their pace, “What are you guys doing? Did something happen to the formation?” he asked worriedly, noticing how the number of yellow flares in the distance suddenly increased.

“The eastern spotters have been wiped out,” said Armin and confirming his fears, “That female titan lead a whole swarm to them...assuming she didn’t kill them herself that is.”

Connie looked front and saw what he was talking about. About 60 meters ahead of them was a huge blonde titan running forward in tremendous speed. What the hell? Why was it running away from them? It looked weird too, whereby it didn’t have any skin covering its body. “Is it an abnormal?” Connie asked incredulously, a chill forming at the base of his spine.

“I don’t think so. I saw it kill two soldiers earlier. It’s behaving way too smart for your average titan, even for an abnormal,” Armin answered thoughtfully, his brows furrowing. “In fact, I’m beginning to suspect that _she_ might be like Eren. She’s a human wrapped in a titan body, and if that’s the case then killing us isn’t her main objective.”

Connie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Armin has always been the smart one, and if he’s deduced something like that then it meant it probably had some truth in it.

“Then what’s her real objective then?” Reiner raised the question on both their minds, scowling at the information.

“I’m not sure, but when she knocked me off my horse earlier, she didn’t kill me. She even lifted my hood up as if to look at my face and if my suspicions are correct...she’s looking for someone. And who among us is special enough to be a target of a human titan?”

Connie didn’t have to be a genius to figure that out, “Then she’s heading straight for Eren then? How the hell did she know he’d be on the eastern wing of the formation?”

Armin suddenly looked at him sharply as if he just said something terrible, until his eyes changed in comprehension. “My copy of the plan had Eren on the _western wing…_ ”

“What?!” It was Reiner’s turn to be flabbergasted, looking a little perturbed by the information. “My copy said Eren was on the eastern wing as well!”

“Then it’s pretty obvious now isn’t it? Eren’s location was never correctly disclosed because the commander _knew_ something like this was going happen. If you think about it, it actually doesn’t make any sense to place Eren on either side of the formation,” Armin said with clarity in his voice after assessing the situation.

“Then...where do you think Eren might be?” Reiner asked him, a scowl marking his face.

“My bet is where the safest spot in the formation lies. Rear and center. He’s basically protected from all sides there, which is the main point of this whole thing.”

“Then looks like we have no choice but to take her on, huh?” Connie suggested, drawing his blades out and getting surprised looks from his two companions. “If she’s really after Eren, then she’s already going the wrong way. Now’s our chance to intercept.”

“We can’t take her out! She’s already killed two squad leaders! She’s too smart and—”

“What else do you suggest we do Armin? I’m willing to trust anything you’ve got but unless you have something else in mind…” he gave him an expectant look but when Armin didn’t answer, he nodded and readied his gear. “Alright it’s settled then, I’ll try and cut down as much as I can and I’ll leave the kill to you Reiner.”

“Connie!!”

He heard Reiner shout but he was already flying. The terrain didn’t offer that much leverage to hook their grapples so instead, Connie latched on to the female titan’s body. He went for the ankle, dashing at high speed and raising his blades just as the female titan suddenly did a double take and faced his direction. She was fast, very fast, her hand swung hard to swat at him but Connie was faster with his front flip—dodging out of the way and landing on the titan’s arm, running up to her shoulder while dragging his blades on the skin. Connie was gone before she could even react, tossing himself backward with the help of his gas and going well away from her range.

Then he saw Armin charge, the blonde latching his own hooks to the titan’s shoulder trying to head for her nape while she was distracted with Connie. But he wasn’t fast enough. The female titan grabbed his wire and pulled, throwing him like a rag doll to the ground making him roll over the grass in a heap.

“Armin!!” Connie yelled and dove forward, using the female titan’s body as an anchor again to twist himself and intercept the killing blow she was planning to use on Armin, or at least he thought was for Armin. She changed the swing of her arm at the last second and instead aimed for Connie, who was already flying at a determined trajectory that made collision inevitable. _Shit!_ There was no way around her, he was going way too fast to change directions. He was going to get crushed.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING HURT HIM!!”

Connie heard Reiner scream and then the weirdest thing just happened. The female titan froze and stopped her punch midway, giving Connie the chance kick off backwards upon reaching her steady fist. He didn’t waste time, he was swinging again from under her raised arm to head for Armin, grabbing his body and then flying off to the nearest tree to put some distance between them and the titan. And that’s when Reiner charged.

He was fast and steady, making a beeline for her face with his blades raised. It looked like a sure hit from where Connie was watching, but his hope disappeared as quickly as it came when the female titan suddenly grabbed Reiner’s body and closed her fist around him.

“NO!”

Everything that happened next played out in Connie’s mind as if the whole world suddenly was put in slow motion. He saw it all too clearly how Reiner struggled against the female titan’s grasp, just before she placed her thumb in his head and crushed him like a bug. Connie’s heart stopped when he saw the explosion of blood but didn’t feel it when his knees fell to the ground as he looked on in horror. The next five seconds left him paralyzed, the words he never wanted to hear played in his mind over and over again.

_Reiner was dead._

_Reiner was dead._

_Reiner was—_

Another burst of blood captured his attention and with it came huge, falling phalanges that seemed to be from the female titan. Except one of them _wasn’t_ a finger. It was Reiner, spinning with his blades and flying towards Connie and Armin. The next thing he knew, he was being carried over the blonde’s shoulder while Armin dangled on his other arm as he made a run for it. Connie regained some of his senses back to see the female titan stand, and just when he started to feel the panic—thinking it was going to chase after them—she turned away and ran for the opposite direction.

“Looks like she’s not interested in us anymore, let’s get out of here while we still can!” Reiner shouted before calling their horses back and fleeing the scene.

* * *

Connie stood staring at Reiner as the big guy wrapped a bandage over Armin’s head. They sheltered under a small cluster of trees to rest and treat their injured friend while they regained their bearings after escaping from the female titan. They were alive and safe, for now.

Connie was still in a bit of shock from earlier, having seemingly witnessed Reiner’s close brush-off with death right before his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was alive and unscathed. Although his uniform was stained with blood, not a single drop of it belonged to him. It was all from cutting the titan’s fingers off when he made his escape. It just occurred to Connie then that he’s _never_ seen the blonde fight before, and it became clear now why he was second in class.

“There,” Reiner said after tying the bandage he was working on, “How do you feel Armin?”

The smaller guy turned and looked at him to give him a small smile, “I’m fine. Thanks Reiner.”

“You think you can ride? It isn’t safe for us to stay in one place for too long. The sooner we move the better.”

Armin gave him a nod and with that, they were off again. It didn’t take very long for them to join back with the formation and it looked like the center command had noticed the threat they just encountered. Green smoke was flying off everywhere and pointing to the west, which struck Connie as weird because why go a different route when they should obviously just retreat. They’ve lost the entire eastern spotters squad already and carrying on with the formation will only cause more casualties. Things finally took on an even weirder turn when in the distance, a huge titan forest came into view.

Connie had only ever heard stories about what used to be a tourist attraction before the fall of Wall Maria. Giant trees that were said to be even taller than the walls themselves, clustered together to form a huge expanse of forest that went on for miles. As much as it awed him to look at these monumental woods, he still couldn’t shake the feeling of unease he was having.

“Soldiers! Halt!”

The three of them turned around to see one of the squad leaders racing up behind them, so they stopped their advance and gathered around to hear the next part of the plan.

“Listen up! Everyone is to dismount and go up the treetops. Our new course of action is to intercept. If a titan attempts to enter the forest, stop it at all costs! Commander’s orders. Now move!” The squad leader was gone in an instant, heading over to relay the message elsewhere. What the hell was happening? What about the formation?

While dismounting, Connie gave his two companions a quick glance. They were both frowning, much like he was, but at a different way altogether. Armin was most likely contemplating and trying to piece together this weird turn of events, whereas Reiner looked like he was watching out for something. He kept making long, hard stares through the forest with a scowl on him as if he already _knew_ what was going on.

The three of them alighted and perched on separate branches a few feet away from each other. Now they stood in wait while titans slowly came walking in from below them, stopping at the base of the trees they were on and looking up at them like they were birds. Nothing was making sense anymore, but at least they were more or less safe from up here. After a few more minutes of unrest, Connie decided to go to Reiner and flew from his branch over to his.

“What are you doing?” Reiner scowled at him, noticing how his smaller friend’s movement stirred up the titans below them.

“I was getting a little lonely back there. Titans aren’t really my favorite company,” Connie said lightly, but Reiner’s frown didn’t even flinch. “Are you mad at me?”

That seemed to soften his expression, sighing as he put a large hand over Connie’s shoulder. “No, I’m sorry it's just...It’s been a long day. And having no idea what the hell we’re even doing here is a bit agitating.”

Connie nodded and dragged his eyes around the woods, “Yeah. I just wanna go home too,” he said sheepishly, trying to get what was bothering him out his chest. “Hey umm, Reiner? Thanks for saving me earlier. If you hadn’t distracted that female titan I would’ve been dead by now.”

Reiner just stared at him and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I’m not letting anybody hurt you. Not as long as I can help it.”

“You almost died,” he said matter-of-factly, and frowned when Reiner just smirked at him.

“ _Almost_ ,” the blonde answered, pulling Connie close when he noticed his reaction. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that. I’m okay, you don’t have to keep worrying about me.”

Connie didn’t care how inappropriate it was, considering their current situation, when he pulled Reiner’s head down for a kiss. And it looked like the bigger guy didn’t mind too, kissing Connie back with as much passion as he could. They would’ve gone on longer if it weren’t for the huge booming sound that echoed from the woods, breaking their little moment and causing them to look towards the source. It came from within the titan forest, and it looked like they weren’t the only ones who noticed it too for the titans below them suddenly changed the direction of their gaze.

And then came the deafening howl of something from inside. A howl so loud that it made the previous ruckus sound like a needle dropping. Connie and Reiner had to cover their ears just as all hell seemed to break lose. Every titan in the area made a mad dash for the woods, heading straight for whatever was in there.


	21. Loss.

Connie never really imagined for the day to turn out like this when he stood facing the gates of Calaneth for his first expedition with the scouts, although he should have since this was basically the kind of luck they had to go with.  One.moment they were waiting for orders by the tree branches and the next thing he knew, he was helping carry the dead bodies of his fellow soldiers into their wagons. He had no idea what had happened in the last hour inside the titan forest after the swarm of titans came rushing in. All he knew was that the loud wailing they kept hearing earlier came from either Eren—who he saw unconscious on one of the wagons just now—or the female titan. And the more he thought about it, the more he really didn’t want to know.  

They finished loading the wagons with their fallen comrades and finally started their retreat back to the Calaneth district. The journey didn’t go as smoothly as they would’ve liked though, for along the way a few titans managed to intercept them, forcing them to to engage and suffer more casualties and adding a few more members among the list of ‘dead and/or missing’. What was worse, in the end they were even forced to let go of the bodies they carried, throwing their corpses back to the titans so they could get away from the threat by getting rid of the extra load. It was a depressing sight, to see the men and women who fought alongside you be left behind, but it was necessary.

Connie felt horrible. With so much death around him, that familiar dread in his gut was back and he was again reminded of the lives they had to live with. It also didn’t help that the people of the city they come back to were completely hostile to them. They gathered around the streets, throwing profanities and endless questions of whether the lives they lost even amounted to anything useful for humanity. It was all becoming too much that Connie almost wanted to get down his horse and punch someone when Reiner rode up next to him and gave him a look. He huffed and kept moving along with the others, trying his best to ignore the whole scene.

* * *

“How are you feeling?” Reiner whispered softly, lying down next to him. Due to public unrest, the scouts were forced to end their journey back at their castle base instead of the military barracks of Calaneth, and spending the rest of the day travelling through the interior wall.  It really was a long day considering all things, but Connie was more than happy to be back here than anything else. It was a small comfort to be in their room again, alone with Reiner and with no training or responsibilities the next day.

“I guess I’m okay,” Connie answered as he shifted his body to face the blonde. “I’m trying not to think about it too much. No good in dwelling over the fact that the whole population probably hates our guts.”

Reiner stared at him before moving to wrap his arms around the smaller man, pulling him close and placing his shaven head on his bare chest. They still had so much to go through despite everything, what with the order of Eren’s arrest and the possible suspension of the scout regiment’s future expeditions, it was too much of a load to bear all at one time.

“Hey Reiner?” Connie said as he started tracing on the blonde’s skin again with his finger, a habit he developed in the month they spent together every night. “Do you think what Armin was saying is true? That the female titan could actually be a person, just like Eren?”

Connie could feel Reiner’s breath on his head as he spoke, finding the whole thing slightly comforting. “What happened to ‘trying not to think about it too much’?” the blonde asked, and Connie didn’t have to look to know that he was smirking.

“I guess the thought just...scares me a bit,” he started, trying to piece together what was on his mind. “Remember that day in Trost? When I told you about seeing the armored titan? Well...I really didn’t want to believe that human-titans actually _do_ exist other than Eren, but I’d have to be very stupid to believe that he’s the only one, right? And after fighting with that female titan, it just...I don’t know, it feels like the world just got a whole lot bigger and it’s scares me to think that I’m little more than an ant in it.” He didn’t want to sound so depressing, but if he wasn’t being honest to himself then what good would that be?

Reiner held him tighter and planted a small kiss on the top of his head before speaking, “You’re not an ant. You may be small but you don’t have to be a titan to do something big in this world. It’s the choices we make the have an impact, not our abilities.”

Connie looked up at that and smiled when their eyes met, “Since when did you get all deep and wise?” he said with a slight chuckle.

“I can go _deeper_ if your want,” Reiner said and smirked when he saw Connie turn red at his words. He shifted their position so that he was on top of the smaller guy, placing his elbows on either side of his head and hovering just above his face. Connie’s heart raced at the sudden proximity and almost whimpered when Reiner brought his face closer, kissing him lightly on the nose. “We should sleep, it’s been a long day.”

Connie wanted to argue back but as soon as Reiner cuddled up beside him again, he felt the wave of exhaustion course through his body and the events of the day catch up with him. “Good night.” He heard Reiner say before his eyes became too heavy to keep open, sleep slowly taking over his body as he succumbed to the darkness.

“Good night, Reiner.”

* * *

The next day, Connie woke up from his dreamless sleep from Reiner’s gentle shaking on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see the smiling blonde fully dressed in his plain clothes with hair still damp from washing.

“Now I get why you get off on waking me up every morning,” he said before leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“Good morning to you too.” Connie yawned and stretched his body, sitting up on the bed while rubbing his eyes. “Why’re you up so early? It’s our free day.”

“We got a call from command. Said we were transferring base this morning after breakfast...which is about an hour from now so get your tight ass moving,” Reiner said cheekily, making Connie blush and throw one of the pillows at Reiner’s face when he started laughing.

After getting ready, they ate breakfast with the others at the mess hall before being called by one of the commanders to prepare for their departure. It struck Connie as weird when they didn’t even give them the chance to pack, saying that they were only moving temporarily and that time was of the essence. It was also weird how only the 104th cadet class were the only ones moving out, which section commander Miche answered with it being ‘part of their training’. But training for what? They just finished an expedition yesterday, and they were all ungeared. His curiosity took a back seat though, once they were told where they were headed.

“That’s near Ragako!” Connie said excitedly to Reiner as they rode on horseback, a huge grin spreading on his face. “I hope they can let me visit, it’s still our free day after all.”

Reiner on the other hand was less than thrilled at the whole ordeal, unable to see the point in all of it. But the smile on Connie’s face was all but contagious and soon found himself feeling a little excited listening to his small friend. It was short lived though, for the moment they arrived at the holding barracks located to the south of Wall Sinna, they were sent to one of the common rooms with strict orders not to leave. Some bullshit about waiting for Commander Erwin to arrive or something, Connie was too pissed to pick it up. So now there he sat, wasting a beautiful day stuck in a room and bored out of his mind.

The hour passed uneventfully with him still rooted in his seat by the window, gazing longingly outside. It felt more like an eternity than an hour and he swore he could feel himself snapping any minute now.

“This is so pointless, I don’t understand why they won’t even let us out,” he said whiningly, talking to no one in particular and trying to vent off his frustrations. “It wouldn’t even take a whole day to visit my village, and it’s supposed to be our day off.”

“So you’re nearby too, huh?” Sasha answered from across  his seat, totally despondent and bored as well. “My village is just north of here, although my people told me never to come back ‘til I was normal though.”

Connie had to smile to that, glancing over at her remark unsure whether she was joking or not. “The folks at my village told me I was too puny to be a soldier. They’re in for a surprise when they see that I’m eight of the class,” he said before frowning again, remembering their current predicament, “But that’s not happening anytime soon now is it, since we’re practically prisoners here.”

Sasha gave a long groan in response before laying her head on their table. Connie thought she was going to nap when not even a minute later, she shot back up quickly with panic in her eyes and startling everyone around her.

“Guys! I hear footsteps!” She glanced towards the window as if expecting to see something, then looked over at the others to explain, “ _Gian_ t footsteps!”

“Don’t be silly Sasha. We’re close to the inner wall already,” Reiner said, frowning at his friend’s weird behavior. “You probably heard the horses outside or something.”

But Connie knew better. Reiner didn’t know Sasha like he did and if she’s saying she heard them, then there was no mistaking it.

“I’m telling you there are titans coming! We have to tell the commander and—”

“Soldiers! On your feet!” One of the senior scouts was hanging by their window in an instant with complete urgency in her voice. “Titans have been spotted to the south, there’s no time for you to put your gear on so get to your horses! We’re moving out!”

Everyone scurried out of the room immediately except for Connie, who still sat in his chair in shock of what he just heard.

“Connie!” Reiner yelled at him, standing by the door in wait. “What are you doing? Let’s go!’

Snapping out of it, he faced the blonde and nodded briskly before getting up. “Y-yeah, I’m coming!”

They saddled on their horses in record time and rode out, just as the tremors in the ground grew stronger with each passing second and turning everyone’s worst fears into reality. Titans walking this far inside the walls could only mean one thing. Wall Rose had been breached.

“Listen up! Our primary mission now is to evacuate the settlements in the area!” said Commander Miche at the front of their formation, who silently cussed at their situation. Of all the rotten luck to have all his recruits unarmed at a time like this. “We’ll go in four squads to cover every direction, recruits go with your senior soldiers! Is anyone familiar with the terrain here?”

“Me sir!” Sasha raised her hand, riding next to Connie, “My village is just to the north of here. I know these parts like the back of my hand!”

The commander nodded and signalled to his other men, “Alright, Braus with the northern squad!”

“Connie’s village is nearby too! He could lead and—Connie?”

She stopped talking the moment she saw her smaller friend’s terrified face. Connie swallowed hard when he knew everyone was looking at him before speaking up. “My village...is to the south.”

Everyone was quiet for a minute, the meaning of Connie’s words sinking in everyone’s minds. He could only see the reactions of those who were directly beside him, Sasha’s stricken face and Reiner’s worried expression. Finally though, the commander broke the silence. “Can you lead the southern team Springer?”

“Y-yes. But please, after we evacuate...please let me go see my home,” he answered desperately and he found out that whatever the commander said didn’t actually matter at that point. Nothing will stop him from seeing his village.

“Very well then. Springer to the southern squad!

“Yes sir!” Connie said just as Reiner sped up beside him, “I’m coming with you.”

He wanted to argue back. He wanted to say that it was too dangerous especially without their gear on. But he couldn’t. Connie knew he needed Reiner now more than anything, no matter how selfish it seemed, so he merely nodded in agreement.

“Once the villages are cleared, report back to—”

Commander Miche paused to look at where the titans suddenly shifted their course, rushing madly towards their direction at a run.

“What the hell?! They’re coming straight for us commander!

“They’re going too fast! We can’t outrun them!”

Everyone was starting to panic. At this rate,they may not even get the chance to start evacuating.. “Go off with your squads, I’ll handle the titans!” Commander Miche barked before splitting from the group to head for the threat. None of the other officials argued, merely concentrating on the task at hand and knowing full well that if anyone could handle the titans, it was Miche.

* * *

Connie and the rest of the southern evacuation squad finished clearing the settlements just as the sun had started to set. He took it as a good sign that none of the villages they went to have been compromised by the titans, and he found himself hoping that it may be the same case with his village.

“Alright, this looks like the last village in the area. Springer, where to next?” asked their squad leader, Gelgar, as they started to move out on their horses.

“Ragako sir, my village. It’s further down south but it isn’t very far from here. We should be able to get there before dark.”

Gelgar gave him a curt nod before looking towards their path, “Good to hear. Lead the way soldier!”

They galloped at a fast pace and the farther they went, the more familiar the sceneries became for Connie. He remembered the path he used to take with his father on the rare times he took him out of the village, and he could see in the distance the fields where he and his siblings used to play at as kids. He knew that to the right would be the small river that was the primary water source of the village, and further down were the small woods where everyone hunted. The nostalgia he was feeling was so strong now and he felt terrible that it had to be this way. He finally got his wish, he was going home but nobody told him it was going to be under these circumstances.

It was half an hour later when they spotted the first giant footprint marking the ground. Connie blanched at the sight of the massive depression and kicked his horse to run faster once he realized the footprint was facing the opposite direction they were headed. He tried to swallow the dread building up inside him but it was futile, the footprints just multiplied the farther they went. They were everywhere, in various sizes all of which were unfit for any human being.

The village was finally coming into view in the distance and that just about did it for Connie as he kicked off faster, going well ahead from the squad at a sprint. Even from fifty meters away he could see the looming wreckage of his village outskirts, extinguishing any hope he had of it being in the same undisturbed state as the previous villages they went to.

“Connie, slow down!” Reiner yelled from behind him, his voice almost drowning from the sound of their running horses. “There could be titans here! Wait for us!”

It was a thoughtless thing to do, to run head on without any regard for his safety. He knew Reiner would grill him about it later, assuming there even would be a later, but he didn’t just care at the moment. This was his home. He wouldn’t be able to control himself even if he wanted to.

He ran through the familiar thoroughfares of the village, eyes darting left and right at all the shattered glass and splintered wood littering the pathway. Everything was a complete mess of rubble and broken structures, pieces of the places he once knew. He saw the small bakery where he used to buy bread every morning for his family, remembering the old lady that ran it and how nice she’d been to him, always giving him a sweet roll that he ate on the way home so his parents wouldn’t know. He passed by the ruins of what used to be the small poultry farm where they got their eggs, flashing back to the times when he used to help feed the chickens when as a kid. All of that was gone.

“Hello! Is anyone out here! Hello!” Connie yelled, trying to grasp at some sliver of hope, even though he knew at the back of his mind what the situation meant. “Anybody! Please! It’s me, Connie! I’ve come home!”

He started to panic, the reality of what’s around him was finally sinking in. His people were dead, everything was destroyed. His house—

_Wait. My house!_

He steered his horse and started running again, this time going through the familiar pathway that lead to his home. His heart was beating so fast and even then he found that he was still clinging onto some hope that they would be okay. That maybe they’ve hidden somewhere and waited for the titan’s to pass through and were now sitting safely in their house.

_Mom...Dad...Sunny...Martin...Please be okay,_

His heart was pounding and he was on the verge of tears as his horse ran through the wreckage. He could faintly hear the others following behind him but that was the last of his concerns. He was getting closer now, just one more corner before his house.

The head of a blonde titan was the first thing he saw when he made the turn, lying upside down over the crushed remains of what used to be his house. He stopped right in front of it, its large golden eyes staring at him and freezing him on the spot.

“CONNIE! GET BACK!” Reiner yelled and tried to pull him out of the way, almost knocking him out of his horse. “What the fuck are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” The grip on his arm was becoming a little painful, and if the situation were any different, the raging tone of his voice would’ve been enough to get him going. But Reiner’s anger couldn’t faze him now. Not after this.

“I-it’s my house…” Connie managed a weak whimper that changed Reiner’s mood instantly, looking at his small friend in complete shock. “M-my house is—”

“You two! Fall back!!” Gelgar and the others have caught up with them, standing between them and the titan with their blades at the ready. Connie tried to focus but found that he couldn’t. Everything was suddenly muffled and his vision was blurring as his eyes started to water. He couldn’t feel anything, not the horse underneath him nor the painfully tightening grip Reiner had on his arm. He was numb again, and how could he not be? He just lost his home and his entire family.


	22. Fallen

The eastern evacuation squad left the ruins of Ragako village just before dark. After confirming the absence of survivors—and more eerily, of corpses—Gelgar set their next task to investigate Wall Rose and determine the location of the breach, riding out on horseback and sticking to the wall heading west

Connie rode along in silence towards the back of their squad as they moved, face blank and eyes empty of emotion. He could see Reiner stealing worried glances at him every now and then, and once tried to talk to him but gave up immediately when he didn’t answer back. He wasn’t mad at the big guy, he just didn’t want to talk right now. It felt like the moment he spoke would be his breaking point and he really didn’t want to breakdown in the middle of trying to find where the titans were coming from. Right now he had to be a soldier, and it was really the only thing that’s keeping him on his feet.

Night fell on the horizon and darkness covered their path. The light of their torches could only go so far and the more time they spent out in the open, the more unsettling it was beginning to feel. Even Connie in his numbed state was starting to feel the uneasiness of the situation. Shouldn’t they have seen the breach by now? They already travelled more than a few kilometers away from Ragako, it couldn’t have been that far off could it?

Just when the situation couldn’t possibly get any more bizarre, they started to see lights ahead them. They proceeded with caution, arms at the ready when they finally crossed paths with Nanaba and her western squad. Krista and Ymir were there too, and everyone was staring at each other with incomprehension.

“So, did you follow the wall all the way here too?” Gelgar asked, a slight quiver in his voice.

“Yes. I take it you guys found the breach then,” Nanaba answered and immediately blanched upon seeing her fellow senior’s expression. “We didn’t see any irregularities in the western route. Surely you must have found something in the south.”

Gelgar let out a shaky breath before answering, the fear evident in his eyes. “N-no...the wall’s perfectly intact.”

Everyone was at a loss from what they just heard, and it was a while before anyone spoke. The silence was deafening, and it was stirring something within Connie that was related to what they had seen earlier. Finally Krista broke the silence and voiced the one question that was on everyone’s mind. “W-what does this mean? Did we overlook the wall or something?”

“I don’t think we can overlook a hole in the wall that’s big enough for titans to get into,” Nanaba said dreadfully, “In any case, the only option is to check again. But our horses are on the verge of collapse and we’re not getting any better either.”

She was right. Connie felt the exhaustion slowly creeping up on him and the longer they stood there, the harder it became to fight it. He was famished too, what with the last proper meal they’ve had was at breakfast. They’ve been at it for hours and coupled with all this grim news, it was really taking its toll on everyone.

“Hey, look!”

Light rained down as the clouds parted to reveal the full moon above them and everyone turned to look at where Gelgar was pointing at. In the distance of about a few hundred meters stood a tall structure that looked like an old castle’s tower. It wasn’t that far, and it was a whole lot better than staying out there in the woods, so they all agreed to press on and take refuge for the night.

* * *

A sign outside the structure said ‘Castle Utgard’, but it looked more like a holding facility than a castle to be honest. The place was fairly large with the main tower in the center, a few holds branching out from it, and a stable directly in front of the courtyard. Everything looked to be in shambles though, with cracked walls and floors, and overgrown plants littering almost every surface. Some of the parapets have even fallen to the ground already. But beggars can’t be choosers, and any place with a roof was as good a place as any.

They settled at one of the higher floors of the main tower, one floor below the roof deck so it would be easier to come up and back for patrolling. They gathered around the small fire Krista set up in the middle of the room while they replenished with dry rations and water, weary from the day’s activities.

“Did you guys encounter any titans by the west?” Gelgar asked after sitting down, giving up on trying to find booze in one of the supply rooms.

“No, we didn’t,” Nanaba said before taking a swig from her water pouch. “And the villages were all safe on that end. Nothing out of the ordinary...except for that missing hole in the wall.”

Krista sat back down next to Ymir after throwing in the last of her sticks to the flames, the crackling wood echoing inside the room and the light casting long dark shadows on the walls. “If the titans didn’t break the wall then...where did they come from?”

Everyone looked at her with the same questioning eyes. Where _did_ the titans come from? Initially there had been no doubt of a breach on Wall Rose, what with that being the only logical explanation for the titans’ appearance. But after today, that doesn’t seem to be a sure fact anymore.

Gelgar stood up and took one of the torches, slowly climbing up the steps to the roof to start first watch but not before leaving a final remark on the matter. “That’s for us to find out tomorrow. Focus on getting some rest for now,” he said before disappearing to the top.

Krista sighed, frowning over her own thoughts. “I’m just saying...maybe the situation isn’t as bad as it seems. After all, it looked like none of us encountered a single titan since the first wave from earlier.”

“You do have a point there. If the wall really _was_ breached, the area should be teeming with titans by now,” said Nanaba, brows furrowed in confusion.

“What about your village Connie? Did you get to evacuate everyone okay?” Krista asked, and regretted it instantly after seeing the face Connie made.

“My village...is destroyed.” He managed a weak voice, eyes still staring blankly at the flames in front of him. He didn’t even know how he could answer so calmly. He half expected himself to bawl right then and there, to cry it all out and curl up into a pathetic, miserable ball—but instead he felt nothing, surprising everyone and even himself when he continued speaking.

“No one was dead though. At least none that we could see. There wasn’t any blood, no dismembered limbs, no carnage. Just broken houses. Gelgar says my people might’ve escaped before we even got there,” he said detachedly, his mind leading him back to his home. “There was a titan though. Just one...lying above my house and—” He paused, suddenly remembering what had happened earlier right before the moment he left the scene. How his heart stopped beating and his body was rooted on the spot.

“The titan...talked. It said—I didn’t pick it up but I swear it said ‘home’” He was suddenly aware that everyone was looking at him with bewildered faces by then, having told no one this bit of information. Even Reiner looked stupefied. “The weirdest thing is...it kind of reminded me of my mom. They had the same eyes and—”

“Wait your _Mom?!_ You seriously think your mom could be a titan are you for real?!” Ymir guffawed so suddenly that everyone jumped at the sound of her voice. “Man, I knew you were stupid but I didn’t know your were _that_ stupid! If mommy dearest is a titan then how come you’re so small and—!”

“YMIR!” Krista yelled and stood up from beside her, giving her a cold glare that was uncharacteristic of the smaller blonde. She stared at her for a full minute before turning around to face her friend.

“Connie she didn’t—” she started but it fell on deaf ears, because Connie was no longer there.

“See what you did!”

He went a few floors down, stomping on the stairs as he went until he found a large open window where he could sit. It’s not so much the window that attracted his attention, but rather the view it opened up to—the horizon on this side of the castle showed nothing but the plain fields touched by moonlight, and the rippling blades of grass reminded him of the lake he and Reiner used to visit. The base of the window was as thick as the castle wall, which game him more than enough room to sit comfortably with his feet hanging off the edge.

That’s when he started to cry. At first he blamed Ymir, for being insensitive and shameless with her constant teasing, but soon realized that he was just using it as an excuse to hide what he was really feeling. Now that he was alone, the events of today were finally starting to sink in and he allowed the emotions to course through him. He clenched his fists as his body shook from the tears, remembering the home he just lost, the family that he didn’t have anymore, and the memories that just made it all the more painful.

“Hey.”

Connie stopped at the sound of his voice, his breath catching in his throat. Of course he followed him. Why was it always like this? Why did he always have to catch him when he was at his weakest? He really wanted to be alone, but the moment Reiner sat down and put a hand over him, all his walls suddenly melted away and he fell apart right under his arms. He couldn’t hold it back anymore as the sobs racked his body, crying until it became hard to breathe. It was just like that time at the alley after Hannah and Samuel died, after Marco, but unlike those times was the pain of now. It tore through his heart unlike any kind of pain he’s ever felt before, and it felt like there was no end to it.

None of them said anything for a while, as what was usual whenever Connie cried, and Reiner just wrapped his arms around him tighter while rubbing softly at his back until all his tears were gone.

“I d-don’t have a home anymore,” Connie said quietly when the hard sobs passed, his face buried on Reiner’s chest, shirt wet with tears. “I left to become a soldier. To p-prove myself and mean something in this world. What good is that if I couldn’t even protect my own family?” he said dejectedly, clutching him tighter as new tears began to fall. “I k-know I’m stupid, but I’m not stupid enough to believe that they escaped. They’re g-gone. They’re all gone.”

Reiner hugged him closer and lifted his face so their eyes could meet, wiping the tears with his thumb in the process. “I’m sure, wherever they are, that they’re proud of you. Proud of what you’ve become, proud of what you’ve accomplished.” He smiled and brushed the fresh tears that fell again, looking him in the eye as h he continued. “And you still have me Con,” he said softly as he cupped his both his cheeks in his large hands. “You’ll always have a home as long as I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that.”

Connie sniffed and nodded, managing a faint smile for the blonde. He stared at him, at his small golden eyes that always seemed to drill into his soul. At his perfectly sculpted face that never diminished despite the  small scars on the surface, and at his slightly parted lips that seemed to hesitate with what his heart wanted to do.

“What’s wrong?” It was his turn to ask, not understanding what was going on in the blonde’s head.

“I...want to kiss you but, umm…” Reiner started, his brows furrowing in trying to grasp for words. “I don’t...want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

Connie actually chuckled at that and playfully landed a fist on his broad chest before pulling their faces together. “C’mere.”

It was an uncertain kiss at first, when it seemed like Connie was just using the sensation to distract him from his pain. Even Reiner felt it, his lips steady and unmoving as the other tried to coax him into it. But then Connie heard Reiner’s voice echoing in his head. His words from earlier striking a nerve in him that made him change his approach. He didn’t want this to be a way to mask the pain he was feeling and the loss he was going through, he wanted to kiss him because he loved him. He loved Reiner with every fibre of his being and that’s what he wanted to show. Soon, the blonde finally gave in and drew his tongue out, gasping in surprise when Connie sucked and gladly accepted him.

It was overwhelming, to finally realize that you truly, sincerely, and undoubtedly love someone. And how that love seemed to erase the pain instantly. Connie wanted his actions to reflect how he felt and deepened their kiss, his hands suddenly unbuttoning the bigger man’s shirt. Reiner seemed too lost in the kiss to notice, or he just didn’t care, because he was also trying to slowly pull Connie’s top off as he continued attacking his lips. Connie’s hands managed to get the other’s shirt open and continued by running his hands along his bare torso, earning him a deep groan when his fingers grazed his nipples. He was about to go further down when Reiner’s hands suddenly stopped his, holding both of his wrists in a tight grip.

“Wait,” he said breathlessly, his blonde hair slightly matted on his forehead.  “Not here.”

Connie looked to his right and realized what he was saying. They were literally inches away from at least a 10-meter drop on the side of the castle and knowing how he did things, he realized he really didn’t want to risk it. Before he could say more, Reiner lifted him up and carried him in his arms as he took them away from the window, down the stairs, and onto the leveled floor before pinning Connie against the wall.

“Are you sure?” Reiner asked him with worried eyes, his face inches from his.

“Don’t you want to?” Connie whispered hoarsely, looking back at him.

“No, I mean...I do. It’s just…” he paused, his eyes digging deeper into his own, searching. “I just want you to be sure. This shouldn’t be the way for you to feel better about what happened.”

Connie touched his face gently and wondered how much more of his heart was left of him, because he was pretty sure Reiner just took every broken piece of it. “I’m sure.”

The blonde chuckled and gave him a quick peck, his desires taking control again as he whispered in Connie’s ear. “Try not to be too loud. Wouldn’t want them to hear us, yeah?” He smirked at him, before attacking his lips again in heated passion.

* * *

“Hey Reiner?”

The blonde moved his head at the sound of his name and rolled over to the side from his position so he was facing Connie. They were lying on a soft mat they found in one of the crates on this floor of the castle and were now fully clothed, seeming as if they’ve just been sleeping all night and that nothing else had happened, the secret kept by their bodies was theirs and theirs only.

“Will you let me try going _in_ next time?” he said blushing, making the bigger man chuckle.

“Maybe. We’ll see,” he answered before placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

Connie gave him a small pout then a nod before speaking again, “Hey Reiner?”

“Yes?”

“Did you mean what you said earlier? About never leaving me?” He gave him the cutest puppy dog eyes he could muster as he said that, which only made the blonde laugh harder.

“Yes, I meant it. I’ll always be with you Con,” he said with another soft kiss on the smaller man’s forehead.

“Hey Reiner?”

“Yes?”

“You know I’ll never leave you too right?”

Reiner’s eyes fell a little at that, too subtle for Connie to see but he did. The slight pause and hesitation in his voice also didn’t go unnoticed. “Whatever happens?”

“Whatever happens.” Connie nodded, and it was his turn to give him a kiss.

“Hey Reiner?”

Reiner made that smile that Connie loved the most before answering, “Yes?”

Connie swallowed when he realized what he was about to say. Three simple words, and as cliche as it may sound, it stomped down his confidence all of a sudden. But lying there with Reiner, staring at his calm face and holding him close, there wasn’t any way around it was there?

“I lo—

“GUYS! WAKE UP! COME QUICK!” Krista yelled from the top of the stairs after opening the door with a slam. Reiner was on his feet in an instant running up the stairs three steps at a time and for a moment, looked like he forgot all about Connie before turning back around to give him a hand. They ran up again, all the way to the roof deck just in time to see their senior scout leaders jump from the roof in their ODM gear.

“What’s going on?!” Reiner bellowed, startling Bertholdt and Ymir who were standing by the parapets. Connie ran after him when he went to look over the side and literally felt a chill run down his spine. Below them were more than a dozen titans, advancing in a horde towards the castle.

“W-what do we do?!” Connie panicked at the sight of them. The entire place was surrounded. Couple that with the fact that they’re all unarmed and only four of their senior scouts were fighting.

“There’s not much we _can_ do now is there. Whoever’s stupid idea was it to keep us unarmed is really—”

Ymir was cut off by a loud crash and a tremble on the castle. Judging from the tremor, it felt like it came all the way from the base of the tower. And just to confirm those thoughts, Nanaba was back up the roof to warn them.

“Titan’s have entered the castle! Do whatever you can to keep them from pushing in! They mustn't get up here! MOVE!”

The five of them made a mad dash for the stairs at her orders, but no one looked as eager as Reiner did—leaping of the steps as if it was a race and leaving everyone in the dust. “I’ll go and check where they’ve gotten in! You guys find anything heavy that isn’t nailed down to use as a blockade” he yelled back at them as he ran off further downstairs.

“Reiner wait!” Krista cried after him, but it was too late. Reiner was already gone.

“I think I know what we can use!” Connie remembered seeing a cannon earlier from that floor he and Reiner were on. He led them towards the area and tried to adjust his eyes in the dark. “There!”

“Does that thing even work?” Ymir asked, looking at the rusty old thing.

“It...doesn’t...have to,” Connie grunted, trying to push the cannon forward, “We just have to…move it...and it would be nice if you helped!”

The damn thing was heavy. Too heavy even with Krista, Ymir, and Bertholdt’s help. They managed to drag it until the next landing though, just in time for them to hear Reiner scream for help. They rushed to the scene and saw the blonde holding the door down with a titan arm poking through one of the hinges. “Reiner!!” Bertholdt went down to help him, his long legs taking five steps at a time down to his friend. Connie was about to do the same when Ymir put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him.

“You’re not going to be much help there shorty! Focus on this cannon! I got a plan,” she said fiercely before going back behind the old contraption and pushing again. With his and Krista’s help, they set it right above the staircase leading down to where Reiner and Bertholdt were, finally understanding what she intended to do.

“HEY GUYS! HEADS UP!!” With one final heave, the three of them pushed the cannon right of the stairs. At first it looked like it wasn’t going anywhere, which didn’t come as a surprise considering how heavy it was. But momentum slowly built and after a few more lugs, it started its downward path toward the doorway, just in time for Reiner and Bertholdt to jump out of the way and giving the titan the full force of the cannon’s weight in a thunderous crash.

Connie ran down once the smoke cleared and immediately went to Reiner, giving him the once-over before gripping his arms, “Are you okay? Did it hurt you?”

Reiner was still a bit tense but seemed to slightly relax once he saw Connie. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he said as he brushed him off and dusted himself from the debris.

“You can’t just go ahead of us and be the hero all the time! If we hadn’t found that cannon you would’ve—”

“Enough! This isn’t the time to be quarrelling!” Ymir berated from the top of the stairs, scowling at the both of them. “In case you haven’t noticed, more titans are likely to come through so we best get a move on.”

She was right, now isn’t the time. “So how do we kill it? All I have with me is this pocket knife,” Connie said as he pulled out his small weapon and stepped closer to the fallen titan.

“Leave it,” Reiner said with strong authority in his tone, “It’s not getting up from that any time soon and the farther away we are from it the better.”

Connie frowned at him. Sure _he_ was allowed to get angry and act all bossy whenever Connie did something stupid and reckless. But if it was _him_ who was the stupid one, Connie wasn’t allowed to act differently.

“Then we better focus on blockading the upper floor then,” Krista said after picking up the torch Reiner dropped and started up the stairs.” I think I saw some wooden poles from where we found the cannon and—” she turned around mid sentence at the sound of wood snapping, only to find another titan climbing through the door they just knocked over, where Connie was standing with his back turned.

“CONNIE!!”


	23. Shattered.

Connie turned around when he heard Krista’s scream from above the stairs, just in time for him to see the five-meter titan’s jaw lunging over his head from the doorway behind him. His reflexes kicked in, and was about to make a stab when Reiner suddenly pushed him out of the way, his right arm taking the damage instead.

He fell to the floor and heard an audible crack, but he was sure it didn’t come from him. Reiner was struggling above him with the titan’s mouth clamped on his bleeding forearm and looked like he was leading it away from Connie. He groaned and made a hard stomp, splitting a wooden plank by his feet in half and did the unthinkable by lifting the titan over his shoulder. And he didn’t stop there. Much to everyone’s amazement, Reiner slowly took the steps while carrying the giant, heading for the window.

“Reiner, no!!” Krista yelled and tried to move in to help but was stopped by Ymir.

“W-what are you doing?!” Connie asked incredulously, still stunned on the ground with what was happening. 

“I’m...throwing it...off...the window!” Reiner grunted with effort, the pain evident in his voice.

“Are you crazy?! It has your arm! You’ll get thrown off with it!” Bertholdt yelled frantically from his spot on the foot of the stairs, hoping to knock some sense into his friend.

“We got...no other...choice!”

Connie was starting to panic, then he remembered the thing he was holding.  _ My knife! _ “H-hold on! I think I can cut it!” He ran up the stairs after the blonde and positioned himself beside him. He wasn’t really sure if his blade was strong enough to cut titan skin, but there was no way in hell he wasn’t trying.

“J-just hold still while I slice its jaw open!” Connie yelled and stabbed the knife near the tian’s cheek, trying to rip as much skin as he can to release Reiner’s arm.

“STAY BACK CON—”

“I got it okay?! Just a few...more...there!” He pulled his knife back along with Reiner’s arm as the titan’s bite slackened. They stepped back and readied themselves to fight again, then Ymir gave one final kick to the beast and sent it flying down the castle.

No titans came crashing inside after that, and thankfully the next couple of minutes turned out to be uneventful for them. Ymir, Bertholdt, and Connie went and secured the doorway with the wooden poles they found, while Krista busied herself with Reiner’s injury. His arm had a huge bone fracture and a gaping wound according to Krista, but it didn’t look lethal at least.

Connie felt ashamed of himself, and guilty for what just happened. Reiner saved his life again, and it didn’t come without a cost. How was he going to face him? A fracture of that size would render him unfit for battle for at least a couple of months, assuming they even get to live through tonight. 

“There, that should be enough. Just try not to move it around too much okay?” Krista said after wrapping Reiner’s arm in a sling.

“Yeah...Thanks Krista.”

When Krista left his side, Connie decided to move over to him. He still didn’t know what to say, but saying something was better than nothing he figured, so he sat down next to the blonde and looked at his arm. “H-hey. How does it feel?” 

Reiner acted as if he didn’t hear him, his scowl plastered on as he stared at the wall in front of him—not even turning to look at Connie.

“I-I’m sorry. I...should’ve been more careful and…” he hesitated, stealing a quick glance at the blonde’s face. He was mostly expecting him to yell by now, to tell him how stupid and reckless he was and that this was all his fault. That because of him, his arm was broken. But it never came. He just sat there in silence without any acknowledgement of Connie’s presence.

“Reiner I—”

A thunderous crash from outside stopped him mid sentence, followed by another more rocking crash that came from above them. Talking had to wait again as they all rushed to the scene upstairs.

The roof deck was broken in half as if a cannon had hit one side and blasted it to bits. Connie and the others maneuvered themselves over the remaining oices of the floor to peer over the edge of the parapet only to see a nightmare unfolding right before their eyes. Nanaba and Gelgar were overwhelmed and were currently being devoured by the titans. Their screams echoing in the night as they helplessly watched.

“NO!” Krista yelled and in her panicked state, tried to throw a rock down at the giants in an attempt to help.

Ymir stopped her before she even got a second rock to throw by holding her arm back. “Krista what are you doing?! Get back! The castle is going to give!” 

There was nothing they could do. All their senior scouts were dead and they were stranded. To make matters worse, Connie could see in the distance that another horde of titans were marching in towards them—twice as many as before.

“Shit! What do we do?!” Panic was kicking in when he thought about how things were going to unfold. Once the titans reached them, the castle would collapse. They would either die in the fall or get finished off by the titans, either way there was no chance of surviving this situation. 

Connie fell on his bottom and held his head in his hands. Was this the end? Was this really how he was going to die? He looked over at the people around him, at his friends who were going to die with him. Ymir was arguing with Krista over something on one side, while Bertholdt and Reiner were both staring wildly at something in the distance. He didn’t care to look or listen to whatever, because all he was thinking about now was how he was ending things with Reiner. He wanted to tell him, to finish what he was saying earlier before all this mess came about. That would at least make him happy, to be by his side when their eventual end came, so he stood up and started walking towards him.

“Connie, do you still have that knife with you?” Ymir asked all of a sudden, breaking him from his thoughts. He felt for the object in his pocket and showed it to her when he pulled it out, a little surprised when she took it.

“Thanks shorty,” she said while patting his bald head. “This’ll do just fine.”

Connie frowned at her, not understanding what she meant, “What are you planning to do?”

“Oh you know...just going to give those shits a little hell.” The smile Ymir made afterwards was terrifying to say the least, and Connie wondered if he made a mistake by handing her the only weapon they had. 

Without warning, Ymir made a run for the edge of the tower and jumped to the air down to the waiting titans. Krista’s screaming was what snapped Connie out of it to run and look over the edge along with Bertholdt and Reiner, just in time to see Ymir cut herself and the bright yellow flash of lightning that enveloped her.

What came after next was unprecedented, and only added to the piling weirdness of the day—or so to Connie at least. He was still wrapping his head around the fact that Ymir, his snarky and teasing friend, just turned into a titan right before their eyes. How was this possible? How did she suddenly turn from human to a five-meter giant, and was now biting the necks off each and every other titan that was trying to kill them? This was insane.

Connie looked over at his friends to see how they were taking it. Krista was at her wits’ end, leaning against the parapet and her eyes following Ymir’s every move. That’s when Connie thought that right then, there was no doubt that Krista knew about this. He looked over at Reiner and Bertholdt, and their expressions couldn’t have been more in contrast than it were right then. Bertholdt looked terrified and shocked, just like him, but Reiner was fuming. He’s only ever seen that face twice and it was still scary as hell.

The tower lurched, knocking them off balance and almost throwing Krista over. Connie managed to grab her arm in time while Reiner went for her leg.

“Thanks guys, I—Aghh!!” she cried in pain, then Connie noticed that Reiner had her ankle in a crushing grip.

“Hey!” He put his hand over his arm which seemed to snap the blonde out of it, his face turned in surprise. “What the hell is your problem man?!”

“I-I…” Reiner stuttered, letting go of Krista’s leg and backing off a few steps. Connie frowned at him, there was something wrong and he was acting way too weird right now. But he didn’t have time to mull it over because the tower lurched again, this time he could feel the ground tilting.

“S-she’s breaking the castle!!” Bertholdt yelled over the noise as he tried to hold his footing. Krista was about to look over the edge again when Connie held her back and braced themselves. What the hell was Ymir doing?

As if on cue, Ymir in her titan form climbed back up the tower and faced them, and Connie couldn’t help but think how ugly she looked. It would’ve been funny if the situation were different, but the tower was on the verge of collapse and laughing was the last thing on his mind.

“G...rab….on!” The titan spoke—or Ymir rather—Connie didn’t know anymore. But he understood her for the most part and, never thinking a day like this would ever come, grabbed onto her titan hair and pulled himself up. Krista was already on, and Reiner and Bertholdt followed suit. It was a crazy feeling, riding a titan while it jumped from the heads of other titans. Ymir leaped out of the way and landed in the courtyard, just as every remaining structure on the castle fell over the horde, burying them in rubble and ashes. 

“I can’t believe it,” Connie said in disbelief once they got down from Ymir, patting his body all over. “We made it! We’re actually alive!” He looked over at Ymir and smiled at her, just as the castle debris started to move ahead of them. They weren’t out of the woods yet, and the titans were starting to stir.

Ymir lunged instantly, taking down two of the nearest titans before they could even spot her moving. She was fast, and it looked like she could actually get through them, but when one of the larger titans caught her mid-jump, the tables turned. They all went for her, biting and the ripping her skin off and pulling limbs and clumps of her hair. She was greatly outnumbered and at this rate she’ll be nothing but bones.

“YMIR!!” Krista yelled as she ran forward. What she hoped to accomplish by running toward her, Connie never knew, and it was too late to stop her because one of the titans noticed her coming. She stopped in her tracks, frozen on the spot from the incoming threat. 

“Krista! Run!!” Connie ran after her but he knew it was too late. He was as helpless as she was trying to save Ymir.

The sound of blades and expelling gas rang in the wind as the titan coming for Krista dropped dead right in front of her. Mikasa was suddenly there, adeptly slicing off the titan’s nape in a blink of an eye. She was soon joined by the other scouts, Commander Hanji’s division, along with Eren, Armin, and Sasha. They swooped down on the necks of every titan in the area, making quick work of them with their ODM gear. 

In a matter of minutes, the titan-filled area was now a graveyard of giant, steaming carcasses over the rubble and ruins of what was, only hours ago, Castle Utgard. The sun was rising now, they survived the nightmare and were safe thanks to their friends. They managed to pry Ymir off her titan body, only to find her own human body battered and severed. She was missing her limbs, and a huge chunk of her torso as well. It was a miracle that she was even alive, breathing, and still managed to talk to Krista right before she completely passed out. Connie reminded himself that he had to thank her later, they’d be dead if it wasn’t for her.

 

* * *

 

Dark clouds were starting to roll through the skies, giving the air a sharp chill and blanketing the area in mute dimness. In the next few hours, the scouts rallied up and made a beeline towards Wall Rose. With Ymir’s condition, Commander Hanji said the best course of action would be to transport her to Trost and use the top of the wall as the main path, the flat pavement and direct route would be more efficient than horseback wagons. Once up the wall, Connie and Krista relayed their respective squad’s findings from yesterday evacuation efforts. From what they found in Ragako, their inspection of the wall, and everything else that had happened before the scouts reached them. 

“Alright, very good recruits. Did you get all that Moblit?” she turned to her assistant who was jotting down notes and nodded. “We’ll be sending a team back to Ragako to investigate that titan on your house Connie, and as for Ymir…” Hanji looked over to the side where two of her members were strapping Ymir on a stretcher, “Don’t worry Krista, she’ll be in good hands. You have my word. Now, we best head back to Trost and meet up with Erwin. If their isn’t a breach on the wall like you say then there’s no point in staying here any longer. We’ll start from there on how to go about the situation.”

They both nodded and started walking after Hanji just as a light rain started to pour. Connie noticed the glum look on Krista’s face as they made their way, so he went ahead and wrapped an arm over her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“She’ll be fine. Ymir’s a tough girl. I’m sure she’ll grow back her limbs in no time,” he said with a small smile, easing Krista's frown off her face.

“Thanks Connie. I’m just...worried what people are going to think…”

Connie could understand that, for his initial reaction when Ymir transformed wasn’t a good one either. “She saved our lives. She could’ve fled the scene and avoided getting hurt, but she didn’t. I think that says a lot about her, whether she’s a titan or not.”

That seemed to cheer her up, he could see her eyes brightening a bit when she nodded. “What about Reiner? Is his arm okay? I’m not sure the splint I made would hold after everything we just went through.”

“I actually umm...haven't’ talked to him yet,” he answered sheepishly, and continued when Krista gave him a confused look. “I think he’s mad at me again.”

Krista merely stared at him and did the last thing Connie expected her to do—she laughed. “Con, we just lived through certain death a while ago. And you’re not speaking because he’s  _ mad? _ ”

Connie pouted. It did seem a little petty when she put it that way. But she didn’t know Reiner like he did. The way his mood always seemed to change into an impenetrable wall sometimes. But he did want to talk to him though, and that was all he thought about as he looked back and saw where he, Bertholdt, and Eren were standing behind everyone else.

“Go on,” Krista said, pointing her head to their direction, “If he doesn’t want to talk then make him.”

Connie chuckled at her optimism, and decided to take her advice on it and nodded. He went to turn around and head for the big blonde, at the exact moment that Mikasa launched herself backward at a spin and attacked Reiner with her blades. 

It’s as if time froze for a moment, and Connie watched as an enormous amount of blood flew from where Mikasa had hit Reiner, knocking him off his feet as her blade dug into his skin. Connie’s eyes widened and the next thing he knew, he was running as fast as he could towards the commotion and yelling. “HEY!! MIKASA STO—”

He bumped into Sasha, and immediately tried to go around her but then realized she was holding him back. “SASHA LET ME GO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

“I’m sorry Connie!” She pleaded with her eyes, her voice raised in slight panic. “Just stay back! You can’t—”

_ “GAAHH!” _

Bertholdt’s guttural wail interrupted them, and Connie was starting to see nothing but red. He didn’t know if it was from the anger, or from all the blood spewing out of his friend’s neck.

“SASHA LET ME GO!!”

He watched as Reiner grabbed Mikasa from behind, stopping her seconds before she could drive her blade at Bertholdt’s skull. She was smaller than the blonde, but in no way did it mean she was weaker than him. Connie watched her flip her captor and one fluid move followed by a kick to the stomach that sent him crashing to the ground in a bloody heap. And then she withdrew her blade again, this time walking towards Reiner.

“NO!!” Connie cried out and with all the strength he had, threw Sasha off of him and began running again, ignoring her calls to stop. He was only a few feet away now, and yelled when he was sure Mikasa could hear him.

“MIKASA STOP!! What are you—” Her blade was suddenly pointed at his face, her eyes wild and unsettling.

“Stay back Connie! This doesn’t concern you! Turn around and—AAHHH!” 

Reiner pushed her off the edge of the wall with his torso before slumping back on the ground again, clutching his right arm in pain. The first thing that was on Connie’s mind was his injured arm, not even thinking about Mikasa as he ran towards his friend.

“Reiner! What’s going on?! What did she do to you?!” he said frantically, kneeling down in front of him. “Is your arm hurt?? Did she—” Connie suddenly lost his words when he saw what Mikasa had done. Never mind worrying about Reiner’s fractured arm. He was missing his right hand.

“Y-Your hand!! What did she do to your hand?!” His voice was cracking and he could feel hot tears coming up. He tried to hold Reiner’s shaking body and tried to think of a way to help but the shock was paralyzing him. He was bleeding out and aside from his missing hand, the entire right side of his face was covered in blood and Connie could’ve sworn he saw his cheekbone peeking out. His other hand still had Mikasa’s blade on it, and at first he thought he was just holding it but then realized it was impaled right through his palm.

“R-Reiner, hey. Stay with me. We’re going to get you some help okay? Okay?” he said trying to remain as calm as possible, but it was proving to be a challenge. His hands were slick with blood now and he had no idea what to do. Where were the medics? Why is he the only one coming to help him? He turned around and saw Eren standing a few feet away, frozen on the spot and looking on in horror, while Bertholdt was lying on the ground nearby and clutching his bleeding neck.

“C-Connie…” Reiner whispered faintly, his voice rugged and breathless.

“H-hey. I’m here, I’m here.” He touched the side of his face the wasn’t cut open and tried to put on a brave smile. “I’m right here Reiner. You’re going to be alright, okay? Just hold on. I’ll—”

“Listen to me…” He spazzed a dry cough that only tore at Connie’s heart more before he continued. “Run. Please...get away from here.”

Was he hearing right? Connie frowned and shook his head as more tears began to fall. “I’m not going anywhere. What are you saying? We got to—”

A bright yellow spark flashed through Reiner’s body and cut him off, the sensation so hot that Connie had to pull his hand away. He panicked, looking in horror as the sparks kept jumping through his skin. 

“Reiner, w-what’s happening?” he asked his voice trembling. He looked at the blonde’s face again and saw that he was crying. The expression on his face, painfully lit up by the warm golden light coursing through him, was so heart wrenching that it made his own heart stop for a moment. Everything seemed to have stilled right then as their eyes met, and the only thing that was in focus was Reiner. He couldn’t hear Armin and Hanji in the distance calling out for him to run, nor could he see Eren’s stricken face just a few feet next to them. He ignored the warning bells ringing in his head as he listened to Reiner’s trembling voice.

“C-Connie…I’m...I’m sor—”

A huge explosion so intense literally blew Connie away from his spot and he was flying. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear, and he wondered if he was still even conscious—confirming it when he felt a scorching wave of heat in the air around him. It was so hot that it felt like his skin was burning. He tried to scream but no sound came out. He’s lost all sense of direction as the force of the explosion kept pushing him, and only jolting his senses back when he hit his head on the ground and tumbled a few times on the hard pavement. 

He knew he was still above the wall when he felt the cannon railings with his hands, holding on to it as the gush of hot air kept blowing. He tried to open his eyes and look up, only to see his nightmare unfold right before his eyes. 

The Armored Titan rose in front of him, looking at him with that monstrous face and he was taken back again to months ago on the streets of Trost. Connie was shaking from fear, and something else. Something was stirring up inside of him, something that’s been sitting at the back of his mind for the longest time. Thoughts he’d been unconsciously trying to push back, suddenly rushing to the surface and bringing tears to his eyes as the titan stood slowly above the wall, its gaze unbreaking as voices from the past flashed through Connie’s mind.

_ ‘Secrets have a cost Connie.’ _

_ ‘You’re better off without me Con. I don’t think I’m all that good.’ _

_ ‘I can turn into a titan. You know, like Eren.’ _

Connie’s head was throbbing, and his vision was blurring. From blood or from tears, he didn’t know. But it was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling in his chest. And as he passed out on the top of the wall, his head bleeding and bruised, and his heart shattering to pieces, only one thought dominated his mind.

Reiner is the Armored Titan.


	24. Turning Tables.

“Hey Reiner?”

“Yes?”

They were sitting on the shore facing the lake with their backs against an overturned log. It was a really beautiful day. The sunlight hit the lake at just the right angle for it to glisten and gleam. The cool breeze from the water balanced with the warm summer air as the wind blew, ruffling the trees while birds chirped from their nests. They just finished eating their lunch and decided to relax for the rest of the afternoon.

“Can you tell me a secret?” Connie asked apprehensively, unsure why he sounded like so. “Something no one else knows about.”

The blonde chuckled and smiled, but didn’t take his eyes off the water. “Why?”

“Just curious,” Connie said with a shrug, looking earnestly the Reiner’s face. From his seat on the ground he was only able to see one side of him—the other half angled away and shrouded in shadow by the trees.

“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked solemnly, raising the eyebrow that was visible from Connie’s view.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?

Reiner was silent for a while, still not looking at his bald-headed friend while he thought about his answer. Connie waited patiently though, he wasn’t really in any rush and the fact the they were together was enough to bide his time. Finally, Reiner let out a sigh.

“I’m the armored titan.”

Connie blinked and just stared at him for the first few seconds, before playfully punching his right arm and chuckling. “Very funny. Seriously now.”

“But I _am_ serious,” he answered gravely, his tone changing. He broke his gaze from the lake and turned his head so he could fully see him, revealing the other half of his face. The half that had no skin, but instead was covered with some kind of pale rock-like carapace. The half that had white hair instead of blonde, and glowering eyes that made his heart stop. The half he wished he would never, ever see. The half that had the face of the armored titan.

Connie gasped and opened his eyes abruptly, breathing hard afterwards while he gathered himself from his dream. A part of him hoped that everything that happened was indeed _just_ a dream, but once he came to and realized where he was, any hope of that was gone.

He tried to get up from his position on the ground and was able to do so, meaning his body was alright despite some soreness. He felt for his parts next. Arms intact, legs attached, head still on. He felt fabric wrapped on his head though, followed by a dull throb reminding him that he had hit it earlier. He looked around some more and found that he was more of the lucky ones. Commander Hanji and a number of her squad were scalded and unconscious beside him.

“Connie!” came Krista’s voice as she hugged him on the ground. How in the world is she radiant and unscathed? “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” he answered hoarsely, clearing his throat before continuing. “What happened? All I remember was the explosion right before—” The words lodged in his throat. He couldn’t even say it.

Krista got the hint though and answered him sadly, “They took Ymir and Eren. There was a big fight after Eren transformed as well. But he was no match for Reiner and…” She paused, gauging Connie’s reaction before looking of to Hanji and the others. “There was another big explosion when Bertholdt somehow detonated his titan body. Commander Hanji and the others were too near the blast zone, that’s why they’re unconscious. We found you afterwards. You were a couple of meters away, lying in your own blood and—” She paused again, this time calming herself down before continuing. “It’s been five hours since they escaped. We couldn’t go after them because the horses are on the other side of the wall and without Commander Hanji…”

Connie was reeling. He couldn’t believe all that had happened while he was unconscious. How had things turned into such a mess? It’s like one bad thing after another for him, all in the span of a day. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and the more he tried to the more it throbbed in pain. Why was this happening? How could Reiner do this?

“Did you know about Ymir?” Connie asked suddenly, trying to distract himself from his own thoughts. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone if you do. You can trust me.” That seemed to be a necessary phrase now, and Krista knew it too. She gave him a curt nod, which came as no surprise to him.

“Did you?” It was her turn to ask and that’s when he realized how similar, and yet so vastly different, their situations were.

“No...I didn’t,” he answered sadly, to which Krista just nodded and hugged him again.

The sound of running horses roused them from their sad exchange and made them look toward the source. Riding on top of the wall a few meters away were Commander Erwin and the other scouts, Jean and Sasha among them. There were even some of the military police following right behind, carrying horse lifts and ODM gears on their wagons. Krista explained that Sasha and a few others made a beeline for Trost the moment Reiner and Bertholdt got away to call for reinforcements. And it looked like a pretty big one at that.

“Is the situation unchanged?” Commander Erwin asked one of the senior garrison soldiers on the scene, before ordering the operation to transfer the horses to the other side of the wall.

“Yes sir. It’s been five hours since they left.”

Commander Erwin nodded and alighted his horse. “Alright, prepare the squads. Time is of the essence.”

Connie and Krista were handed ODM gears to suit up with and water to replenish themselves. While doing his gear check, Connie spotted Mikasa over at the side discussing with Armin and decided to go to them.

“Hey, Mikasa?” he said hesitantly, calling their attention to him. “I just...wanted to apologize. I didn’t know what was happening at the time and...if I didn’t get in your way then Eren—”

Mikasa stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked at her face and felt the warmth in her eyes, a smile as far as Mikasa goes. “It’s alright Connie. I understand. If the situation were reversed, I would’ve done the same thing. It wasn’t fair to spring that up on you when you had no clue.”

Connie nodded and swallowed his resolve, giving her a serious gaze. “I want you to know that Eren’s important to me too. He’s my friend. And I’ll do whatever I can to help get him back. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Mikasa nodded, and the three of them turned when Commander Erwin called for a huddle. It seemed Hanji was awake now and a plan was in motion.

“They’ll be heading to the titan forest...here.” She pointed to the map they gave her on the ground as everyone listened above her. Hanji was still too weak to stand but that wasn’t going to stop her from talking. “After the fight they just had, it would seem unlikely that Reiner and Bertholdt would press on any further, given the amount of titans beyond this area. My assumption is that they would wait until nightfall, when it would be safe to move about. For the meantime, they are most likely recuperating where the titans won’t get to them. Which makes the forest the only viable choice.”

Hanji had a point, Connie thought. And if she was right, then that would give them roughly a few hours before the sun sets. They had to get to Eren before that happens or it’ll be too late.

“Alright then,” Commander Erwin nodded, turning to everyone to make the order. “Our primary mission is to retrieve our comrades from the two defectors. Any titan we encounter along the way is—”

“There’s one more thing, Erwin.” Hanji was rubbing her chin and was strangely staring at Connie, who blinked at her in confusion. “I think there’s a way we can make this easier on us. It’s a gamble, but hear me out.”

* * *

They rode out in a huge group away from their position at Wall Rose, Commander Erwin and his scouts, Captain Hannes and his squad of southern garrison soldiers, plus a handful of MP’s. They were out of the wall’s safety again and riding into titan territory, but none of that mattered for Connie anymore. Not after everything that happened yesterday _within_ the walls. To him, the whole world was a dangerous place now. No matter which side of the wall you’re on.

The titan forest was approximately half a day’s ride from there excursion point on a normal expedition. Right now they only had about three hours to make the run. In the first hour or so, things were going smoothly. Only a handful of titans had crossed them, all of which were easily taken down by the scouts. Commander Erwin had employed the use of the long range scouting formation at the helm of the squad to minimize the damage, and also to carry on with Hanji’s plan.

_Using the long range scouting formation will make use of flares, which in turn would alert our ‘friends’ at the forest as to where you’re headed._

Connie was a little nervous about this. But people are trusting him, and he meant what he told Mikasa earlier. He was going to do whatever it took to get Eren back. No matter what.

“Titan forest in range! Prepare to diverge!” Commander Erwin yelled before firing off a green flare to his left. “Springer!”

“Sir!” Connie rode up front, facing the commander at the front of the formation.

“Don’t let us down soldier. We’re all counting on you.”

No pressure there. Connie swallowed the lump in his throat before nodding, and then they split. Connie and ten more scouts going forward towards the forest while everyone else veered left, following the commander. This was it, the plan was in action.

_Springer will lead a small team through the forest while the rest of you circle around it, making sure you use your flares to do it. No one else is to enter the forest but Connie’s squad. You think you can handle that?_

The forest was only a kilometer away now, and Connie raised his right hand to give his members the signal. They all slowed their pace in order to let him get ahead and once the trees were in range, he shot his hooks and went flying in through the woods.

He had to be fast. Faster than he’s ever been before. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, but the woods were his domain. The one place where he excelled which got him a spot on the top 10 of their class, for no one was faster than Connie when it came to maneuvering through dense trees. It was a little tricky this time around though, because underneath the green cloak of his scouting uniform were merely his plain clothes. They didn’t have time for him to change into uniform, so now half of his body harness was unclipped and useless. He could feel his balance shaking a bit, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle.

He flipped through branches, and steered through switchbacks with relative ease. Occasionally doing little dives and catapults in some areas, all while keeping an eye out for Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Eren. He dashed from tree to tree, using as much gas that was necessary to move faster. He tried his best to focus on the mission at hand and drove away any thoughts related to the blonde. After about twenty minutes of constant flying, he heard the familiar sound of a hook latching on wood over to his left. His team were careful to keep a fifty meter distance from him, so it was unlikely that the sound came from one of them. He steered left instantly and soon enough, found who he was looking for.

He landed with a thud on the branch ahead of them and drew out his blades. He didn’t intend to use it, more for precaution than anything really, but the faces Reiner and Bertholdt made were priceless. He was hoping his own face didn’t betray him at the moment though, because seeing Reiner was doing stuff to him that he wasn’t ready for.

“Wow. And to think _you_ were the last person we were expecting to see shorty,” Ymir said from Bertholdt’s back. Connie tuned her out and instead observed their little party’s set up. Only two of them had ODM gears. Reiner had Eren on his back while Ymir rode over Bertholdt. He tried his best to hide the surprise that Ymir wasn’t restrained like Eren was, and just took note of the fact that she was probably conspiring with them now. It wasn’t the time to focus on her anyway, and instead directed his attention to the task at hand.

“I didn’t come to fight. I came to talk.” It surprised him how cold his voice sounded. He was half expecting himself to whimper and shake at the sight of them, but found that he was a sturdy as steel.

“Well sorry about that shorty, we’re kind of in a hur—”

“Shut up Ymir. I’m not here for you. And I’m not here for Eren either,” he said with a glare, his eyes trained on Reiner’s. “There’s no way in hell you’re getting away from me in these woods with just your ODM gear, and I’m sure you know that too. So you either do as I say or I attack.”

_‘What if they transform?’_

_They won’t risk transforming just to fend you off, I’m certain of it. It would be too risky. But_ if _they do, then you better prepare yourself._

Reiner gauged the smaller man’s threat and studied his eyes, and eventually turned to his companions. “Bertholdt, take Eren and go. Ymir will go into her titan form and carry the two of you out of here,” Reiner said straightforwardly as he unstrapped Eren from his back.

“Are you crazy?! You’re not seriously going to sit here and talk are you?!” Bertholdt said angrily, “This isn’t the time Reiner. We have to go—”

“We’re not going anywhere as long as he’s here. And he only needs me behind so take Eren and go!”

“I’M NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND!”

Connie didn’t like where this was going. He didn’t expect Bertholdt to be so stubborn about separating with Reiner. He mentally cussed because it was just the thing he would do, and he failed to foresee it.

“Bertholdt listen to me. From the looks of it, the rest of the scouts are heading to the left of the forest. You and Ymir will exit at the right and run for Wall Maria,” Reiner said urgently, holding on to his friend’s shoulders and looking him straight in the eye. “I’ll catch up with you. Let’s just give Connie what he wants then I’ll go.”

Bertholdt was still doubtful, and why wouldn’t he be? Reiner was the only person he had left in his life, or so he said, and here was Connie getting in the way of that again. Now he understood what he meant, why Bertholdt thought he was being a distraction to Reiner. Because he was afraid of this very moment from happening.

“What if it’s a trap.”

Reiner just smiled at him, an annoying habit of his whenever someone was worried about him—and it looks like Bertholdt didn’t like it all too much either. He gave out an audible sigh and a groan of frustration as he took Eren on his back. Ymir was just about ready to go before Bertholdt suddenly gave Reiner a hug.

Connie couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it didn’t matter. They let go of each other soon enough and watched as Ymir transformed again, her titan body landing on one of the tree trunks while Bertholdt climbed on top of her. They checked to see if Connie would follow, if he was bluffing about not going after Eren, but eventually left when they saw that he wasn’t moving from his place nor even looking at their direction. Finally they were alone. It was just him and Reiner now.

Nobody spoke for a while, and Connie used that time to get a good look at him while they stared each other off. The last time he saw Reiner, he was a bloody mess with a missing hand and a cut-open face. The person he was looking at now had none of those abrasions. He was flawless, and the only sign of his being in that position earlier were the blood stains on his shirt.

“You know what’s really stupid?” Connie started, his own scowl intensifying. “It’s that I was sort of hoping that none of it was true. That I’d come find you here, with a missing hand and a bloody face, just to prove that you aren’t what I saw earlier.”

Reiner didn’t say anything, he just kept staring as if he hadn’t heard Connie talk at all. It was easy to put on a brave and tactical front when there were others with them, but being alone with him now, it’s as if his stare was sucking the energy right off of him.

“Why did you do it Reiner?” His voice suddenly lost its confidence, coming out as barely a whisper. “Why?”

“I was the armored titan long before I met you. None of that changed when I did. It was only a matter of time before—”

“You know damn well what I mean!!” Connie yelled back, his fists shaking. How could he answer so casually? How could he look so calm when _he_ was dying inside?

“All those people that died because of you. All those innocent lives, our friends! Doesn’t that bother you Reiner? Samuel and Hannah died. _Marco_ died. All because you and Bertholdt fucking broke down the wall!!”

Still he was silent. Not even a change in his expression, and Connie was suddenly afraid that he may be talking to the real Reiner. One that didn’t care about anybody. One that never regarded anyone else’s lives. The complete opposite of the Reiner he knew.

“Was it all a lie then? Everything we’ve been through? Every word you told me? Were all those just...part of your plan or something?” He couldn’t hide the anguish in his voice now as the words flowed out of him, along with his tears that bled the pain he was feeling. “What was the point in getting so close to me then, huh? What was the point of everything we did together? What was the point in making me fall for you?!”

That seemed to punch a crack on the wall of indifference he was trying to hold, for Reiner visibly flinched at Connie’s words just now. It looked like he was about to say something but Connie cut him off, he was far too hurt to care about what he was saying now.

“You told me...no, you promised me. That as long as you were here, I would still have a home. You said you would never leave me.” His voice quivered. He couldn’t even look at him anymore—even now after everything, he was still ashamed to face the blonde whenever he cried. “That was only last night, wasn’t it? Did none of that mean anything to you Reiner?

“It’s not my fault you were _stupid_ enough to believe me.”

He choked. Connie thought that the moment he transformed into the armored titan was the breaking point for him. He thought that there was no way Reiner could break his heart even more than he already has. But as usual, he was wrong. His last words rendered him speechless. There was nothing else to say to that.

“Is that all?” Reiner asked sharply, checking his surroundings before getting his gear ready. “If you don’t have anything else to say then I’m lea—”

Connie withdrew his blades again, and at the sound of them triggered Reiner to do the same. The only difference was, Connie had his pointed downward, drawing them out for a different reason. Whereas Reiner’s was pointed squarely at the smaller man’s face. Connie couldn’t understand why the blonde’s expression suddenly showed shame after realizing their predicament.

“I told you...I didn’t come here to fight…”

Reiner put his blade down and nodded, taking a step back as he prepared to go. “Alright then. Goodbye Con—”

“My life doesn’t belong to me anymore. So what’s the point in living?” Connie said as he raised the tip of his blade to his throat, vaguely seeing Reiner’s eyes widening. “I’ve lost my family. I’ve lost my home…I’ve lost you…There’s no point anymore. I’m too tired,” he said in finality before pulling his hand over his neck, ready to retract and slice his own flesh. Reiner dropped his own blade and ran to him, eyes wild and frantic.

“STOP!!”

“NOW!!” Connie yelled when Reiner was running mid step towards him, and watched as his face changed from panic to worry.

They descended from the trees in a blur, launching their hooks around every tree branch surrounding them and dropping beside Reiner. All ten of Connie’s team members summarily tied him down, holding his elbows, his legs. Tying his fingers apart and gagging him with a cloth. Basically holding down any part of his body the he was able to move voluntarily. Reiner was strong, but he wasn’t stronger than ten fully grown men, not in his human form at least.

_We can only hope to take Reiner, and your connection with him will be the key to that. Whether he has Eren or not, it doesn’t matter. If he has Eren then our lives would be easier, but if not, then at least it would make it easier for Erwin’s squad to take him from Bertholdt._

Connie put down his blade from his neck and slowly walked forward, his empty eyes looking directly at Reiner’s frantic ones.

_Get him to talk. Do whatever you can to get him alone and talk to you. That’ll give your team the opportunity to position themselves. And once he’s distracted, you give the signal to capture him. The timing has to be perfect. He must not be given the chance to inflict pain on himself and transform._

Commander Hanji’s plan was a success, despite a little emotional pain on Connie’s part. But he meant what he said earlier. Eren was his friend and he was going to do whatever it took to get him back. He wondered then if Reiner’s expression reflected his own from earlier, for the pain and betrayal was clearly written on his face. Those were his thoughts as he stopped in front of him, raised the butt off his blade handles, and knocked the blonde out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we deviate from Canon a lil' bit, and things are going to get spicy. Onions anyone? ;)


	25. Regrets

News seemed to travel fast these days, and everyone inside the walls pretty much knew about what had happened a week ago. The official news was that the armored titan had been captured thanks to the combined efforts of all the three military regiments. What everyone didn’t know was that it only took eleven people to do it, and that it wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for the smallest male member of the 104th cadet corps.

Commander Erwin and his squad also managed to get Eren back, despite having to let Bertholdt and Ymir escape, but capturing them wasn’t part of the plan so it wasn’t a total loss in effort. They’ve lost, however, a number of scouts that day, half of the garrison members that accompanied them—Captain Hannes included—and all the MP’s. So it was no wonder that they attributed the capture of Reiner Braun to the entire force. The public would have a field day if they knew that all those men they’ve lost were solely because of Eren’s retrieval.

For the 104th, the week had been a tough one. Bertholdt and Reiner’s betrayal had been a direct blow considering how every one of them had grown close to the two. It was hard to accept the truth of who they really were, and to have one of them locked up in chains beneath the city wasn’t exactly the most comforting fact. No one was as inconsolable as Connie and Krista though, both of whom spent their days alone and detached from everyone else.

“Connie? Can I have a moment?” Commander Hanji called his attention from the mess hall of the military barracks at Trost where they were currently staying. He got up from his seat and followed her into the empty hallway. A little curious as to why he was being called.

“I have something for you,” she said as she pulled out a rectangular object wrapped in white cloth from her coat pocket and handed it to him. From the feel, it seemed to be made of wood and glass and as Connie unwrapped the covering, his breath hitched at what he was staring at.

“We found it when we came back to your village. It was one of the only things still intact so I thought you should have it.” She gave him a warm smile as Connie kept staring at the drawn portrait of him and his family. He remembered when they had this made. He was a little over ten years old and both his siblings were still babies. He looked at his happy face, and the smiling ones of his parents as he shad a small tear.

“Thank you commander,” he said as he sniffed and wiped his eyes. Hanji nodded and was about to head back to her office when Connie called after her, “Commander Hanji?”

“Hm?” She turned around curiously, the light glinting off her spectacles.

“I understand it’s not my place but...may I be allowed to see him?” he said shyly, his voice barely a whisper.

He was expecting her to say no and was completely taken by surprise when she chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear as she spoke. “I was wondering when you were going to ask. Of course Connie. You’re the reason we have him in the first place, it’s only right that you are allowed to see him. He’s all the way over at Ehrmich though, but seeing as your team doesn’t have any assignments at the moment, you have my direct order to go and visit any time you like.”

“T-thank you.” Connie nodded and gave her a small salute before they parted ways.

It wasn’t that he was afraid Hanji would say no to his request, it was more of the fact that he was afraid to see him at all. He was still letting his heart catch up to everything that just happened over the past week, and it wasn’t until today that he’s finally told himself that he was ready. Without wasting time, he immediately got his horse from the stable and set off for Ehrmich right away.

It was a half day’s journey from Trost towards the southern walled city of Sina, and Connie arrived with plenty of time to spare. He parked his horse at one of the stables and decided to go get some lunch first. Compared to Trost, the cities of Wall Sina were vastly different in every way possible. The streets were cleaner, and the buildings all seemed to gleam in the sunlight. People around here all wore extravagant suits and dresses as if they were attending some huge formal gathering or something. It made him feel a little out of place with his scout uniform on, and the looks he was getting sure weren’t friendly ones either.

He found a tavern near the south side of the city by following some MP soldiers he overheard a while ago talking about food. And true enough, the place was more or less filled with MP’s. It struck Connie as weird how there seemed to be too many of them here, all drinking and playing card games at this time of the day. He wondered who was doing patrols then, if there were even any.

“Well it seems you scouts are really starting to pour in here huh? Welcome to Ehrmich sweetie, can I get you anything?” A warm voice greeted Connie as he sat down at one of the bar stools near the front. It was the only available seat really, and he really didn’t want to share with the others.

“Umm, I’m sorry. May I know what you have here?” he said rather shyly, not wanting to look so much like an outsider.

The old lady’s eyes seemed to twinkle when he spoke and smiled as she cupped her chin with her hand. “I knew you didn’t seem familiar! I practically know all the scouts by face here now since there are only a handful of you, and when you came in I thought to myself, ‘well here’s a new face!’—and I was right!”

Connie couldn’t help but smile at her cheerfulness and asked her for whatever she usually served at lunch there. He was surprised to see a plate with a whole chicken leg and some baked potatoes when she came back. Even the food in the inner cities were amazing, much to the old tavern lady’s delight.

“So, is your place usually this packed at this time of the day?” he asked casually after taking a bite from his chicken leg. Man it sure was tasty.

“Oh yes. And you wouldn’t believe how packed it gets at night during supper. I usually have to open up the second floor just so everyone fits!”

No wonder all the MP’s died outside the walls last week. Looking around, they all seemed like inexperienced, wealthy, lazy bastards who absolutely felt like they had nothing to worry about. He couldn’t believe he even ever considered joining their ranks before.

After paying and thanking the old lady for his meal he went out again, towards the military branch of the city where they were holding Reiner captive. Upon arriving though, he was surprised to see that the soldiers forming guard around the place were mostly scouts. The few MP’s that were here looked to be rookies. Boys and girls of his age. So he guessed all those people back at the tavern were the higher ups then.

He proceeded to ask one of the scouts on duty where Reiner was, and told the man that he was here under Commander Hanji’s orders. He was then led inside the edifice and down one of the stairs that led to the basement. There were more guards stationed here now but all of them were MP’s, holding rifles and leaning over the walls looking bored out of their minds. They passed through two heavy wooden doors and a final metallic one that seemed to open only from their side. They weren’t kidding when they said the place was heavily fortified, but to Connie it seemed the doors were doing a much better job of holding their prisoner rather than the guards themselves.

Upon entering the final door Connie found himself standing in an enclosed windowless room, separated in half by a jail cell. On one side of the division were two MP’s, one of which was dozing off in a chair, while on the other side of the room inside the cell was Reiner.

Connie’s heart leapt at the sight of him. He was kneeling on the ground with his head hung low. Both his arms were raised at his sides and chained to the wall. His legs were shackled, and it looked like even his face was muzzled. But those weren’t even the most the disturbing parts, because the man Connie was looking at from beyond the bars looked nothing like the Reiner he knew. He was bruised all over, his pale skin slick and purpled, and his blonde hair was matted and drenched in sweat. He looked smaller too, and Connie wondered how they even fed him like that, if they fed him at all. He still had that muscular build but it looked weaker, hollowed.

“May I be alone with him?” Connie asked the chief scout that came down with him, his voice echoing in the room.

The chief gave him an incredulous look upon hearing his request and shook his head, “I’m sorry soldier. We’re under strict orders never to leave him unguarded and—”

“You’re not leaving him unguarded. I’m fully equipped in my ODM gear and as far as I know, I’m the reason he’s even here in the first place. So with all due respect sir, I think I can handle myself to be alone with the prisoner for a few minutes.” He was surprised to have said that so assertively, not knowing where his arrogance and spite was coming from. Even more surprising though, was that the chief actually nodded and signalled for the two MP’s to leave the room with him.

“You have ten minutes,” the chief said before closing the door behind him, leaving him alone with the blonde.

Connie took a deep breath and finally noticed the stench in the room. It just occurred to him that to them, Reiner was more like a prisoned animal rather than a human and that’s exactly how they treated him. He approached slowly, and found a set of keys by the table in front of him. Of course those idiots would just leave this lying around. He picked them up and unlocked the gate separating them from each other and walked closer. His heart was beating so fast and he wanted to vomit at the sight of him, and it wasn’t even the smell that was doing it. Standing closer, he was finally able to see the true extent of what they’d done to him, and he didn’t like what he was seeing.

“Hey,” he said coldly, waiting for the blonde to acknowledge his presence. When he didn’t budge, Connie slowly knelt down on the ground and faced him. On this angle he was able to see his face more clearly, and all the marks of beating he took there. Reiner didn’t even look like himself anymore. Gone was blonde adonis that made you turn twice when he approached. No more was the golden boy of the 104th cadet corps.

“You look like shit you know that? You even smell like shit.” Connie forced out the words, diverting from his true thoughts and what he really wanted to say. It was hard for him to see him like this. In the past week he was so convinced that he hated him. That he thought he deserved everything that was coming for him and that he was glad they captured him. But now...now he wasn’t so sure.

“I came all the way from Trost just to see you. And you’re just going to ignore me?” he said flatly, trying his best to sound annoyed. But in actuality, he already expected this kind of treatment from him. He kept staring at his battered face while Reiner just kept his gaze down. It was sickening, and Connie didn’t know if it was from seeing him, or from seeing the condition he’s in. Finally he started with what he really came here to say.

“Why didn’t you kill me? That day in Trost, why didn’t you finish me off?” His voice shook, and he felt his body shaking as well. He couldn’t hold it back anymore, he had to let it out even if Reiner couldn’t talk back.

“And at the tower...why did you risk your life for mine, huh Reiner? Why couldn’t you have let me die? Even before—way before all this—I almost died that day in the woods all those years ago, remember? But you still saved me. Why? Goddammit, why?!!”

He was done trying to hide the pain in his voice and slammed his fist on the ground as he started sobbing, his shoulders shaking from emotion. And all the while Reiner didn’t even move. He was as passive as ever.

“Do you have any idea what they’re planning to do to you?! If you had just let me die then you wouldn’t be in this mess!! There’d be no one to distract you from your plans, and you wouldn’t be sitting here getting tortured to death!! So why Reiner?! What’s so damn special about me?!”

At that he moved, Connie heard the chains clink as the blonde pulled his head down even more, hiding his face from him. Connie wiped the tears off his face and swallowed the lump in his throat before facing him again.

“Look at me,” he said quietly, his frustration building when Reiner still didn’t move.

“I SAID LOOK AT ME!” Connie placed his hand on Reiner’s chin and shoved his face up to his, eyes tearing up again at what he was looking at.

Reiner was crying, and if weren’t for the muzzle covering half his face then the expression he was making would paint a full picture of agony. His tears were streaming down and pooling on the ground, and his eyes had so much pain in them than Connie has ever seen before. The chains linking him to the wall were slightly moving, going in rhythm with his body while he sobbed. He look utterly destroyed, and it was the one side of Reiner he wished he never had to see.

“You deserve all this,” Connie said amidst the tears, his voice breaking. “I hate you...I hate you.”

He kept saying it over and over, the next always sounding weaker than the last as he gripped his face tighter. But as he said those words, memories of his times with Reiner flashed through his mind. The first day they met, skipping rocks on the water, sleeping with him on the stable floor, swimming in the lake, and realizing how much he loved him on that tower. It was overwhelming, and soon he couldn’t even speak anymore.

“Why? Why can’t I—” he tried to say but ended up choking on his words. He quickly let go of him as he wiped his face again before standing up to leave the cell.

The officers came back a minute later with Connie waiting by the door, looking the same as he did when he came in ten minutes ago. He didn’t wait for them to escort him out and started walking back on his own without another word. He quickly left the basement and the hold and went out to face the warm afternoon light. He wasted no time, and walked briskly to the stables to get his horse back. He wanted nothing more than to leave right then and put as much distance between him and Reiner.

* * *

“Connie you should eat, your food’s getting cold,” Sasha said beside him over at dinner, making everyone at their table look. Since when has Sasha ever not attempted to steal someone else’s meal?

“I’m not really hungry. You can have it if you want,” Connie said as he slid his plate towards her, his voice detached and empty. Sasha eyed the untouched meal in front of her for a few seconds before vigorously shaking her head and sliding it back to him.

“No. You haven’t been eating much lately. Don’t make me force that potato down your mouth.”

Connie looked at her and saw the slight worry in her eyes so he went ahead and started eating. He couldn’t taste anything, but if it eased her worries then so be it. It’s been two days since he went to see Reiner, two days since he started dreaming about him every night getting tortured and beaten. He couldn’t eat because everytime he looked at food or even smelled it, he was reminded of how little the blonde was being fed and how they’re making him crap all over himself like an animal. It made him sick.

At the same time it made him feel disgusted with himself. Why was he even thinking about the state he was in? Reiner was a murderer. So many lives were lost because of him. He should even consider himself lucky that he was down there. They could’ve done a lot more worse things than that but at least he was alive...for now.

“You’re seriously going to Ehrmich tomorrow?” said one of the garrison soldiers at a nearby table, discussing something with one of his comrades.

“Yeah. We’re rotating shifts with the current guards holding Braun there and I’ll be part of the squad leaving tomorrow.”

“Man, lucky you. Make sure you give him a hard punch for me. Damn, I’d give anything to stab that fucker in the face.”

“Me too. Too bad we can’t draw blood though. Otherwise, he’d probably lost all his limbs by now.”

Their boisterous laughter was what did it. Connie’s plate shattered on impact when his fork stabbed right through his potato. Sasha jumped beside him, and everyone else on their table was looking at his shaking figure.

“C-Connie—”

“Can you believe he was actually one of the top in his class? That fucker, I can’t wait ‘til they cut him up.”

Sasha tried to calm him down but it was too late. Connie was already up from their table and storming down to the next, standing behind the talking soldiers with his fists shaking.

“Something wrong cadet? You look like you’re—”

The man never got to finish his sentence, his face slamming on the table in front of him as Connie punched his jaw—hard. He was about to go for the other one when Sasha and Jean arrived at the scene to stop him.

“P-please excuse our friend! He’s just a little wound up tonight. He hasn’t eaten you see and—”

The man Connie punched suddenly jumped from his seat and tackled him to the ground. He was so much bigger than him, and was completely helpless from beneath his legs when the man straddled him and started to punch his face. The first blow was a real head turner, like literally. He tried to blink away the flashing in his eyes but the second punch came all too soon, making his ears ring. He was already anticipating the third blow but soon realized that it was never coming. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Mikasa holding the man’s arms over his head at what looked to be a very uncomfortable angle.

“Hmm, I wonder what Commander Erwin is going to think when a much _seasoned_ soldier is reported to be beating a kid twice as small as he is?” Jean said audibly from behind him, his hand holding his chin in mock contemplation. “Or maybe it’s better if he never knew at all? I wonder…”

The man grunted against Mikasa’s grasp and eventually sighed in defeat. He got up from Connie and stood back while Sasha helped her friend up. Just when Connie thought he was going to attack him again, the other soldier spat and turned away without another word, his friend following right behind going outside the mess hall.

* * *

 “Well that was a stupid thing to do. You’re lucky Mikasa was there or things could’ve turned a whole lot worse than it did,” Jean said a little later after dinner when they were back in their room. He was his roommate now along with Eren and Armin, who both usually spent the evenings outside before heading back into their room. Connie was holding an ice pack over the right side of his face and tried to look at his reflection with a mirror. He _really_ took a bad one there.

“I didn’t ask for her help. Or for anyone’s help—”

“What are you even trying to prove here, huh?!” Jean suddenly turned on him, his brows pulled together in annoyance. “He’s gone Connie. He’s not one of us anymore. And whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to accept the fact sooner or later.”

Connie looked at him and saw the pained anger in his eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that Jean blamed Reiner for Marco’s death, but he never really showed it until now.

“We trusted him...we all did. We may not have had the same relationship as you two but he was still our friend...and he betrayed us.” Jean’s voice quivered as he turned away from Connie, pretending to idly fold the blanket in his bed. “And if you can’t see that Connie, then you’re even dumber than I thought you were.”

Connie stared at the ground for a few more minutes and waited for Jean to leave for his bath. He didn’t need the guy telling him how twisted he was for even feeling sorry for Reiner when he was still trying to figure out himself where his feelings stood in all this.

He loved him, he truly did. He’s the first person to ever make him feel this way, and it broke him in every way possible. He should be hating his guts by now, he should be despising the blonde just like those soldiers from earlier. But why couldn’t he? Did love really surpass that much hatred? Did it really overlook the faults of another no matter how great it was? Connie sighed and shook his head, he didn’t even know if Reiner felt the same way towards him— and he probably never will. He faced his reflection in the mirror again, and felt a wave of guilt pass through. He’s the reason Reiner was locked up. He was going to die because of him.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

He placed his ice pack down on the table and stood up to leave. There was only one person he wanted to see right now before he made up his mind, and that was all his thoughts occupied themselves with as he quietly closed their bedroom door and walked towards Krista’s room.

 


	26. Switchback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So first I just wanted to thank all you guys who've come this far with the story and for all the nice messages :) I relish in all the sadness and the tears hahahaha! I just wanted to mention, if you haven't seen it already, the [Bonus Fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11887200/chapters/26846949) tied to this story is already up here as well if you guys wanna read. So yeah, that's about it from me for now. Don't worry this isn't the ending chapter! hahaha why do I feel like I'm making it sound like it is. Anywaay, on with the story :)

The sun was already starting to set when Connie finally saw Wall Sinna in the distance through one of the opening slits of the caravan. It had been a long and uncomfortable journey, sitting hidden among the ODM gear supplies in one of the wagons taking the squad of garrison soldiers to Ehrmich, the soldiers assigned to relieve the current ones guarding Reiner. It had been an easy task to sneak himself in with the equipment, with his small size and a little help from Krista, going unnoticed was a cinch.

He met with Krista late last night at one of the HQ’s libraries before going to bed, and told her that he was planning to go see Reiner at Ehrmich the next day. Connie told her that he didn’t want anyone to know he was leaving, which was why he asked her to help cover for him. 

“Why all the secrecy? Aren’t you allowed to see him?” Krista asked after she agreed to help, sounding more curious than suspicious much to Connie’s relief.

“I am, but...I just don’t want the others to know. Jean was already pretty mad at me for what I did earlier at dinner.” He swallowed the lump in his throat as he told his lie. No one really knew he’d already gone to see the blonde two days ago and he was hoping it stayed that way. But the moment he looked into Krista’s eyes, he knew she didn’t buy it.

“Just don’t do anything reckless. Okay?” Krista gave him a small smile before she went to hug him, letting out a sigh9 of relief—thankful that she didn’t pry. She cried for a while after that, under Connie’s arms as they stood by the window of the library. At that moment, he regretted not ever coming to see her in the week since the incident, seeing as he was probably the only person who understood her.

It was better she didn’t know all the details, and he repeated the thought in his head as he felt the caravan bounce a bit from the road. He felt the change on the ground they were travelling on from rocky pavement to polished brick, and knew they were finally inside the city. Connie dug through his small rucksack and pulled out the black clump of hair before putting it on. Whatever Jean was doing keeping a wig in his closet, he didn’t know, but it was a lucky thing he did because it served his purpose for tonight. He touched the side of his face where his bruise formed from taking punches last night and combed down a fringe to cover it. Connie waited a few more paces before shouldering his pack and peeking out the covers. His wagon was on the rear end of the squad formation so jumping off unnoticed was easy. He landed lightly on the balls of his feet and scurried to the sidewalk, where he proceeded to walk casually as if nothing was out of the ordinary. 

“Hey I heard ol’ Roberta’s making apple pies tonight. You gotta taste that stuff man, it’s amazing!”

Connie overheard the MP he just crossed paths with and smirked inwardly. He was just in time for dinner and could already see a some of the soldiers walking to the tavern. He was doing a great job blending in seeing as it wasn’t out of the ordinary these days to have a scout walking around the inner cities, until he bumped into one of the MP’s causing him to drop his pack and draw attention to himself.  _ Shit! _

“Hey watch where you’re going!”

“S-sorry sir…” Connie looked down and tried to avoid the man’s gaze and hoped against all odds that he just let him pass. 

“You scouts are all so cocky with your capes and gears. Don’t you ever get tired of wearin’ your ODM gear all day? I swear just seeing you greenhorns here is giving me a headache.”

Connie let out the breath he was holding as the soldier started walking again, not even giving him a second glance.  _ That was close. _ He had to be more careful than that. He bent down and picked up his pack and decided to walk near the alleys instead, to avoid bumping into any more soldiers. 

He reached the military branch of the city just as the wagons he was riding on earlier finished unloading their cargo. He stayed in his corner by the alley and watched as the garrison soldiers from Trost started getting briefed for their shift to guard Reiner.

By the time the previous set of guards came out of the hold, night had already fallen. Connie had taken off his scouting cloak and uniform jacket and triple checked his gears and was merely waiting for the soldiers to pass. 

“Man I hope they still have some pie left by the tavern.”

“Yeah, didn’t expect the rotation briefing to take that long.”

Connie listened with his back turned, leaning against the wall. That was a good sign he thought, but was a little unnerved at how ridiculous these MP’s were with their constant blundering at the tavern. But he had no time to be thinking about them, and a few minutes later, he was off.

He thought on how he was going to go about this in the time he spent sitting on the wagon to get to the city. He counted about 15 guards earlier and he could still remember how they were generally positioned from the last time he was here. He knew there should be two by Reiner’s cell, and two at each of the three doorways leading to there. The rest he wasn’t so sure though, but seeing how there are quite a number of them outside as he walked closer to the entrance, he guessed this was where the remaining soldiers were deployed. 

“Back so soon?” One of the new guards on duty asked him as he approached steadily. He could feel their eyes on him now, and he tried to calm his beating heart by taking deep silent breaths.

“Yeah. I forgot my coat inside,” Connie answered stoically trying to sound as casual as possible, hoping that the wig he was wearing mostly covered his face and that they wouldn’t notice how fully geared and packed he was. To his relief, the guard merely nodded and let him through the doors without a second thought. He was in.

The inside was mostly deserted, having encountered nobody in his walk toward the basement stairs. It looked like everyone  _ did _ go to the tavern for dinner time. He walked down the steps and could immediately see the two guards guarding the first door. He took a deep breath and walked towards them, acting as if he’d done this plenty of times before.

“Forgot my coat inside,” he said to them when they gave him a questioning look. His excuse seemed to hold its validity when the two guards just nodded and let him pass. 

The first door closed behind him and he walked through the next corridor in silence. This is the part where things get serious, and as he turned the corner that lead to the next door, he faced the guards on either side of them squarely. They were definitely bigger than him, but in the years of hand-to-hand combat training they did back in the day, Connie knew how to use his size to his advantage. He sized them up as he walked closer and stopped when one of them spoke to him.

“Hey, what are you still doing here? Thought you MP’s left already,” said one of the guards to Connie’s right, looking a lot less interested than he sounded. The fact that he thought he was an MP was proof of that.

“Forgot my coat inside,” he said again and approached the door until he was standing behind the two with their backs turned. Pretending to open the door, Connie grabbed the handles of his ODM gear and raised the butt end to hit one of the soldiers at the back of the head, instantly knocking him out. 

“Hey! What are you—” 

Connie wasted no time and went for the fallen soldier’s rifle before kicking the other one behind the knee. The other soldier tried to get up but Connie was faster, and grunted as he slammed the butt of the rifle on the other’s head.  _ Shit. _

He couldn’t believe he just did that. His hands were shaking at the sight of the two soldiers he just took down. They weren’t dead, but it was still a little unnerving. This was completely crazy, but there was no turning back now. He repeated the mantra in his head as he stepped through the second door and prepared himself for the next round.

It was a little surprising that he’s managed to take down the next two soldiers in pretty much the same way he did the first two, considering the fact that they were all much older than him. It didn’t matter that much anyway, because the real challenge was going beyond the metal door to Reiner’s cell. He wouldn’t have the element of surprise in there so he only had his fighting skills to rely on.

Connie decided to bring one of the rifles just in case, taking a deep breath as he slowly turned the latch and opened the door. At first the sight confused him, because why were the two guards  _ inside _ the cell instead of guarding it from the outside like the last time he was there. It only took a second to get his answer though, because then he heard the deep thuds and the laughter and he immediately knew what was going on. 

“Hey! What’re you doing here?” asked one of the soldiers who just finished kicking Reiner in the chest, and Connie recognized him as the soldier from last night at Trost. He still had that bruise on his cheek from where Connie punched him at dinner and Connie felt his own bruise sting from the memory. 

“I came to join the fun. Mind if I give a go?” he answered through gritted teeth. It was taking everything he had not to shoot the bastards right then and there.

“Heh, come right ahead then. We were just getting started ourselves, ain’t that right blondie?” He pulled Reiner’s head back through his hair in a painful tug and Connie almost lost it. He kept his cool though, and stared right through the blonde’s eyes as he stepped closer. He knew Reiner recognized him the moment their eyes met, and it tore at his heart to see that there was actual fear in them.

“Just make sure you don’t cut him or anything. Otherwise he might—” The man never got to finish his sentence, because Connie just slammed the rifle handle straight to his face. He didn’t wait to see him fall and immediately swung around so he could hit the other one next, but the man was fast and caught the other end of the rifle mid swing. 

“I got you now you little shit!”

He was too strong for him, Connie couldn’t pull the rifle back. Thinking fast, he used his other hand and grabbed his ODM gear handle and pressed the button to release his gas. In his panic though, he pressed the trigger too hard and the sudden jolt sent him and the older soldier flying to the wall. He would like to say it was planned but he absolutely had no control when he leaned leaned the rifle, effectively slamming the soldier on the other end and knocking him out cold on impact.

Connie regained his bearings and picked himself up, just as a loud bang echoed inside the room soon followed by a sharp sting on his right arm. He turned around and dove to the side just as the other soldier fired off another shot where his head had been moments ago.

“You fucker!!”

Connie dove again as another shot rang through the cell,  and kept moving until he was positioned beside his attacker. He then used his gas again to propel himself and tackle the man to the ground, the rifle coming in between them as Connie tried to take control on top of him. The soldier, face fuming and gushing with blood from his broken nose, was trying to pull the weapon and point the killing end right at Connie. Connie pulled back with all his strength, and when the rifle came level in between their faces, he stopped pulling and shoved the gun on the man’s face and finally knocking him unconscious.

He breathed hard and took a moment to recovrr before getting up again, looking at the two men on the ground. His hand went to his right arm just as it throbbed in pain, and was surprised to see it come back with blood. Shit, the bullet must’ve grazed his skin. Better than  _ actually _ getting shot though. He looked around to find his pack when his eyes found Reiner’s, who was watching all the while with a look of total surprise from his position on the ground. Connie went about to find the keys first and managed to fish them out from one of the guard’s pockets before proceeding to unchain Reiner’s limbs.

“C-Connie?” he rasped after the muzzle was taken off, looking over at his rescuer who was now wrapping a handkerchief on his arm. “What are you—”

“Put these on.” Connie threw him a scouting uniform from his pack and left the cell hastily after covering his arm. Mostly because there was still stuff to take care of, but partly because he didn’t want to talk to the blonde. He had to move fast for the next part of the plan, which involved carrying all the soldiers he left unconscious from the hallway and into the cell. It was going to be tough now that he was injured, wishing he could treat it better but knew he didn’t have time. He was breathing hard when he dragged the last body in the cell, thinking how silly it felt that carrying the soldiers around were much harder than fighting them. He saw that Reiner was now fully dressed and waiting by the side, and still looking at him with that same bewildered face.

“Let’s go,” Connie said as they walked out of the cell, shutting the door behind them. He noticed that Reiner was slightly limping as he walked, but it wasn’t enough to slow them down. When they got to the first corridor, Connie lead him to a corner where the light didn’t hit and handed him his pack. “Hold this for me. Stay here and don’t move until I get back. There are two more guards outside the next door I have to handle.”

He turned to leave but Reiner grabbed his elbow and stopped him. “Let me help.”

“There’s nothing you can do to help. And I won’t be fighting them. I can’t make a ruckus past this door or else the guards from outside will hear and we’ll be outnumbered. Just stay put and trust me,” Connie said quickly and brushed his arm off. He didn’t know why but it was becoming much harder to talk to him now. He never took into account how he would feel being around him again when he planned this, and right now he was beginning to doubt ever doing this whole thing in the first place.

Connie shook away the thoughts and faced the last door in the corridor that lead to the stairs out of the basement. There was no turning back now, if he messed this up then they were done for. He took a deep breath and swallowed his nerves down before placing his hand on the handle and swung the door open.

“Hey! Something’s wrong! There’s something happening to the prisoner!” Connie yelled in a panicked but slightly lowered voice, hoping the sound didn’t carry off to the guards outside. The two stationed at the door however jumped on high alert at his sudden appearance and followed him down the corridors toward the cell.

“Where the hell is everybody?!” asked one of the guards trailing behind Connie.

“They’re inside! I saw them beating him and I think one of them drew blood!” He was making it up as they went, and was a little impressed with himself on how he’s handling things. “I saw the prisoner shaking before I left. Oh man, I hope he doesn’t go titan on us.”

They passed by the corner where Reiner was hiding at, feeling relieved when none of them noticed him. They rounded the last corner leading to the metal door and burst in, making sure the two soldiers came in first. The look of surprise that painted their faces once they saw all their comrades unconscious in the cell was priceless, but not as much as when they turned around, right before Connie slammed the door shut behind them. 

“Hey! What the hell’s going on! Let us out!!”

Connie scoffed and pulled the lock. Even though it was unnecessary, he wanted to be sure. There was no way of opening the door from the other side and now the only guards they had to worry about were the ones in the courtyard.

He went back to where Reiner was hiding and saw his still shocked face plastered on. Connie was beginning to wonder if he was staring because of what he just did, or the fact that he was sporting a full head of hair. 

“Let’s go. And put your hood up. We have to—”

“Why are you doing this?” Reiner cut him off and put a hard hand on his shoulder, making him wince a little. His voice was so coarse that it only confirmed Connie’s suspicions that the guards haven’t been feeding or hydrating him properly. “If we get caught they’ll—”

“Then shut up and move so we  _ don’t _ get caught,” he said as he pulled his arm away, frowning at the blonde. “We don’t have time for this. We have to go.”

Connie grabbed his pack from the big guy and fished out his own uniform jacket and scouting hood before putting them on. They took to the steps slowly, with Connie leading and listening for anyone who might be passing by in the upper floor. They seemed to have it clear and began walking through the compound.

“From here on out act natural. We’re just two soldiers heading out for dinner, okay? Try to keep your face down and hidden,” he told Reiner as they walked to the front door. Behind it would be where the seven remaining guards were, all scattered along the courtyard holding a rifle each. He steeled himself for what was about to happen, because this entire move solely depended on them not recognizing Reiner. He knew the guards outside never went in the building since arriving, but if one of them was smart enough to see Reiner’s bruised face then they were done for.

“Just follow my lead, and remember what I told you,” Connie whispered before opening the front doors and heading out to the night.

 


	27. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am super sorry this took FOREVER to put out. I wanted this to be the best piece it could be so I had to sit on it like a hen to reaaaally get it going. I apologize for the wait but yay it's here!

Connie pulled open the front doors leading outside the hold and was immediately noticed by the first guard standing near the entrance, who looked at him with a bored and uninterested face—a good sign that they haven’t noticed what just went on inside. Connie nodded to him and started walking as casual as possible, trying his best not to panic when Reiner walked out and followed him. He noticed the guard take a second glance at him, so he immediately stalled.

“Aw man! You’re telling me you never had pie before?!” Connie hollered as he playfully slapped Reiner’s shoulder, surprising the big guy and making him jump a little. It would’ve been funny if it weren’t for the fact that their survival depended on his reactions, and how every guard in the vicinity was now looking at them. “We gotta hurry before they run out man!”

Connie pulled at Reiner’s arm to make for a quick exit but ended up pulling too hard and forgetting about his limp. For the very first time, Connie actually saw the blonde trip over and mentally cursed himself for what he just did. If they didn’t get their attention earlier, they sure as hell did now.

“Hey, you okay?” the guard by the door asked, looking over at the two and contemplating whether he should come over and help.

“Y-yeah we’re fine! The guy’s just hungry, we haven’t eaten since lunch! hehe,” Connie said, his voice pitching. He immediately gave Reiner a hand and helped him up, trying to play it cool. He could still feel every soldier’s eyes on them as they tried to walk again, hoping no one would care how bad Reiner was limping right now. They were about a few steps away from leaving the compound when one of the guards called out to them.

“Hey, wait a sec!”

_ Shit!  _ Connie turned around, forcing a smile on his face while he waited for the guard who called to come near them.

“Hey, mind bringing me some pie back if there’s still some left?” he whispered, a small blush creeping on his cheeks. Connie noticed how young he looked and wondered if he was about their age, and maybe even one of the 104th cadet corps graduates who enlisted to the garrison regiment. “I’ll pay you. M’just curious about it is all. It’s my first time here at Ehrmich and everyone’s been practically talking about it all day.”

Connie blinked in confusion, thinking if he heard right because it sounded so ridiculous given their situation. “Y-yeah. Sure man, no problem.” Connie nodded, feeling a little relieved that was all he came there for—until he looked at Reiner.

He saw the soldier’s eyes grow wide and his face pale a little and he knew without a doubt that he recognized him, confirming his suspicions that he was indeed one of their classmates. The guy tried to act impassive and nodded to Connie, stepping back a little—but there was no hiding the fear in his face.

Before Connie could think of what to do, Reiner suddenly moved and put his arm over the other guy’s shoulder, then placed his large hand over his mouth. With their backs turned from the other guards, the gesture didn’t come off as out of the ordinary since it looked like they were just being chummy from behind, when in reality it was the opposite.

“C’mon man! We’ll only be a minute! That way you can bring the whole pie for everyone here!” Reiner said loudly, and the prospect of food seemed to appease the other guards making them more unsuspicious of what was happening. 

“Y-yeah. Let’s go” Connie said, following Reiner’s lead. He had no idea what he was planning to do as the three of them started walking away from the military district, but he couldn’t get out of this scene now. The streets were deserted in these parts, and Connie could see how terrified the guy Reiner was holding hostage. Finally, he dragged him to a dark alley and held him against the wall harshly. Connie watched as they held that position, until he realized what the blonde was doing.

“Stop! Let him go!” Connie tried pulling his arms off from strangling the soldier but it was no use. Despite his battered state, Reiner was still stronger than him, and the grip he had on the other guy’s neck was alarming. “Reiner stop!”

He still wasn’t listening, and the soldier was starting to weaken under the blonde’s arms as his airpipe was slowly being crushed. Connie didn't know what else to do so without thinking, pulled out his blades and pointed them at Reiner’s neck. That seemed to snap him out of his stupor as he looked over at Connie, but his grip still remained.

“Let him go.” Connie frowned and brought the blade closer. Reiner did what he was told, dropping the other guy on the ground heaving and coughing. Connie put down his blade and pushed Reiner aside so he could stand in front of the soldier, before kicking him in the head and knocking him out.

“He saw your face. We have to kill him,” Reiner said quietly beside him. The dark alley making his face more terrifying than it actually was.

“I didn’t come here to kill people Reiner!” Connie whispered furiously, disbelief painting his face. Connie didn’t know what shocked him more—that Reiner actually made killing a person sound so casual, or the fact that he’d forgotten that he was a murderer.

“If he wakes up and reports you—”

“He doesn’t even recognize me! I can’t believe we’re even discussing this!”

“I’m trying to protect you!”

“By ending the life of another?! I won’t have that on my conscience Reiner, I don’t  _ murder _ people for my benefit!” That shut him up, and Connie could see the look of shame that just crossed his face as he said that. “Don’t make me regret getting you out of there, now c’mon. We’ve wasted enough time as it is.”

They left the alley after tying the soldier down and gagging him in case he came to. The main streets were more populated the farther they got from the military district, but none of the civilians paid them any attention. They reached the stables in no time, and with no one around just as Connie expected. He chose the strongest looking horse of the lot to saddle and prepare for departure.

“Get on,” he told Reiner, and for a moment he looked like he was about to object. He was scowling again, which gave Connie a bit of comfort to finally see something familiar of the blonde. Eventually he climbed on, and Connie felt his large hands go to his waist making his heart ache a bit. He still hasn’t forgotten what it felt like to be touched by him, but it was making him guilty to be feeling this way. He almost strangled another person right in front him earlier with the same hands, and who knows how many more he’s killed with them. It scared him to think how easily that came to him, as if killing a person was just a casual thing to do.

“Everything okay?” Reiner whispered from behind him, his breath blowing across his ear. He didn’t realize that his thoughts froze him so he shook his head to focus. Connie kicked their horse and lead them outside the stable and soon, outside of Ehrmich.

* * *

 

They traveled at an average pace since it was too dangerous to go on a full run in the dark, but at this point there was no need to hurry. Reiner was quiet all throughout the first two hours of the journey, which Connie was more than thankful for because he still didn’t want to talk to the big guy despite everything they’ve been through tonight. Now that they were quite a distance from the city his adrenaline was finally going down, giving him the time to contemplate and process what he just did earlier. He single handedly set a fugitive free from one of the most ‘heavily-fortified’ places in the entire city. And on top of that, assaulted a few guards and left one tied up in an alley. He couldn’t believe it. He was trying to figure out what was more surprising, the fact that he actually attempted to do it, or the fact that he actually succeeded.

His thoughts were interrupted by a faint rumbling from behind him, putting his senses on high alert until he realized it was just Reiner’s stomach, suddenly remembering the blonde’s predicament.

“S-sorry…” the blonde said quietly, shame tainting his voice.

Connie tried to look around in the dark until he found a suitable place for them to rest. It was another four hours to the wall and they definitely weren’t getting there in one run. Connie parked under a large tree near a small creek so the they could all replenish themselves especially the horse, carrying two grown men wasn’t an easy task even for a horse his size. 

“There you go boy,” he said, giving the horse some fruit from his pack before leading him to the water for a drink. He then walked over to where Reiner settled down at the base of the tree and pulled out the food he packed for him—a whole loaf of bread, some potatoes, and some fruit wrapped in a loincloth. “Here, these are for you. Try to eat slowly so you don’t throw it all back up. I’ll go get you some water.”

It was weird, to say the least, to be the one taking care of him now and telling him how to go about doing even the simplest stuff. Usually it was Reiner who was always watching over him. Connie filled his water pouch by the creek and went back to pass it to him, which he eagerly doused in seconds.

“S-sorry...I’ll refill it—”

“No. Just sit and eat. Give it here,” Connie said holding his hand out. From the faint moonlight, he was finally able to see his face more clearly. He still looked terrible, and he had more bruises on his face than the last time he saw him. Seeing that was the best reminder for him for why he did this whole thing in the first place, erasing all his doubts instantly. 

They ate all the food Connie brought, mostly Reiner did but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t that hungry anyway and the blonde needed it more than he did. Connie debated on whether he should start a fire, but decided not to risk it. Who knows if people have already noticed Reiner’s escape or if they already sent search parties out. So they just sat there in the darkness, with nothing but the sound of crickets and the quiet streaming of the creek to break the silence.

“What?” Connie asked after a while, noticing that Reiner had been staring at him for quite some time now.

“Umm...your hair,” he answered shyly, pointing at Connie’s head.

With everything that had happened, he totally forgot about the disguise he had on. He pulled the wig off and rubbed his shaven head before putting it back in his pack without saying a word. Reiner was still staring at him, and he wanted nothing more than to escape his gaze but he suddenly spoke again. 

“What happened to your face?”

He’d almost forgotten about that too, and the reminder triggered a dull ache on the injury. His right arm was hurting too, demanding attention now that they were out of the thick of things. Connie rummaged for his first aid supplies, which merely consisted of a bandage and small bottle of spirits he stole from the infirmary back at Trost, and went about to treat his wound when Reiner scooted next to him.

“Let me help—”

“No.” Connie pulled back a little harshly and frowned at him, “I can take care of myself.”

If the circumstances were normal, Reiner would’ve told him off by now and and forced him to cooperate. Much like that time Connie cut himself at the stable all those years ago when he fell from the shelf. But circumstances were not normal, and they were far from the being the same people they once were that day. So Reiner didn’t argue, and just silently watched the smaller guy go about it. The wound actually hurt more than it looked and Connie hissed as he poured the alcohol on it, thinking he was lucky that it was just a graze. If the soldier had shot him a few inches more to the left he’d have to deal with a total bullet wound.

“Thank you...for helping me,” Reiner muttered quietly, his bruised face and darkened eyes staring right into Connie.

“Don’t thank me. I’m the one who got you locked up in the first place,” he said coldly, avoiding the other’s gaze as he tied off the bandage in his arm.

“I deserved it.” Reiner looked down at his hands and sighed, and Connie could actually feel the guilt rising off of him. It made him angrier more than anything though, because his guilt and pity wasn’t going to fix anything he had done. It wasn’t going to bring back the people he’s killed and repair the lives he ruined. And it definitely wasn’t going take back the pain and mend his broken heart. “Is that why you—”

“Can you just shut up please? I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to look at you. I don’t care about what you have to say and the sooner I get you over the wall the better it is for the both of us.” Connie stood up in annoyance and faced the other way, intending to walk and just be anywhere away from him. “We’re leaving in five minutes.”

Reiner never uttered another word after that, and they travelled the rest of the way in silence. They took one more pit stop along the way when Connie felt their horse getting tired, and even then none of them spoke. Reiner didn’t even look at him, and it looked like he was trying his best to respect Connie’s wishes.

It was still dark when they passed by the ruins of Castle Utgard, and Connie was thankful for the darkness so he wouldn’t have to look at the place for too long. This was the last place where things were normal between them, the last good memory he had before Reiner broke him. Memories he didn’t want to relive at the moment, especially with him holding on to his back. They were near Wall Rose now, and Connie specifically chose this spot so that there’d be no added evidence of titan presence—since the place was practically all titan presence now.

“We go on foot from here,” Connie announced and got off the horse. He removed the saddle afterwards, then his pack, and went to pet the animal. “Thanks for your hard work buddy. You’re free to go now.” He smiled and looked into the horse’s beady eyes, before slapping its rump and gesturing for it to leave. The horse was evidence of his time in Ehrmich, so he had to let it go.

He started walking towards the wall then, with Reiner following behind him. They passed by some small woods along the way, where Connie buried his pack and saddle under the soft soil. Now there was absolutely no evidence left, and he was nearing the end of his mission.

“Grab on, we’re going over the wall,” he said after activating his ODM gear, standing at the base of Wall Rose. Reiner held him from behind much like the way he did that time in Trost when he came to save him, and Connie scoffed at the irony of him having to rescue the blonde from titans when he himself was a titan in the first place. 

They scaled the wall effortlessly and reached the top in less than a minute, where Connie could still see the rubble and debris of everything that occurred here more than a week ago. This time it was harder to push the thoughts away, especially when he saw the blood stained area which he guessed was where Reiner probably bled out and transformed right in front of him. He remembered the panic and the anger he felt for what Mikasa had done to him. He remembered Reiner’s bloody face and the tears he shed seconds before the explosion blasted him. Connie remembered everything, for the same scene had been playing in his dreams over and over again since it happened. And with the way he was looking away and frowning, he knew Reiner could see the blood stained floor too, and that he remembered it as clearly as he did.

“Let’s go, we’re rappelling down from here. Hold on.” Connie positioned himself after Reiner went on his back again and they started their descent after latching his hooks on one of the withstanding cannon rails.  They hit the ground smoothly and now stood on a crater of unearthed soil in the shape of a foot. Reiner let go of him and stood back with his eyes trained on Connie, who was now the one scowling and looking away. He promised himself that when they got to this point, the moment Reiner let him go he would shoot himself back up again and leave. But now that they were actually here, it was starting to become the hardest task in his life. His hands were clenched and breathing was the only thing he was focusing on. They stood like that for what seemed like hours, until Connie couldn’t take it anymore and finally faced him. 

“Well?!” he said, his voice coming out a little louder than he intended, “What are you waiting for?! You’re free now! Go!”

Reiner just kept staring at him, much to Connie’s annoyance, and was a while before he spoke back. “I-I don’t understand...you’re really doing this?”

Connie mocked a laugh at that and gave the blonde an incredulous look. Is he for real? “I bailed you out of that cell. Assaulted eight soldiers, and got shot in the arm for it. I traveled miles with you all night on a horse that will now be missing from the registry, and you’re only coming to terms with that fact  _ now _ ?! Are you stupid or did they hit your head too hard?!” It felt good to say that, to finally be on the other end for once.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Reiner frowned, going back to his original question. He wasn’t letting this go.

“Because I owe you,” Connie lied, his fists shaking at his side. “You saved my life more than enough times in the past, so now I’m saving yours. I’m just paying you back, so that next time...I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

He didn’t know if Reiner bought it, his face was unreadable as ever. “Connie...I’m—”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Connie yelled, a tear suddenly escaping from his eye. He promised himself that he wouldn’t cry. Not here, not in front of him. But he couldn’t help it. 

“I can’t leave. Not like this.”

Connie blinked at him, he didn’t know if he was more hurt than angry at this point. “What do you mean you  _ can’t _ leave? Are you telling me I went through all that shit for nothing?!”

Reiner shook his head, his eyes pleading, “Not if it looks like you helped me escape. They’ll kill you if they found out you did this. They’ll think—”

“WHY DO  _ YOU _ CARE?!” Connie yelled, wiping off the tears that just wouldn’t seem to stop flowing. “Can you just cut the bullshit and stop pretending to care about me?! I’m so fucking sick and tired of your lies!! You know damn well we wouldn’t be here right now if you actually gave a shit about me!” He was trembling and his nails were digging into his palm harder. “If you ever really cared, you would’ve been honest with me! If you really cared, you would have told me the truth from the beginning instead of blowing it up on my face!!”

“I did tell you,” Reiner said, his own tears streaming down his face now, only making Connie angrier. “I wanted to tell you...for the longest time. I tried, I honestly tried to Connie. And when I finally did, you didn’t even take me seriously.”

Connie was struck by that. He remembered that day, the first time they did it back at the old castle base when he mentioned it. “That’s not  _ telling _ me, Reiner. How was I supposed to know you were serious, huh? What would you have thought if it was  _ me _ who said that? If you really  _ wanted _ to tell me then you would have found a better way to do it...but you didn’t. Because to you I’m just nothing but an insignificant little guy who was stupid enough to fall for your lies…” The pain in his voice was so thick that it was impossible for him stop crying at this point. He hasn’t let out his feelings since that day, not even to Krista, and it was all coming out in a huge wave.  

“We trusted you.  _ I _ trusted you! And all this time you were just playing with me! I shouldn’t have stopped Mikasa that day. I should’ve just stood back and let her kill you right there!”

“Then why don’t you just kill me right now?! That’s what you really want, right?!” Reiner yelled back and moved towards Connie to grab his blade, forcing his hand to point the killing end at his own neck. “Why go through all this trouble to save me?! I’m a liar. I’m a murderer, so do it. Kill me!!”

Connie’s mouth hung open as he stared at him. All he could focus on was was his hand poised to kill and the blood spilling from Reiner’s fingers as he gripped the blade toward himself. It was so easy, all it would take was one cut and he’d be dead. One swing of his blade to slice his vein and finally end this. Reiner was giving him that chance, and isn’t that what he said he wanted in the first place? 

But he couldn’t stop shaking, and soon the sobs overtook his body and he couldn’t even hold onto his blade anymore. He released his grip on the hilt and hung his head. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it even if he wanted to. He heard the blade clatter to the ground as Reiner also let go, but he didn’t dare look up. He couldn’t face him anymore.

“Connie…” Reiner tried and stepped toward him but Connie took an equal step back. Shaking his head and biting his lip as his tears kept flowing.

“J-just go. Please…” He wished he could’ve just stuck with his plan, to leave immediately once he got Reiner over the wall. He could’ve avoided all this pain, he could’ve spared his heart from breaking even more. “I can’t do this anymore Reiner...it’s too much for me, so please…”

Connie would never see the face Reiner made when he nodded, and would never see his own pain being reflected on him as he wiped off his own tears before speaking one last time. “Goodbye...Connie.”

He still didn’t look. Not when Reiner said his final words. Not when he turned around to leave. Not when he ran all out away from him. Not even when the huge explosion turned him into the armored titan. He just cried and let the tears out. He didn’t care that he was wailing like a child by then. He didn’t care about anything anymore. He was alone now anyway.

When he finally looked up, Reiner—or the armored titan—was little more than an actual sized person running in the distance where the sun was starting to rise. He was leaving. That was his last moment with him and he  _ still _ couldn’t be honest with himself. Acting on instinct, Connie picked up his blade and pulled out the other one and made a run for it, sprinting as fast as his small legs would take him. 

“Reiner!!” He screamed, but of course he wouldn’t hear. The moment he got in range of some trees, he launched his hooks and started gliding with his gear, pressing on the gas and propelling himself faster than he’s ever had to before. There wasn’t much his hooks could latch onto, so he pushed himself forward with all the gas that he had. He was getting closer, and was soon near enough to hook on to the armored titan’s body and pull himself upward. He flew up towards his head, anchored his gear there and hung himself over the bridge of Reiner’s nose so he was facing him.

“Reiner!” he yelled, panting from the effort of chasing him. He looked straight into the titan’s face, into the eyes that once haunted his dreams every night. The image that made him tremble at the mere thought of it, his greatest fear since the day he graduated. The more he stared though, the more the fear went away. Because he wasn’t just staring at the armored titan. He was staring at just another side of Reiner.

“I don’t know if you can even hear me, but I’m probably never going to see you again,” Connie started, trying to control his tears as he spoke. “You always told me that you were being selfish by choosing to be with me, and I never really understood why until now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever being a burden on you. I’m sorry for being so stupid. I’m sorry for getting you hurt.” Connie bit his lip and wiped his face with his sleeve before looking at him again with an expression he didn’t even know he could make anymore. He was smiling.

“I came for you because I didn’t want you to die. I came because...I couldn’t stand what they were doing to you. I didn’t want to see you get hurt, especially when it’s because of me. And I’m probably being selfish now too, but I don’t care anymore. The thing is, you could’ve told me everything about you and I still wouldn’t care,” he said as he sniffed and gave a shaky smile. “I’ve always wanted to tell you something too...and I only wish I could’ve told you sooner. Because you know what Reiner? Despite you being a liar and a murderer, despite everything you did and can’t tell me about. Despite you being the armored titan,” Connie paused and swallowed the lump in his throat, his heart letting the words flow.

“I love you.”

The world stopped, and it took him a moment to realize that the armored titan stopped moving. But even so, Connie could feel the world around him still as his words hung in the air. They just stared at each other, despite the difference in their size. He knew Reiner heard him and that was all that mattered. He soon felt his giant hands grab his body, pulling him away from his face and towards his chest and cradling him there. Connie understood that this was the closest thing to a hug Reiner could give him so he did the same, spreading his arms and embracing the hard surface that was his armor. 

In a way it felt familiar, the way he cried against his chest much like all the other times Reiner held him in the past. He would always be bigger than him, and the fact that his titan body was rougher and warmer didn’t diminish the comfort he felt whenever his arms wrapped around him. He looked up and saw his titan form crying as well. Connie had always wished for Reiner to say what was on his mind, finding it incredibly annoying whenever he was being passive and ignoring him. But right now, as the sun steadily rose by the horizon, he knew that even without words Reiner was telling him the same thing his heart was feeling at that moment. And for him, that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did the scene justice for everyone. The Lord knows how much tears I've shed in public transit while writing and revising this chapter. Musical inspiration is [Attack on D by Hiroyuki Sawano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoT-5nO4JJY)
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Musical Inpiration: [Shingeki Vc- Pf 20130218 Kyojin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0k7OFU5hZA)

“Connie Springer?”

Connie looked up from his meal to face the soldier who called his name, one of the remaining senior scouts of their regiment was standing by their table at breakfast that morning and Connie didn’t have to think twice as to why. It had been two days since Reiner’s ‘escape’ from Ehrmich and everyone was a little bit on edge from the news. There hasn’t been an official report yet, but the gossip going around was that he had help from someone on the inside who took on all the guards stationed at the facility and freed him.  He expected this though, and it was only a matter of time before they questioned him.

“The commander wants to see you,” the soldier said stoically, making everyone at their table look to their smaller friend who just stood up wordlessly and followed behind. They walked through the halls towards one of the offices in the headquarters, whose doorways were flanked by at least six scouts standing fully armed on guard. They nodded to the soldier who escorted him as Connie entered the room where Commander Erwin was seated on a desk, with Commander Hanji and Captain Levi on either side of him. He gave a salute to them before noticing one more person in the room. Standing next to Levi near the corner, Connie recognized him as the soldier from that night. The one he tied up and left at the alley before Reiner could kill him. Their witness.

“Connie,” Commander Hanji started, nodding towards him, “We’re sorry to disturb you during meal time, but the matter is quite important. I assume you know the news by now about Reiner, given how everyone seems to be talking about it around here. Correct?”

He nodded, keeping his face blank and emotionless. It wasn’t a hard thing to do to be honest, because that was exactly how he was feeling right then.

“Okay. So while we’re not directly placing accusations and such, seeing as you were the closest person to him you do understand that we’re just being careful here.” She paused and adjusted her glasses before continuing, “We were informed that when you visited him a week ago, you requested to be alone in the room with him. Was this true?”

Connie blinked and looked the commander straight in the eye when he gave his honest answer. “Yes.”

“Why is that?”

“I wanted to talk to him in private,” he answered with the same monotonous voice, completely unfazed with the way they were all looking at him.

“And what is it that you talked about with him?”

“Personal things. Things that I believe have nothing to do with his escape.”

Hanji pondered his answer for a moment, then nodded. “Where were you in the evening hours of two days ago?”

“I was with Krista. We spent the night together in one of the taverns in the eastern district of Trost.” The lie wasn’t foolproof, but it was the only one he had. He still remained aloof though, impressing even himself with how well he could lie.

“Can she back up that statement?” Hanji prodded, her eyebrow raising in suspicion.

“Of course.”

She wasn’t buying it, and he knew it. The look on her face said as much. It just occurred to Connie how it must’ve angered her that Reiner had escaped. She just lost her biggest experiment test subject yet. Before she could fire up another question though, the garrison soldier silently standing by Levi suddenly spoke up.

“It’s not him.”

Everyone in the room turned to him in surprise, even Connie. He half expected Hanji to counter his statement but it was Erwin who spoke up next.

“Are you certain soldier?”

The guy looked at Connie again as if studying him from a different perspective, and nodded in finality. “I’m sure.”

Commander Erwin sighed and placed his one remaining arm on the desk in front of him. Ever since that day retrieving Eren, the commander looked more worn out and older than before, so far from the dashing man he’d once been when Connie first enlisted to the scouts. “Very well then. Springer, we’re sorry to have to do that to you. After so many of our soldiers turning up to actually be enemies of humanity, there’s no such thing as being too careful these days.”

Connie nodded, “I understand.”

“That goes to say that you should always be on high alert. If you see anyone acting suspicious or out of the ordinary, don’t hesitate to report it to us,” the commander said with a straight face, his eyes boring into Connie’s. “Alright, on to the next matter, Levi?” 

Captain Levi, who was silent all throughout the initial interrogation, nodded to Erwin before speaking. “I want you to prepare for departure after breakfast. I’m taking you and the rest of the 104th back to the old scouting base today. You still have your belongings there, correct?”

“Umm. Yes,” Connie answered, only remembering now that he did still have his things there. Since that day they were isolated after their first expedition, they hadn’t gotten the chance to go back what with everything that had happened recently.

“Tell your friends. We leave by the hour,” Levi said flatly before dismissing Connie.

* * *

 

Their group set out from Trost immediately after their morning meal, and Connie found himself riding on horseback towards the old scouting base with his friends. He took note of their small number, and thought about how much people he had lost in the last three months since graduating from the training corps. It should’ve made him sad, but all he really felt right then was a gaping emptiness, devoid of anything. Since letting Reiner go, he’d pushed away all his emotions to the point of numbness.

“So what did they call you for?” Jean suddenly asked him, riding next to his his horse. His tone seemed uninterested, but Connie knew this was merely his way of showing concern “Are you in trouble or something?”

“No.” Connie shook his head, keeping his eyes front. “They just asked me if I was the one who let Reiner go.” He said it so casually, like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“...and?”

“And what?”

“Did you?...let him go?” Jean asked hesitantly, watching his friend’s reaction.

Connie looked at him then, and finally saw the concern in the brunette’s eyes. He wondered what he looked like to him right now. If he still saw the same person he’d known all these years, or someone different. Because he  _ felt _ different, and whether the change is good or bad is still under consideration.

“What do you think?”

His response made Jean pause, and he just kept staring at him trying to read his emotionless face. 

“I think you’d do it...if you could. But I don’t see how you could’ve if you did,” he answered squarely before giving him a small smile. “No offense though.”

That was his best alibi. The fact that no one would even think twice of Connie’s capabilities made him the last suitable suspect on the list despite any connection he had with Reiner. Then there was the fact that he wasn’t even afraid to get caught, in the off chance of that happening. He just didn’t care anymore.

So much so that he even considered ending his own life if it came to it. The thought had been sitting in the darkest corner of his mind like a dormant predator since that day at the forest where they captured Reiner, and the drive only intensified when he let him go two days ago. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t mean it that day, the last stunt he pulled in an attempt to get Reiner to talk. If he didn’t stop him when he raised his blade to his neck, he was sure he’d have done it. Just this morning, before he’d been called to the commander’s office, he’d been staring at his knife at the breakfast table just thinking how it would feel to cut his wrists right there. 

“Connie…” Jean whispered, interrupting his thoughts. “I know we...haven’t talked so much since...you know.” The brunette shrugged, not wanting to mention Reiner. But Connie understood him and just raised an eyebrow.

“I said some stupid things to you a few days ago. I’m sorry,” Jean continued, eyes looking away when Connie faced him. “I just...I’m here if you need someone to talk to. Okay?”

If the situation was different, he’d probably laugh at Jean’s pathetic attempt at consolation. Looks like Jean’s been paying more attention to his actions than he thought, so with a small smile, Connie nodded to his friend before looking forward again. He’d have to be more careful where he lingered with his thoughts next time.

The castle base finally loomed in the distance and it didn’t take much longer for them to reach the place. With all the chaos that had happened recently, the place felt like a total retreat from everything in their world. It looked the same as usual, untouched and undisturbed, tucked within the quiet of the woods. They parked their horses at the stable and proceeded inside while they waited for the captain’s orders.

“Alright, we got here a little early so I’ll give you all time to settle first. You’re free to do whatever you want, just be at the mess hall by lunch time,” Levi said in front of the foyer addressing everyone before turning to face Eren. “You. Come with me, I need to talk to you.”

Eren’s face turned the slightest bit of pink at that before he nodded, “Y-yes sir.”

Connie watched them go and felt a slight pang of jealousy for his green-eyed friend. He was lucky to have the person he cared about be with him. To have someone like Levi be there—someone strong, smart, and most importantly human. He would’ve given anything to have that as well.

He sighed and started to walk up the familiar steps towards his and Reiner’s old bedroom. He took his time getting there, and only realized he was stalling when he stood staring outside the door for a few minutes.  _ It’s just a bedroom. Get over yourself.  _ With a deep breath, he turned the handle and stepped in.

Everything was quiet, and the disappointment he felt right then was unmistakable. What did he expect to see? That Reiner would be sitting on the bed, smiling and waiting for him? That maybe everything would just turn back to the way it was when he got here? He felt stupid for even wishing that and mentally scolded himself for being naive. He knew better than to hope now.

Walking in the room, the first thing he noticed were the unkempt blankets over Reiner’s bed—the bed they shared every night in the month that lead up to their first expedition. He sat down on it and felt its familiar softness, remembering the last time they slept here like it was yesterday. He remembered being woken up by the blonde that day, fresh from his bath and still getting dressed, telling him to get up because the captains were calling them. As clear as the memory was, it felt like a lifetime ago, and he wondered now if things would’ve turned out differently if he hadn’t gotten up that day. He still would’ve lost his family, that’s for sure, but would Reiner still be here? He couldn’t decide whether he preferred knowing his secret or not, whether being ignorant was better than the alternative. 

He sighed. What does it even matter? He knew now anyway and he was gone, so he shook his head to drive the thoughts away and stood up from the bed. He shouldn’t be thinking about him anymore. Connie went to the closet to try and busy himself with his stuff but immediately got the opposite when he opened it. It was the smell,  _ his _ smell. It hit him in the face the moment he opened the wardrobe and the memories that came with it stirred so many emotions inside him. He suddenly felt his knees grow weak, and he bit his lip and rubbed his eyes before the tears could even come out. Looks like not thinking about him was a wasted effort.

Connie grabbed one of the larger uniform coats from the hangers and brought it back with him to the bed. This was the only thing he had to remember him by now, and as pathetic as he looked right then, he didn’t care when he brought the jacket to his face and inhaled its scent. It still smelled exactly like him and he scrunched his fists at the fabric, angry that it was making him feel this way.

A crumpling sound caught his attention and he paused. There was something inside the coat so he felt through the pockets for the source. Inside the buttoned left breast pocket was a folded piece of paper, crumpled and stained on the edges. Frowning, Connie put down the uniform and unfolded the paper, his eyes widening and his heart suddenly hammering from what he was looking at. It was Reiner’s handwriting. He took a deep breath to calm himself and swallowed the lump in his throat before he started to read.

_ Connie, _

_ Hey. So, I don’t really know how to start this. It feels weird writing to you when you’re sound asleep behind me, but this is something I feel like I have to do so here goes. _

_ If you’re reading this, then you probably know my secret by now. Either I’ve worked up the courage to tell you and you’re reading this in front of me, or I’m dead and you found out the hard way. I really hope it isn’t the latter though, but if that’s the case then I’m sorry.  _

_ I know you’re mad, and I get it. You have all the right to be angry. I kept so much from you and even now I can’t tell you everything. All I can hope for is that you find it in you to forgive me someday. I know I’m a terrible person, and I don’t deserve someone like you, but heaven knows how much I tried to stay away and prevent this from happening. How much I tried to keep us from becoming closer and entangling my life with yours. It’s not that I never wanted to—because I really do want this. It’s just...I know I’m only going to end up hurting you. And I probably already have. I’m really, really sorry. _

_ You might think that everything about me is an act. That everything was a lie and I just played with you. Initially that was the case, but I hope you believe me when I say that now, it couldn’t be any farther from the truth. None of my feelings for you are fake, and none of what we shared was a lie. There may come a time where I might be forced to say otherwise. I don’t know, I hope it never has to come to that. But if it does, then please understand that I’m only doing it to protect you. I would never, ever hurt you because I want to Con. That’s the last thing I ever want to happen.  _

_ I want you to know that I really do care about you, more than I care about anyone else really. You mean the world to me, and I meant what I said before about how special you are to me. Sorry...I didn’t realize writing it would be just as hard as actually saying it. But I guess what I’m trying to say is… _

_ I love you Connie. _

_ I think I always have, and just never acknowledged it until tonight. But I’m certain of it now. It’s funny really, when I think about how you were always the one flustered with all my flirting back then, yet I’m the one who falls completely in love. I hope that by the time you’re reading this, I’ve already told you how I feel, and how amazing I think you are. How much I love kissing you whenever you blush, how much I swell with pride whenever you prove yourself a competent soldier. How I believe that you always bring out the best in me, and how much you make me happy and actually make me feel like a normal human being.  _

_ I don’t know what the future holds for us, and it hurts everytime I think about it. Everyday I wish we didn’t have to live this way. I wish the world wasn’t this messed up, and I wish we weren’t tied to our duties like this. But there’s no use in whining about it now is there? This is the life we have and we just have to live with it in whatever way we can. I’m just thankful I got to live a part of it with you.  _

_ I love you so much Connie, and I will always love you. Nothing would make me happier than for you to feel the same way about me...despite knowing what I am and what I’ve done. I really am sorry for not telling you sooner. You deserve so much more than what I give you. If after this you choose not to be with me anymore, then I’ll respect your decision. I’ve been selfish long enough, and all that matters to me now is your happiness.  _

_ I’m running out of paper, so I guess I’m ending it here. I’ll just tell you more in person...in the off chance that we’re still together when you read this. I hope we are. _

_ Love, _ _  
_ _ Reiner. _

He read it about five times. Five times until it completely shattered his heart and broke his resolve. Connie was a mess by the time he was through. He tried to breathe and calm himself but it was pointless. His sobs racked his body as he let it all out, because it was the only thing he could do at this point. It hurt to think that Reiner wrote this ages ago, and the fact the he could’ve known all this since then was agonizing. It was unfair. It was so unfair. He’d already started moving on in the last two days since he left but now all that effort and pretense crumbled in an instant

“Connie?”

He didn’t hear her at first, but Krista didn’t wait for him to. She entered the room and sat down on the bed next to him so she could put her arms around him, cradling him on her shoulder where Connie completely dissolved into tears. He felt so ashamed of himself. For being so weak around Krista. For wishing that Reiner was the one to hug him instead of her. For letting Reiner go. For wanting to kill himself.

All his pent up emotions overflowed to the surface all while Krista rubbed his back. He was a mess, and the more he tried to stop it the more the tears kept flowing. So he gave up and cried all he could, sniffing and wailing incoherent noises like a child. When he had no tears left to cry, all that was left was the burning pain in his chest that he was all too familiar with by now. 

“I’m sorry,” he said to Krista after he found his voice. He couldn’t even face her.

“It’s okay.” She held his face so their eyes could meet, and she smiled that warm, beautiful smile of hers. “We’ll always have each other’s backs.”

Connie sniffed and nodded, trying his best to return his friend’s smile. They sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence, sharing each other’s pain and understanding. Because who else was there to understand what the other was going through?

Connie eventually showed her the letter Reiner wrote, which was more crumpled and wetter than it had been half an hour ago, and let her read it. To his mild surprise, she shed a few tears of her own afterwards before proceeding to fold it back and place it in Connie’s breast pocket. 

“Did you do it?” Krista asked, her large blue eyes boring into his golden ones.

Connie’s first instinct was to lie, not because he didn’t trust her, but because he didn’t want to involve her more than she already was. But eventually he found himself nodding, and she gave him an understanding smile.

“They asked me earlier where I was two nights ago. A little after they called you in. I figured that’s why you came to visit him in the first place,” she explained, holding Connie’s hands in hers. “Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

He looked at her shyly before he sighed and gave his answer. “I didn’t want you to get tied up into my mess too much. Plus, I never imagined I would actually pull it off.”

Krista nodded then gave him a hug. They’ve both lost the people most important to them, and Connie swore at that moment that he would never keep anything from her again. He hugged her back, and felt his heart swell from the love of his friend. He then thought about the others. Jean and Sasha. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. The people who all cared about him, they were his family now. And in the days to come, a family is what he really needs to keep pushing forward.

“Let’s go, the others are probably waiting,” he said after breaking away from Krista. He wiped his face and stood up from the bed and held his hand out for his friend. “Thank you, Historia.”

She chuckled at that and wiped her own face before taking his hand and getting up as well. They both walked to the door and got out, but not before Connie turned to give it one last look. The peaceful room, empty yet so very full. It was then that he swore to himself. He was going to see Reiner again. He didn’t know when or how, but he was going to do whatever it takes for it to happen.

_ Hey Reiner? I’m not giving up. Wait for me. _

Connie closed the door behind him and faced Krista. Taking a deep breath and nodding to her as they made their way down the castle steps to their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's it. Such a bittersweet moment to end this one hell of a journey. When I first started this story, I only wanted to add to the Reicon online love. I never imagined that it would grow this long, considering it's my very first time writing anything. I do sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as I wrote it. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much to you guys. I wouldn't have made this far without all your supportive, emotional, and inspiring comments.
> 
> I swill probably write another Reicon story. I already have a rough idea in my head so I'll have to build on that. Plus the Reiner POV of this story is still under works so yeah, look forward to that. Thanks again guys! 'Til next time!
> 
> -FOXY


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